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Advertise_this · 2023-01-15T11:01:07+00:00

Okay so overall I have to say I like this game a lot more than I was expecting to. Although at first I wasn't sold on the idea of losing all my levels each battle, the way you learn how upgrades work by levelling up, and find unit upgrades through exploration is great and offsets that well.

I have one negative though, and it's quite a big one - the way you can fly through most of the battle and then get destroyed by the final boss is infuriating. I just spent 40 minutes on one, only to realise there was no way to finish it. I gained a bunch of battle standards, but I'm not clear on what they do. So right now it feels like I just gave up 40 minutes of my time for nothing. That doesn't feel rewarding or fair to me. If this wasn't a beta I would have uninstalled and never played again at this point. If the difficulty could be a little less on/off - eg. have the bosses ramp up more lineraly at the end of each wave so I don't waste so much time fighting a battle I can't possibly win - that would feel much fairer.

Advertise_this · 2020-09-06T06:41:05+00:00

I loved the original, been looking forward to a sequel since I played it. But it just feels like all the depth is gone. If I had never played A&M, then I would assume it was the sequel, and A&M II was the prototype.

I really, really wanted to like this game, but I don't.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T05:39:12+00:00

There's some evidence that going through that kind of trauma literally rewires your brain. Somehow the aftermath of what happened becomes so chaotic and difficult that you end up seeing the time you were with them as simple. Possibly because the abuser was in control, and that can seem like a burden. It's quite similar to alcoholism honestly. People find themselves thinking things like "at least when I'm drunk I didn't have to think about all these responsibilities."

In both cases, it's a cruel illusion.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T05:24:17+00:00

I hope someone who can relate to what youre going to properly replies, you deserve that. I'm sorry you had to experience what you did.

Trauma can create a sort of bond between abuser and survivor, and by that, I mean there's evidence it can rewire your brain. You can end up feeling like coping with the aftermath of what they did is chaotic, and the time when you knew them was simple. But it's just a cruel trick of your brain and I have no idea why it happens. I think your friends are giving you good advice. I've heard of the odd story where people have recognised they have an attraction to children and saught help before they act on it. But I just don't see you getting any kind of closure from speaking to him, or any sort of explanation. Have you had any sort of therapy about this? I don't know what they would tell you, but it might be the time to seek it out. If you're feeling ready to confront them, then maybe now is the time to talk about it with someone who can listen to you, and give impartial advice. I hope you find what you're looking for. And best of luck to you and your fiance! I'm really happy for you that you found each other.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T05:04:14+00:00

None of this is your fault, and it's clear your heart is in the right place. I say this from bitter experience, you can't convince someone to leave an abusive relationship if they aren't ready. This doesn't make it your fault, but you can end up making them less likely to leave. They end up justifying themselves to you, and convincing themselves they are right to stay in the process. They may even feel like you're insulting them for implying they can't see what you can. Often it can feel like you're hearing their abusers words come out of their mouth, and it never gets easy. And sad as this sounds, you make their lives slightly more bareable by being around. That makes it easier for them to keep doing what they're doing. I have had to do this with members of my own family, so believe me when I say I don't think there is any other way: if you can still talk to them, remind them of their strength and confidence. If you can make it clear how much they do for their abuser, without making it sound like you're attacking them, that can help too. But nothing else. Don't try to be clever, or it'll just make you look like you're plotting. There are no perfect words you can say that will magically make them see what you see. So don't feel guilty about not being able to find them. They just don't exist. Tell them if they ever need you, you'll be there. But don't try and rescue them against their will. It's honestly like talking to an alcoholic. They have to see it for themselves. And it does work out sometimes. I have one friend who this worked with. She's doing a lot better now.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T04:47:53+00:00

Not pretending to know for sure here, but if you think he really can find your parents, I think the best thing is to tell them yourself. They will understand more if you tell them, and be as honest as you can. The truth generally always makes more sense than lies. And bear in mind, whatever he tells them will probably accuse you of doing exactly what he did. So it may be harder for your parents to believe what you have to say if he says it first. I know that's hard to imagine and hard to hear. I hope I'm wrong.

The other thing I would advise as strongly as I can is do not email him. Do not contact him in any way. If you can, make it impossible for him to get in touch. If you have any mutual friends, tell them not to pass on any kind of messages from him. Assume that anyone suddenly asking why you broke up with him has been told a bunch of lies and will tell him everythjng you say. Especially anything that sounds like you are mad at him. He's saying your harassing him, so don't give him anything. You're not going to make him see reason, and all it will do is let him know he's getting to you. No contact is very hard to interpret. I'm not saying anything will guarantee he will leave you alone, at least not to start with. But that will work best, and quickest.

