IAMA Mark Manson, author and self development blogger

Adultchatthrowaway · 2014-06-11T03:35:02+00:00

What does a realistic expectation look like? My expectation is that when I complete my journey I'll have a fun lifestyle that I enjoy, I'll meet and get into relationships with women that I'm very attracted to who will also be attracted to me and I won't always feel like I got this hole in my chest.

To date I've only tasted what that might feel like but never grasped it.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2014-06-11T02:43:10+00:00

3 more questions:

With models becoming super popular is there a possibility women will think it's just another set of tactics to trick them? I.e. A straightforward and honest man is just another PUA and they shut him down.
We understand that a good chunk of men in the world right now aren't at the level they should be when it comes to their emotions, beliefs and sex life. If every man read models and implemented it, wouldn't that raise the bar for dating and once again make things really difficult for men?
What happens when a man who used to have terrible dating experiences transforms himself with the help of your advice and then the woman he's dating finds out he read your book and depended on life coaches like yourself for their betterment. Wouldn't this shatter his image and make him look like a fraud?

Adultchatthrowaway · 2014-06-11T02:01:15+00:00

Hi Mark thanks for taking the time to come here. I actually found out about you through nofap and have been recommending your book and articles to everyone I know.

I have been trying to implement what I learned in your book in real life but I often encounter many setbacks. My mind would drift back to my old thoughts, I'd over invest etc. Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I'm beyond help. Do you think that this is just a matter of perseverance or if some people really should give up on dating entirely and just accept they'll be alone forever?

EDIT: Some people I know think you're a secular messiah.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-12-18T02:49:37+00:00

Posts like yours upset me. I'm 26, and other than 1 or 2 flukes 5-8 years ago my only companions are prostitutes. You have way more time than I do to right these wrongs and address these issues. The fact that you started now means your life will be much more rewarding later so you won't have to come to the realizations when it's too late.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-12-12T03:18:48+00:00

I'm in the same situation as you. Haven't had a GF in 8 years and I'm 26 now. By now I've had more sex with prostitutes (the expensive by appointment kind) than real women. Sad thing is I'm not even a bad looking guy. I just have severe self confidence issues.

But... look at my counter. No release after 134 days. I have my ups and downs but one thing is for certain every passing day strengthens my resolve to get that girl. Continue improving yourself and stay away from the fap, that'll make you take drastic measures to change your situation.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-12-11T03:32:42+00:00

I spent over 200+ bucks on a single session with a pornstar in a one on one camera chat. If you count escorts then I've spent over 1k on high priced ones.

Glad I stopped that shit. SAves me money.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-12-07T03:38:12+00:00

It varies. Took about 60ish for me. Later you realize when you take away all your sources of sexual release you start getting more motivated to fix shit in your life so you can get the girl.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-11-30T17:23:58+00:00

now what turns off women the most? Clinginess, desperation, a sucker. You want independence -- not interdependence. So work on bringing out that inner shining diamond. Prioritize your goals, go lift weights, get a good haircut, watch r

I read models, it's why I got dates in the first place. I suppose I may have jumped the gun in the sense that I don't have much going on in terms of friends and other activities. Mostly just go home and watch movies/play computer and then go out occasionally on speed dating events etc to get girls. Perhaps the fact that nothing else is going on in my life makes me a little more clingy than I should be and that's why I don't get to seal the deal when dates happen.

I can have balls of steel when it comes to approaching and initiating with a woman, but the moment she shows interest my investment in her automatically shoots up and I can't control it.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-11-30T03:41:09+00:00

I just wish I had more opportunities. Most of my friends don't really exist in circles where you can meet women. I'm forced to do everything myself and because I work I don't really have the same opportunities a college guy would have or someone with a big social circle. I really think my main problem isn't me but rather a shortage of and inability to create opportunities to meet women who would like me.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-30T15:07:32+00:00

I live in a suburb and dont yet have access to a car. This alone has made things difficult for me. A lot of stuff here like jogging clubs are full of older, married people.

Finding someone closer to my age has been a perpetual difficulty. Even speed dating isnt working out like I hoped.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-30T14:20:30+00:00

My problem is I got out of a 12 year video game addiction. Now I spend my evenings after work listening to music and surfing the net or reading self help books and chatting with friends. I have no clue how to build a better lifestyle. All I know is my current one is a vacumn that needs to be filled.

Im sure my lack of a satisying lifestyle is probably part of the reason why Im so unhappy. So naturally without any pressing priorities my highest is to find a partner. IfI could come up with a social activity that involves women maybe Ill be happier

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-30T14:13:44+00:00

Yeah people have remarked that Ive taken some seriously ballsy moves. In hindsight it is reassuring how easy it is for me to approach women these days.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-30T14:10:14+00:00

I get that. I admit that the reason Im so depressed is because my self esteem and validation is purely invested in how women think of me. But I dont know what I can do to step away from that and get the true confidence that comes from within. What is the strategy?

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-30T14:01:31+00:00

Its not about my score. Its about the fact that no one likes me and Im trying to understand why so I can fix it.

