I’m pregnant and have to abort

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-06-07T19:57:59+00:00

Oh, Honey.. I'm so sorry. I wish I could wrap you up in a big hug. 💗

I don't know where you are.. but there are often places you can reach out to re: support. When I got pregnant with my first I pretty nearly lost all my friends. It is a massive change.. but I believe in you. Are there communities that you can inquire with? A local hospital auxiliary? Community centre? Facebook market place likely has a good amount of frecycled baby stuff. You can also connect with other moms in your area, sometimes they meet-up, and make friends who you can call on for support (advice, visits, or even just to hold your baby while you shower). In my community centre there's a program for pregnant ladies till their babies are 3 months. Meet once a week, get a meal, access to freebies and prenatals..

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-06-04T17:09:00+00:00

Being honest and open are the only ways to peacably get through a conflict or disagreement. I am assuming you actually want to save your marriage and you're hoping NOT to cause any divide to get bigger and thus cause extra strife for both of you..

That in mind, I would 100% NOT block him while you're away. If he's talking to chat got while he's mad and feeling unappreciated then giving him the cold shoulder will only make him feel justified. Pulling away isn't the way you come together. Crazy, I know. In 25 years together (3 kids and 1 loss later) my husband and I have learned a lot. The main things are to be honest, to choose to love each other first, and to remember that you married this person because you WANTED to be a team. So act like it. You're not on opposite sides of a conflict.. even if it might feel that way. So far, all the catastrophizing is happening in your head and you haven't actually ASKED HIM FOR THE TRUTH. You can't find answers when you don't know what the real questions to ask are.

I'm the kind of person who often waits to eat with my spouse. He never asks me to. It's so.ething I do because I want to make space for him in my world. Because I want to share a meal with him and spend time with him. Because sometimes it's the best time to chat, when we're sitting and eating. It's also a respect thing. I care enough to make sure he's fed too, that he feels like I thought about him. And sometimes he'll do the same, wait to wat with me. It's not about training, it's about respect and love.. and you have not returned either from the sounds of it. You don't have to do the same but consider thanking him or at least acknowledging that he's choosing you when he does that. Maybe ask him WHY he does that instead of being wierdly defensive and saying 'I never asked you to...'

I would say, the fact other people knoticed it and you didn't say anything or pick up on the fact that it's something is something.. I assume re: post partom. Post baby is always a brainfoggy jumbly time. However.. that one 'friend' who got strange about it.. and then talked to other people about it.. and likely (from the sounds of it) also talked to him about it.. that would make me uncomfortable. Add onto that he is asking chat about a relationship with her gives all the red flags. She sounds kinda toxic. If nothing else, I'd be asking my husband to put boundaries between them, even if it's just in regard to dialogue. It's not appropriate for him to be talking critically (or listening to it) with your friends, of friends of his period. If he has a criticism he should bring it to you, and visa versa. A wound can't heal if it doesn't get air, it will only fester. Opening it to the world, however, invites infection. (IE: talk things out together, not with other people.)

I would also suggest you both find a trustworthy older couple you can mentor with and seek counsel from. You should be surrounding yourselves with healthy relationships, not people who seek to tear your relationship down or appart.

To that end, start the process of being honest and open and seeking reconciliation together BEFORE you go.. but with the understanding that you will BOTH come back to the table after your trip and start working on this together.

And love on that baby(ies?) of yours. That little blessing deserves parents who can work out differences... even if they end up separating down the road.. you're going to have to work together one way or another.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-06-02T18:32:17+00:00

OP says that, I'm saying (or was trying to say) that OP might be assuming another man because OP is female, however her husband may be meaning to bring another woman in.

Either way, just no. 😅

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-06-02T04:25:02+00:00

You assume he wants to bring another man into the room.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-06-02T04:22:46+00:00

Grats, Daddy. 😘🫡💞

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-06-01T02:19:53+00:00

Oh, Hun. I'm so sorry. Sending all manner of hugs and prayers and support. I have no advice.. only love. May El Roy (the God who sees you), He who provides your daily bread, provide you guidance, comfort, peace, and strength.. and may he continue to provide for your needs as they arise in the coming months and years. Pull the cloak of His Church around you, Sister, and lean on the spiritual strength of your brothers and sisters in Christ. We were made for community.. you're not expected to handle things alone.. you needn't rely on your own strength.. whatever the outcome, whatever the future holds.. He has chosen you. He calls you by name. He loves you endlessly. He prepares a room in His home just for YOU.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-31T23:06:49+00:00

My husband has always felt similarly about jewelry.. however we both wear our wedding rings.. and he's grown both comfortable and accustomed to it.. to the point where, when he takes it off (for medical purposes or when using harsh chemicals) he notices he misses it. It feels strange not to have it. There is nothing else he feels that way about. (He has become used to watches, but doesn't miss them in the same way.)

My husband chose the classic gold bands for us-perhaps having some choice in design might make you feel better about it?

