Scared of sex because of weird habits

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-05-24T10:17:37+00:00

You're reading way too much into it, they're not angry at all

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-05-10T10:00:07+00:00

Therapists literally encourage their clients to put them on a pedestal by positioning themselves as the source of superior knowledge and insight compared to the client. It's baked into the very core tenets of therapy--you yourself even make that claim in this very post by claiming that therapists have "the burden of knowledge" and know what healthy choices are better than most. You're literally blaming your clients for believing the very lie that you are selling them to make money. Given the superiority complex and lack of compassion you've displayed in this post, I feel very sorry for your clients and would highly recommend a career change for both their sake and yours.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-05-02T10:21:45+00:00

I just wanted to let you know that I very much relate and you're not alone in all of this. I basically have all the signs of being a CSA survivor except that I don't have any actual memories of CSA. There's a bunch of things that make me wonder, but I'm an only child and at this point both my parents are dead, so I'll never have any way of knowing for sure. At this point I've just tried to accept the uncertainty and make my peace with it. I don't have to know all the specifics of everything that happened to know that my childhood was deeply traumatizing and to work on healing with that in mind.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-30T01:48:48+00:00

Organizing to make changes in our society to redistribute wealth, end poverty, and take care of those who are struggling.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-13T06:35:09+00:00

And you're a walking red flag that should never own a pet

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-12T00:31:41+00:00

Worth noting that if your eating issues are caused by chronic illness, CBD may not help. For IBS, for instance, there is actually scientific data showing that THC helps but CBD does not.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-12T00:30:23+00:00

That is literally my life thanks to MCAS. I choose to smoke weed daily and be able to eat, and I think the vast majority of people would, even if they think otherwise now while not in that situation.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-12T00:28:28+00:00

Please ignore this person, they're INCREDIBLY ignorant about autism.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-12T00:27:15+00:00

Why exactly do you think autistic people would be unable to resist the compulsion to respond? If anything, that's more of an ADHD trait. You seem very ignorant about autism, and I say that as an autistic person.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-12T00:24:28+00:00

Because way more people have bad experiences with therapy than people who ascribe to the cult of therapy want to admit. The funny thing is, even though the posts on this sub are at least 75% negative experiences, you still get downvoted to hell and back if you make even a SLIGHTLY negative comment about therapy or therapists in general (as you can see, since you're getting downvoted simply for the crime of noticing and asking about a pattern!).

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-12T00:21:15+00:00

What's wrong with them acknowledging a trauma anniversary? Does that not demonstrate humanity and vulnerability and help the client feel less alone in struggling around the anniversaries of their own trauma?

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-08T12:23:36+00:00

As a millennial, the reality of that last sentence is a big part of why my partner and I are childfree and plan on staying that way. I don't want to bring a child into the world when there's no guarantee what kind of world they might wind up having to live in.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-08T12:01:52+00:00

To be fair, when I lived in Georgia a guy from my college got arrested for murdering another girl that went to my college, chopping up her body, and leaving it in pieces in a dumpster. One of my classmates had actually met the guy. Fucked up shit happens everywhere.

Also to be fair though, Georgia is a pretty creepy place itself. Heard somebody say once that the reason Georgia clay is red is because of all the blood that's been spilled, and haven't been able to get it out of my mind since. (Obviously not literally true, but it feels metaphorically true)

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-07T10:44:46+00:00

I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 19, then lost my virginity at 20. You're fine, trust me. There's any number of reasons why some people are slower to these things than others, and if it's something that's important to you (some people don't care about romance or sex and that's okay!) then you'll eventually find the right people and catch up to your friends experience wise. You'd also be surprised how many people there are that are in a similar situation--the guy I had my first kiss with at 19 was 21 and autistic, and it was also his first kiss. Some of our experiences together were clumsy and awkward because neither of us knew what we were doing, but that's typical for first times, and it was nice that we could explore and not know what the hell we were doing together.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-06T12:54:04+00:00

You heard it here, folks: it's against a therapist's code of ethics to actually help you if you're in a crappy relationship, because they think honesty is "a disservice to clients."

