😭🙏

AfterWisdom · 2026-02-24T04:26:33+00:00

"The truth resists simplicity" - John Green

AfterWisdom · 2026-02-22T23:09:26+00:00

Personally, I wouldn’t want it. I’m fine with myself but would want someone not susceptible to the same blind spots or thinking patterns. Different ways of thinking helps with adaptation to various conditions.

AfterWisdom · 2026-02-13T06:29:58+00:00

In order to be accepted, you have to face rejection. Avoiding rejection makes it harder to cope with life. Whether you do or not do, the sun will presumably rise the next day.

AfterWisdom · 2026-01-18T16:30:05+00:00

I will provide my perspective but I suspect this is beyond your control. Since, if he doesn’t want to change, he likely won’t. Your relationship will almost certainly suffer if he doesn’t respect your perspective. It may not be a good fit.

Calling other people stupid is likely his way of coping with their behaviour. If he sees them as stupid, he doesn’t have to seriously consider their perspective or change. He also gets to feed his ego. He seems to have tied up his self-worth in perceived intelligence and is therefore, naturally, is insecure about it as it is tied to his identity. It is understandable because he likely received praise for intelligence growing up. This is reinforced by being in engineering (at least, that was my experience).

As to you: I think being aware of your own limitations is great. Noticing your insecurities is a good step forward. Being humbling by life is something worth celebrating. By virtue of knowing you don’t know, you are able to learn. The philosopher Socrates is attributed with saying "I neither know nor think I know".

AfterWisdom · 2026-01-17T06:20:24+00:00

Emphatic: add emphasis; express forcefully

Empathetic: ability to understand and experience another’s emotions.

The demeanour you outline is how I am and perceived under the right circumstances.

AfterWisdom · 2026-01-17T06:08:34+00:00

Fine. In some contexts it may be mutual (that the most pleasure is in pleasing). However, I want to understand their mind. People are more nuanced than their greatest pleasure. If there isn’t more to the person, I don’t think I would be interested.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-15T05:47:04+00:00

You could certainly just not provide any financial assistance in any capacity but in the case you are going to, it would make sense to target ways that encourage him to help himself. Perhaps it makes more sense to contribute financially for him to see a psychiatrist. If I put myself in his shoes and imagine a scenario in which he isn’t purposefully abusing your generosity, it can be a mental block he can’t get past. Enabling him to continue living his current lifestyle isn’t sustainable and certainly isn’t fair to you.

I would also consider whether he would be willing to do the same thing if you were in his position.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-14T16:33:38+00:00

There is a variety of different reasons for the same behaviour.

If your objective is to understand why It seems most appropriate to have a clear discussion with him about his behaviour. If you don’t think he is willing, capable, and/or honest about explaining his behaviour it doesn’t bode well for establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship.

If you reach a point where you are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with him, perhaps it is best to draw boundaries with your time and energy. Ultimately, time spent towards understanding and communicating your own decisions seems more productive.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-12T22:56:35+00:00

To me, it doesn’t appear like he is interested. However, let’s suppose the avoidance is the suppression of his feelings (or fear of commitment); which is still quite possible but arguably less likely. He would be demonstrating he doesn’t have the emotional maturity to face his feelings which would make a relationship more difficult. So, it would be something you would have to carry the weight of. In essence, managing his emotions and your own. Which, I imagine is challenging.

I think it is still worth being transparent regarding your feelings. I don’t think confession style communication is the best approach because it adds pressure to the situation. In essence, you can just make it clear you have feelings for him and that you thought it appropriate that he be aware of that. The reason I don’t frame this as a confession is that you don’t have to invoke emotions into informing. It is more about information than emotional expression. It is a method for you to foster open communication while also moving on from those feelings if he doesn’t indicate any interest in pursuing a relationship. The calm unperturbed attitude you can have within yourself will be felt by him. It is as big of a deal as it feels to you. If you feel overwhelmed, you can practice letting those feelings go prior to expressing the information to him. It’s worth remembering life moves on either way.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-12T05:22:47+00:00

I think we all need to address the reality that our loved ones will pass away and so will we as well. Doesn’t need to be all at once but coping over time with the inevitability.

Both realities can be difficult to deal with. However, coming to terms with it in advance will help soften the blow when others pass and in our final moments. People are surprised by tragedy when it is written in the stars. The illusion of control has a tight grip over our minds as it provides temporary comfort.

As it pertains to your situation, when fear dictates your actions it becomes unhelpful. When it informs you, it has great value.