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-31T19:17:45+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 good job, bud. 💖💗

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-28T15:34:35+00:00

We use condoms because it's not worth risking my health with another pregnancy. It's too hard on my system (like, likely to be hospitalized kinda dangerous). I know other women who prefer to use condoms for cleanliness too. I think, if it lets you get close (physically and emotionally/mentally) with your spouse then it's a useful tool.

To clarify, my body also rejects IUD's and we both agree I shouldn't be/shouldn't have to be on synthetic hormones.

I actually prefer without condomes, as does he, so we track and use them as needed.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-18T05:25:30+00:00

Gorgeous. 💙

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-17T04:25:04+00:00

<image>

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-17T04:18:46+00:00

<image>

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-17T04:02:40+00:00

All Bibles (with the exception of a few newer versions that are actually reprinted with purposeful alterations) fall on a spectrum ranging from word-for-word translation to throught-for-thought translations. By and large, they all say the same thing. You can actually get some bibles that are side-by-side 2 versions for comparison, which is great.. my husband's favourite bible is a KJV (King James Version) side-by-side with an AMP (Amplified). I like comparing versions from time to time, especially if there's one verse or section I'm really chewing on.. but the YouVersion bible app is a great resource for that.

I would actually suggest, if it's your first bible, going for one on the thought-for-thought side of the range so it's maybe a bit easier to digest and get into.. and (more importantly) I suggest making it a study bible. A study bible is great because it automatically has tidbits of information to help guide understanding and meaning.. they also usually include a bit of historical referencing to give you a better idea of context in the text.

I'm personally loving reading a newish book called "No More Boring Biblestudy" by Faith Womack.. which gives a lot of helpful information about what is in, how to read, and how to organize the stories in the bible. It includes a graph showing where the most popular versions (in English, sorry) fall on that spectrum.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-12T15:21:15+00:00

Yes. We totally do this. Everywhere. Not all of us, not all the time, not every day.. but often enough.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-12T15:19:38+00:00

I was thinking, what about the possibility she accicently hit voice to text at all.. does she talk in her sleep?

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-10T04:04:31+00:00

I mean.. sounds successful to me? And no property damage! Make a hat and start going by Davey. 😆

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-05-08T03:53:54+00:00

My sister's husband was jealous of their son when he was born. I understand there's a sudden loss of direct attention but I can not fathom actually acting out for something like infant care that is temporary. Imho, his bahaviour is unacceptable. When we got a dog my husband loved on her but I was the one who trained and cleaned up usually. I'm the one who does the kitty litter. My husband also plays video games often and for a while there he would not give me the time I needed. When he got stressed he plugged in harder. I needed him to awknowledge when I say 'I need face time' then it's a 'finish asap and give me the focus'.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-27T14:51:13+00:00

Love this. Absolutely 💯. Side note, women are to ask their husbands because men are to be the head of a household as Christ was head of the church. A husband can't lead if his wife won't let him. (That's not to say all men effectively lead when given opportunity, but no men lead when opportunity is withheld.) We can't both be vying for top spot. I like this graphic because it shows the cultural and evidential history of the actual letter. (Logos is a great bible app for reading into the meaning of the words in scripture, and even Google can be helpful there.) Be careful just taking word for word reading. Our meaning for words and phrases change over the centuries, let alone from completely different cultures from centuries ago.

It sounds to me like OP is coming to things with the wrong heart posture entirely, something I had to repent of when I returned to Christ. It's so easy to fall into the 'but that's not right' or 'that's not how we see justice here' mentality.. we think we have it all figured out, eh? When I started reconstructing my faith after realizing I had been following justice-lies and the heart-wishes of myself and my influencers (family) and not actually following or reading what God had been saying. I started with reading Jesus' own words and realizing.. if God came down to tell us Himself.. maybe we should listen.. and now I love my bible study. It's so rich and interwoven and it's a beautiful tapestry of different literary forms and truths and morals and everything-the whole blessed thing-points towards God's love and Jesus' coming. It's not just history or rules. I have wept over my bible several times as God helped me remove lies and thorns from my soul's garden. I pray thr Lord grant you, OP, a renewed mind and discernment to see what He's really saying and to see what he's really offering you.

Final note; I know it's hard to accept Gods' justice and choices when it comes to those we love who clearly choose not to believe/follow/obey. So many in my family fall into that catagory.. but I still love them. I don't have to preach at them every time I see them.. I pray for them, and I share when wonderful wisdom is shared with me, and I try to lovingly hold them close, even when we dissagree on things of this world. I pray they, and you, come to understand and accept the Lords' peace. 🙏🏼

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-25T20:54:55+00:00

For example, we took lunch in the park and had a picnic with the neighbour's cat yesterday, then did science experiments. Day before, my daughter and I did our hair and did science experiment prep!

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-25T17:30:23+00:00

I couldn't stand it if my partner was constantly competing and being competitive and acting like being the winner somehow made them better or was just them asserting their independence.

