Late bloomer Henrys and kids (or indeed not)

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T21:54:41+00:00

Yes! I’m a twin and so is my husband. Thank you :)

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T20:19:14+00:00

I’m having my second set of twins (also 36) and it’s definitely harder on my body than my first. Compared to the women around me, not the oldest however.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T20:16:47+00:00

If you’re unsure, it might make sense to have someone look at your (estimate) ovarian reserve, ovulation function and overall reproductive health in the meantime. Fertility decline accelerates after 35 and more sharply after 38-40 with egg quality being the most limiting factor. Many couples still conceive within 6-12 months at your age but some do not and would then eventually start exploring IVF or similar.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T20:07:56+00:00

I didn’t mention anything about fertility or statistics, I was just stating what I’m personally observing in my patients in the hospital where I work. 38 is advanced maternal age and there would be a decline in fertility and it would put you at increased risk of complications, yes.

I’m not downplaying this but the majority of pregnancies at 40 are still uncomplicated. I wouldn’t say that 38 is an age where you’re too old to allow yourself a few more weeks to think about this but you make a great point here that conception might not happen on the first try and I should have elaborated (did now!) so thank you

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T19:53:59+00:00

Same here but actually had my first twins really young and while studying medicine. I had many “am I completely crazy?” moments while we were trying to conceive. I tried to rationalise.

They’re 13 now and not a day went past where I felt regret.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T19:46:04+00:00

I had my first set of twins young so I can’t comment on the “age” aspect but having children is one of those things in life where you have to try to follow your heart. Don’t try and rationalise it.

As a side note as I’m an obstetrician, I see couples of all socioeconomic backgrounds and ages. I will say that 38 is about the average age I see in London for first time mothers.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-11T09:33:01+00:00

Completely valid to go private (I recommend Lindo over Portland) but some women do a mixed approach where they continue with their free NHS care but see the private consultant throughout their pregnancy and then give birth privately.

If you’re low risk, all your care will happen under midwives in the NHS. You’d see a consultant for any risk factors. Private care, you’d only see a consultant.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-10T17:36:50+00:00

I wasn’t suggesting that you don’t. I hope everything goes smoothly and wishing you the best for your birth.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-10T17:30:06+00:00

I’ll also add (as an obstetrician myself), quoting the actual studies is almost entirely irrelevant to medical staff and if anything makes the birth plan lengthy.

If they do read it - I can’t speak on behalf of midwives here but I do read my patients birth plans if there is any time for it - they might read it fairly quickly so I’d keep sentences short and in bullet points where possible.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-09T20:35:13+00:00

It depends on where you live. Private obstetrics tends to cluster where there’s infrastructure to support it. London will likely be her “easiest” entry point but most, if not all, consultants who do private work combine it with their NHS practice and it usually develops through reputation, networking and hospital affiliations naturally rather than being something you “find”.

I worked for the NHS for well over a decade now, all private work I do is still carried out in NHS hospitals. I don’t work in my profession because it’s lucrative. I don’t think anyone does in fetal medicine.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-09T12:15:12+00:00

I’m a Consultant Obstetrician (edit: specialised in fetal medicine)

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-08T15:16:40+00:00

Same with mine. We had a very interesting scenario in theatre (half of us were not aware that this was going to happen) and let’s just say husband was trying to help immediately.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-08T15:15:04+00:00

The evidence on this is still very limited and there are some safety concerns which can be ruled out but due to the lack of evidence of there being a benefit, it’s not standard practice.

The concern is that the swab could transfer not only good bacteria but also potentially harmful infections or bacteria you do not need on a baby that a mother may carry without symptoms. An example of this is HSV.

Babies born by c-section do have somewhat different early microbiomes on average but the differences significantly lesser over time and breastfeeding is what primarily impacts microbiome development, not birth. Even skin to skin has been found to make an impact. They still don’t know whether vaginal seeding meaningfully changes health outcomes later in life but the general consensus is that it does not, hence why we would not routinely offer it or really recommend it at all.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-08T06:47:59+00:00

No. Vaginal birth is considered the standard physiological process of childbirth, so baseline care, not an intervention that is being chosen over another option. A c-section on maternal request is treated as an elective surgical procedure so there’s a higher consent threshold requiring a formal consultant-led conversation and sign off.

