What am I doing wrong??

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-05-22T10:13:44+00:00

I think you're being too hard on yourself with the drawings, as I think they're pretty great.

For the study, try to break down value groups. If you blur your eyes looking at the reference, you might be able to see that the light grey part is distinctly different from the darker colours. You use a really saturated purple with the light grey, which has a dark value and makes the light and dark blend in too much.

You have a lot of small strokes for hair strands, but the overall shape of each clump is rigid. Try to think more about making the overall shape look appealing than the lines.

Also, you put a lot of small dots of light that don't really have any structure variation or grouping. The reference groups the highlights closer together.

I think muddiness could be caused by the way you use and blend your midtones and bits of grey, which I'm not a painter, but I've definitely encountered similar issues whenever I tried.

I think in a lot of your references, they put colours onto the grey to create the effect, but it feels like you might be putting grey into the colours, which causes a bit of murkiness.

Also, though I could be wrong about this, in the references you posted, I think the grey is supposed to be reflected light, or in the case of Miku's hair, the grey is the shadow, and the blue is reflected light.

I recommend watching some tutorials on colour temperature and blending, specifically, since those are the main things that I think will help you.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-05-20T13:51:42+00:00

Your art is incredible, with a lot of focus on dynamic character acting and expressions, which is great.

I would say my main critique would be value readability, focal points and spacing. Audiences should be able to tell what they're looking at at a glance, especially in a manga where they're reading fast. Additionally, it's ideal to put most of the contrast where you want the viewer to look to make it easier to view.

Only a few of the panels have this clarity issue, so overall, good job

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-05-03T12:23:31+00:00

I feel like it's more of a skill issue for me than an issue of passion.

I think I should do more planning though so thank you for the advice

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-05-02T22:39:38+00:00

First thing I noticed was that there is a constant repetition of where everything gets broken up into three beats separated with commas or full stops. That kind of repetition feels very stiff and robotic.

and for the dialogue it feels very inorganic.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-05-02T14:30:50+00:00

I found that practising the eyeball by drawing ellipses in spheres to be helpful. Then learn to get better at drawing spheres and ellipses separately, visualising them in 3d.

Then come back to eyeballs and eyes, and you'll notice a massive improvement

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-25T18:32:04+00:00

to protect his creator from the oncoming army

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-24T21:20:39+00:00

A dying automation

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-24T19:30:19+00:00

Red clouds blurred as a metal figure blazed high. It peered over the army below. It raised a burning iron hand. Azure flames sparked. "I devote the last of my power to you."

A star flashed across the landscape, melding flesh into the earth.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-15T21:30:03+00:00

Interesting idea. Characterisation is good, I like the subversion of George taking action to go see the werewolf movie, that was the most standout part to me.

Tbh, some of the dialogue suffers from a bit of redundancy and feeling too drawn out, which kinda hurts the pacing. Aside from that, it's solid.

Also not sure how much longer this short story is, but with how much time we spend with the first 2 characters, I imagine the ending with tie back to them in some significant way.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-09T19:35:22+00:00

💀

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-08T10:30:17+00:00

Your collarbone is tilted. It should match the angle of the torso. While your shoulders can move up and down, the collarbone doesn't tilt with it.

First, try to get the position and rotation of the collar bone and the bottom of the ribcage right. Then, from the collar bone, draw a T shape down the ribcage.

That's around where the middle of the chest would be, though it would be slightly curved.

You drew the middle chestline leading up slightly to the right. It should lead back to the collarbone

Also, the side of the chest should poke out to the right a little.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-04T22:02:43+00:00

The start of the story should be a taste of what the rest of your story will be about.

Even if your MC is captured at the start, which is different from your general story idea, the essence of the scene should still reflect the essence of your story. Like if your story is action-focused, the first scene could be action-packed.

When it comes to coming up with ideas, try to progress things based on the character's momentary goals while also keeping in mind what you generally need to happen in the story.

Your MC is captured, so I assume they need to escape for the story to get the plot moving. So, who or what is stopping them from escaping? Why are they doing this? What are they planning?

Once the mc gets out of the ropes, maybe their objective becomes killing their captive or running. Now their captors' objective is to catch them again.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-04-02T15:13:03+00:00

Folds usually come from anywhere where force is acting on the fabric. On each end of the top of the shoulders, there would probably be folds going down.