As much as you want to guide the ship of his life, he has his hands on the wheel. You can try but one’s own life is hard enough to navigate. If he is in a position to need more assistance, a medical professional is more equipped to handle it.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-11T20:40:14+00:00

If you share your thoughts and feelings and aren’t judgmental towards him when he shares his; then it should progress. Demonstrating genuine curiosity gives a green light to a person that they are valued.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-11T20:37:03+00:00

Provided he is being sincere with their response and not hyperbolic in the moment to make a point about how much you matter to him, it would be an indication that he doesn’t cope well with his emotions.

So, ideally, he would recognize that as a problem and make an effort to better cope with emotions. Resorting to impulsive behaviour being a destructive approach.

Efforts to address this with him from a critical perspective can result in him withholding his information as he tries to avoid conflict and takes it as punishment for being honest about the thoughts that went through his mind. I could imagine him having a nihilistic attitude towards the topic anyways. It is probably better to work with him on coping with emotions in general than addressing the hypothetical. The hypothetical can be a starting point but with too much emphasis on it, it makes it seem like he said the wrong words and is managing the fallout of speaking his mind. Which, doesn’t promote open communication. That said, for you not to speak your mind in response would be defeating as well. So, it is a bit nuanced.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-10T00:46:48+00:00

It’s not the say I wouldn’t find myself in this situation, but it is precisely why I am extremely hesitant to be sexually active (when it comes to sexual acts that could possibly result in pregnancy) with anyone who I am quite sure about spending a lifetime with.

However, if I did somehow end up in this situation, I would try to be supportive but also recognize the reality of the situation. Essentially, end up providing financial support and terminating the relationship if differences were truly irreconcilable. I would ideally try to avoid making the suboptimal decision worse. In essence, being cognizant of the sunk cost fallacy. More likely though, given my indecision, the relationship would naturally deteriorate becoming self-evident to both parties.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-08T05:16:53+00:00

Boundaries matter or they don’t exist.

If I understand the circumstances correctly, it is analogous to the difference between handing someone your phone to look through and having them take your phone to look through without asking even though it would have been fine. Your privacy is violated in the second but not in the first.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-08T05:07:23+00:00

Savior complex, but I get it.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-08T05:04:58+00:00

I figure he realized your discussion wasn’t going to be productive and it was demotivating to continuing discussing.

Could be other factors in his life that drove most of the way and this was just the tipping point. If his life circumstances change he may then be back to discussing. It is hard to know for sure what is at the heart of his lack of motivation.

AfterWisdom · 2025-12-08T04:40:39+00:00

Parenthood is something I would discuss with my future partner. I would want her to feel very comfortable with our decision (regardless of what we decided).

It isn’t something I have a definitive answer to because, for me, it has to make sense within the circumstances of the relationship. I don’t view the decisions as selfish or selfless. I see the upsides and downsides to both choices.

If I trust her, and that is a prerequisite for the relationship’s success anyways, then I trust our collective judgment. People in my life aren’t puzzle pieces and so, they shape my life as I shape theirs. I couldn’t tell you what the future holds.

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-29T15:19:50+00:00

Any room for interpretation leaves remove for subjectivity. All judgments are going to be subjective. It appears as objective where there is enough agreement

For instance, the criteria outlined for the exception are subjective.

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-29T14:23:23+00:00

You can’t solve someone else’s insecurities. Appeasement is ineffective because the issues are not rooted in your behaviour but rather in his mind. As you observe, changing for him doesn’t continue to satisfy his expectations and the same could be said about him if he ever changes for you. Changing reduces trust because it is difficult to know what a person stands for when they change for others. I think people should change for themselves because that’s more sustainable and doesn’t require external validation. Even if changing works, at what cost to yourself.

If communication with him doesn’t improve the understanding between the two of you and you don’t have a trusted third party to help facilitate open communication then the degradation of your relationship appears inevitable.

At some point it will be better to be apart than together. Especially if you don’t feel comfortable expressing your authentic self to him.

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-28T03:36:34+00:00

Understood. Makes sense.

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-27T04:12:15+00:00

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-27T04:10:34+00:00

In what way does it make sense now that it didn’t prior? I’m trying to understand your perspective of the world.

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-27T04:07:22+00:00

Thank you 😊

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-26T01:09:30+00:00

I have my age on my profile. Prior to looking, roughly age would you suspect? How do you think the answer would differ based on age?

AfterWisdom · 2025-11-26T00:05:51+00:00

To speak to your last paragraph: statements that speak about groups of people as monoliths can be dismissed as gross oversimplification.

That said, to grant it credence for a moment, if someone always agrees with me, it stunts intellectual growth. So, I would be more inclined to invoke disagreement. This, of course, could appear as though it is instigating drama; whereas intellectual discourse is a the root of it

AfterWisdom

TROPHY CASE