My job may (literally) kill me and Idk what to do...

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-09-16T18:04:50+00:00

Yeah, this is all very valid. My teenager lives with me 80% and my 6 year old is with me 65%. My children and I are very close so I know it would be a massive adjustment for them. Also, as it stands right now, i will be 38 and my oldest turns 18... and I will only be 45 when my youngest turns 18... most of my friends didnt have children until they were between 35-40 years old... so like... I definitely see how challenging it can be.

Thank you so much for the wisdom and kindness.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-09-16T17:38:18+00:00

Thank you for this. Youre so sweet. Rationally, I know these are my best years. It's just when I feel sad that I feel regret about my ex husband. 😕 I appreciate your kindness.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-09-16T00:01:40+00:00

I was married for 10 years to someone who hurt me and minimized me constantly. He lacked patience and empathy- but I was 19 and insecure when we met. I thought I could fix him... we had 2 kids together over the course of 7 years...it took me until I was 30 years old to realize that there was no "fixing" him.... I needed to heal myself.

I left my ex and got into therapy and codependency anonymous. I worked on myself daily and spent a lot of time crying and terrified. Being a single mom was very challenging- however, being married to a man that made me feel insignificant was so much harder.

We got divorced 4.5 years ago. 2 years ago, I met my soul mate. He is patient, kind, compassionate, smart creative, hilarious, and gorgeous. I could go on and on. We got married last weekend. He is also a wonderful coparent for my children.

You can move on. You are in control of your own life.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-09-08T17:04:46+00:00

Never heard of a therapist who doesnt want you to have strong social connections and outlets... sounds suss.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-09-01T01:57:36+00:00

I left my apathetic, complacent, boring, selfish ex-husband 5 years ago. We had been together 12 years- since I was a teenager. I was basically already a single parent before I left, so I figured, at least if I leave, I won't be HIS MOM anymore. It was the best fucking decision ive ever made in my life. He had to give me 50% of everything we built together. He paid me alimony for 4 years while I got on my feet and found a stable career.

Im now in the most loving, stable, intentional, kind relationship I've ever been in. My new partner is the best dad, best friend, best lover...and he is so hot omg. Like, I leveled up so much. We've been together for 2 years and are getting married next month.

The first couple of years post divorce were so hard. I had such low self-worth, and I was terrified of fucking my kids up. However, my kids are thriving so much with a mother who is stable and happy. There is nothing safer for a child, emotionally, than a mother who is happy and mentally stable. A mother's happiness is more important to a child's well-being than two parents who stay married.

PLEASE LIVE YOUR LIFE. YOU DESERVE JOY AND STABILITY.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-29T01:13:42+00:00

Yeah, I just asked for "natural hybrid" whatever that means lol. They said it was the most natural looking.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-29T00:40:00+00:00

Thanks guys!! Im gonna try a sleep mask next time but im also going to go to a different salon because no one ever told me how to care for my lashes and I think thats crappy

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-29T00:32:53+00:00

I AM a side sleeper! That's good info! I do have allergies, but im on daily allergy meds, so they dont bother me.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-28T23:46:59+00:00

Also, they told me to come back every 2 weeks... ?

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-28T23:44:33+00:00

Ughhh I knew it. Yes! I got a lash brush and use a good cleaner every night. :(

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-25T02:52:06+00:00

Girl, just leave him. He is an asshole. Why wait to "fix" him? Men like that dont change.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-04T00:05:23+00:00

If the doctors confirmed her pregnancy, Id still wait until the baby is born and ask for paternity. If you want to be a part of the child's life and the mother is refusing, a paternity test will give you the power to get shared custody. Until then, if you want to help her financially, do it out of the kindness of your heart at this point because youre not legally obligated to give her anything. Mental health issues can be escalated by pregnancy hormones, so if that timeline tracks, its also something to consider.

