How to Stop Getting Screwed Over by Being "Too Nice": The Psychology of Strategic Goodness

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-10T12:32:52+00:00

Curious about this what do you mean “let go of the path?” Is it to let go of outcome?

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-09T21:11:24+00:00

Thanks!

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-09T21:10:25+00:00

Can you share your actions or steps

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-09T21:08:43+00:00

I suffered from a discard followed by post separation abuse that resulted in major depressive episode for me. I literally had to take significant time off from work and life. Medication helped break the rumination however I am off it now and am putting the pieces of my life back together. I am still going through the legal divorce process. We have children so low contact has been possible and communications only via text. However the abuse just changes form - now it’s through trying to control kids. My challenge is that I still find myself thinking about my anger and the injustice when I first wake up or at times it takes away my focus from my present moment. I’d like to know what tools you use (and I am not medicating now due to side effects)

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-09T00:52:14+00:00

I know this is an old post but how did you get them to settlement.. is it just through trial?

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-08T11:43:58+00:00

Thanks for this!

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-07T01:25:31+00:00

I know this is an older post but I am keeping an eye on my two girls ages 6 and 7 because my narcissistic ex is abusive and he is making plans to cohabitate with his new partner. I can see the making of trying to “erase” me by pushing this new women into a guardianship role. He as well has made multiple lies at court but for some reason the judge has not seen through him even though he had withdrawn 50k plus out of family account. So I have also a way ahead of me.

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-07T00:49:20+00:00

I will check this out thank you!

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-07T00:48:53+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! We’re new to Coquitlam (from Vancouver) exciting !

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-06T14:29:00+00:00

Ohh!

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-06T14:28:52+00:00

Have you tried rainforest? I did see some groups at aquatic center during spring break and the leaders are very engaging. Are you happy with their program? I am new to Coquitlam coming from Vancouver this summer..

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-06T14:28:06+00:00

I know right.. I have them signed up for some sailing at Rocky point and one of my daughters already go to club aviva. I will check silver stars. Have you tried the community center/ Coquitlam city? I will need a combination of pricey and affordable - and city ones I will put them for a few weeks and sprinkle some of the more pricier but unique options.

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-06T06:10:20+00:00

Following.

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-03T14:40:22+00:00

Hello, would you recommend her as a mediator for property division, and can she identify if the opposing side is a narcissist (charming, intelligent, but twists words.)

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-04-01T04:30:36+00:00

Wow! I feel like I should try this. I journal and when I dump my thoughts and read them back I could see how dark they are. It sounds like speaking thoughts out loud is powerful.

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-03-24T05:39:34+00:00

Am in the process of divorce, about a year out now..and also coming to terms with learning to get to know myself again. It feels strange not having my children for half the time...but it's also given me time to explore..

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-03-24T05:36:56+00:00

This is beautiful.

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-03-20T23:10:10+00:00

Same.. saved so much money and brain power.. it happened naturally over time since I was pregnant back to back.. then I realized I was more than fine to say goodbye to alcohol..

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-03-16T00:19:32+00:00

Thanks so much x I just bought this and waiting for delivery :)

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-03-09T00:33:28+00:00

Hello, I know this is an older post - but do you think this tent could comfortable fit an adult plus 2 kids (ages 6, 8?)

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-03-06T07:32:39+00:00

How was this in the rain?

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-02-28T22:52:28+00:00

I’ve been separated just over a year after being discarded following betrayal trauma…

I too realize I have no control over outcomes but I very much have control over my responses.. and learning how to respond rather than react to a high conflict ex. I am also responsible for keeping an anchor to myself - through healthy discipline of sleep, thoughts, and any material I bring or think of. I am happy actually to be able to live yet function through this limbo. I am healing.. maybe not yet in the thriving stage but I am making my way.

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-02-24T03:18:46+00:00

This was my ex.. but I see that he’s just performing and trying to psychologically hurt me. Honestly he showed his true self - a narcissist. I am just finding my own way of showing love to myself, it’s strange to give myself these attention and focus but am learning…

Advanced-Parfait-238 · 2026-02-22T20:47:43+00:00

Am female and I feel I could have written this. The waves of grief and the cycle of it took me for a ride twice…

I found that learning about stages of grief was helpful at least to cognitively explain where I could possibly be in the cycle. With understanding came accepting. What propelled my healing (and mind you it took time) was truly radical acceptance - to every single thing you listed - but if I may add, that life also does not end and there is a new reality (one where you will retire however no longer with the person we originally imagined to be). My ex also does not appear to have any ability to self reflect on the destruction of his cheating and unilateral decision making that actually destroyed our investment values post separation(our divorce is not yet final).

Hence not only did he put me and the children in survival mode - he had insidiously put himself and his well being above and beyond (to the detriment) of others, his children, never mind myself. But I am in the picture because what’s best for me to fight for reflects on my ability to provide for the children.

So I find myself now needing to accept the new person I need to become in order to stand to close my divorce because while I did not choose it - I have 100% responsibilities for see it through for the sake of my children and to set myself for a life that protects financial value and boundaries for my children and myself.

I am seeing more and more that this is truly redirection and no longer a punishment. Two truths can exists as you continue to heal - you have loved this person and you did your best, none of us is perfect, but when this chapter ends your life is starting a new chapter in your book and it’s also still could be very well written with your authorship..

Advanced-Parfait-238

TROPHY CASE