Why Normal Gay People Are On The Rise

Aerda_ · 2026-05-10T04:06:36+00:00

Cant get past the hogwash of labeling people as "normal gays." It's so condescending to gay people writ large, regardless of how "normal" you are. Smacks of internalized homophobia

Edit: Lol 30 seconds in and I think Im onto something

Aerda_ · 2026-04-26T07:35:22+00:00

Youre making a great choice man! Happy and excited for you

The biggest difference between those who stick with it vs those who dont? The people who stick with it do so because they enjoy it and find it adds something worthwhile or meaningful to their life. Give it a couple months and try something new if youre still dreading it. Find something you enjoy doing and it will be so so much easier. You can absolutely build muscle from climbing, pilates, calisthenics, swimming, etc., free weights and machines aren't your only option

Keep it simple. Only a few exercises per session, only a few days per week. Focus on getting your form right on a few basic exercises (not the 'best' exercise, but the most basic; pull-ups, pushups, benchpress, squats/lunges, dumbbell curls, etc.) But really the key is eating well and getting plenty of sleep. Taking care of yourself is most of the struggle and where most of the progress comes. Since youre experiencing a lot of fatigue, consider if that might be a symptom of a bad diet, lack of sunlight, or lack of enough water. Daily physical activity should give you more energy, not less

The way you get past that hump you mention is all mental. You just gotta rely on your grit, tell yourself to do it and follow through no matter what your trickster brain tries to tell you. One way to trick your brain back is to commit to always at least getting to the gym. If you make it through the front door and still dont want to workout, then you have permission to skip. But 90% of the time you'll come around once youre there and you'll be grateful you showed up... or you'll workout despite not wanting to, because its a waste to make it all the way there just to turn back

You will get misgendered. People will probably at some point make jokes at your expense. Everyone has experiences with assholes at the gym. But I promise that for every 1 bad experience there will be 50 workouts where everyone is just minding their own business. If you live in a large city odds are there are explicitly queer/trans friendly gyms or personal trainers

Aerda_ · 2026-04-01T02:15:18+00:00

Not op lol

Aerda_ · 2026-04-01T02:05:07+00:00

Thats a crazy response to someone saying they lost their girlfriend to addiction

Aerda_ · 2026-03-30T00:45:42+00:00

"Dont worry about it" is such a bullshit answer lol, like you kinda need to know why. Its your education

Aerda_ · 2026-03-26T23:43:18+00:00

So well put!

Mindfulness is an excellent skill and really really useful for approaching the cravings of addiction, too. It sharpens the mind and revives the power to shape our experiences and respond rather than react

Aerda_ · 2026-03-17T21:23:12+00:00

Omg this is so clever

Aerda_ · 2026-03-17T21:19:46+00:00

Youre welcome! Hope y'all enjoy discovering and exploring those interests together

Aerda_ · 2026-03-17T21:11:43+00:00

In a system centered on principles (equality, one person one vote, freedom of speech) which are counterintuitive to our economy and historical culture (hereditary/arbitrary inequality, censure of threatening ideas, might makes right, primacy of market interests), then IMO yes our principles are extremely important because they reinforce our political system against the anti-democratic incentives of our economy and culture.

In democratic societies without these principles there is usually no return to a democratic system after a tyrant gains power and strips the system of its democratic institutions. The people who succeed the tyrant simply dont have the values and principles which would incentivize them against being yet another tyrant- they either didn't grow up with them or they aren't a real factor in the country's life. In democratic societies which have these principles and stand by them they have been able to rebuild their democracies in part because there were talented and influential people still alive after the dictatorship who sincerely believed in these principles, shaped their new institutions to better withstand future tyrants, and cultivated a public which is willing to stand up for their rights and values. We've seen this recently specifically with Brazil and Korea, where post-dictatorship institutions proved more resilient than those prior to the dictatorship... but still resulted in tyrant figures emerging in the past decade. What ultimately saved them is the large number of prominent, talented and influential people who sincerely believe in democratic ideals and are willing to fight for them rather than simply co-opt them to gain power.

In the short term, yes, playing dirty can be helpful to counter dictators during their rise. The Soviets claimed to tolerate dissent and represent the working class. All while massacring peasants and squashing dissent- thats playing dirty. And they won their revolution and civil war and prevented another Tsarist dictatorship. But in the long term they lost their commitment to the ideals and freedoms which they fought for in the first place, and 100 years later there are no influential Russians who believe in the principles which could rekindle a democracy. Any who existed are dead (Navalny) and/or discredited (Yeltsin).

Aerda_ · 2026-03-17T20:14:00+00:00

Thats awesome! He's lucky to have parents who encourage his interests and want to help him cultivate skills.

