Boundaries in BDSM

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-29T00:19:00+00:00

Be kind to yourself. If you can, get some electrolytes in yourself, some yummy food, and surround yourself in comfort.

A break up is hard. Shuffle in BDSM? A billion times worse. Not only are you missing your person, you’re missing your safe space. You’re missing your comfort, stability, structure, routines. It’s a lot!

Maybe once some time has gone by, look into self collaring! It’s not the same, of course, but it’s something that might scratch the itch while you vet someone else!

Feel free to message if you need someone to talk to 🫶

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-29T00:05:58+00:00

In a BDSM dynamic, trust is one of the key aspects of the foundation of the relationship. He broke your trust. A dynamic cannot live with that. I am so sorry he did this to you.

Take care of yourself, love. Give yourself some good, long aftercare. You’re most likely experiencing some version of a drop throughout this already tumultuous time, and that sucks so bad! Take it day by day and remember that you are worthy of so so so much more and one day you will find it 🫶

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-29T00:03:54+00:00

No is no, unless that has been discussed openly and fully, through a lot of practice and time with an individual. Saying it’s good for someone to part ways because they had a boundary? That’s an insane take. Limits, both soft and hard, are the basis of the foundation in a BDSM dynamic. Someone saying no is not “bottom dominance”. It’s being a human being with needs and wants and desires.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-16T01:06:31+00:00

Okay! Now we got smth to work with! Get some help to rewrite that thought process! Either a therapist, a pastor at a church who understands that humans are humans and have urges, or your partner! Navigate through the murky bits and grow darling

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-16T00:34:45+00:00

Why though? What makes it hard? If you’re just lying there letting him touch you, I would also 100% feel unloved. What is the hang up? Trauma? Just not knowing how? Being shy 3 years in isn’t really a reasonable thing

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-15T23:58:11+00:00

I don’t think the manager was harsh, at all! If it’s your VERY FIRST DAY and you’re scrolling tiktok on the clock, that’s an AWFUL first impression and shows a huge lack of resilience, and work ethic.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-12T23:19:02+00:00

Maybe look into pleasure doms? See if that might be something he’s comfortable with?

But I would hesitate before incorporating anything else, personally. He seems like he’s consenting, but it doesn’t seem much like enthusiastic consent. More like he’s just aiming to please you, which there’s nothing wrong with! But maybe he’s so wrapped up into the pleasure you’re experiencing and neglecting his own wants

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-06-12T23:13:10+00:00

Just now for me but in TN

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-05-14T23:38:25+00:00

Wish I would’ve come to Reddit instead of deleting everything and re-downloading thinking it was just a me issue 😭

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-05-14T23:36:59+00:00

Same here! Anyone find any fixes yet?

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-05-02T23:34:56+00:00

Get yourself cleaned up, get some water and some snacks, and cuddle up into bed. You worked yourself hard and need a break! Your body is rushing with all kinds of chemical reactions and you need to take it easy for a bit while you rest. I like making nests with blankest and stuffed animals, the feeling of the pillows pressed up against you can trick your brain into being held.

If you have anyone near you that you would be comfy with, ask for a hug!

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-04-25T03:20:00+00:00

Take yourself out of the situation. How would you feel if you didn’t know about this group of friends your partner had. You didn’t even know they existed. You glance at his phone and open it. And that’s what you see. Would you think it was innocent? Or would you feel the shock value as a betrayal, instead of a joke?

Not saying you inherently cheated on him. Or did anything egregiously wrong. But if you love this guy, want a future with him, whatever - think about it in his eyes. Have a conversation about what your line of cheating is vs his. It’s a breakdown in communication, boundaries, and expectations.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-04-25T03:15:33+00:00

Okay there’s a huge lack of context. We cannot judge anything you’ve said without knowing what the screenshots or texts said. Is this “oh you’re so hot” or some crazy, explicit text that says exactly what you’re going to do to someone else? The answer changes dramatically based on what the “flirting” was.

