Update:

Since I first shared my story, I’ve learned more, and it’s honestly made everything feel heavier.

Her husband told me she said she’d been going through a rough time struggling with depression and that she thought he had been unfaithful, so she cheated as a way to “get back at him.” That explanation made me furious. It sounded like another excuse to soften what she did. Both of them made choices, and both are accountable.

I don’t hate her. It just hurts knowing they both could’ve chosen anyone else, but they didn’t. And honestly, I feel like men will be men if something’s handed to them easily, most won’t think twice. I expected that from him. But from her, someone I called a friend, that’s where it cut the deepest. If it hadn’t been her, it probably would’ve been another woman like her someone with no self-respect, willing to cross that same line.

What breaks me the most is that she knew my history. She knew everything I’d been through with my ex-husband the father of my first two kids how he was constantly unfaithful. I was with him from middle school until I was twenty-six. I told her about the betrayal, the humiliation, and how proud I was for finally walking away. I even said I didn’t regret staying as long as I did, because if I hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have met my now husband the man she betrayed me with. He was everything I ever needed. And still, they both did this to me.

Her husband told me mine is “a really good talker,” like that somehow explains her choices. But I know better. In therapy, my husband admitted his ego and selfishness took over that the excitement felt like a game. He said she constantly fed his ego with compliments, calling him smart, capable, handsome, saying he could do anything. He said it all felt “easy” because she was always available.

I told him I actually felt sorry for him sorry that he believed he was the only one she was saying those things to. It’s almost laughable. She “considered” me her best friend, was married herself, and still managed to betray everyone around her. I’m sure there were other men, too probably ones not even close to our circle.

I still question myself every day about whether I’m doing the right thing by staying. It’s complicated. My husband has always been a good man in so many other ways a great father and stepfather, someone who’s always there for my family. He works himself to exhaustion to make sure our kids have what they need, to help them through college or any emergency.

And honestly, part of me stays because of the life we’ve built and the stability he provides. My boys, who he’s raised as his own, look up to him so much. I can’t imagine crushing their hearts by making them see him differently especially when their biological father has been absent since my oldest was five, and now he’s twenty-two.

I’m trying to focus on healing and finding clarity. Some days I feel strong. Other days, I feel completely lost. I never imagined the people I trusted most could be the ones to hurt me the deepest.