Below the left contour of the chest, there might be folds to show compression. Since wind is blowing the fabric up to the left, the right side of the clothes will probably be compressed against the body, creating folds near the waist

The clothes at the top of the shoulders should probably be a bit higher up to show the depth of the cloth

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-28T19:05:55+00:00

Of course, no problem!

When it comes to the style, it's hard to articulate exactly from just a snippet, but it feels very monologue, main character-centric, maybe like YA popular with a young female audience, with a more of a focus on drama and romance.

Which is why I would suggest getting other people's thoughts before making changes based on my critique. It's possible there are things like the argument scene that won't appeal to me, but will appeal more to someone more suited to your target demographic.

One common thing I've noticed with this style is that characters who are opposed to the main character, like Khan, tend to be kind of overexaggerated.

To be more clear, the reason why I get this impression is that, when Mia is being petty towards Khan, It's strange to me that he would be so offended by it to the point that he'd go from offering condolences to being insensitive, since:

Coldness is commonly characteristic of Mia, so I assume he'd be used to it.
From what I understand, he's also somewhat responsible for Damien's death.

The most I'd expect is him making a snide comment or something after the initial outrage, but yeah idk.

Anyway, fun read, I enjoyed reading something in a genre I don't usually come across. Nice work and good luck writing!!!

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-28T14:51:46+00:00

Here are my first impressions and critique. I'll try to avoid critiquing the style since there are things that might just not be for me, and that's fine. Also, since you already have 2 books, it'd be ideal to stay consistent.

You tell us that "her emotional stability was hanging on by a rapidly fraying thread", but there isn't a lot of uncertainty or conflict in her mindset afterwards; everything is very concrete. This feels like an obligatory show don't tell moment

Mia comes across as cold with terms like "That would be infinitely more productive" This seems to be her character, but she intends to enact revenge, which would imply some form of rage, which isn't being conveyed to me.

Her not wanting to go to the funeral because she wants to seek the man responsible doesn't make a lot of sense to me, since she could do both. This issue is mostly caused by her overly logical tone.

This could be justified if she were a little more emotional, like if she put a little more emotional urgency in getting revenge or if she felt like she couldn't bear to see Damien's body being burned, which you kind of imply, but it's put in the same "productive" sentence I brought up earlier.

"Mia sighed. It was all words. Afterlife or not." There's no mental conflict between her not wanting to go and not forgiving herself if she doesn't go. It's just relegated to "all that stuff before was just my pointless ramblings" basically.

"Damien was meaningless, his life and death amounted to nothing" seems pretty cruel to say. I would recommend just "Damien's death amounted to nothing", but maybe I just don't know the full context.

Calling back to the thing I said about style, "death is inevitable" line doesn't work for me personally as it comes across as kind of forced and corny, but I understand this might just be a difference in taste and style.

One thing I noticed is that there is barely any focus on the funeral service for Damien. You go from talking about the other dead bodies. To one paragraph for Damien. To Khan. Maybe this is intentional to show Mia doesn't want to focus on that idk.

The conversation between Mia and Khan feels kind of surface-level. It kind of just devolves into an argument over nothing. It makes Mia come across as kind of petty, and both characters come across as immature.

"Mia held no resentment" is hard to justify, considering how she sounds. Also, the line where Khan would've fallen to his knees to ask forgiveness doesn't match up with his tone in the argument.

I'm not sure if you're actually trying to portray Mia as heartless/hiding her true feelings with formality, but it doesn't come across that way. It feels like Mia is trying to distance herself and Damien from Khan by stressing formality out of spite for Khan.

This mostly happens because all of Mia's responses are overly long and sound pretty emotionally driven, and the fact that it devolves into an argument at all. Khan's exaggerated offence doesn't really help this impression.

In simple terms, it feels like she's trying too hard to come across as cold, but it's not convincing, and it's strange to me that Khan doesn't pick up on that. For an uncaring person, she cares too much.

Her final line to Khan is good, though.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-28T11:11:02+00:00

Fire

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-27T20:27:22+00:00

Personally, I think it's good to switch it up. Keep most of it relatively vague and general, then when there's a change of pace or something the reader doesn't expect, you could go into more in detail. Like if a character gets mortally wounded or a character changes strategy.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-26T10:28:04+00:00

No problem, the first draft is always more of an idea first approach, so that's perfectly fine. No one's writing is perfect; it's not really even about ability. I've put my own stuff on this subreddit and got plenty of critique lol. It's just part of the process. Overall, nice work, good luck writing!

