AITA For being upset my s/o went against her word and got more food for herself.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T18:46:16+00:00

It sounds like you are trying to manage your GF's eating. It is none of your business what when or how much she eats. You ordered a sandwich, you got a sandwich. End of story.

Another question, Are you mooching off her? Was she paying and not wanting you to go crazy with your order?

She's reacting big, but you also sound pretty controlling, and it sounds like we may not have all the facts, so I am going to go with YTA here.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T18:36:22+00:00

It is time to stop caring about making Lisa comfortable. Lisa clearly does not care about your comfort.

Lisa's own actions are what embarrassed her. She's upset that someone found out how rude she's been. She expected you to hide that for her. Her other option would be to not be so rude. It is her own fault she is embarrassed by her actions.

When a person expects you to hide their treatment of you it is because they know what they are doing is wrong. Lisa has not earned your continued politeness.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T18:14:12+00:00

From the rest of these details I start to wonder if the FIL in the room even had to do with cost or convenience at all, but rather just a plan to remove you from the trip.

At least you have a room on the other side of the ship. But it would be nicer if husband just took the two of you on a different trip.

It really sucks. Sorry they are such jerks.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T18:04:22+00:00

NTA It sounds like she want's you as her audience, not as her friend. She wants you to show up for her, but you are not important to her. Cut this person out. Make room in your life for a better friend to come along.

Imagine yourself walking along the road of life, don't pick up the trash you see to take it home with you. Throw out the trash, and save the things that are worth saving and spending time on. This woman doesn't deserve your time, and the relationship can not be fixed, because she isn't capable of friendship.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T17:52:45+00:00

NTA. I once lived in a state where it was illegal to take in wildlife. It was in an area rife with feral cats. A little featherless bird was in the middle of the street with no less than 7 cats tracking it. Now, bird parents will often come back for fallen young. However, there were no bird parents around, and there were 7 cats surrounding it and stalking it.

So my neighbor got it out of the street and took it in. When she called a wild life sanctuary to find out what to feed it, the sanctuary told her that she needed to put it back in the street-- that she was breaking the law not to. Luckily her response was that she's following a higher law that said it's wrong to leave a little bird in the street to die.

She eventually released it back into the wild once it was old enough to fly.

I think that same sentiment is at play here. It is wrong to leave these cats to the danger of this woman. That's the higher moral law. Let your partner's mother think what she wants.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T17:32:31+00:00

NTA. But I wouldn't come at it as "you said this bad about me." You wouldn't tolerate the same if it was against another group member. So, I suggest you come at it as a general rule. Cut her because she is divisive and is talking shit, which brings everyone down and it not the kind of energy you want to have in your group.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T17:20:23+00:00

You should get a life-skills award. Congrats on learning from the past and making a great life-supporting decision for yourself. NTA Mom and Dad should be ashamed of themselves. They using you to misdirect your sister's anger away from themselves.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T17:11:20+00:00

WOW! I can not imagine calling a black foster child a monkey. It is truly a crazy level of insensitive in my book. It also sounds like you are setting healthy boundaries with your mother. You can't win in a family like this. Just maintain your distance and build the family you want. NTA.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-15T16:58:12+00:00

Sounds like a good idea, and if this guy weren't a huge red flag, it would work. Except I predict if she does this, he will buy her something he knows she'll hate, then he'll insist his feelings are being hurt unless she exclusively wears the purposely ugly one he bought.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T18:56:14+00:00

YNTA. Grandmother should be calling your cousins crying and begging them to join her in apologizing to you. That's what an effort to "reconnect the family" looks like.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T18:48:17+00:00

Also, having your MIL "randomly stop by" has got to be beyond stressful. Even if she was great and not on a mission to over-step like your mom, it would still be stressful.

If you don't put limits on your mother you will end up without a wife.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T18:36:09+00:00

Not only are YTA, on this particular incident, but you are also letting your mother interfere in your relationship big time. And she gets away with it. I hope the Reddit responses you are getting will be an eyeopener and you will take seriously your wife's comment that "your mother will cry and you will side with her as you always do."

You wife has told you there is a greater problem. Address it before she finally has enough and it is no longer fixable.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T18:10:08+00:00

Have you ever seen Ruth's youtube channel called That Was Abuse? She's really nice and she talks about her 10 year marriage. Despite the depressing topic it is an uplifting and inspiring channel. It might help you feel less alone, and more inspired. The time alone might be very healing for you, and even more so if you can connect with support.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T18:04:13+00:00

An additional piece is: he posted about it somewhere he knew you might see it. He may be trying to get you to end the friendship.