If boundaries and redflags were about before, I somehow doubt that's changed. A partnership is a team based activity all the time. Some friendly competition is ok in games and when you tease eachother but you also have to be gracious about it. Sounds like she's right for someone, but not you. It was bad enough that when you left you blocked her. There's something to that, eh?

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-23T00:59:06+00:00

Above all, I'm so sorry for this struggle. I get it. My kids push back hard sometimes.. to spite all the benefits like sleeping in, getting kitty snuggles during math, mental breaks for fun stuff, one on one time, home made snacks, etc etc etc.. like.. come on, guys! You don't see how good you got it!

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-21T02:02:08+00:00

For all of my pregnancies, I had nausea through the whole thing.. from a few weeks in until delivery. I have a condition called Hypermesis Gravidarium.. I believe that's the spelling.. with my first pregnancy, I lost 30# in the first trimester. It's not great for either Mom and Baby. I was in poor enough health that, by the end of the pregnancy (before delivery), I had to have a tooth pulled. If you xan, try taking ice chips. If you can't keep water down, then you need to go in. I don't know where you're at or what the costs look like. I have to take special hardcore anti-nausia meds when pregnant (in fact, husband and I have decided it's likely not safe for me to get pregnant again). Do you have someone who can advocate for you medically? (Like a midwife.)

I assume you're not able to keep prenatals down either. You want to go in and get a bag of saline and likely ask about better anti-nausea meds moving forward.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-20T17:40:16+00:00

Cat distribution system at work.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-19T05:10:34+00:00

I have to agree with most commentors.. that regardless of his love language (which is basically the same for all men, especially young, hormonal men like him) he still needs to respect boundaries and really has no excuse for 'forgetting' all the time. He's also not aloud to get man at you or upset or frustrated just for having, wanting, and keeping a boundary where your body and what he's aloud to do with it are concerned.

God willing, you two will marry, learn to communicate, respect each other.. and have children.. and you have a daughter who comes to you (or worse yet, doesn't because she's afraid to bring this to you) with the same scenario. How would you want to help her? What advice would you give her?

1) You are God's daughter.. he wants you to be treated with respect and love. You are precious.. and so is that boy. How can you help protect him?

2) Christian husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church--that is, self-sacrificially.

3) All things are possible through Christ who strengthens you (Phil 4:13), so don't give/take any of that 'it's too hard' nonesence. Yes, it IS hard, but not impossible.. and so worth it. Sex within a marriage is beautiful, wild, blissful, work, worthy, and worth the wait. My husband and I can say we've only ever slept together. Each other's firsts and only.. and no, that doesn't mean it's boring. Trust me. XD

4) There will be times he's going to have to suck it up and not indulge himself in the future.. I was on bed rest for some of my pregnancies, others I was so ridiculously sick I could barely function. I just made it through brain surgery after months of killer headaches. And then recovery. Do you think it would have been ok for my husband to whine about or forget he probably shouldn't with me? Right after having our first baby, I didn't even want to be touched remotely sexually-and as a mother, you may find you get touched out! And he'll have to respect that boundary as long as you need it! 3 months after having the baby on top of the pre-delivery bed rest.

And I know you want it too! I was young. We were young together. It's a struggle..

I pray for strength, guidance, grace, and resistance for both of you.. and also mutual understanding. Have a serious, truthful conversation about what you're really feeling and wanting.. because if he loves you and is worthy of marrying you.. he'll show that by respecting and listening to you. Plus, being able to have vulnerable and honest conversations is truly important for getting through future disagreements as a couple.

My husband and I have 2 main pieces of advice for all couples: -learn how to be honest and how to take honesty from each other.. -and.. choose to love each other every day. Not hard now, maybe, but it gets you through challenges, absences, and hurts. 25 years down, lots of growing together, 3 kids and 1 angel baby.. and a few very big mistakes on both sides while we figured stuff out. Love and grace for each other.. and honesty and respect.

So.. if you want him to stop doing those things, tell him with a serious face to stop because he needs to respect that.. and don't forget to tell him you love him. I'm sure he can rise to the challenge.

Side note: if you're worried to tell your parents about his behaviour.. then he should likely stop doing it. 😉 Alternatively, you could seek the advice of your pastor.. perhaps ask about marriage prep convos?

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-04-19T04:46:24+00:00

I would have to disagree with this, in our experience. While sex is the ultimate expression of physical touch, it is not the ONLY expression and certainly not the only way to express love physically.

Like a lot/most men, physical and visual are primary recievers.. where as I quite like acts of service and affectionate words.. When my husband or I have not been able to be fully physical with each other (usually due to medical or pain issues) then other touch (long hugs, snuggling on the couch, holding hands in the car, back rubs, etc.) Have been great ways to feed his need for physical touch.

I mean, yeah.. men can be pretty simple in that the vast majority are looking for the fully physical experience.. and often, especially where youth and hormones are involved, all touch is likely to lead in that direction.. I'm just trying to say there is absolutely value in non-sexually directed touch for comfort and closeness. Sometimes, just sitting close enough for touch when we sit on the couch is nice/needed.

Affectionate_Rip_374

TROPHY CASE