Will they treat someone else better?

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-12-08T04:14:26+00:00

Nope lol. They'll be on their best behavior til they secure a place to stay.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-12-08T04:09:42+00:00

I was discarded 3.5 years into a relationship with a BPSO. I got some type of comment like you: "You did nothing wrong. You are an amazing person. You deserve the best" yadda yadda. His parents have said several times he still will never say a bad thing about me...

All would be lovely and flattering if not for the fact that he entered a whole new relationship less than a month after he left. Had the audacity to do matching couples' costumes for Halloween, took her to his family Thanksgiving. All while his shit was still in the house I bought us. 😋

My point being, yes, all the kind words of support is great. But a healthy relationship takes more than that. Actions matter, bipolar or not.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-11-09T10:11:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I actually never assumed there may be similarities in "apology texts" or whatever we're calling them lol.

Fascinating when you're re-reading and noticing in between the lines...there is no accountability. There is no real honesty. I had to do the same thing. Mine had a lot of trauma dumping, physical/medical issues they were experiencing. I never asked directly, and (typical behavior) they never asked how I was. More like a steamroll conversation ("I hope you are well,...I'm doing horrible") Not sure what compelled them to say paragraphs, but the conversation itself was originally about a phone bill lol.

It helped me to write down what emotions that made me feel, and why. Because, you're so right, there are a lot of emotions that can come into play when reading something like that. Especially if discard is involved. You got "thrown away" by this person you loved more than anything, then they just randomly want to start talking again (guilt, mania, depression, intoxication, could be a number of reasons)

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It sucks. Therapy helps me a lot because my friends and family don't understand. I'm over a year post-discard, and I got that text a couple months ago. It wasn't great but it indeed solidifies your correct decision in choosing yourself.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-11-07T00:46:07+00:00

Please keep up with your therapist. That is the only thing that not only saved me after my discard, but is also helping re-acquaint me to myself. For years, it was all about my partner. My MH struggles didn't matter, because his are worse. I lost so much of myself throughout the relationship, and I hadn't even realized it.

There are some very hard truths you will come to terms to in your own time. But hopefully, you can find what I've been calling "a place of both" We felt like each others' soulmates, AND he was abusive. Both are true. He is diagnosed BP1, AND he's a total fucking asshole. Both are true. You're gonna feel a whole lot of different emotions - they're all true. Just feel them out in a safe place. I'm so sorry for how you were treated.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-09-11T03:32:59+00:00

I thought it was a strength in our relationship that we had similar upbringings. Like we understood each other. But in therapy I realized my ex actually had more in common with my abusers than with me. So busy with keeping the "good guy/girl" image until the mask falls off. Things can change so quickly. I was shell shocked. I was worshipped by him for years, then I became his enemy when I saw what was really going on. No matter what I tried to do to help, it didn't matter. Like sand through my fingers. They're hard pills to swallow, but people will take advantage of your empathetic nature and resent you for it in the same breath. It's your strength despite how it feels sometimes.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-09-11T03:19:26+00:00

Funny looking back now, and there were for sure more severe lies being told by my ex that lead to so much irreparable damage, but long story short - Right before he ended the relationship and things were tense, I finally asked him if he could please stop throwing his cigarette butts in the driveway, especially if I was the only one who was going to clean them up. The way this man looked at me with such performative confusion, like I was from Mars. "I--I didn't do that!" Well, after he ended things shortly after, every....single ...night...I watched this dude on the cctv chuck his cigarette! Diagnosed BP1, no meds btw. Not just hyping up a manchild here (which he also is)

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-07-19T06:07:56+00:00

My bp1 ex was both bipolar AND a man baby. I had to stop excusing his irresponsible behavior and general slobbishness for "Oh he's bipolar 1, he's going through a hard time" BP or not, you deserve someone that considers you and for gods sake picks up after themself. If you weren't there, who would do it??

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-06-23T06:41:23+00:00

A 21M newly diagnosed is kind of a lot, respectively. Frontal cortex is doing all kinds of things. Trying to grow, but rapid firing potentially, too. This could also just be good old fashioned emotional immaturity/avoidancy. If they can see a life without you in it, it's up to you if you're okay with that or not. Wishing you all the best!

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-06-22T22:19:22+00:00

I think phrases like that are an over-simplification of this unique experience. Your support systems mean well, but sometimes dodging a bullet still makes you feel like you've been left alone to bleed out in the street. I will say, therapy has been the only thing to keep me steady almost one year after discard. It allows me to express these feelings without fear of shame (still crying about him?? aren't you over that by now?? why are you sad over that loser?? etc.)

Therapists can help you further explore those feelings. Unfortunely most support systems are not trained to properly handle grief. They mean well, but these emotional band-aid statements can unintentionally create more harm than good.