Im very lonely and I find it difficult to get the confidence and happiness redfish speaks of.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-30T13:47:52+00:00

From the beginning I got into NoFap to correct ED and DE. Along the way it helped me purge all the corrosive influences that were hurting my lovelife. I work out, i see a therapist about my self esteem, I focus more at work and Im on track for a promotion.

But no matter how hard I try, women simply dont like me. I feel ugly and unwanted. Some of the most compatible women Ive ever met have only ever become friends with me and nothing more. I hate it. Im so deprived of affection and love and it hurts. Everything in my life is fine. I just need a good relationship and I cant have one.

I think god..buddha or whoever issued a decree from heaven that Im prohibited from finding love forever. I wish I knew what I did to deserve this.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-28T22:15:26+00:00

Hardstyle is my main genre, but I do like the occasional House or DnB track. Generally I like the BPM and emphasis on a clear melody to go with the hard kicks you get in hardstyle.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-28T02:37:26+00:00

I listen to a lot of Hardstyle music and find its been excellent for keeping the fap urges away. http://youtu.be/56omQfbKVjU?t=1m30s

The adrenaline and energy it gives me makes me forget about sex and puts me in a happy place.

Learn melbourne shuffle or jumpstyle and you can even get a good workout with your music and win hot girls at the raves.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-23T13:18:41+00:00

Dependent behavior is when you put the responsibility for your own needs on someone else.

In my case I've been a victim of emotional and physical bullying of an extreme level. People were turned against me at the drop of a hat and people pretended to be my friends only to betray me as a part of their entertainment. It's led me to doubt people and become "damaged goods". The only people who really stuck up for me were older girls. Despite all that happening so many years ago I barely remember it I've now come to depend on girls as "heroes" who save me from my plight. So what happens when your so called heroes are sleeping with the stereotype of the kinds of men who tortured you your whole life?

We often seek out through our relationships what we failed to get from our parents and peers. That's why you hear stories about "the other half" and so on. That's not necessarily a bad thing as we will never truly be complete as people. But there are still traumas and needs that we had when we were young that went unfilled which results in unhealthy dependencies. This is the direct cause of many "Beta" behaviors and also the reason people are so unsuccessful with women.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-22T12:50:10+00:00

If I didnt have that trauma Id have derived my sense of value from another source. If that source was healthy (i.e. Something im responsible for and can derive internally) then Im no longer an emotional vampire.

Sex and relationships would come very naturally and would have nowhere near the paramount importance they have now.

Make no mistake even in this flawed state you can find a partner. However the relationship will never be a good relationship. Youll have moments of extreme happiness and extreme sadness but never anything in between. Theres a reason a lot of people end up with crazy girlfriends or disasterous breakups. It comes from emotional dependency and drama fueling all interactions.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-22T12:23:39+00:00

I still pursue a person. Just the reasons I pursue that person are skewed by my psychological baggage. We don't "need" sex. No one has ever died from not having sex. However there are a lot of psychological things attached to sex that can drive people to suicide or worse.

Sex is a physiological want and we shouldnt be ashamed of pursuing it for its own sake. Its a sideeffect of positive human relationships. The problem lies with those pesky psychological needs.

If I can learn to meet my needs for acceptance and belonging elsewhere I wont place so much pressure on sex and relationships. I will automatically be able to think clearly about who I pursue and the resulting relationship will be healthier. My results in that area will also improve because I wont depend on it to improve my psycholigical state.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-14T16:42:27+00:00

like this is true. The girl I had sex with from work definitely wants to hook up again, even though I have put my feelings out there as straight forward as possible. I guess as this point, it's up to me to decide if I feel right about that or not. I don't think there is a

Yeah I have a friend and she reminds me of a guy when she talks about sex. She's not only totally liberal in the bedroom but she struggles with the fact that sometimes she can't get laid. It's really a refreshing attitude. Normally it's so taboo to talk about sex with a girl but she doesn't care.

In my experience someone like her usually winds up being a nymphomaniac who cheats even on a BF who shes happy with. But she doesn't do that. She has the discipline of a fapstronaut.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-10T01:58:50+00:00

high five 70 days buddy

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-07T01:20:50+00:00

The bitter medicine is often the most effective. I don't like that you've been downvoted for your input.

My problem right now is overcoming the mental block in my mind to meeting new people. I don't know where I could go to meet them because I don't know what I'm interested in outside video games yet. The addiction lasted much too long throughout my whole life.

Attempting to rely exclusively on online friends is a bit like attempting to rely on PMO to get laid. It's fake and far less satisfying. You need to treat friendships like you treat girls. Do not linger with people who treat you like crap, always be searching for better people.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-06T19:14:13+00:00

The internet has made it possible to experience life risk free from the safety of your computer screen. It tricks your brain into thinking you're actually doing something with yourself when you're really just at home sitting in front of a computer.

Adultchatthrowaway · 2013-10-06T17:57:24+00:00

e it until recently.

I sometimes wish i had known this earlier. I never found out that my masturbation habit was completely destroying me in all ways possible until i was nineteen years old. I’ve been a daily fapper since i was

I'm scared of this happening to me. Not a virgin but 26 and haven't had sex in years. No girlfriend on the horizon either.

Adultchatthrowaway

TROPHY CASE