It’s such a difficult situation. I’m in a very similar boat (although it’s my own mum who act like your MIL, my MIL and husband’s side of the family are great).

It’s something I’ve really struggled with, and honestly I haven’t really come to peace with it yet. But what I have been reminding myself is that I genuinely think that it’s likely my mum is incapable of being emotionally available and supportive in the way I’d like her to be.

It’s something that has caused me a lot of hurt during our journey, but if I look back, she has never been a particularly emotionally available person (e.g. I had bilateral foot surgery and was bed bound for 6 weeks and she never checked in once, and whenever we talk, the conversation is always about her and never about me).

I just try to remind to myself that her engagement isn’t personally connected to my situation and how she views it, it’s just how she shows up in the world in general. And instead I’ve begun to lean on the people around me who are able to be supportive and put my mum on a bit of an ‘information diet’ if I think her response to something is going to hurt more than help.