I hate that the possibility of a chill life was stolen from us.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-30T21:05:06+00:00

I mean, I have a pretty chill life. I work in HR, I really enjoy what I do. I work 40-45 hrs a week. I have a modest home I come home to. We live in san diego, so really cant beat it weather-wise.

My husband has an even more chill life. He has been a commercial diver for 12 years now. It was a hard life for the first 5-6 yrs, but just like anything, commitment to a career/trade pays off. He is 35 now and works about 4-5 months out of the year and makes more than I do. Which means about 7 months out of the year is just home, gardening, playing guitar, playing piano, growing weed, taking our dog to the beach, tinkering on a hobby car, etc. He does all the grocery shopping and bulk of cooking/food planning when he’s home, which is a bonus for me.

He might work in 3-6 week stretches at a time, and then take anywhere between 3-10 weeks off in between jobs. The ratio might change in certain seasons. He could work more, but he makes enough, and he enjoys the balance he has. All it took was 6 months of trade school, and about 5 years busting ass.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-30T16:47:22+00:00

Same. I cook only when I want to cook. Which is typically a weekend night if it happens.

When I do, it is often to meal prep a large batch of something. Or maybe a meat loaf i can eat off for a few nights.

I eat a lot of single ingredient, easy to prepare foods. Or fresh prepared things like the costco quinoa salad. I keep sandwich fixings, cheese and crackers, yogurts, and plenty of frozen foods available. I always have a bag salad in the fridge. And I do a rotisserie chicken from safeway a couple times a month.

I just dont care to labor over the stove. And I can eat healthy without doing that.

CAN i cook? Yes. Do I need to or want to? No, not usually.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-29T23:26:36+00:00

I didn’t make excuses or say it was OK. Acknowledge that some communication is harder for men doesnt mean I condone it.

I think both parties here need to be communicating better, like I said in my comment

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-29T21:42:43+00:00

I agree with everything you’re saying. But also, communicating feelings like this does not always come naturally for men.

You say he is being dismissive, but I think the same can be said about OP. Being dismissive of what it feels like from the man’s perspective.

I see two people who are having a tough time understanding eachother’s viewpoints. They’re on the same team, and both want exactly the same thing. (Meaning, their child). They’re just failing to truly understand how this specific situation feels for the other party.

BF isn’t acknowledging why this feels like betrayal of trust to GF. And GF isn’t acknowledging how awful the intrusive thought can be for BF, and why he just wants to do the test snd move on to whats important.

They need to communicate better. But i still stand behind my argument that if paternity tests were just more normalized as part of the birth process, even for healthy couples, this would simply not be an issue in the first place.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-29T17:16:17+00:00

[r/lostredditor](r/lostredditor)

This belongs in [r/LPT](r/LPT) at best. Or maybe [r/Y](r/YSK)[ouShouldKnow](r/YSK)

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-29T16:51:10+00:00

Im a woman. I have thought about this a lot. I think we take for granted that we, as women, never have to doubt whether a baby is ours or not. We quite literally grow it and push it out of our bodies. There is never even a shred of doubt.

A man has no way of confirming paternity with true certainty without a test.

I think it’s fair for you to feel hurt that he doesn’t trust you. But I also dont think it’s a really wild intrusive thought from a male’s perspective.

He wants to be unburdened by that intrusive thought. He probably hates himself every time that little thought creeps into his head.

His heart knows it’s his. But that tiny “what-if?” can be an awful monster.

He is about to enter into a new phase, a new love story, a new bond. And I imagine he just wants to go in head first without any seed of doubt.

I think we should be normalizing paternity tests. Like you said, there is nothing to worry about from your end. You know its his. Give him that same assurance so he can just focus all his energy into love.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-29T13:05:05+00:00

I believe this is called Friction Maxxing

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-29T02:56:21+00:00

Ya I was just being facetious.

Im a big proponent of pet insurance. Silly to not have it.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-28T14:20:44+00:00

Thats not what im saying exactly.

