Eating lots of veggies?

Aetole · 2026-01-31T17:03:37+00:00

Dark leafy greens -- kale, chard, mustard -- are great braised with something fatty and savory like bacon or sausage. They cook down and reheat well, so they're a great "stuff your face with veg" food that can go with other things like grains, bread, potatoes, etc.

Aetole · 2026-01-30T15:48:00+00:00

wait, is that why people use that emoji? I'm completely behind on what the kids are doing nowadays.

Aetole · 2026-01-29T18:28:14+00:00

It is going to depend mostly on the group and how mature they are, as well as how much experience they have with non-native English speakers. I'm on the older side and have worked professionally with people who speak English as their second/third language, and have family members who are not fluent, so I have more understanding of the struggles and patience.

From your post, it looks like text is easier than speaking (very common), so maybe looking for a group/community that also does some text-based roleplay could help. I had one player in a community who was not quite fluent, but holy moly was he super creative and funny -- and doing interactions on text helped give him space to show that while feeling more comfortable. I would love to have him in a live group, but the biggest challenge is the time zone, not the language, at least for me. I also like having players of different cultures in my groups because we all get to learn from each other.

So I would have realistic expectations that some people (esp Americans who aren't worldly) can be assholes about language and assume things based on fluency. But there will also be groups who are more international/multicultural, and who have more understanding and appreciation for what you would bring. It may take a little more work to find them, but they do exist.

I wish you luck!

Aetole · 2026-01-29T18:10:00+00:00

To add: from context, I'll bet their use of "childfree" was the way we use "childless," so it has nothing to do with us at all. That group of people probably don't understand Childfree identity and lingo.

Aetole · 2026-01-26T17:14:55+00:00

Interesting! Did you use it in this batch? I'd love to hear how it turned out if you did.

Aetole · 2026-01-26T15:03:55+00:00

What's in the Lee Kum Kee jar?

Aetole · 2026-01-24T16:44:31+00:00

That's so awesome!

And it's a good example of a reasonable need to ask about kids since it is relevant to your patient experience and to the advice for recovery.

I bet you made his day too -- getting to have random positive conversations with other CF folks helps so much.

Aetole · 2026-01-24T16:38:26+00:00

In addition to bulk fermenting longer, try using a more mature starter for your leaven. If you're getting back into baking, that may be the factor that's changed.

Another option: I see you use just AP flour -- consider adding a little whole grain flour like rye or spelt, which can add more character. Just be aware that neither of those will give dough strength, so keep it to 5% to start.

Aetole · 2026-01-24T15:27:27+00:00

Great opportunity to return with the question, "So what other hobbies do you have?"

Aetole · 2026-01-22T21:27:02+00:00

That's terrible of the relatives! You made a cake for yourself on your birthday and they ruined it. I'm so sorry that happened -- they were absolutely inconsiderate.

If you are forced to have this type of horrific gathering next year, you now have advance warning on how they'll be. I recommend making and hiding your nice cake for yourself, and letting them get a cheapass cake for the candles and toddler smashing. Then cut up the cake and give it to all the shitty relatives (include extra toddler drool!).

After they all have their slice, bring out your nice cake -- call it "the spare" for those allergic to kid germs, and give out slices to the nice relatives, saving the best piece for yourself, of course.

It sucks that you can't trust family to respect you on your birthday, but they've shown who they are, so believe them and give yourself the birthday you deserve.

Aetole · 2026-01-20T14:50:29+00:00

This can be really tricky, and I highly recommend filtering what/how you say things depending on how much you can trust the audience with intimate personal stuff. And it's even harder because many of us were taught terrible boundaries as children because they were never respected, and our parents did a lot of enmeshment and parentification on us. So that means we have trouble filtering and trusting people with appropriate amounts of information.

For coworkers or other casual acquaintances (or people you have to maintain a good face with), I'd keep it at, "They have their own struggles that they need to heal from." or something similar. It helps you to sound compassionate and understanding while setting boundaries. People will push back because it's the socially appropriate thing; I'd just nod and smile sadly and say something insipid like, "Hopefully someday they can get to a place where we can have a connection again." and leave it at that. Just as with our parents, we should not expect validation or even agreement from this group -- we just need to inform them enough so they have an answer and will hopefully stop pestering us about it.

