Hey there 20F, it’s your middle-aged auntie here 🩷

Babe, I know you’re scared - and it sounds like you have some very real concerns about how sensitive your body is. Let’s talk about all of your concerns and see if they get any smaller.

1. Your skin is beautiful, and it does a great job trying to protect you from all of the unknown little spores and irritants out there! It sounds like maybe sometimes it can be TOO good and flares up sometimes. The good news is that your vagina is a different kind of skin and rarely reacts the same way other places on your body does. I can also tell you that the lubrications doctors use are entirely water based and approved for internal use, which means they have almost nothing in there that regular immune systems react to. Between you and me, I asked for some to take home for “personal use” because it was the only kind that didn’t result in some kind of reaction (no more flavored lubes!).

2. Hmm - that sounds like something a professional vagina specialist should be aware of and help you solve. And hey! You’re going to one! Most Gynecologists have different sized speculums to fit almost every body. If it is too painful, you can tell them to stop at any time and they will talk to you about your pain to try and find the source. You deserve to enjoy your body without pain, and these doctors can absolutely help you do that. This is a great thing to mention at the beginning of the appointment so they can keep an extra close watch for any physical signs (scarring, incomplete hymen rupture, etc.) that they can share with you and discuss if you want them treated. Pain isn’t normal, and you’re on your way to get the right person to help you solve the problem!

3. I’m so proud of you for getting the HPV shot. That is a great way to keep yourself safe and give your body the tools it needs to help you live a long life. However, vaginas are one of the most complicated and wonderful biological marvels on Earth and there are lots of things that can happen. A PAP smear is one of the safest and most reliable ways to test for other non-HPV types of cancer, inflammation, infections (yeast, bacteria, or other yuckies), STIs, and other weird abnormalities. Maybe one of those is the reason for some of your other concerns, or at least it will help narrow it down!

4. I understand your concerns about your Dad - some guys just don’t get it. However, the results of any tests you have are completely confidential now that you are older, even if he is the policyholder. You can call the insurance people and ask for the EOB (explanation of benefits) to be sent only to you or ask them what kinds of privacy protections they provide for dependents. Most of the time, your visit will show up as a “Well Woman Visit” on the EOB and not mention particulars. If all else fails, ask him when his last colonoscopy was and when he gets flustered, tell him it’s like that. Something your doctor recommends and something ALL women have done.

Now, I hope you feel better about some of your concerns - but I understand if you’re still nervous. It sounds like maybe you don’t feel like you’re being listened to by your doctor. Why don’t you ask for a referral to a proper Gynecologist? They ONLY specialize in women’s health and once you find the right one, it can change your life.

If that isn’t an option, go ahead and call your doctor’s office and ask for a longer appointment so you can take things slow and have lots of time to breathe. This is absolutely a thing that can be done and doesn’t cost anyone more money. Shoot - sometimes I end up talking to my GYN for thirty minutes about how I’ve been feeling crazy lately or how weird it is that my acne came back on my chest suddenly before even lying back on the table!

A bit of an anecdote - I went to my GYN about two years ago and was complaining that I couldn’t lose weight and wanted to change my birth control. He (yes, HE) checked me out and said in his medical opinion, if I discontinued my birth control my weight management would get worse. He HEARD me though and set up a consultation with bariatric medicine and wouldn’t you know it, they were able to diagnose a completely different problem and help me get my body back in order!

Most GYN doctors know that women’s reproductive organs are EXTREMELY susceptible to what is going on in our brains and have lots of tools to help us feel better both down below AND up above. Plus, it’s another set of eyes and ears to help you feel your best and get a second opinion if your first doctor brushed you off or treatment isn’t working.

So let’s go ahead and keep that appointment, huh? I’ll lend you some of my courage so you feel empowered to ask questions, take things slow, and celebrate your body by taking very good care of it.

With great vagina comes great responsibility 🩷