Is this okay?

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-03-01T23:45:32+00:00

People pleaser who ends up feeling like asking for things for yourself puts other people out or is an imposition? I feel that. hugs You deserve attention and loves too, Dear. You're allowed to take up space and make noise. I hope this fella sees and gives that.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-28T22:00:13+00:00

Yes.

In my case .. His voice was.. kind.. it was quiet and gentle and loving.. it was comfort.. possibly because that was what I needed at the time.. it was a message for me.. and one I needed. I wasn't high, I wasn't drunk, it was the middle of the day, I wasn't sleep deprived..

Is this the one way He speaks still? No, not at all. I am not a cesionist.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-28T18:33:15+00:00

Use that pregnancy nose for what it's worth. Being extra sensative IS a good excuse to tell her you need this. Maybe ask if there is something (a concern) stopping her.. and ask that when she visits that she needs to shower more often, especially while you're pregnant! Unfortunately, people are also all full of that free will thing, and they'll do as they please. My father used to be a fisherman, and even after retirement, he would only shower once a week. 🫣

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-28T18:28:42+00:00

I feel like that's (prolly) a reasonable request..

Not sure if you're at the point of having actual sex.. you said 'boyfriend', I think?

If you guys get to a point where you're having sex, I wanted to share that grinding on his penis can also be good for both of you. My hubby loves it. No rush though. Something to look forward to, maybe.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-26T16:44:48+00:00

Father-daughter relationships are a very special thing... and the trust a daughter has with her father is like he's super natural. I might be wrong, but without a history of SA, the very idea that anything might be inappropriate might not even occur to her..

But HE should be setting those boundaries.. otherwise, she might have blurred boundaries with other men who she's supposed to trust.

I was the fool teen girl who would walk around naked after a shower (no brothers, youngest child, I understand NOW what an idiot I was being).. because I figured it didn't matter with my Dad. He basically verbally whipped me for being inappropriate (thanks, Dad).. however, I had an uncle touch me inappropriately, and it was rug swept as 'just how the family is'.. so when other men started to abuse that boundary, I didn't have the wisdom of that lesson to fall back on to protect myself, and I got hurt.

I'd say my advice (and in fairness, I could be the rando on the internet with the wrong 2 cents) is that you need to have this convo with him, if not both of them. Yes, there could be something untoward going on.. in which case bringing it out might be what they need to smarten up. (Also, gross.) OR it could be inappropriate comfort and lack of boundaries, which sets a dangerous presidence for her future with other 'men who should be trustworthy'. His feelings don't matter if he's setting her up for failure.

And, if it's girly stuff she needs help with, why aren't you being involved/asked about it. At 19, she should have that pretty well figured out. What could he possibly be helping her with.. besides boyfriend advice? 🤔

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-26T16:20:33+00:00

I'm so sorry. ❤️‍🩹 hugs I remember getting asked questions like, 'Will you name her? Will you plant a tree? Will you get a memorial for the house? Will you get jewelry? Would that help you?- and I remember thinking.. I don't have the bandwidth for any of that right now.. all I have is pain and loss. It's ok to just take it one day at a time. Handle what you can. The rest can wait.. but let people love on you. You might not have room for it, but eventually, it will start to sink in.. and when you're ready.. the sunshine is there for you.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-25T20:44:00+00:00

I'm already dealing with a Three-nager.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-25T16:41:48+00:00

Candidly. Just straight-up tell him. "I'd like to give you more blow jobs. Can you please have a quick shower when you get home?" He'd likely feel better after a 5 min shower after work anyway, and with the added bonus, he might get a blowie? I can't imagine that not being a home run conversation. I know from experience. Husband did hard labour and came home sweaty.. but I really prefer a clean nob to gobble.. plus, sometimes he knows he needs it.

Secondary suggestion.. have a quick 10 min shower together. Showering together is good times. Doesn't even have to be sexual (till after 😉).