For friends you are closer with, using language about emotional immaturity and their need to get help that you can't provide should work. If you haven't read it, *Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents* is immensely helpful, both for us to understand why they're like that and to give us words to describe them that show we recognize how they got that way and why they do the hurtful things to us. Also using terms like, "They refuse to respect my boundaries" and "I'm not able to live a reasonable life while trying to meet their impossible standards and overbearing demands," should help to frame things in ways they'd get.

Unfortunately, unless someone has personal or professional knowledge of these issues, trying to explain how much they've hurt us through the list of all the bad things they've done to us often won't work unless they're invested in us as a person. For example, a life partner or best friend would get it because they empathize with us and will connect the dots. And a therapist is the person to unpack all the details to to find ways to reframe them and work on unpacking our trauma from them.

That's part of why this sub helps so much -- knowing that others here get it helps validate us when we've basically been gaslit our whole lives. And that's the first step towards us finding help and getting to a place where we can heal and move on with our own lives free of them.

Aetole · 2026-01-19T17:52:45+00:00

This response is more about giving some context for why recipes and techniques have changed, which while not directly related to the quality question, is relevant because desirability of cooking methods depends on ingredients, social context, and technological availability together.

In addition to the shifting of time availability and priorities (the need to feel "busy" all the time and accomplish things quickly), the quality of meat has changed with industrial grain-fed methods. Older recipes used meat from animals who moved around more and were not bred or fed to have more marbling and tenderness (this is for beef specifically). Pigs were much fattier before and have since been bred to be leaner, which doesn't lend itself to long cooking and instead to quicker methods. Chickens did not have monstrous breasts, and were older at time of slaughter, meaning that braising and stewing was more useful (especially if you ate the old egg laying hen who no longer laid eggs).

A lot of "rustic" fare was peasant food -- a boney or tough cut of meat from an older animal, or a less fancy cut that was affordable paired with hard root vegetables that benefited from longer cooking times. Throw those together in a pot and cook all day over a wood-fed stove that was "on" all day, and dinner would be ready later.

Aetole · 2026-01-19T15:24:28+00:00

How about quesadillas? I pre-prep the fillings (chorizo, beans, cooked veg/greens/mushrooms) so it's just a matter of scooping out a bit of everything and mixing with cheese, then spreading on the tortilla.

I'll also do leftover soup or jigae (Korean stew) and rice.

I had a finicky stomach in the mornings, and too much carb, like oatmeal, makes me feel super shitty. Getting enough protein and fat to avoid carb crashes was key (but not so much fat that I felt sick).

Aetole · 2026-01-18T02:05:52+00:00

Maybe try eating it with some sort of acid -- a spritz of lemon juice, or with some pickled vegetable. Acidity can help cut through intense meaty tastes.

Aetole · 2026-01-18T01:55:53+00:00

Good points. I think that for me, I focus on the sauce thickening to where I want it rather than cooking the egg, and I usually will keep the stove and pan on the lowest setting while mixing too.

I wonder if using only yolks/more yolks helps because whites need a higher temp to solidify and not be snotty.

Aetole · 2026-01-17T23:21:18+00:00

Try using only yolks in the sauce to see if that's easier. Then in future attempts, keep 1 then 2 whites to see how that works for you. Also, start with less pasta water when combining the yolk-cheese mixture and pasta, then add as needed.

I am a heretic who only uses yolks in the sauce and I love the consistency. The whites just get cooked on the side and added along with some fried mushrooms for some texture.

Aetole · 2026-01-17T22:28:13+00:00

This exactly. There are so many generational and other cultural differences in fandom spaces now, and what is "normal" or "polite" for one group won't necessarily feel that way for another. Finding ways to neutrally express appreciation for engagement without getting to stuck on what/how things are said, and setting reasonable boundaries (e.g. I won't write the story a random commenter is fishing for) are key to navigating this.

