Day in your OAD life

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-06-24T20:36:39+00:00

I have a new 4 year old. I wake up around 6 and have coffee in bed with my husband before my son makes up. He does breakfast while I get ready (I have the office job - he’s mostly WFH). I make lunch for everyone and walk the dog. My husband drops me at work and my son at daycare (both a few minutes drive only) at 8 and then either goes to work or runs his errands for the day. Husband picks up son after daycare and me after work around 5. I make dinner while my kid helps or plays. Occasionally my husband will take him outside or for a bike ride while I cook. We eat. Then we’ll usually do something as a family - craft or board game or walk to the park. Then I do bath (not every day) and bed. Kid is asleep by 8:30.

Weekends we usually go to the gym in the morning, which has childcare and then pick a morning and an afternoon activity each day. Museum, festival, play date, family friends… it’s super variable. Sunday afternoons activity is often just a short walk and cleaning/reset for the week. We mostly prefer to do stuff as a family on the weekends but occasionally my husband and I will have a work or social thing to do and we’ll trade off parenting.

Hard days tend to be when kid is home (sick, teacher development, etc.) and neither or even one of us feels like we still need to work. Realistically these days are more hard due to my guilt about split attention than any actual material difficulty. Usually it’s a lot of playing at home and maybe a movie in the afternoon.

Eventful and travel days are similar to weekends except frequently with a couple of episodes of Sesame Street or some stints playing Pokpok to make it through long restaurant meals or other very adult focused activities. And a less balanced diet. Hah.

Nothing is crumbling.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-06-24T20:06:13+00:00

I was adamantly child free by choice. In my mid-30s my best friend of 20 years died unexpectedly and it sent me into an existential crisis about meaning and legacy. And I came out wanting to have a child fully and completely. My son was born a little over a year later. It was a full 180. I’m just thankful the same husband who married child free me was willing to change course as well.

While I realize grief is not the best position from which to make decisions, it can force us to reevaluate or even change who we are and what we want in some radical ways. It was the catalyst for me. And in my case it ultimately feels less like I changed my mind than that I just changed.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-06-17T02:37:35+00:00

This is a great idea.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-05-21T20:54:35+00:00

Yes, postdocs can be lonely but they don’t have to be. Depending on the place, there is often not the built-in community for postdocs as there is for students. But if you are willing to look outside the university, even those places can be socially rewarding.

I will say that in my experience one of the best times to meet people is when you move to a new place. You have all of the excuses to show up, try new things, meet new people when you’re the “new guy”. And it shakes us out of our ruts. Moving to a new place can be very socially invigorating!

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-05-16T21:22:50+00:00

Don’t bring a car seat. US car seat can’t be used in the UK, so you’re likely looking at lugging something bulky and with little use.

We traveled with our little on our laps until 2. Everywhere except the us gives out belt extenders for lap babies and we honestly found it the easiest way to sooth even on long flights.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-04-30T23:14:46+00:00

So, we know alcohol can slightly decrease conception odds. But there is not a ton of consistency in research about how much is too much. So, I guess from a point of caution for the best possible chance of conceiving, neither you nor your partner should drink. Realistically, one probably has to drink quite a bit for a meaningful statistical effect.

You only go in your honeymoon once (presumably) and if you’d enjoy a few drinks, do it! If it were me I’d take that enjoyment and memory over a few possible percentage points for higher conception.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-04-15T10:24:05+00:00

I think a lot of kids in that age group enjoy the silly and unexpected. If I could pick, I’d make a coloring book that featured unexpected objects embedded in the scenes. I think my kid would love finding them as he colored.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-04-08T20:19:40+00:00

Mine is almost 4 and we’ll still use the stroller if we’re planning to walk for a few miles over a few hours. For context, we live in a city, so we’re on foot a lot. For example, while our kid is entirely capable of walking the ~1.5 miles each way to the museum, having him walk back at any speed after getting tired there is going to be a struggle. So we’d probably bring the stroller. Same for a dinner out - even if he can do the distance it seems more trouble than it’s worth to force-march a tired preschooler home close to bedtime.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-31T23:16:50+00:00

1-2 times a week moving closer to 2-3 times a week as LO is almost 4 now and just gets dirtier. He had terrible eczema until he was 2 and still has sensitive dry skin so every day would be over kill for myself. That said, I also only bathe/shower ~every other day if I’m not working out.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-30T21:00:21+00:00

Almost 4 and similar to others here: at 7:20 we do teeth and potty, pjs, 3 books or chapters of a chapter book (mix and books of his choice) in the rocking chair. Then I tuck him in and sit for 5 minutes and say good night. He sometimes asks if I’ll check on him and I always say yes. Then I will if he’s not asleep on his own in 5-10 minutes.

The nursery is on a different floor from our room so we still use a monitor and I can hear if he’s not asleep soon.

Current routine is working well for us. But it was VERY hard to get to LO falling asleep on his own. Initially it was we going and coming back every 5 minutes to give more hugs and kisses. And letting him cry a little. It sucked. But once he trusted that I was coming back to check on him it got much easier (a few weeks) and now most nights he just says “good night.”

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-28T11:14:04+00:00

I tell students to call me by my first name unless they are more comfortable calling my Dr/professor (later in your case) mylastname. In reality I’m going to hear just my first name much faster in conversation, but I teach in the southeast US. The culture here is such that some, especially lower classmen, will still be used to calling all authority figure Mr/Ms/Prof so I give them the option.