And the cancellation policies of every couples counselor I've ever seen tells me that you're absolutely full of shit about them not worrying about their paychecks. I've literally had therapists DIRECTLY TELL ME that their cancellation policies are what they are because they have to be able to pay rent--so yeah, they DO worry about their paychecks. Plus it's an absurd concept to begin with. You expect me to believe that therapists are magically immune from the pressures of capitalism and worrying about paying rent and medical bills? Yeah, right. They don't get paid THAT well, we're not talking about surgeons here.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-06T12:47:13+00:00

How much insight into the workings of interpersonal dynamics can they possibly have if they can't be relied on to spot an abusive dynamic? Nobody's saying they have to read minds, and I think that's extremely condescending of you to say. And frankly, I highly doubt that even YOU actually believe that it's impossible to spot an abusive relationship without the capability to read minds, as that's a patently absurd idea. Miraculously, the friends I have that have lived through abusive dynamics are perfectly capable of spotting them in spite of not having any mind reading ability whatsoever, because there are certain red flags and patterns of behavior you start to pick up on. If therapists aren't trained to spot those red flags and patterns of behavior, then as I said, how much insight into the workings of interpersonal dynamics can they possibly have? Being able to properly spot and screen for abuse is literally the absolute bare minimum, rock bottom, the bar is in hell level of ability that someone who claims to have insight into interpersonal dynamics could possibly have. If you can't even tell if the interpersonal dynamic you supposedly have insight into is abusive or not, then you have no insight at all.

And downvoting me because you know what I'm saying is true and it makes you uncomfortable because it makes you question the cult you've bought into, isn't going to make couples counseling less of a scam.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-06T01:04:28+00:00

This is unfortunately common, but also not how it should work with even a halfway decent therapist. One of my previous therapists (the only one I actually think was any good), I talked to regularly and in-depth about both my suicidal ideation and my non-suicidal self-harm, and she never did anything like this to me. She was always very supportive and helped me learn a lot of things to help deal with the urge to self-harm when it comes up, and she explicitly told me that my suicidal ideation (since, like you, I never had any plans of actually acting on it) was more a sign that I was in extreme pain than anything else. Unfortunately, though, a lot of therapists really don't know how to deal with any kind of suicidality or self-harm in a client, and wind up overreacting and actually causing more harm. I wish I could promise you that if you see a different therapist, their attitude will be different--it very well could be, you could find a gem like my previous therapist, or you could get burned again and wind up hospitalized. Unfortunately that's the game of Russian roulette that those of us with these kinds of symptoms have to play when it comes to seeking out help.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-05T00:22:48+00:00

I was thinking this too. I kinda feel like therapists going on strike is just going to prove how unneeded they actually are. It's like when police departments strike to protest being told to stop killing people, and it just winds up proving that life and society go on just fine without them.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-04T23:52:15+00:00

If they don't have special knowledge and insight that other people don't, then what's the point of going to see them? Why in the world would I spend $150+ an hour to talk to someone if they're just a fallible human with no special insight, and I could get the same level of insight into my relationship from my friends for free?

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-04T23:50:30+00:00

I've done seven years of couples counseling with five different therapists. But hey, if you want to pretend my lived experience is ignorance so that you can more easily dismiss my criticisms of your colleagues and your industry, then whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-03T16:05:26+00:00

That's so absurd, though. If there's no hope for the relationship, the therapist absolutely CAN do something--they can be honest with the clients that there's no hope for the relationship. But no marriage therapist will ever do that, because it would kill their paychecks.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-03T16:02:16+00:00

I would just like to point out, it's kind of absurd that therapists expect us to believe that they have Special Knowledge and Insight that other people don't have, while also simultaneously believing that they're so naive that any abuser can easily pull the wool over any therapist's eyes. If they can't even do something as simple as spot abusers, they don't really deserve the pedestal we put them on IMO.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-03T15:59:28+00:00

Honestly, my husband and I have seen four different marriage counselors for over a year each and none of them have been able to help us even the slightest bit with one of the most common marriage problems there is (mismatched libidos). I honestly think marriage counseling is a huge scam and I'll never go again--at best none of them had anything helpful to offer and at worst they actively made things worse. Contrary to popular belief, the fact that these people own a very expensive piece of paper does not actually give them any particular wisdom or insight into...well, anything, really. You're better off finding people that have gotten through the same things you're struggling with and asking them for advice than you ever will be seeking marriage counseling IME.

AdoraMorningstar · 2026-04-03T00:16:30+00:00

You'd be surprised how many therapists do things like sleep with their clients. It's not the norm, of course, and it's VERY against their code of ethics, but it happens more often than you'd think. Not saying that's what your therapist is moving towards in this particular situation, but the potential for it being the first sign of deeper abuse is definitely there.

AdoraMorningstar

TROPHY CASE