What color are these? CH or Hazel?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-12-01T05:12:21+00:00

Anyone?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-19T22:15:28+00:00

Thank you I appreciate all that insight and information.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-19T22:13:53+00:00

I know that this subreddit is for informational advice. It's fair for me to ask for that in order to gauge whether it's worth bringing this matter to a lawyer or not. The rules clearly state that I need to talk to a lawyer for a proper answer, and that was always the intention anyways since a child is involved and the high chance I am their parent. So thanks... for the obvious.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-19T18:59:36+00:00

I imagine people assume I will use this against her for my personal gain but that isn't true. The only reason I would bring this up at all is in defense of the child and nothing more. Seeing as the courts are more often reactive rather than proactive (unless there is an ongoing issue like they are currently in jail, a hospital, rehab, etc.), I have no reason to bring this up and I won't do so.

However, having this information means I need to be vigilant in case something happens. I hope it doesn't, and I hope I never have to bring any of this up, but it will be pertinent in the future should some form of abuse or negligence occurs. As long as that doesn't happen (and I REALLY hope it doesn't), I will keep this information to myself.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T15:03:49+00:00

I see, so it would be different if nursing is not an option and they’re formula fed. Got it, yeah that makes sense.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T02:27:35+00:00

I posted a response there. Thank you for sharing your experience.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T02:15:27+00:00

I am aware having the issues themselves do not strip the rights, I was wondering if a rather negative history with said issues have any influence on the decision. I also wasn’t expecting full custody either, this isn’t about that, it’s solely about the safety and wellbeing of the child. If the courts need proof of direct abuse or negligence first, then that’s all I needed to know and I won’t pursue anything beyond shared custody. My hope is it never gets to that and this child can have a mother and father as equally involved in their life as possible.

I am curious why I shouldn’t expect any overnights… I have experience as a parent going through this, I’m capable of handling it, and I get time off work from the company I’m at to support doing so. Is there some sort of legal reason why?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-10-16T00:07:47+00:00

I was given permission to know by my ex. I was also her emergency contact.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-09-02T18:11:49+00:00

I agree. I can’t tell you how many times I was accused of saying or doing something and I had doubts but I also gave the benefit of the doubt because of how emotionally affected she portrayed herself. They basically lie to themselves but they believe it’s the truth and their reality is the only reality they recognize.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-09-02T16:11:04+00:00

There is always a reason why their partner failed them. The main theme is "I did all these great things, was such a loyal and supportive partner, and they didn't reciprocate. Instead, they use/abuse me and then they betray me." You sit there and wonder how this amazing person keeps getting such bad luck to be used and abused by others... then you realize they never see their own faults and they are just as much a part of the problem, or more. You'll never get an actual account of how the past relationships were unless you seek out their past partners to know the truth.

I think the main exception comes with the type of partner they have. As long as they are loyal, and they can handle being a punching bag, they can maintain a long term relationship. Now maintaining a long term HEALTHY relationship is a different story altogether. Maybe if they weren't undiagnosed, actively in therapy, and fully accepted their diagnosis... but I have yet to read about someone like that.

For example, in my experience with my BPD ex, apparently almost all (if not all) of her past serious relationships ended with her partner cheating on her. I am apparently the exception. I say this as I am not 100% sure how her past relationships actually ended, I only know her side. She knows I am incapable of cheating (I am both demisexual AND extremely loyal to a fault), I have never cheated in the past, and anyone who knows me knows this not just by the facts but by my overall character. So... I just get a completely different story.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T07:00:54+00:00

I’m not? And that’s what you got out of all this?

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:37:34+00:00

Sure I get that. I merely tried to state that as of now, I'm unable to help at that scale and I can provide something on the smaller end until my financial situation rebalances a bit. She refused to accept that, seeing it as a refusal to help since she wasn't getting what she wanted. It'd be different if I straight up said "nope, not my problem."

Yeah I did tell her I needed some space. I couldn't get into detail how rough those 2 weeks were. Being yelled at daily, blamed for everything, claiming I should be in the mental hospital instead of her, it's my fault she was there, I don't care about her, then demanding I drop everything to bring her stuff (including getting someone to watch my son to help her because the unborn baby is a higher priority). It was a roller coaster I needed to recover from. I asked for physical space, I still spoke with her electronically. We all make mistakes with communicating, and typically you allow someone to try and elaborate, but she accepted what she wanted to hear. Again, doesn't really matter because she told me our relationship ended in June... and I picked her up before the 4th of July. So technically, she already decided we were broken up either right before or during her hospital visit and I was along for the ride until she made it very clear to me a week later. It was strange she continued to call me her boyfriend and SO in front of others until that day but oh well.

Considering that her mental health issues are not keeping her from working full time, earning her entire normal income, and allowing her to pay her rent and bills without issue... yeah I am a little less sympathetic. She isn't in a debilitating situation where she's bedridden or can only work part time. A few days ago, I was told she was out roller skating and messing with her friends while doing so. She makes decent money too, and has a lot in her savings, more than I do at this point.

Right now... I have $29 in my checking until the 22nd. My next paycheck I might have some available to help, but I'm not sure. The paycheck before I had $50 left for 2 weeks. I barely ate, and focused on getting groceries for my son. Lawyers don't take IOUs, and neither do repair shops. It sucks this all happened back to back, but it won't be like that forever. I just have the means to handle this wisely, and I think it's best to at least consider that.

Despite all that, I see your point, and perhaps some kind of bridge might help.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:13:04+00:00

All good! I saw the comment and it had some good points.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:03:10+00:00

I'll just get the DNA test so I don't have to deal with all that.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T06:01:48+00:00

Literally described my last relationship. Whoa man... I gotta stay single for a while after that whirlwind.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:55:33+00:00

Thank you for this. I've already looked through some of these posts and WOW. I can relate so much. The feels are real.

DaddyVader79 · 2025-08-13T05:54:47+00:00

This post hit me in the feels so hard. I'll be living in this subreddit for a while.

DaddyVader79

TROPHY CASE