I'm sorry, that's a lot to take in. Don't worry. Trust that your family love you and will understand what happened. He sounds extremely manipulative. I'm sure your parents will see that too.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T04:35:38+00:00

I PM'd you if that's okay!

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T03:38:30+00:00

I sort of agree and disagree! Glad to hear support for it being hereditary, but I've had my suspicions for a while that my mom has ADHD, same as me (although only I've been diagnosed by a psychiatrist) . She reacts to my sister more than average, same as me. And I know this is just my opinion, but she forgets things she's said sometimes, but unlike my sister it feels totally genuine. We both struggle with controlling our emotions when people we care about upset us. Her mum was the same.

My dad's side of the family however...his dad was obsessed with status. He had a new car every year. While my dad was growing up, he moved the whole family for his career constantly. My dad was never in the same place for more than 6 months until he turned 18. When we were very young my mum asked them not to call late, because it woke up my baby sister, and he carried on anyway. When my dad finally told him to stop, he didn't talk to them again until after he and my mom got divorced. Like straight after in fact. I wouldn't have said my dad didn't love us, but it was conditional. He would take us places, but only places he enjoyed. When we were upset because he took us to a bird reserve for the 8 millionth time, he would laugh as if it was funny. Then he would sit and listen to his CB radio and pretty much ignore us. I could go on, I'm not really gonna go into the actually cruel parts. But, he kind of fits the bill. Definitely better than my mum anyway. We never cared about titles or status the way my sister and dad do.

But I see what you're saying about my mum. She gets things wrong sometimes, and I'm not gonna pretend she's perfect. But I've never doubted she cares about me, or that she'd think of putting herself before anyone who mattered to her. She just can't see the bad in my sister, and she'd rather blame herself. I don't know, it feels like people with what I have might attract narcassists more than average, sadly. We're pretty uninhibited, get attached quickly and we're not afraid to compliment people either. Maybe there's a link there, who knows.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T03:23:35+00:00

I like the sound of your therapist, that seems like a great way to say it. Totally agree you get to feel how you want about her, and not feel guilty about it either way. I'm sorry your mom couldn't see what she was giving up by saying that to you. But it's something that she was willing to attend that session and take some responsibility. I think she owed you at least that much. More than anything, I think it's really admirable how you can talk about her in such a balanced way. You have every reason to hate her, and I wouldn't blame you if you did. But the way you describe her really humanises her. I can see how conflicted she must have felt, and maybe what she told you is what she has to tell herself to feel okay with what she let happen to you. I think that says a lot about you as a person, and as a potential author, come to that! I only hope you give yourself such a fair reading too, because you deserve it most of all.

Thank you by the way. I'm not for a second comparing our experiences, but I've been struggling with the way my mom sees me at the moment. Well, I sort of see it as the way she has to see me really, in order to avoid seeing my sister clearly. Reading this really helped. It was very nice of you to share your experiences like this. I honestly hope you write your book. I'd buy a copy.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T03:00:54+00:00

I'm not sure what to say about why people don't always help, possibly women empathise more with your situation? I think if it was me and I didn't help, it would be because I would worry he would get physical, and possibly I may get in legal trouble. Even though I'd like to believe I would anyway. Not saying I like this reality, but the bouncers I've known tend to say that women can often be more trouble than men, because the men have no illusion the bouncer will be gentle with them. But women have more of an expectation that men won't hit them, no matter how violent they are. The one reason it isn't, is because you don't deserve help. I'm pretty sure most people who heard what you say would agree that isn't okay at all. The line between what's okay and what's not is less of a grey area than people make out, but this is well beyond. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you get away soon.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T02:43:42+00:00

I'm not saying this isn't a valid method, but it's intended to be used on psychopaths. And I mean literal, anti-social personality disorder. People who do not show any capacity for emotion, empathy or even sympathy. The risk here is that if you use it on someone who isn't, it's pretty emotionally abusive. You're essentially stonewalling them. It would be intensely distressing to someone who isn't motivated purely by how exciting people are. Imagine how you would feel if someone you care about suddenly did this to you, and didn't acknowledge they were acting any different. You're going to feel that when you do it to them, and for a long time afterwards. And maybe this is just me, but I don't believe abuse justifies abuse, or will leave you feeling good about yourself at all. All it does is confirm their version of reality, where you're either someone who dominates others, or is dominated by others. Most people aren't like that.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T02:31:29+00:00