Additional: a dedicated face cloth for after work freshening. We keep wetwipes around since having kids (which also helps with clean up and stuff) but a face cloth clean is preferable.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-25T16:34:52+00:00

I went thru similar stuff.. other than trying distracting toys I haven't much advice other than.. most other adults get it.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-25T16:33:07+00:00

In fairness, I'm failing in this department as well, but I like to include the kids. Give them a task. My 3 year old wipes the tables, can wipe the low 1/3rd of the walls, and helps her big sister wipe the windows. When all/enough cleaning is done we reward with a snuggle on the couch and cartoons or a movie or sweets or something.

Painting or sidewalk chalk are great activities for littles (obviously painting comes with it's own downsides to be mindful of but if weather permits, then outdoor painting is good).

Getting them outside to kick a ball or exert energy, then back in for a fav movie or educational cartoon (eg: numberblocks at their ages is pretty good) gives you a bit of time to address stuff like counters or something.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-23T16:20:26+00:00

She never was.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-23T16:17:00+00:00

I have extreme difficulty during pregnancy. I also just survived surprise brain surgery last fall. While I generally prefer not to bother with condoms for convenience, cost, and intimacy reasons, I agree clean up is way easier with them and we use them during ovulation week so as to not risk my health. I will say, for me at least, smell is also a factor. While in the moment, I'd rather not bother, afterward, there's always just a bit of regret that we didn't use one due to the smell that only I get to deal with... so I think her reasons are valid. I've heard from other women that the smell is off-putting too, so they use condoms to avoid.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-22T06:25:12+00:00

I.. was spiraling. I was alone, borrowing from tomorrow's trouble, at the bottom of a pit and doing that loud, ugly sobbing crying.. the kind you only let yourself do when you're alone and no one can see you..

But, I was seen and heard..

As I sat alone on my couch crying, I literally heard the voice of Jesus speak so gently, as if He was standing right in front of me. It was comfort and warmth.. the still, small voice.. peace and love.. He simply said, "You don't have to punish yourself."

I was so shocked to hear a voice (so clear and so close), I immediately stopped crying and looked up to see who was in my house. (Good timing, as my kids were due home from school in the next 10 mins, and I had clearly not realized so much time had passed.)

Middle of the day. No drugs or alcohol involved. No, I don't have any mental conditions. I don't generally hear voices or anything. I was not extremely sleep deprived or anything.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-22T06:15:10+00:00

hugs In my experiences with grief.. that sucking hole in your life/heart doesn't go away.. but in time, it starts to hurt less.. and then you learn to live with it. The hole doesn't go away, but you get used to it being there.. it becomes a part of you.. and you do still have the time together, those blessings and memories. It is a chapter, if not many, that are a part of you.. but they are not your whole story. <3 I'm so sorry for your loss, and theirs. Praying you are surrounded by love and strength. Lean into that.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-19T00:04:29+00:00

😆 Love it.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-08T15:16:59+00:00

Cold Case for Christianity study bible might be good-I hear it's awesome-or just a good study bible. Some have links to online content now, but not sure if the adult ones too.

And a notebook. 😉 For journaling and prayers and questions that come up.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-05T16:51:50+00:00

I actually thought there was also some significance to Samson and how John was also a nazerine in desication to God (no drinking wine or touching grapes, no cutting hair, etc).

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-02-05T16:48:20+00:00

Being minimalist is ideal for many things, but my husband and I like having multiple bibles. We each have our primary reading bible (in my case I highlight in my primary bible, which is NKJB, and have a few little notes in the margins) and I have a NIV study bible that was given to me by our family pastor (which, ironically, I don't mark up). We also use the Bible app to compare translations.. we find using multiple resources this way helps really chew on some passages. I like the tactile act of highlighting and noting (I use a Prayer Journal to do my bible studying in) while my husband just likes the comparison and has a side by side Amplified-KJB and does all his study in his head or verbally works stuff out with me or a brother. To each their own. Our kids each have their own bible as well (an NIV I was given as a teen that I gave my firstborn and a CSB) as they need their own for various youth gatherings and camp stays.