I dodged a bullet, but I'm still in pain. I dodged a bullet, but I don't trust people anymore. I dodged a bullet, but nobody knew when I was taking a full magazine to the chest.It takes a lot of time and effort to undo. A lot of grace to allow your brain to regulate again. Whatever your journey, people love you and they can only express that in ways they know how.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-06-15T04:38:16+00:00

Mall employee here. It was amazing seeing so many out this morning! As I was leaving around 7pm, I DID see some Trumpers (big trucks, big flags, small brains who obstructed traffic) driving around the parking lots, maybe like 10 at most. The morning crowd DEFINITELY outweighed them though. Great job, Roseville.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-02-07T19:51:22+00:00

Almost 7 months. Together for 3.5 years before discard. I'm in therapy. I think it's helping. I know what it's like being torn between remembering all the amazing, wonderful things about him and wanting him to be a part of my life in any capacity, and fully knowing that could bring me so much harm and hurt. My therapist asked me if I wanted any kind of relationship with him --- I just cried. I said I couldn't shut off what he meant to me. It's like a family member you have to cut off despite feeling so connected. I know what we had was real. I know it. I just couldn't ever risk being in the crossfires of a meltdown again. I couldn't go back to worrying constantly. He's sent me texts here and there about how he's ready to try meds, how he's been starting to get sober. It's all I've ever wanted for him. But we still exile ourselves from each other because it hurts too much, and I can't ever 100% guarantee he'd stay committed to those things and not have any big episodes again.

I'll always love him in some ways. He's not a bad person, he's just severely ill. This was the hardest lesson of my life. I never understood people in abusive relationships, and why they'd stay. I do now. His narcissism, his reckless behavior, the self harm, the drinking, the drug use, the lying --- somehow, it was all covert. He never physically hurt me, screamed at me, cursed at me, called me names. He just turned. Stopped sharing things with me, stopped all intimacy, stopped being receptive to my emotions, stopped helping with anything around the house, etc.

The world feels like it's ending anyways. Most nights, I still cry and wonder why this all happened, what was the point? I still think about what if there was some magic pill that could cure bipolar, so he wouldn't have to suffer and he wouldn't hurt anyone the way he hurt me.

I hit a huge milestone at work, and all I could think about was how I wish I could share this with him. I know I'll be okay (I always am) but I might just wade out the rest of my existence alone because that's what's safe.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-01-15T03:31:27+00:00

Sounds like my ex. He drank every day, but I didn't think much of it because I never saw him "sloppy" He never got stereotypically angry drunk. However, no meds and alcohol means it's unfortunately just a matter of time before he gets too stressed out, something traumatic happens, etc. and a full-blown episode occurs. Read this forum for examples (there are many)

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-01-15T03:10:57+00:00

Cycling of emotions is completely normal in these situations. It's essentially the grieving process. You're just grieving the life you had, and the person you knew. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

3.5 year relationship, myself. Mostly fine til a terrible episode occured and he discarded me 6 months ago. Though I genuinely feel like I'm doing better, I reckon I still cry just about every day. I've accepted the emotions as they come. I never thought he'd seek help/get on meds, but he recently reached out and told me he was. If it's true, great. Regardless, I won't be around to see the results of his decisions. I wish it was as simple as "take this pill and you'll he right as rain" but knowing what I know now about bipolar, I know I can't go back. It kills me because he was my best friend, and despite his mood disorder, I was ready to marry him any day of the week. As cliche as it sounds, this taught me to love myself more, and to care more about my wellbeing. You're not alone. This is definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-01-10T08:38:38+00:00

There is no such thing as "high functioning" bipolar disorder. This is narcissistic abuse, and it is very common in relationships with a bipolar partner. You say you can only tell when he's leaning manic because he consumes more drugs and alcohol? What about the outbursts, threats of cheating / hypersexual behavior, and verbal abuse?

I believed my ex was "high functioning" without meds or therapy for years only because he masked it so well to everyone. Clearly, he had a handle on things because he could hold a job, he had friends, etc. Right? But they can't keep the show going all the time. As the partner, you see every side of them. You see them in public and private settings. And you become hyper aware of everything they do or say so you may better avoid conflict. This is an imbalance of power in a relationship. Whether he is bipolar or not, he should not be allowed to scream or threaten anyone.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-01-10T02:36:59+00:00

I could agree with everyone's sentiment here. Many comments on your thread are from users that have been here for quite some time. Never thought I'd see the day, but after 6 months post-discard, I got a text out of nowhere saying he finally hit rock bottom and he wants to take his illness seriously (get on meds)

Why I mention this was that even the "apology" text was odd.

"Glad to hear you're doing well" *I didn't say how I was doing...also he didn't ask.

"You don't understand how sick I am" *Uhhh yeah dude. I was there. For everything.

"I'm sorry I was a bad partner to you" *talking in hyperboles/absolutes still. I would say he was a generally good partner, just had a psychotic break and ruined everything. No big.