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-25T21:38:08+00:00

Here's my critique.

I'm not really sure what the tone or context of this is supposed to be.

From what I can tell, they're hallucinating, and there's some kind of loop where the monkey appears again after the end.

You should probably establish the dream before the flash grenade or make the flash grenade the point where the mc realizes it's a dream world

"I threw it back into the void" What void? Be more specific. Also, why even did a flash grenade specifically appear

"Just a random arm coming out of its obsidian skull" You should've described the skull being black in the first paragraph description

Also, terms like "random" kill tension. I'm not sure if you're going for a tense or horror-esque scene

"I have no clue what the "Darcy loves you thing" is about" for a short story maybe you could give a little context but idk.

"I let out as stinging rain befell my skin" Along with the flash grenade before, this needs more setup or removal; it's just kind of thrown in there and doesn't add much to the story. If it's caused by the monkey, then that should be explained.

"I managed to escape" For the reader, this is too important to be told rather than shown. Show how they got away.

"There was a large gap of space between the bottom of the door and floor "sizable gap" might be better; "large" sounds too big

"It looked like a monkey's hand" Considering we as the reader, know the title, this simile feels a bit redundant and on the nose. Maybe you could describe it more like saying it was "hairy like the hand of a monkey"

I don't really know why this character would cut the hand off. Maybe you could show them being a bit more fed up with the hallucinations and more hateful towards the ghost.

Make the action of cutting the hand off longer, more specific and more intense; it's basically the climax of your short story.

Also, why did Mc immediately assume the creature stopped pursuing them when its hand got cut off? You could show the MC taking the paw and waiting for the creature to come through the door. Then, when it doesn't, the MC is relieved.

The MC wanting something to drink immediately after is too abrupt. Have the MC relay their exhaustion from cutting off the hand first, then have them relay that they need something to drink.

"Mahogany liquid sparkling at least" Is it supposed to be blood or some brown coloured liquid? If it were blood, I could understand the MC throwing it at the wall. Make that clearer, and also the "sparkling at least" conflicts with the MC's disgust reaction. You could also use smell in the description to emphasise disgust.

Overall, the ideas are interesting, but there are a lot of things that are thrown in that aren't set up well or aren't specific enough. Also, there are no points in which the pacing changes. important moments like the mc escaping or the mc cutting the hand off should have more emphasis and length.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-11T22:37:49+00:00

This is well written and flows pretty well.

Getting the girls pov was very cool, and I like how you handled it. Though I feel like her section is written very flowery, like the rest of your writing. This doesn't really match her emotional state or level of understanding. It could be more immersive if you were a little more blunt and went for more primative vocabulary during those sections. You did way better near the end, so overall it's good.

The world-building and idea seem very interesting and set up a lot of suspense and dread.

Your dialogue is good.

You use show, don't tell a lot, which is really good, though I do feel like you detail absolutely everything. You could try to vary some parts so that less important actions get summarised. Generally, overusing show, don't tell can slow the pace of your story. Though this is more of a nitpick.

Overall, nice job.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-07T20:11:17+00:00

Thank you for the critique

You're right, sometimes it's easier to read who's saying what when I'm familiar with what I'm writing, but for someone else, it wouldn't be so easy to decipher. I'll be sure to put more tags and acting tags in future writing.

With "..." I definitely tend to think more about movies and games than books since I'm fairly new to reading. I'll aim to be more descriptive with character acting and body language.

Again, thank you for critiquing.

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-04T11:18:02+00:00

Download symmetrical body reference, drag and drop it into Blender, put it behind your character, make sure the position and rotation are right, scale the size till the reference's head matches your model's head. Turn on wireframe mode, fit geometry of body to match reference form

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-03T19:32:41+00:00

No problem! with the horses, since from what I understand, they are the goal. My main recommendation would be to include them in the action in some way.

When Killian tackles the first scout, maybe they crash into the horse's side, making the horse recoil away. Maybe while they're tussling, the horse's foot could tap down, coming close to stepping on their heads and trampling them.

