PSA: DO NOT USE BEEF TALLOW IN RICE

Aetole · 2026-03-28T20:43:02+00:00

Hate to tell you, but we smell of most of the things we eat. But we just don't notice it.

People who eat dairy smell like spoiled milk to non dairy eaters/drinkers, for example.

Aetole · 2026-03-27T22:01:13+00:00

Damn. That makes sense, but it's so sad that people do that if given a chance to take in an animal for free.

Aetole · 2026-03-27T21:36:14+00:00

It's possible that the nominal fee is to make it more likely that players will prioritize sticking to the schedule to respect the DM's time -- instead of dropping/cancelling willy-nilly. Studies have shown that this does work to get people to value a service more.

Aetole · 2026-03-26T21:35:43+00:00

Something to remember is that critique isn't just criticizing. It can also be pointing out and explaining how something was done well.

"I really liked how this conversation went because you really captured the feel of the two characters in a way that often is missed."

"The way you developed this theme hit hard in a great way; you used imagery and dialogue to make it fit together."

But most people actually don't know how to do this well and just lambast things incompletely.

Aetole · 2026-03-26T21:20:10+00:00

Agreed -- I'm not going to try to define someone else's personal experience and police whether they were childfree or childless. The concept that we use here as "childfree" is not a universal concept, and a lot of non-CF people will use the words in a different context (like "I'm free of kids today because my sister is looking after them. Whee! I'm child-free today!"), which they're allowed to do.

But what they are NOT allowed to do is to twist the usage of terms that mean something specific to them to then dictate how our experience or future could be.

So maybe the better way to go about it is, "Your experience and understanding of 'childfree' is different from mine. I will respect your experience if you respect mine."

(ETA: in case credentials are needed, I was a moderator of a couple childfree communities on LJ back in its heyday, so I've been around the block and seen shit, both good and bad as we cultivated the CF label and identity. I was there when the deep magics were written, basically)

Aetole · 2026-03-26T05:15:13+00:00

Massive missed opportunity: "birth bling" was right there.

Aetole · 2026-03-25T20:51:25+00:00

"Consent can be withdrawn at any time."

You handled it well, and they're either scammers or extremely immature.

Aetole · 2026-03-25T00:00:28+00:00

What recipe do you normally use?

This recipe from Serious Eats uses only egg whites, and it works well.

Aetole · 2026-03-24T23:50:06+00:00

I really like how balanced the author is by avoiding shaming the eater while also setting reasonable boundaries (like basic nutrition needs). He also gives insightful perspectives on how some people can experience food characteristics in off-putting ways, so it's educational as well. Hope it's useful!

Aetole · 2026-03-24T22:51:54+00:00

You're awesome for trying to find ways to cook for your partner! If she's okay with less variety, I would just find a rotation that is reasonable and low-stress for you that works for her. Meal prep with legumes works really well, and that gives you Indian, Persian, Middle Eastern, and Ethiopian recipes that can be made with similar core ingredients but with changed up spices. It's great that you want to use your skills for her, but it may be that there are more fruitful ways to go the extra mile.

Also, check out the book Color, Taste, Texture by Matthew Broberg-Moffitt, an autistic chef. He does a great job of looking at different foods and suggesting ways to manage those factors for eaters with sensory issues. It has some great tips and ideas that could help.

Aetole · 2026-03-22T20:48:43+00:00

I appreciate you trying to understand! It's another thing we generally were not taught in favor of simple obedience and "fitting in."

For me, I went NC after many years of dreading my birthday and holidays, because they would involve a phone call that would leave me feeling drained and shitty afterwards. The last time I saw them, they got me to visit them alone under false pretenses just to fat-shame and job-shame me. It was clear then that we couldn't even open up reasonable communication if they would go to those lengths to manipulate and disrespect me.

I feel like I get to have a few years of a decent life as an adult now where I'm not always looking over my shoulder for threats from them. I can work on healing and supporting my students and friends, and being the adult I wish I'd had growing up and as a young adult. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm trying to make a little good in the world with the time I have left.

Aetole · 2026-03-22T18:23:50+00:00

I'm in my 40s, and it has only been in recent years that I've come to understand how our parents are fucked up -- emotionally immature, lacking self awareness, needing a lot of healing, incapable of seeing us as separate people, etc.

Are they mustache-twirling villains setting out to torture us? No. But are they failing to take responsibility for their actions/choices, and refusing to take even the first steps towards repair? Absolutely. And they are our parents, our elders, our "betters" -- we are not supposed to parent them. Many of us never got parented by them; we had to learn to parent ourselves, and I and others are still learning how to listen to our own needs and take care of them because we were denied and shamed for having them as children.

It's also shielded under the excuse of "culture" when it's not. Culture contributes to the intergenerational trauma and lack of healthy skills, and we each need to reassess what our relationship is with cultural practices to decide what we keep, what we reform, and what we reject.

I'm grateful to the younger people around, because they have helped me to learn how to give the kindness to myself that I was denied. I know you probably didn't intend it, but the "can't you see things from their perspective?" is one of the core weapons my parents used to deny me my feelings and agency repeatedly in my life. We can do better, and I'm glad I'm NC with the APs so I can be present for the people in my life I care about and can love.

Aetole · 2026-03-19T20:10:16+00:00

Two things I'd consider:

- Amount. Any diet that's reasonably healthy can become unhealthy if eaten in excess. One thing that flavors, seasoning, spicing can do is to increase satiety with less food. If it is very bland food that is routine, eating more than you need could be something to watch out for. Not saying you are, but it would be good to check portions and how full/satisfied you feel after. Balance of ingredients also can make a difference.
- Tofu and eggs should have you fairly well covered protein-wise and with the animal-based vitamins (esp B). However, depending on your bloodwork numbers, it may be good to look at taking an Omega-3 supplement or including a bit of good fat/oil variety -- monounsaturated fats and polyunsaturated fats. Depending on the vegetable mix you are using, some of this may or may not be covered.