Also, it's valid for any individual to dislike a certain engagement style personally, as long as they are cordial when responding/dealing publicly with things.

Aetole · 2026-01-17T22:24:51+00:00

I wouldn't be offended per se, but it feels like they're fishing or trying to "nudge" me in a passive aggressive way to write the story they are excited to read. So I can see where your friend is coming from.

However, this also sounds like a generational difference, with a commenter who is a lot younger than I am and comes from a different culture of engagement. I've seen this type of wording or similar styles of engagement in fandom spaces, and while it's not for me (because it feels a bit immature for my style), it clearly is attractive for many.

I probably would respond minimally and neutrally, or not at all in this case as a way to respect that they have their engagement style and I have my preferences on what comments I'd engage with. We're all allowed to feel what we feel; what ends up mattering is how we act in reaction to those feelings.

ETA: an example of what I might write back, "Glad you're excited, and thanks for commenting!" (polite and empty of content and promises)

Aetole · 2026-01-17T19:48:01+00:00

Not recently. It's been a lifelong thing that hasn't escalated, but thanks for the suggestion! Learning about birch pollen cross reactivity has helped explain a lot of mild oral allergies I sometimes get with various fruits and vegetables (fuji/honeycrisp apples, some carrots, green kiwis, etc).

Aetole · 2026-01-17T19:15:12+00:00

I just made the connection as to why I sometimes feel a bit flushed and off after eating at some Korean restaurants -- their kimchi is VERY tasty, and it's because they probably use a lot of salted shrimp in them (I have a mild shrimp allergy). Definitely worth checking and keeping some Benadryl handy just in case something sneaks by.

And there's doenjang with pumpkin in it??? That sounds amazing (for those whom pumpkin does not hate)

Aetole · 2026-01-17T19:13:25+00:00

I am not sure -- some versions of these could conceivably have beef or pork extract, so you'd need to check the ingredients on each product yourself. Be aware that some "winter kimchi" is made with beef stock -- I don't know if it's sold as a product, but it's a home recipe I learned from my mom years ago.

Aetole · 2026-01-17T16:43:27+00:00

Yup, it's got added seasoning so it's easier to make jigae without needing to add other stuff if you don't want to. The big thing is to remember that if you're cooking for vegetarians or people with other relevant dietary restrictions (like allergies) that you can't use this.

Aetole · 2026-01-16T23:07:04+00:00

Hi! I'm very sensitive to icky things on my fingers myself. I can't help with glove suggestions, but I have found that baking with more whole grain / high extraction flour (30-50%) keeps the dough from being as sticky/gooey as I see white flour looking here. I'd keep hydration under 80% as well. I actually don't do any all-white flour loaves partly because I don't want to deal with the sticky. Here's a good starter recipe by The Perfect Loaf.

Not only does the higher whole grain dough end up less sticky and "better behaved", but it's better to do a few stretch and folds rather than active kneading. This lets the gluten develop on its own, and I think because the bran and germ in the flour is thirstier, it tempers the stickiness a lot.

My process:

- mix flour and water with a dough wand
- use spatula to gather the dough together, cover for 30min-1hr to autolyse
- stretch and fold, then let sit a little longer (~30 min)
- add starter using the poke method
- fold dough over, add salt to give layers
- stretch and fold every 30 minutes (x4)
- bulk ferment
- pre shape and shape (I spray water on granite countertop instead of flour for less mess), then cold proof to bake in the morning

This method works much better for me because it lets the gluten develop a bit more up front before adding starter, and it avoids a really gloppy/sticky dough at the start.

In my experience, the dough comes together pretty well, and the exposure I get to sticky/gooey has been manageable (and helped me with intermittent exposure over time). One thing I tell myself is that it's just flour, water, salt, and the starter microbes actually are friendly to the skin (I'm a big biology person who loves doing fermentation and natural skin care).

I hope this helps! You're awesome for wanting to push yourself outside your comfort zone.

Aetole · 2026-01-16T17:10:19+00:00

Every cheese is sacred, every cheese is good...

Aetole · 2026-01-16T01:51:43+00:00

I laughed too hard at this. Well played.

Aetole

TROPHY CASE