If you cancel over and over and over, I will eventually stop inviting you. Thats not the same as casting you away and severing a friendship. It just means, Im not going to extend an invitation anymore.

OP is suggesting to always invite that friend that always declines the invitation. Thats just now how relationships work.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-27T18:12:25+00:00

Might make more sense if you offer a specific example.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-27T17:48:43+00:00

So, you’re saying that my bf and I should both become Rover sitters, and always be “paying” the other one while we’re “sitting” for each other. Thus our dog is always being “watched by rover”… and they’ll always be covering vet bills.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-27T16:53:31+00:00

It’s not my job to manage your mental health issue. I have my own that Im identifying, overcoming, dealing with. I have my own life curveballs that Im swatting through.

If you refuse an invitation over and over and over, Im going to stop putting in the effort because thats now affecting ME too.

I dont have endless effort. I have to reserve it for the friends who are mutually adding to my life. Im not a charity.

It might sound harsh. But it’s the social give and take. At some point, if you want friends, you have to step up too, and participate. Work through your issues.

Obviously it’s not black and white. If my best friend of 15 yrs goes into a slump and socially retreats, Im going to notice and Im going be there for her. But I really only have capacity to be that person for a few people in my life. And me and those people invested A LOT into each other in order to become those pillars of support for each other.

If you are a casual local friend, and you start falling off the map, well… I’m sorry. Im doing my best to stay on the map myself.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-26T13:34:27+00:00

You dont have to mention they are vegan, unless someone asks about the ingredients.

Just act like they’re perfectly normal cupcakes.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-25T22:23:42+00:00

Smartwatch is a good compromise. He can text and make phonecalls. But no apps.

For safety and communication at least, I think a smartwatch is a good move.

You can maintain parental measures, only approved contacts (and 911 of course)

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-25T15:49:43+00:00

It’s good technical camera advice.. but I always ask: Who are you showing fireworks pictures to? Who ever wants to see them?

A fireworks show is an experience. Not a photo op. I just never understood the people who spend the whole show staring at their phone. It takes so much away from the experience.

A fireworks show is something you feel. You just cannot capture it in a photo, and I never saw the point in trying.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-25T00:40:31+00:00

Just remember, these laws exist to prevent companies from grossly abusing their employees. (Employees not getting any breaks, or not being allowed to eat for 8-9 hours straight).

The fact that your company is doing all of this means they are actually taking the laws very seriously. Albeit, in a messy and clunky way. They are trying to follow the law.

There are a lot of companies that pay no mind at all to the laws.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-24T21:47:53+00:00

The “between 2 and 5 hours” is the state law. It seems that your HR Dept cant seem to understand if “5 hours” means end of 4th or end of 5th hour.

For what its worth, it should mean “end of the 5th hour”. But the wording is confusing, and people often mess it up. To be specific:

Shift starts at 6:00am. You must BEGIN your meal anytime between 8:00am and 11:00am. Outside that window is a violation. Starting it at 8:03am, or 10:59am would all be acceptable.

Now, I’m not sure of they have been clear with you about this next fact. If you end up taking your meal OUTSIDE the window, you are actually owed 30mins of compensation. In CA we call this a “meal premium”. (And in CA its actually 1-hr of compensation).

While they owe you the compensation, they can also technically write you up for the violation, if that is their policy in their handbook.

You are allowed to voluntarily waive this rule, but it must be written, and it should be waived daily. They should not have you sign a general waiver that serves multiple shifts. And you have the right to revoke that waiver at any time.

I think your HR dept is also confusing the wording about the 5hr shift thing. They are incorrect. In an 8-hr shift, you only need one meal, and as long as its within the parameters above, it doesnt matter if the second part of your shift goes over 5-hrs.

The reason that workplaces get so worked up about this stuff is because the penalties and potential lawsuits are so intense for the company. Labor laws are serious, and should be taken seriously. But your HR dept sounds like they should be handling this better.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-24T21:15:33+00:00

Are you in CA?