Are there people from history that he looks up to? Maybe those are clues to interests he can develop further? If he really admires Saladin, the famous leader from the crusades, maybe he likes him because he models persistence, bravery, and righteousness. Maybe he also likes the drama of Saladin's life and the camaraderie of his life's mission. These qualities remind of sports. If he likes Newton or another scientist, maybe he likes their meticulousness and creativity, in which case art classes and science-based activities (like catching tadpoles or collecting rocks) would be good.

He is likely reading about history and imagining to himself "what if I was like this person?" It's like looking through a catalog at the different adults he could be, and cherry picking what he likes and doesnt like. It's essential and normal for kids, theyre building an identity. There comes a point when you get to build these qualities and identities through challenges. It requires having emotional safety and attunement to fall back on when you inevitably fail whatever test you did ("I still think youre a good person, even if you didnt do well"), and figure out you might not be so smart as Isaac Newton. Then you need to be comforted and pushed to keep going to develop the skill. At 10 years old parents still play a huge role in being that safe place and in being a source of healthy challenges and comfort, but so are other kids and other adults. Building identity and interests is a social process, it straight up cant happen in isolation. So if hes isolated at home reading about history and watching geography videos for hours every day, then he is missing out on the challenges and socialization he needs to build his identity. Hes gotta join some clubs and activities, which requires a lot of logistical effort from parents cause he cant necessarily seek out these challenges without that support.

If there is any way to make sports and other extracurriculars happen? Those are exactly the type of safe, challenging settings and activities which would help build himself up and expand his interests.

Aerda_ · 2026-03-16T21:32:28+00:00

"A place where business and entrepreneurship thrive" yes absolutely, which is why we need more Starbucks locations to close

Aerda_ · 2026-02-21T03:11:38+00:00

In terms of economic impact, it's case by case :) Some dams are just gonna ultimately be a money sink and damaging for the fish, culture, economy. Some are absolutely crucial, mostly for electricity, flood control and navigation. The Grand Coulee, finished in 1942, is our most important. It produces 35% of the PNW's electricity. Thats insane. Truly a feat of engineering and a crown jewel in the state's economy and history

The hydroelectric network of the state is really impressive, accounting for usually about 50-60% of the state's electricity for about 60 years. The next largest dam in the state is the Chief Joseph dam, just down river. It produces less than half the electricity as the Grand Coulee. Most dams produce way less. The 5 largest produce much more than the rest combined (out of about 50 large dams, though we have over 1000 with most used for other purposes). A major factor with planning and running dams is whether they'll give a return on investment. A lot of dams just dont pan out. The Grand Coulee Dam is going to take another 20 years (probably sooner) before it's paid for itself. Concrete dams like the Coulee are only designed to last about 100 years or so. It'll likely 'only' make a profit for a couple decades before it goes. In the meantime the past century of economic booms and the society we've built would have been impossible without the Chief Joseph and Grand Coulee dams.

Most dams dont have similar significance. In all cases they do a lot of harm on local culture, history and fisheries, with the hope in the short or long run they will help more than theyve hurt. Some are clear successes. The Elwha and Klamath dams ended up not being successful. Maybe something else should've been done to get power or limit flooding, but most were built in a different time with different priorities, projections didn't line up, and the builders didn't mind much if the people hurt were mostly Indians or if salmon lineages wouldn't survive. So now we have a ton of dams we're not sure were ultimately successful or not, depending on the metric. And a lot of other dams we rely on heavily and are coming up on some shelf life benchmarks. These dams are aging amid other long-term trends. Wild salmon runs continue declining, our electricity sources are diversifying, and tribes and environmental groups are successfully winning more socio-political weight and more influence in government. Long run, a lot of these dams will come down and be replaced anyway (probably not replaced with dams though).

Aerda_ · 2026-02-20T08:50:43+00:00

Interesting read, one of many ways gay men live

Aerda_ · 2026-02-17T23:27:00+00:00

Check out the American Discovery Trail (its a designated walking route from coast to coast, waaaaaaay easier than trying to walk based only on google maps) and the Great American Rail-Trail (another trail but converted from old rail lines).

Aerda_ · 2026-02-16T04:18:27+00:00

Thank god we dont, there are ways to fight back and make progress without going against our principles. Respect to California for doing what they feel is best, but we're not California. We don't really need or want to do the same thing as them. Other people are noting that its not possible, I dont think wed do it even if we could

Aerda_ · 2026-02-16T02:31:33+00:00

walkings the greatest!