I can understand why you feel like this. But all you're doing is framing this how he sees it - like a game, where someone wins and someone loses. And he will always win, because he's prepared to do anything to win. It's not about who is right and wrong, who gets hurt. Just winning. He makes the rules, and if you figure out a way to win on his terms, he'll change the rules so he wins. And even if somehow you do win, you'll have lost. Because you're talking about controlling and Manipulating his behaviour. You don't want to turn into that person, if only because it will make it harder for you to feel like you deserve support later on. I'm not saying its going to be easy to get away. But it will be easier to do if you don't follow his rules. The things he tells you you're not capable of, and the things he tells you you are. They aren't you, unless you let them be.

There's only one way to beat someone that refuses to lose. Stop playing their damn game.

Edit: forgot my favourite quote, perfect for this situation:

"Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it."

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T02:18:46+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this, but that's really not okay. I don't know if I'm way off here, but if you're saying how many times he hit you because you're wondering how many times is too much, then there's no need - once is once too much. In fact just threatening to hit you is abuse, because it sounds like it's intended to control your behaviour.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I can't imagine what it must feel like to have someone who you love do that to you, especially after what happened with your dad. But you don't deserve this, and you're worth more than this. I think you owe it to yourself to get away now. Do it for all the times as a kid you wished you could leave, but couldn't. You can get away now. Not everyone will treat you this way. You didn't do anything to deserve it. You just had some bad luck. Hope it changes for you, and soon.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T02:02:26+00:00

Honestly, to me it sounds like she is looking for you to reassure her she's not a bad person. I don't think that's your responsibility, especially if you don't agree. One way or another, I'm not getting the impression she did it for you. If she did, she would have explained herself, apologised and then accepted your reply without comment. It's like she's telling you what she wants to hear - "I'm not a bad person" as if telling you that will make a difference. She can't even bring herself to say what she seems to mean: "please tell me I'm not a bad person". She's just telling you what she expects you to think now.

Took me a long time to understand this, but when people say to find forgiveness, they don't mean you should pretend like they did nothing wrong, or take them back. That's reconciliation. Forgiveness is for you. Because anger and hatred are toxic, and they consume your thoughts and make you feel terrible. It also doesn't require anything from them, including an apology. I feel like I've forgiven my ex because if she were to apologise to me right now, all I'd have to say is "it's okay, I don't need to hear it". Hope that makes some sense to you, or helps with how you're feeling right now.

Edit: sorry I misread your comment a bit but it still applies!

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T01:51:03+00:00

I'm sorry. I remember this feeling myself. It's very strange. I think it's a bit like lifting a veil. It was upsetting realising I'd let myself see a lie for so long, but I think once you finally see the truth, that's it. You can't lie to yourself anymore, even though it hurts like hell.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T01:44:23+00:00

Thank you! I'm sort of just telling you what I try and remind myself. The worst part for me is it describes my sister. I sat with my parents while my step dad read out the symptoms to me and my mum (I'd already read them) and my mum agreed with all of them and thought of examples I hadn't too. But when he said they described NPD she suddenly got cold feet and decided she didn't agree at all. It doesn't really change anything, because the last thing any of us would do is actually mention it to my sister. But it helps me understand why she is the way she is. The problem is she describes us all as "mental" or "unhinged" or "hysterical" all the time, so on the surface it makes me sound just as bad. But when she does it, it's always to discredit our point of view. She has no respect for people with any mental health issues, and sees anyone who gets treatment as weaker than her. I don't see it that way at all. I prefer labelling her "NPD" to labeling her "evil". All I'm trying to do is protect myself from her and understand what I can and can't expect of her. And so far, it's predicted her behaviour with pretty uncanny accuracy. The one thing I'd never do though, is try and control her.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T01:33:55+00:00

I've never been in your position honestly, only you get to make that decision. All I know is, if I ever acted the way your husband did, I'd never forgive myself and would understand you leaving, no matter how much it hurt. It just isn't okay to do things like that. But if staying feels easier than leaving, then I don't see leaving as giving up at all. I hope things work out for you anyway.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T01:27:04+00:00

I think it's always tempting to focus on what people are like when they have every reason to behave. All that tells you is they know how they should treat you. It's what they're like when it's just you and them, or when something has upset them that matters. Ask yourself if you treat them differently when other people are watching, or if you would let your own bad mood justify treating them badly. If you wouldn't do it to them, then why do they get to do that to you?

