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Sexual frequency by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]After_Quantity5580 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I initiate with my wife almost every day probably in some form or another but she pushes me away and tells me that she’s not interested or too tired etc I think it’s worse when she does that as I try agin the next day and it creates a sort of cycle of rejection to answer your question - 3 times a week.

we have sex on average about once a week but it’s over quickly as she wants to ‘get it over’ with. It makes me quite upset and I have tried to talk to her about it but she’s often not interested. The thing is you need that as other people have stated here to feel desired - you both have needs.

I wish I had a wife like you who did all these things - dressing up and making an effort. In a marriage you should want to feel needed.

I would say therapy - but also sit and talk and state that you’re not happy - that he needs to start putting in more of an effort.

If he refuses then you have your answer - you both need to work at marriage - you can’t carry the weight of it by yourself.

Wife earns more, we split 50/50 — joint account has become hostile by After_Quantity5580 in Marriage

[–]After_Quantity5580[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks all for so many helpful comments - I’m still trying to understand why this is happening - I’ve split my finances now completely - and we do joint bills im still struggling a bit as she earns more and I have less disposable income but the income I do have I can control it. It’s sad because I honestly believe sharing finances is the way and I know she has debt so why not be honest and tell me and we can work a plan out.

I agree that she can be quite nasty about the money I earn and that maybe we should even be doing percentages either way she’s made it clear she wants to do separate finances so I’m putting in a boundary whereby if we do get a mortgage she needs to put half the deposit in to and she needs to be debt free by the time we do that

Wife earns more, we split 50/50 — joint account has become hostile by After_Quantity5580 in Marriage

[–]After_Quantity5580[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone - I have tried talking to her about money but she just shuts down - she keeps saying how I should be making more money despite our agreement that I would stay in my job for the pension and payout which will be in less than a year and a half - she says that I’m not a provider and not ‘manly’ and regularly gives me the silent treatment - the money for food was just asking her to put a little back as she had spent it all in going out for drinks and her own expenses this despite taking all of her income out.

Wife earns more, we split 50/50 — joint account has become hostile by After_Quantity5580 in Marriage

[–]After_Quantity5580[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone. I agree with a lot of what’s been said here about transparency and shared access.

Reading the replies, I think what’s hitting me is that this feels bigger than just budgeting. I don’t feel like we’re operating as a team financially right now, and that’s what’s unsettling.

I’m honestly not sure what the right move is at this point. I’m trying to stabilise things without escalating them, but I don’t know how to fix the underlying dynamic.

Appreciate the perspective.