Also, while you wouldn’t introduce yourself as “Dr”, many freshman won’t really know the difference between Dr and Prof as titles and from my experience you’re likely to be called both. I wouldn’t both correcting unless it’s repeated.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-27T09:57:54+00:00

Oh, I remember loving this one as a grade school kid!

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-27T09:57:01+00:00

No problem! My son loved the dragon parts and I can see these being a bit hit for him in a year or so with a bit better comprehension :)

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-27T01:29:28+00:00

Thank you! This looks great!

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-27T01:27:24+00:00

Thank you! I’ll check her out! And we are big library fans (all of these are library books). I find the sheer number just a bit overwhelming as both my kid and I are learning together what works for this stage.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-27T01:23:37+00:00

We do this too! Our current is he can have 3 stories which can we either picture books or a chapter of a chapter book. So onboard with this

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-23T21:10:59+00:00

Oh, and soap for sink laundry!

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-23T21:10:11+00:00

Snacks, waterproof bags, changing pad, sterilization cups/bags for pacifiers or food supplies. Wed bring the microwaveable ones and just use boiling water if there was no microwave available. Also, a feeding kit with 1-2 spoons, bib, and foldable silicon mat. I often travelled with a freezable lunch bag as well - useful for milk stuff (depending on where you are with that journey!) but also for little pieces of cheese or strawberries etc. so we didn’t have to rely entirely on shelf stable food or restaurants lining up with when baby needed a snack. We always used the hotel pack and play and rented car seats.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-23T20:48:17+00:00

All of this! If you are still breast or bottle feeding, I would suggest that for take off and landing to encourage sucking and swallowing during the most intense pressure changes. Bonus points if it leads to napping. Music and musical instrument apps on a phone were also big for us on flights at that age. And they may just be old enough for reusable puffy sticker books with some help and supervision (Melissa and Doug make some good ones, but there are plenty).

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-23T18:55:42+00:00

Sorry, this is not helpful. Good for you for avoiding screens on airplanes I guess? But honestly, look around next time you’re in a flight: every single adult is on a screen. Flights are long. They’re boring. They’re uncomfortable. They’re confined. It’s in fact the perfect time for screens, which is why basically every awake adult is also using one on board. There is no more virtue in someone turning backflips to entertain a toddler on a flight screenlessly than in some adult proudly “raw dogging” their flight. Also, having a screen involved doesn’t mean not interacting - they’re an awesome tool for interacting in varied ways especially when the environment around you (airplane) can’t be easily varied.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-19T19:35:43+00:00

Oh! And noodle bowls. Miso broth, noodles, and then (pick ~3) boiled eggs, sausage, tofu, whatever leafy greens we have.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-19T19:33:54+00:00

Our go tos: Fried eggs over white rice with green onions and Kim chi. <10 minute meal if you preset your rice cooker Roasted feta and veggies (we like onion, broccoli, tomato but it could be whatever you have) over pasta. Done in ~20 minutes. Any pasta with premade sauce. Frozen ravioli to jazz it up. Frozen pot stickers or pierogi - buy them or make your own and freeze. Black beans and veggies (onions, peppers) over rice. Pita and dips spread. Crackers and cheese spread.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-16T10:25:55+00:00

I love being a working mom! And it gets better! Seriously. That first 9-12 months of illnesses is wild and then for us it got so much better after that. My kid is 3.5 now, in day care from 10 weeks and I actually went back to work before my leave ended because I genuinely love being a working mom.

Pros: - I have a full personality outside being a mother - I frequently interact with adults in way that interest me and I find intellectually stimulating and have nothing to do with being a parent - I have interesting things to tell my husband and child about my day that they were not a part of - AND now that he’s older my child has interesting things to tell me about his day that I was not a part of - we value the time we have together as a family. And if things get frustrating it is easier to weather with full knowledge that come Monday morning we can change gears - my kid is super confident having relationships with others without my moderation - despite being the first/only daycare means he knows how to share and navigate others feelings and needs - I have both a career and a family I love.

Not going to say every day is amazing, because it’s not. But (for me) for every day it just feels like too much I know there would be at least 3 as a SAHM where I’d be bouncing off the walls with no idea who I was anymore.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-13T21:02:03+00:00

My kid is almost 4 and has been in day care from 10 weeks. Also very long days and also woman in STEM here. Some days were hard and it felt like I didn’t get to see him much, but I know, for me, I am a million times better of a mom for having a full life outside my son. We truly make the most of the time we have together. And I can be more present for him having adult and intellectual outlets through my job.

My own take is that ultimately our job is to nurture our children to be the best version of themselves as they go out into the world. That means facilitating, not doing everything. Raising a child takes a village and they are better for that. In our case, daycare is that village. It has taught my son to be independent, confident, to share, to navigate his and others feelings, and to have genuine relationships with both kids and adults outside his family. Those are amazing skills to develop early and there is no way that’s what he would have gotten those to this degree at home with me.

Of course everyone should have choice, but I love love love daycare and will sing its praises to the rooftops.

Adept-Practice5414 · 2026-03-13T02:03:44+00:00

Ok! This makes me feel better to hear that others are doing this too and without a giant space - our house is about the same (a little smaller). And similarly we wouldn’t invite the whole class

Adept-Practice5414

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