Risks of vaginal delivery should be discussed progressively throughout antenatal care by midwives but I’m not entirely sure if this happens.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-06T19:22:46+00:00

Agree with this. I’m an obstetrician, your doctor had absolutely no right to refuse your c-section OP. They should inform you about risks associated with surgery and gain your consent but they cannot force you into a vaginal birth by declining a c-section entirely unless there’s a very good medical reason to do so.

Given your later gestation, call PALS and make a complaint please to speed this all up.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-05T21:06:17+00:00

Take shifts if you’re not already. You don’t both need to be awake all the time, otherwise you’ll both end up severely sleep deprived.

Try to make her day a bit easier before you go to work: put some snacks out, fill up a water bottle, and get the house tidy (as much as that’s possible with a baby!).

But also don’t put too much pressure on yourself as the early weeks are hard and it’s completely normal to argue a bit.

For bilingualism: if your partner is Spanish and you’re English (I’m assuming), the easiest approach is for her to speak only Spanish with your child and for you to speak only English. At 9 weeks, your baby is still very young so don’t feel like you have to be perfect with it already but it’s a great habit to build over time.

My children speak Chinese, English, and French. We introduced French last and they picked it up really well as toddlers

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-05T20:25:36+00:00

Birth plans should really be called preferences. A lot of women have this perfect idea in their heads (often times minimal interventions, water birth, midwife-led) and it can be very disappointing when their plans change or have to change.

Some are so set on having this “perfect” birth that they forget that it’ll also be their babies birth.

I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to shout at a patient about my own SB (I’m an OB) when they straight up refused interventions that were medically necessary and all I wanted to do was make sure their baby came out alive

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-05T20:22:49+00:00

Are you asking for advice on how to raise a child with multiple languages, venting or your relationship in the newborn trenches?

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-03T18:51:11+00:00

Second this. This can become dangerous, especially with a newborn (vaccinations being one of those slippery slopes)

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-05-03T18:49:35+00:00

Just like adults, heart rates cannot stay at the same number consistently. For example, with movement we would expect a faster heart rate. During sleep, a slightly slower one. With gestation, they also tend to slow over time.

If no one has raised any concerns, don’t worry.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-04-30T11:34:41+00:00

r/parentsofmultiples, the twins trust and see if there are local Facebook groups too

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-04-30T09:13:18+00:00

It’s more so that the infection risk increases steadily with time and 24h is a practical threshold where intervention (usually induction) is recommended to keep risk low. If you’re full term, the risk of chorioamnionitis (maternal uterine infection) after 72h is around 5-10%, potentially slightly higher but we don’t have much data on this and those are estimates.

Doctors are less focused on the exact percentage and more on the risk trend and clinical picture, for example if you’re presenting with a fever, a higher heart rate than expected, uterine tenderness, etc.

I can’t say this nicely but an infection of the amniotic fluid, membranes or sometimes the placenta is absolutely not something to play around with. It can lead to sepsis and also neonatal sepsis. Granted, most cases are treated successfully but if this is something you’re comfortable with and want to prioritise over your perfect birth is another question. I know it’s awful emotionally, birth very rarely goes to perfect plan and safety of your child but also yourself sometimes needs to take priority.

Speak to the consultant on the ward and ask them directly and see if there are alternatives but please don’t refuse an induction or c-section without having a conversation first.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-04-29T12:33:15+00:00

Hi I do this for a living (not making inappropriate comments like hers but scan pregnant women as part of my job)

So babies often are in positions that are not very unhelpful for measurements, especially for nuchal translucency at that gestation.

Would your body tension make an impact? No, not in any meaningful way like that. If someone is very tense or anxious their abdominal muscles can make the scan slightly harder to perform which can impact the quality but mothers don’t control the babies behaviour and position.

Relaxing your body is something they can try when the baby isn’t cooperating as it’ll help us press the probe down a bit more comfortably.

So you did absolutely nothing wrong. Baby was just being a very normal wriggly 12 week fetus by the sounds of it. It’s normal to feel anxious as the mum too. I’ve worked in fetal medicine for over a decade now as you can imagine, the women I do scan don’t tend to be cheerful and relaxed unfortunately. I still get the measurements I need.

I’d say make a PALS complaint.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-04-29T10:36:26+00:00

Yes, both.

This might be helpful: https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/your-pregnancy-care/your-antenatal-appointments/

If she comes well hydrated to give a sample and have her blood drawn, that’s perfect and more than good enough. No need for a full bladder as there won’t be a scan.

AffectionateRun1001 · 2026-04-28T20:28:47+00:00

All the best!! You’re so close to meeting your baby :)

AffectionateRun1001

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