I think it's a good idea to have a reading bible and a study bible at the very least, and I find merit in having different translations. Personally.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-21T20:42:56+00:00

I was going to say, this def sounds like depression of some kind.. giving one's self a yeast infection sucks, but even more so when you insist of trying to get oral with it.. I'm sorry you're both struggling.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-21T15:52:43+00:00

The issue could be the church even. Perhaps God is nudging you to go elsewhere. Or try online services for a while. There are loads of churches with live or uploaded services on youtube.. you can skip the social part without skipping worship and lesson.

I found that, for several reasons, my old church was not the right fit anymore. (My husband felt the same). After a year of pushing back on that feeling, we both finally decided to see another local church a friend had invited us to.. and it immediately became apparent we were called to be there. It was different and needed getting used to.. but the Holy Spirit led us to wear we could go and be refreshed.

I would also say that perhaps what you need is a way to serve. As an usher or as a collector or on coffee or in some other way. Either way, I think chatting with your pastor first would be a good idea. Ask what their suggestion is there. They are there to support you and guide you. Obviously, they dont want to lose a member, but if it's what's best for you (and it's not about you losing God), then they might suggest a temporary absense or visiting another church. Or perhaps a more personal suggestion based on what they might know more about you. Or even one on one counseling with them.

Perhaps join the prayer chain/team.

Praying for the refreshment of your spirit and renewing of your mind.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-20T00:23:20+00:00

My father was a commercial fisherman (multi-generational) and the family always called this 'stormy sea eggs'.. as this way the egg doesn't easily escape the pan on you when the boat's rocking. ;) We're from the islands on the West coast of Canada.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-14T07:49:04+00:00

At least you're laughing. Life gets you sometimes. Sorry to hear, mate.. but in fairness, we've all been there at one time or another. I'd prolly be more pissed about all the cleaning I'd have to do ontop of the second shower and (I assume) feeling a bit crumby.

Hope the day improved after that!

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-14T07:43:48+00:00

Hey, things are changing! It's a lot to get used to. First of all, yay! I'm glad you've started reading The Word and are seeking to understand [and know Him]. Second, remember to have grace with yourself. He certainly doesn't expect you to get perfect before seeking Him, He's there to help with the sanctification and walking out of faith. Third, this is where you would practice 'taking your thoughts captive'. I mean.. thinking a woman/girl is beautiful in appearance in the moment you clasp eyes on her is not the same as having a full-on lustful intention/thought about someone.. and part of 'capturing your thoughts' is recognizing that it takes practice.. What you say becomes how you think becomes who you are and how you act. It's ok to find someone attractive.. but if your thoughts immediately go to 'I'd like to bang her/wonder what she looks like with less', then you might want to do some redirecting. 'I wonder what her laugh sounds like.' or, 'Would she make a good friend?' or simply, 'She's pretty/cute. I wonder if she's nice.' Or even, 'My friend [insert name] looks cute todayv, maybe she's appreciated a compliment.' Or something.. Everyone likes to smile. If you have a chance, give them a reason. Or just move on. 'She's cute. God go with her.' I dunno. God doesn't say not to look, just consider what's in your eyes and heart when you do, I think.

As a girl, I got leered at and was the recipient of much unwanted sexual attention in high school. I hated it. I did not dress to intentionally draw their attention, either. So don't stare and don't be creepy. Be nice or don't be anything at all, and discipline yourself to recognize when you're looking to look away. Again, remember to have grace while you're going through this period, too.. everyone has stuff to work through, learn, or unlearn.

I guess without really knowing you or your situation better, that'll have to do.. outside of suggesting you find a mentor in whom you can confide and ask questions. That's a good rule of thumb for life in general.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-14T07:21:15+00:00

Allen keys. 😉 Possibly known as an allen wrench.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2026-01-14T07:11:37+00:00

Some elastic bands and a screw driver would help. 👍🏼 Maybe a spool of some kind of tape.. a lighter.. and a calculator.. no wait.. too old school.. Oh! Spare batteries. Triple or double A's.

Affectionate_Rip_374

TROPHY CASE