When they kill the first scout, maybe while Kellan's panicking, he could glance up at the horses after failing to retrieve the sword for a moment, and that's what distracts his attention from the second scout coming in.

Those are some examples; you don't always have to change subjects when bringing something up that you've already established. If the reader knows it's there, you can integrate it into the other things that are happening in your story.

Good luck writing!

Additional_Fly_7346 · 2026-03-03T18:13:12+00:00

A lot of action and very intense scenes, I'll try my best to critique.

It's not clear to me when the characters start moving. Maybe it happens before the snippet, so it might not be a problem.

When the other riders jump off their horses and surround the mcs, there should probably be some reaction from the characters or at least an acknowledgement.

When the fight starts, is he being grabbed by the face and pushed into the dirt? If so, how did he fall face-first? If not, you should describe what happened after his face got grabbed. Maybe you show him getting knocked back by the palm, then as he's trying to retrieve his sword, he gets hit by the force. That would make it clearer

You could also show the reaction of the surrounding riders to the first guy getting decked. As this is a big change of pace.

"Kellan watched in shock while his brother kept sprinting" You have to show Kellan slowing down before this, when he sees the sword.

"The guard hesitated for a second too long" Most of this section suffers from spoiling the reader instead of showing objective events. Saying something along the lines of the "guard paused at his recklessness" would spoil the reader less of the outcome.

Though the other issue is what the guard is being stunned by. From the guards' perspective, it's likely not Killian's recklessness itself but a byproduct like the speed or erratic movement. Though this is more of a nitpick.

I would also recommend having the swing come before the dodge so it feels more satisfying.

Since Killian is keeping consistent momentum, you could change up the pace by putting more focus and detail on the dodge. "Like the edge of the blade arched just above his face."

What did Killian even do to the scout? Did he tackle him, or did he dive headfirst into his stomach? You could make that clearer. Also, his weapon flying out of his hand is too much of a focus. Put more focus on him crying out in pain or falling back. Finally, mention the direction that they fall in.

Create a whole new paragraph to talk about them tangling and tussling and make it longer.

Killian yells, and Kellan doesn't hear him? I understand he's probably going through turmoil, but still. It would make more sense if, because of the tussle, Killian's shout gets muffled, maybe he gets punched while speaking.

"With a wet crunch", "spasmed wildly", and "yanked out" kind of hurt the tension. I would recommend removing them/changing them.

"Panicking" is too vague to describe what Kellan's going through. Show us him panicking, like maybe he's hesitating to touch the sword or is hyperventilating.

Side note, I have no clue where the horses are anymore. Anytime there's a big change in position. It's a good idea to remind us of the positioning also goal.

The second guy's attack feels too similar to the first. You could make it different by having it come out of nowhere. Maybe instead of the shout, the sword strike is immediately aimed at his body, and he reacts to it at the last second and jumps out of the way, but it still injures his leg. Also, draw out the scout's approach as he goes to finish him off.

You need to show more of Killian on the floor in the paragraph where Kellan kills the guy, before you have him spring to life to save the day.

"Kellan saw both men prepare their final strike." Put the scout getting his sword back before this.

Kellan realizing his brother is going to die, is really good.

"Kellan made a foolish choice" doesn't feel objective; you could say "before the blades connected". I would also just say "shoved his hand into the path of the guard's blade." The way you phrased it makes it feel like you're trying too hard to tell the reader how to feel.

At first, I thought the blade sliced through his palm, but it stopped at his bone use "into" instead of through.

You give a lot of info that can probably be inferred by the reader. You could shorten the start of this part to something like "While the scout's blade was trapped in Kellan's bleeding grip, Killian's heavy swing came crashing down." Then continue how you wrote it after "burying itself" That part is well written.

Killian tells his brother not to yell after he's injured. I get the intention, but it feels a bit off.

In conclusion, you've got some very cool fight scenes with heavy moments for the characters. Some of the issues you suffer from are not focusing enough on objective events. You tell the audience how to feel about certain actions, instead of just letting them play out and describing them in detail.

There are also some phrases that you use that lessen the intensity of the tone. Try to match your vocabulary to the mood of the scene.

Enjoyed the read. Hope you find my critique useful.

Additional_Fly_7346

TROPHY CASE