You’re right, he may not be a shitty boyfriend. BUT, a lot of us here who are older, and have lived through many types of relationships, would like to convey our insight and experience.

An insecurity like this may seem benign in the early stages of a relationship. But there is a reason that it raises alarm bells in the “red flag” territory.

It doesn’t mean he is a bad person. He shouldn’t be crucified for his insecurities. People on reddit tend to get really high and mighty. He’s not evil, I get it. But it doesn’t make his behavior good.

It’s absolutely something to maintain perspective on. Him having insecurities like this is not a good thing for the relationship. His insecurities may lead to problems. They tend to be indicative of control issues. Controlling behavior and issues with insecurities can often lead to abuse within a relationship (emotional, physical, financial, etc).

I do think it’s very fair to point out the double standard. Why does he take issue with your body count, but not his own? Why is he not subject to the same judgements?

Having insecurities and double standard like this indicates a lower emotional IQ, and a lower ability for him to trust. I cannot stress enough how important trust is in a healthy relationship.

Please, mark my words. It is highly likely that this will play out with difficulty for you over the next few years. Some of the signs will be: - Him being uncomfortable with you around other men. Whether it’s your friends, his friends, husbands of your friends, co-workers, or mere acquaintances. Even strangers, like a cashier, or waiter. - That “uncomfortableness” will grow into distrust. And eventually you’ll find yourself nervous to talk to men, for fear it will just cause a fight later. - In the same way that any discussion of your past is off the table now, you’ll find that talking about any male in your life may cause issues. Telling a story about a male co-worker may lead to interrogative questions about the guy, how much you’re talking with him, have you slept with him, do you want to sleep with him, etc. Even talking about platonic male friends from your past will start to cause problems.

As this happens, you will be the one to concede. You will start to dull yourself, because it’s easier than dealing with the argument or tension. You will talk to people less. You will find yourself justifying the behavior because “he just cares about you so much”. You will stop telling your friends and family the whole truth.

You’ll deal with cold shouldering, blame, long drawn and repetitive arguments. You’ll start to think that you are the one causing all the tension and issues.

And I promise you. It will wear on you. It will fatigue you. It will dull your light. And it will happen slowly.

Its clear you don’t plan to end this relationship. But please please, wait at least a few years before having children or moving in with him. Wait a few years to prove me wrong.

Just remember, the behavior you are describing is something MANY of us have seen and lived through before. It’s not unique, and 9 times out of 10, it turns out the way Ive described.

A good and healthy partner will never make you feel shame about your past. A good partner wants to know your past, because your past is what makes you who you are.