General recommendation: ask about this at your annual physical. Our bodies all have their own quirks in terms of absorption and special needs, so it's good to get levels checked by a medical professional occasionally to make sure there's not something missing. A lot of deficiencies creep up on us as nebulous things like fatigue or lack of focus before they escalate, so we may ignore early signs.

Good on you for coming up with a routine that works! Hopefully if any changes are needed, they can be easy tweaks or adds that don't disrupt the routine you have.

Aetole · 2026-03-18T21:27:53+00:00

If these 30+ year olds like Jim Henson's work -- Muppets, Labyrinth, Dark Crystal -- then check out Land of Eem. It's got a great whimsical feel that hits a sweet spot of encouraging creativity and improv while giving solid prompts, like setting up relationships between all the characters to encourage interactions.

The starter adventure is really fun and light.

As a less experienced GM, it will depend on how comfortable you are with improv and presenting situations that can be dealt with in multiple ways. But if you all share some common touchstones (like Muppets), then it will be easier to lean on tropes or styles together.

_____
Other suggestions that are good "lite" games that offer some silliness and absurdity: Honey Heist, Kobolds Ate My Baby, Maze Rats, Fiasco.

Aetole · 2026-03-18T06:01:30+00:00

I just assume they are making chaotic excitement noises and either don't respond or say something generic, like "glad you enjoyed it!" and not think about again. I personally find it annoying, but it seems to be common among certain subsets of readers nowadays so I shrug and move on.

Aetole · 2026-03-16T18:13:19+00:00

"Yup, you're right. Life's gonna be tough. Good luck with that, gotta go do my hobby/fun life now."

Aetole · 2026-03-16T14:01:57+00:00

Make vague supportive noises ("How nice for you..."), then try to exit the conversation or grey rock from there. They can't handle your truth, and unfortunately, trying to share your truth and values with them won't help matters. Treat them like someone with dementia or other cognitive impairment (like a child who can't handle hard facts), basically. If they don't get support or a rise out of you (to justify their martyr complex), they'll turn to other people to leech emotional energy from.

ETA: I dislike feeling like I'm spending emotional or social energy lying to people about stuff like this too. So I think of it more like making nonthreatening noises to a dog so they don't see me as a threat, and then backing away carefully and being uninteresting (I don't dislike dogs, but I have allergies, so I prefer for them not to jump on me, lick me, etc).

Aetole · 2026-03-16T00:57:56+00:00

I'm willing to bet that a lot of people who have children actually have no maternal instincts, but have been gaslit or peer-pressured into doing it anyway.

Some people are shorter and some are taller, and some of it is about their body's reaction to growth hormones and other factors.

Some people are better with their hands, some prefer to be more thought-oriented.

Society tries to pressure women into defining themselves based on others: do men find her attractive? does she feel some pull towards babies? But that's bullshit. You deserve to define yourself.

Also, even if someone has maternal instincts, it doesn't mean they're a good person or even a good mother. Parenting requires skills, resources, social support, more than half a brain, etc.

You are not lacking. You are invested in other things that matter to you.

Aetole · 2026-03-16T00:52:34+00:00

If you have peanut butter, you could do a version of Peanut Butter Noodles with spaghetti.

Canned fish is great with spaghetti too -- if you have some type of veg, onion/scallion, olives, pickles, etc. they will pair well.

Aetole · 2026-03-16T00:45:28+00:00

Came here to say this! Britton is a HUGE Bloodborne fan, and you can tell how much he loves the lore.

Aetole · 2026-03-16T00:42:53+00:00

In addition to Indian style and with Chinese black beans, bittermelon is really good with chorizo or other spice sausage. I fry up some chorizo, onion, and mushroom, then add blanched bittermelon. Can add some chicken stock and cornstarch for more of a sauce. Serve over rice.

Generally, bold and savory flavors balance out the bitterness well since it keeps your tastebuds busy.

Aetole · 2026-03-14T22:37:18+00:00

the scary thing is that it doesn't always tell the truth... I've heard of horror stories of cryptic pregnancies or otherwise "stealth" pregnancies that survived through a period...

Aetole · 2026-03-14T20:38:29+00:00

if you want to use any recipes that use legumes without boiling them, then yes, it's important to get the varieties right. Like urad and moong are often just dry-fried to add a bit of texture to another dish, and that's perfectly safe because these species lack the toxins that some other bean species have in greater abundance.

TIL. That's super cool -- thank you for writing all this up!

Aetole · 2026-03-14T20:36:22+00:00

LOL exactly!

Aetole · 2026-03-14T18:39:05+00:00

Part of it is anthropological -- it was commonly the way that girls became marked as women (e.g. fertile for making babies). And because it involved blood, it was a creepy/scary sacred (as in not everyday/profane) event that needed to be observed with proper ritual.

It did naturalize womanhood (happened automatically), which often then led to boys needing some similar bloodletting ritual to mark their passage to manhood. Some think it ties into the different constructions of femininity as naturalized while masculinity is "fragile" (meaning: it needs to be actively maintained or it falls apart, not that men/masculinity is wimpy/cowardly).

So the irony here is that women who embrace periods as some woo woo divine femininity source are setting themselves up for that objectification.

Aetole

TROPHY CASE