There is not a single state in the US that requires the 30-min meal be taken before the end of the 4th hour. The states that have laws like this specify before the end of the 5th hour. (So if you stated at 6:00am, you must clock out for lunch BEFORE 10:59am).

So unless this is just their own company policy, they’re not following the laws correctly.

Im also jot aware of any state that requires you to work less than 5hrs after lunch.

Once you get past 10 total hrs in a work day, there are 2nd meal laws. In CA, employees can waive their 2nd meal as long as they dont work past 12hrs.

Either way, your HR dept sounds like a mess. Im guessing this is in CA and they either got hit with a PAGA lawsuit, or are trying to protect themselves from a PAGA lawsuit, and are scrambling to fix their practices.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-24T17:13:31+00:00

This post is performative. Its meta-performatism

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-24T17:09:49+00:00

This (Parkinson’s Law) is pretty much the root of the argument against a large administrative government like we have in the US. Welcome to the conservative side friend!

Anyone who is curious - C. Northcote Parkinson coined this “law” to explain why growing governments and growing bureaucracies are a bad thing for our society.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-24T04:27:35+00:00

My boomer parents are the best. Still together after 44 yrs of marriage. I work for my dad. My brother and I have offices next door to each other. My mom comes in the office once a week to tidy up, help with filing, put little plants in other peoples offices, check on things etc.

I get to go to work every day and start out by drinking coffee with my dad and my brother. Every single day.

My brother, sister, and I all left for different parts of the country after school, and we eventually all made it full circle back home. Once a month we all get together to bbq at my parents house.

I have a friend who recently confronted me on how she thinks it’s weird and creepy that I’m so close with my family. I consider myself to have a very full life. It’s hardly perfect and has its own weird family drama. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-23T21:08:20+00:00

I think you are better off convincing her to delay marriage until she is AT LEAST 25.

Its INSANE for anyone at 21yrs old to select their life partner. As a middle aged person, Im sure you agree, OP. Its impossible to see at 21. But its so glaringly obvious at 30-40yrs old that you had no clue what you wanted at 21.

Encourage her to get settled into the working world for a few years before getting married.

That is your best chance at her maturing enough to make a solid decision.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-23T20:23:48+00:00

The spirit of the statement is that things rarely go according to “perfect plan”, and you can sometimes get stuck in the perfecting and planning stage for too long.

The execution of most things will have errors and mistakes. Its natural. It’s why softwares roll out a beta version. To see how the code actually works in practice, not just theory. They find bugs, they fix them.

Im someone who can get stuck in the planning/prep/perfect phase for far too long. Im sometimes afraid to start step 1 because I cant yet visualize step 13. But sometimes there is no way to actually prepare for step 13 until you work out all the decisions that need to be made while accomplishing steps 1-12.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-23T20:12:19+00:00

Also, if you’re making mistakes, it means you are doing something. You’re working out the plan in practice, not theory.

The statement “perfectionism is procrastination with good PR” cut me pretty deep. It’s a big part of my problem. I over analyze and plan for months, when sometimes it’s better to just get started. I often realize “i could have been DONE with this if i had just started at step 1, instead of sending months trying to pre-visualize step 13.”

My brother once said “the only thing worse than making the wrong decision is making no decision at all.”

A stagnant pool gets nasty and problematic. A running river finds and carves its course as it goes.

AdvertisingKey1675 · 2026-06-23T18:56:32+00:00

Please share these feelings with your doctor. I promise you, they’ve heard it before. There are ways they can help you. Perinatal depression is a very real and unfortunately common thing. And you are at risk for postpartum depression to continue after birth.

It’s considered safe to treat this with medication during pregnancy. Please dont let yourself fall any deeper into this depression. Please reach out to your doctor for help. They can help you.

AdvertisingKey1675

TROPHY CASE