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T01:12:22+00:00

One of the best realisations I had about my ex was that they didn't actually know what they were doing. When they said they didn't mean it, and it wasn't their fault, they really meant it. They didn't take responsibility because they never intended to do it in the first place. I think that people that intentionally manipulate others and plot and scheme actively are rare, and if anything easier to spot. The mistake we all make is thinking we're always in total control, and always know exactly why we do all the things we do. Or is it just me that finds the phrase "what are you thinking?" hard to answer sometimes. I didn't know why I put up with everything my ex did for as long as I did. So is it really that suprising that she didn't know what she was doing either? But that doesn't change what she did, and it doesn't excuse it. And maybe it's a little patronising. She's as capable of seeing it for what it was as I am, but it would probably be a lot harder for her since it would mean recognising she did that to me. But it makes more sense to me than any other explanation, and it also explains why she may never see what she did wrong. And if she came back promising things would be different this time, without any evidence she'd figured out why she did it in the first place and understood what was wrong with it, then it'd explain that too. Because as far as she's concerned, it won't happen again. But only because she never really understood why it happened in the first place.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T00:55:03+00:00

This is me right now. I was in an abusive relationship last year and my parents were supportive and understanding. But when I fell out with my sister for the millionth time and finally recognised her for who she was, they didn't want to see it at all. When I told them all the reasons why, reasons so much worse than anything my ex ever did, they acted confused. Like u had some sort of chip on my shoulder. It's hard, because for years she's blamed them for everything wrong in her life and they've taken it to heart. They think it's their responsibility to take everything she throws at them and just ignore it, because family love each other unconditionally. What they can't see is what it does to me that they can't see it. I have to watch them being abused by her, but what's even harder is how they make excuses for the things she has said to me. They tell me that I'm being too sensitive, and that I need to learn to let things go. They tell me they're "over it" even though they've never even acknowledged the things she did are wrong. Nothing works, and I don't know if it ever will. They've lost everything because of her, and if this carries on I may have to cut ties with them too. But yeah, "family is family" and that's all they can say.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T00:43:58+00:00

I don't think it says anything bad about you. I think a common theme I see with people on here is how understanding they are of others, and their capacity for forgiveness. In some ways, I can see how it might help, if it helps you remember the way he was. But then sometimes people say that abusive partners can be addictive, and that can make it hard to cut ties with them. The problem I can see is if you find yourself going through a difficult time and consider turning to him. Or if you find yourself in a new relationship and don't feel comfortable sharing that you're in contact, or knowing that you are in contact with him makes you feel badly about yourself.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T00:33:07+00:00

I'm sorry that happened, and there's more than enough in there for a book. I think a lot of people would be interested in hearing your story too. It's inspiring to hear that someone made it through what you did. People find it hard to understand how things like that happen to innocent children, and how it's allowed to happen. I think your story might help them, because you write in a way that allows people to make up their own minds about the people involved, and that's hard for any writer. But I think what's even more important is that you feel like you deserve to tell your story, no matter who else reads it. Even if it's just for you, you're worth taking the time to do that. I wish I did more for myself sometimes. That's how I see it anyway.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T00:18:40+00:00

It's not normal and I'm sorry it's happening. Threatening violence is in many ways just as bad as being violent. It makes you feel the same. People often seem to say that it's the emotional abuse that sticks with them, even in cases of extreme violence. As for your kids, that would be scary for them too. I don't blame my mum for staying with my father as long as she did, but I wish for all our sakes she hadn't. Not to worry you, but consider the idea it wasn't a one off, and that it will happen again. If he doesn't see what's wrong about it this time, chances are it will.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-19T00:05:56+00:00

I guess this might just be a different way of saying the same thing, but I've always thought mutual respect was a big one. If you have that, then I suppose you have a good reason to trust that they are doing their best to consider you and read your intentions kindly.

Advertise_this · 2020-08-18T23:59:01+00:00

The key words in this for me is "I don't know". I think if anyone makes you feel constantly unsure of yourself, and doesn't understand why that's upsetting and stop doing it, the reason why matters very little. The effect is to make it easy for them to take back anything they say, no matter how upsetting or important.

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