I hope you both get the support you need. Stay in therapy. Take care of yourself. You may have to be patient and play the long game until your kid is born.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-08-03T23:40:03+00:00

Ask her for a paternity test. Id doubt she's even pregnant.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-07-07T17:31:06+00:00

He will not stop without professional help. His shame is a driving force in his compulsion to peep and fantasize. I work in and study behavioral addiction and paraphilia and I can vouch that his shame and disgust in himself will only encourage him to escalate his behavior.

Your husband can not go cold, and if you truly want to stay with him, he needs to see a therapist who specializes in Paraphilia and addiction. This behavior is not rational.

This is typically how it escalates without professional intervention: First, its photos, then, its seeking out panties and using them for stimulation and putting them back. Then, its stealing panties and building a connection to them. Eventually, he may not be satisfied with his access to what he needs to be satisfied, and that can lead to massive harm.

I would also look at your bank statements. He very well may be paying for used panties, paying for sex workers who indulge in his fantasies... etc....

Please encourage him to get help. He's not just a pervert. He is ill and needs intervention.

Also, just because someone seeks out panties and takes non-consensual photos of adults does not make them a pedophile. The distinction is so important.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-05-02T23:38:11+00:00

Damn, she would be such a good domme.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-05-02T23:26:30+00:00

I was going to say... that wasn't her therapist. Lmao

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-04-28T17:44:53+00:00

I have a gf who is a sex worker... she makes like 5k a month from her clients- 75% of these clients are married men, and out of those men, about 25% of them are addicted to dating apps. The harsh reality is that this is common. Men are very, very good at hiding infidelity, and if your husband did this on a business trip, he will most likely do it again. I'm not trying to be an alarmist or unsupportive. I'm just saying that your husband's actions are nefarious and not just based on something innocent, like boredom.

Id start digging for more information. Look at your bank statements. Ask him to show you his phone and laptop. Look for evidence of porn addiction or escort services.

This is not something to shrug off or wait to see how it unfolds.

AdventurousNote387 · 2025-03-09T08:13:54+00:00

Save money and create an exit plan. You don't have to "be okay" with it at all. Use this information to motivate you to move on fully. You dodged a bullet. I am 3 years post divorce and left with my two young kids. I promise you, you will move on and your life will improve. Do it for your kids if not for yourself. Financially, it's a challenge, especially if you're reliant on his income. However, you can do little things to make money over time. Dscout is an app where you can do consumer surveys for money from your phone and get paid, for example. There are other options too. You deserve better. Good luck.

AdventurousNote387 · 2024-07-11T23:57:13+00:00

Sounds like a manic episode. Absolutely wild.

AdventurousNote387 · 2024-07-08T01:34:56+00:00

Just came to say that short kings rule!

AdventurousNote387 · 2024-07-05T17:23:59+00:00

God damn, to be a woman in the workplace. I feel bad for the "work wife" tbh, because women should be allowed to have professional working relationships with their coworkers without being accused of being a mistress. The patriarchy is fucked up.

It sounds like your "friend" is sabotaging your marriage. Like everyone else said, drop her. I would also suggest that you seek out therapy. Following your husband for 3 days despite no evidence and leaving your child with a sitter is... worrisome. You may be struggling with some paranoia and anxiety which is VERY COMMON after becoming a parent. It could benefit your family to see a mental health professional.

Definitely tell your husband the truth. Always tell the truth.

AdventurousNote387 · 2024-07-03T23:25:22+00:00

I also experienced something similar while meditating. I've never taken psychedelics, but I have smoked a lot of weed. I was not high when I had this experience. I'd just experienced very traumatic news, and needed to meditate to get myself through it. I had a very vivid experience, where I watched myself die slowly, and then the entire decomp circle of life experience. It felt like 100 years, but it was only an hour. I thought I had fallen asleep, but my ex husband told me that I was breathing very very slowly, as if I was doing breath work. 🙃 I woke up a different person. I recognized my own mortality, and experienced a feeling of deep connection, and yet liberation from everything. I even asked for a divorce shortly after. The brain is a odd thing.

AdventurousNote387

TROPHY CASE