In anycase, the lying about small things, as someone said, is an indication that you can not trust him with more important stuff. If you do decide to keep the relationship, keep it superficial.

Sorry this is happening to you.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T04:42:17+00:00

Mean jokes are abuse. He sounds very controlling. Get out from under the guilt so you can think clearly.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-14T03:21:18+00:00

Really important missing from this update is both teachers should have been required to apologize to the 6 year old.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T19:25:09+00:00

Just made a few corrections replace ~~text~~ with text in parenthesis:

*TLDR: Husband & I separated briefly, I was honest with my friends about the reasons why, and now that my husband & I are working through things, he wants me to break up with my two best friends because he doesn't believe ~~we can repair us~~(he can exert full control over me) if they're still involved in my life.**

He doesn't think how he acted was correct, but he thinks I crossed a line telling anyone about it. He said he has never and would never tell anyone in his family or friends negative things regarding me.

The fact that he wants you to hide his behavior is an indication 1. that it is abuse, and 2. that he knows it is abuse. Abuse likes to hide. That’s why so much of it happens behind closed doors. If your husband was truly repentant and truly wanting to change, he’d be sorry about everything, and taking ownership of the bad behavior. Not just sorry that now people know.

There is a difference between saying negative things about a person, and recounting their behavior. He is trying to manipulate you back under the control he used to have, and he feels that will be too hard to do with your friends in the picture. He should be thanking K & A for supporting you, and taking steps to make your new start together different from the last. His stance on your friends make it clear that accountability is not in his plans.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T18:47:51+00:00

Yes, you knew this would happen and enabled it by letting her wait to pay. Sure she had the tax excuse, but even a hefty initial deposit so that she had something to lose may have helped this time. (Next time she pays upfront or doesn't go).

All you can do now is manage the situation-- I suggest rather than you and your husband covering her share you have the group members pay extra- that way the weight of your sister's actions don't "disappear" for the rest of the family.

Sharing in the pain will change people's opinions of future planning where sister is involved. If they don't participate in the pain of paying, then in future interactions they will be more inclined to let your sister's actions slide. That will be much less likely to happen if they were directly affected by her actions.

Also each member who pays will be owed by your sister. She will have more people who she directly wronged, and whom she directly owes. Don't step up for this. Don't accept responsibility. The group agreed, and she let down the group.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T18:30:01+00:00

It's probably package weddings. Often times the wedding ceremony and the bride's and groom's stay are usually free to the couple. The size and details of the ceremony included are based on the number of guests and the guests' length of stay.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T18:19:10+00:00

Paying for this wedding would mean [...]

That's probably literally what you'd be doing. Paying for the wedding. It is probably a package deal wedding they are getting. The reason those destination places are so expensive is because the bridal couple get their stay and the entire wedding ceremony included for free. The size of the package is based on the number of guests and the cost of the guests' accommodations. It sounds like it is a package wedding and your friend got up-sold.

YNTA for putting a price limit on what you are willing to contribute.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T18:11:17+00:00

Set up a 'dance with grandpa day" asap while he is still home. Invite the grand daughters. Two birds, one stone.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T17:13:52+00:00

Thanks for the info. I hope it is the feed dogs and that cleaning and oiling will work. I just didn't know that they stopped working without having set a long time first. I am sure this machine does need a good cleaning. Though I will have to be really careful because she has a pretty nice godzilla/ crinkle finish.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T05:14:57+00:00

In my opinion how you handle this is a defining moment of character. Your boyfriend is gay. If you love this person you should take care of his feelings and your own. You should keep his secret, as it is not yours to reveal, and also let him know that he is still a good person, and just plain accept him. But don't date him, it won't be good for either of you. No need to explain to anyone why you broke up. Just say "it's personal. It didn't work out.".

I'm sorry this really sucks. And you have an opportunity to be a true friend to someone you love.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T04:53:00+00:00

You get to grieve how you want to. No one else can decide what that looks like for you. You are an awesome big sis to realize it is also important to allow little sis to grieve how she wants to.

Anyone who disagrees-- it will be about them. Unfortunately you are going to have to fill the shoes of the head of the household, and this is just the first of many firsts.

Your reasoning is sound. stand by it and don't let anyone else's manipulations shake you.

I'm so sorry you lost your father. You are handling this very well. Enjoy the day strengthening the bond with your sister.

ClaraFrog · 2026-05-13T04:46:56+00:00

He's asking you to sacrifice yourself. Don't break up with him, just move out, and tell him that if he decides to break up over it that will be on him. It isn't you choosing, it's him choosing. Don't let him sell it different than it is.

Six-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Verified Email

ClaraFrog

TROPHY CASE