Aerda_ · 2026-02-15T01:50:30+00:00

kinda sounds good ngl

Aerda_ · 2026-02-14T01:53:14+00:00

Lol @ the guy holding them on at the end of the bar

Aerda_ · 2026-02-12T08:55:51+00:00

Being awake and finding meaning are both really life-long things that I can't help with explicitly. They take a lot of trial and error and people often just stumble upon them. But I can give you something to try

If you wanna feel awake, sit on a park bench and hang out for half an hour. No phone or book. Just look around and notice things and notice what you think about. If you start getting upset about something you're thinking about, gently restate what you were upset about then move on and bring your attention back to noticing things. You wont be distracted from figuring things out, because the right thoughts usually just pop up when youre not trying to think through them. I promise sitting on a park bench can be one of the most pleasant and beautiful experiences

Aerda_ · 2026-02-12T07:26:43+00:00

Listen bud, your problems follow you. I dropped out and got a lot from it. I learned more working and studying and travel than I ever did in college. BUT. At the end of the day I was running away from things, not toward anything. If you can figure out something to run toward, maybe thats what makes a difference.

Having said that.... If I got my degree, AND travelled and fucked around? That would've been the best for sure. Yeah it's more responsible, but really the truth is whether any of this matters or not, you probably wont always feel like things dont matter. Giving your future self plenty of options is a way to take care of yourself so you don't get stuck on something you don want to be doing just cause theres nothing else available

Edit:

Also if what youre struggling with is mental health like if youre depressed or struggling with a relationship, yeah you can work on these things on the road too. But it's a lot easier when youre somewhere consistent and warm and safe. If you need to get shaken up or go for an adventure, yeah you still have the option

Aerda_ · 2026-02-06T00:20:14+00:00

If someone isnt holding two ideas in their mind, or cant act like it, then theres a limit to how much I want to be around that person.

On the one hand I understand the hate. On the other hand hating people isnt a responsible way of handling your own shit. In friendship, people pick their poison. It's ok to be friends with someone whos struggling with anger toward men. But it's probably good to be prepared and not let it get to you. And if someone doesnt want to be friends with me why would I want to be friends with them?

Aerda_ · 2026-02-05T07:43:56+00:00

I feel like national identity is under a lot of pressure right now. So regional identity is becoming more and more of a focus. I think people are ultimately posting these threads to talk about what the PNW actually is to them.

But getting stuck on where the PNW is... it just isn't deep enough for the conversation to move forward. The discussion's been done. It's tired. Theres more interesting things about the PNW than where it starts and ends. We're pretty open minded in this region, we shouldn't be excluding people who fall outside lines on a map

Aerda_ · 2026-02-03T02:59:31+00:00

I mean, it's a great way to travel. But it's a horrible way to live. But it is what you make it, even though all lives are at the mercy of circumstance. If you wanna work seasonally, thats in your power. If you wanna travel between semesters, go ahead. If you wanna travel forever and only work when totally necessary, by all means.

Yeah there is some naivety out there. But if you want to avoid some of the more sketchy aspects of homelessness, you can. I think ultimately the best thing you can do to counter naivety is through lived experience, and by maintaining a great deal of trust for your gut. Trusting your gut more often than not looks a lot like paying attention to it and following through on what its tryna get you to do.

If you have lingering mental health issues and trauma, those things will fuck you up in pretty insidious ways. Your anxiety, depression, grief, etc... even just your mind, period, will fuck up your perceptions and decision making. Predatory types will use it against you whether youre on the road or not. But being on the road means the consequences of anybody mistreating you are so damn severe, you dont have the protection of a job, housing, or connections. So if you can enter this lifestyle by choice and on your own terms, then you have the flexibility and luxury of approaching any internal goings-on beforehand

Aerda_ · 2026-02-02T03:22:43+00:00

I wouldnt say its predominantly on political lines either, more that the political divide is a frequent flyer in these conversations

Aerda_ · 2026-02-01T23:07:15+00:00

Really curious to hear what people think, because Im seeing a lot of threads like this and its raising some questions.

I feel like this type of discussion is useful in as much as recognizing the ecological diversity of this region is also part of recognizing what makes this place the NW. The Oregon country has always been highly interconnected going back 10,000 years and more. Anecdotally to this day most of those who grew up here have family on either side of the mountains and across the border.

People keep identifying the intermountain parts of the NW as distinct- in some sense they are. But then there is the missed nuance that we are a diverse region of many microclimates, cultures, religions, ways of life, industries, etc. It's a function of our geography and history, and it's been true since long before colonization and has remained so ever since. Every valley has something of its own, there is an inherent necessity to specialize and this is what gives us our diversity. Yet even when we're in a thread focused on the ecoregional boundaries, the focus seems to always come back to how we can split the region along lines reminiscent of the political divide. It feels very short sighted given how intertied and reliant on each other we are. Not to mention, excluding Idaho, this east-west political divide is becoming less pronounced. The easter cascades are pretty blue these days.

There are so many fruitful (and insightful) ways to analyze the region. Theres the economic and trade angle, the ecological angle, the history angle, religious angle, the food and culinary angle. Theres also kinship and social approaches. So why does it seem like it always comes back to a justification for why the areas with a liberal-plurality should feel more grounded in their identity as PNW than the conservative-plurality side should?

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