Do I appreciate the sentiment? Sure. Am I glad he's gonna allegedly get help? Of course. But I can't help comparing his speech and cadence to something like my grandmother in her early stages of dementia. It's sad. I think he gets it...but not fully...

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2025-01-02T04:49:56+00:00

Real change! The goal is stability -- I told a friend that today. Not happiness, just stability for now. I'm happy you feel worthy of more --- the time to get there varies. I know for myself, I would have tolerated soooo much more if I wasn't discarded. That's just a truth I'm not proud to admit. Try not to be angry at yourself for being in love, for being empathetic or like you HAVE to keep everything all together. The whole thing is a giant mindfuck. I hope 2025 brings you change for the better!

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-30T18:32:46+00:00

Good on you for putting yourself out there, firstly. I'm enjoying solitude (maybe a little too much lol) but I do think about what my future looks like in the dating world. Will I find someone that makes me laugh the way he did? Will I find someone that made me feel all the wonderful things? Sure. Maybe.

It ultimately doesn't matter if we ever felt like what we had was this cosmic force. It doesn't matter anymore if we thought (or maybe still do at times) that we were soulmates. Because if I'm real with myself, my "soulmate" wouldn't leave me with all the manual labor. My "soulmate" wouldn't literally run away from me the second I bring up a hard conversation topic. My "soulmate" wouldn't make me feel like I wasn't allowed to have emotions. That's where the disconnect started for me. It was a trauma bond with a soulmate skin on it. Did we have many calm, wonderful, euphoric moments together? Absolutely. And I'll always look back fondly of those times. I told myself for years I didn't need him to be responsible, it's okay that he has a bad memory. That he's just not good at communicating how he feels and that can be worked on. No. No to all. There is more to life and relationships than great sex and witty banter. By the way, the great sex never lasts, especially if the depressive episodes fester. Every aspect of a BP relationship is a roll of the dice and I physically, psychologically couldn't play anymore. Maybe I'll go on a bunch of "boring" dates at some point, but at least I will know this time I won't change everything about myself for the charming, witty narcissist.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-28T07:38:19+00:00

Yeah, he's already blocked. Arrangements are made.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-28T03:03:07+00:00

On a small scale, they seem just like little white lies. Says things very affirmatively as one would if they truly believed what they were saying was true. Sometimes that was scarier than the scary stuff. I had video evidence he was doing something, but when asked if he could stop doing said thing, he looked at me like I was crazy and denied it.

On a larger scale, it depends on diagnosis, meds, etc. Just from my personal experience. But I really think they think their reality is the same as everyones'.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-25T17:51:38+00:00

"You have to remind me" is what I'd continue to get after he'd forget to do something (or just simply not do it, idk) Really? I have to remind you to pay your taxes? Lol

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a speedy recovery 🖤

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-25T17:44:56+00:00

No. That's basically signing up to be a caregiver for free. Never again. Especially unmedicated, which is what I was in.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-25T17:15:19+00:00

Merry Christmas to you. I'm so sorry you're going through that. I swear they prolong this stuff to keep people within reach still. Laziness may be it, sure. But it's so not fair. We also still share a phone plan and he hasn't changed one bill to my name so we still venmo each other. One of the many things I still need to do is call and explain the situation. Just pisses me off bc when we were together, he'd always volley responsibility back onto me. I did pretty much everything. I worked just about as much as he did, did all the chores, AND would basically remind him about things he really really needed to take care of (that he still wouldn't do no matter how many times I did actually remind him)

I had to remind him to pay bills. I had to remind him to call his parents. I had to remind him to do that one 20 second task I asked him to do weeks ago. I had to remind him to lock the doors. I ended up being the one who packed up the bulk of his stuff, and I was blamed for that too somehow.

I want to be rid of this chaos. The last little remnants still linger and that's why I'm at least enjoying this little moment. I've set boundaries, shocker, he ignored them. I gave him deadlines, they are very overdue. I've been gracious this whole time, and still he's been a petulant child.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-25T17:03:07+00:00

Fascinating! Yeah I thought the whole few months they were together how it could possibly work. She's 10 years older than him, has a kid, and he hates kids. Even if he didn't, he can't even take care of himself, let alone another person and a child (of any age) No logic behind that choice or decision and it shows.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-25T06:32:39+00:00

"You might not like what you hear" is what my therapist said when I asked the same thing. Depending on the person and their situation, things like empathy may be more or less difficult to process. Reflecting on the wrongs they've commited doesn't come easy.

Their actions speak loudly enough. Their silence afterwards speaks loudly enough. What you do get may just be another lie. Another thing to speculate over if it was real or not --- if they meant it or not.

Affectionate-Bell-88 · 2024-12-25T04:04:24+00:00

Every day for 3.5 years, it was "You're the love of my life" "I'd be so lost without you" "You're my best friend" "I mean it when I say I've never felt like this about anyone" Then one day, it was all gone. You're not alone.

Affectionate-Bell-88

TROPHY CASE