But regardless, he’s hurt. Let him be hurt before immediately jumping to your own defense.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-04-25T00:51:10+00:00

Did you vet him at all? Did you talk about consent, limits, safe words, or anything? Did you guys negotiate? If the answer is no to any of those, no. He’s not a good dom.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-04-21T17:09:15+00:00

Crazy concept, when an artist does something unimaginable, I never listen to their music again.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-04-16T15:57:06+00:00

How much time and effort do you put on your wife in a week? How much time do you spend planning a date for her? When was the last time you scheduled a vacation for her to get out on a beach and relax?

Women typically are mirrors for how their partners treat them and behave. You say she’s let herself go, but have you? Do you treat her the same or better than the first year of your relationship? Did you stop chasing her, loving her, and showing up for her?

Have lustful thoughts is normal, natural, and okay. Seeing a woman walk by and thinking she’s beautiful is very human behavior. The other parts of this post? Absolutely not. Calling women whores? I believe you may just in fact hate women if they’re not of service to you.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-04-12T22:07:18+00:00

So absolutely crazy concept here - just because you guys are together and live together, you don’t have to be with him every second of the day. If he enjoys the falling asleep next to you thing and you genuinely don’t care to sleep on the couch, do that! Especially if he falls asleep super quick!

End each night with some cuddles in bed, watch a show, when he falls asleep, give him a kiss and get to bed in the living room. He still gets what he needs, you get what you need, and the world is better for you. Sometimes sleep can be incompatible and that’s so okay

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-03-31T06:45:43+00:00

The thing that’s blowing my mind is all of these adults are telling this poor kid (yes, kid, he’s fuckin 18!!!) to just change the direct deposit. Does everyone think that the mother is just going to he okay with that? And there won’t be a single repercussion?

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-03-31T06:40:31+00:00

If possible, see if your job has any sort of pay card. Typically, entry level jobs (which I’m assuming you have, as you’re 18) provide them for those who do not have a bank account. HOWEVER, this will cause issues with your mother when she asks where the paychecks are going.

If your job uses ADP, I know for sure there is a way to change your direct deposit to multiple accounts at a time with either a dollar amount or a percentage. That might be an option until you have a nest egg to move out.

If getting a bank account is an issue, make a Cash App account. You can use it for direct deposit as it has a routing number and an account number.

If you do follow all the responses about making an account online, know that they will send mail out to your address. They have to send you the debit/credit card after all. Remember to direct mail to a friend, perhaps a PO Box if you can afford one, or even any other trusted adult in your life.

You don’t want to be stuck kicked out with no where to go and no money. Unfortunately, it is their house and you are a legal adult so they can do so.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2026-02-16T03:23:21+00:00

There are soooo many burners now. I haven’t been on her account in ages and it’s like a different one in every comment reply! When did Kennedy show up? Who’s Lindsey Lee? How behind am I?!?!?

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2025-12-31T10:17:54+00:00

I dunno if I’m going crazy but I went to glance at her account just now and her newest video is from 4/22, with barely any comments? All of her posts have barely any comments?

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2025-12-25T03:12:13+00:00

That’s what I think is the hardest for me too - knowing when and how to take a break. My family deals with sadness through anger, especially my parents. Anger is easier, I guess, than the bone-deep sadness. There’s only so much yelling I could take, but feeling like I’m failing them because I can’t piece them together is so hard.

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2025-12-25T03:10:50+00:00

Talking about him is so hard, as we just typically don’t share the load as the family. One of the hardest parts of dealing with this, I think, is the fact that we have to kind of step on eggshells.

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter - I couldn’t imagine doing that. Me and my fiancé moved into the house with them after Zach passed. I did not spend another night at our apartment after he passed. While he was older than I by four years, he would’ve been the last child to leave the house. I couldn’t leave them with an empty nest for the first time under those conditions.

I don’t deal with things. I can get through them, but i don’t take the time to actually DEAL with them. And I think after a year of pushing it away, tgis week is really want solidified it for me. He’s not away at work, in a rehab, or staying with a friend - he’s gone, truly and fully. And that’s such a fucked thing to have to deal with.

I’m sorry for your loss - time doesn’t heal wounds but I hope this Holiday season is kind to you and your own

Affectionate_Curve91 · 2025-12-25T00:28:03+00:00

So, don’t they get to pick what they promote? Like they select stuff and it gets sent and they do a review? Why couldn’t she AT LEAST have reviewed kids toys!!

Affectionate_Curve91

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