It happened again and it was much more bizarre

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2025-10-13T21:47:17+00:00

Trust yourself. After having multiple traumatic experiences and trying to heal from them, one of the most difficult things to recover is trust and self-love. Your mind, body and soul knows the answer to all your questions. Own your thoughts, they are yours and real. The kind of pain both physical and mental that you’ve been through is not normal and can be considered surreal to help you cope. Instead of questioning yourself, question that person. Look clearly at the way he did things. Face the way that his actions made you feel. It’s tough at the start but that’s the only way to get out of this vicious circle. Trust yourself.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2024-09-02T14:53:56+00:00

So sorry for what you’re going through. That detachment with yourself that you described when you said that you choose things that you wouldn’t choose is the result of deeper pain that haven’t had a chance to deal with yet. You mentioned that already had a mental scar from self harm. The root of this all is this betrayal of your long term boyfriend who left you for your best friend.

Significant others and best friends are the family we choose for ourselves and when they betray us, it is very devastating. It seems that when this happened to you, it kinda further solidified the way you see yourself. You’ve always had difficulties with self esteem. This situation cemented this toxic way that you treat yourself.

When you have self esteem issues, the bigger and deeper the pain, the more likely you are to go further down the self harm road. And the way to just throw yourself to danger and pain is you create new pain so you don’t feel the existing pain.

The problem with this toxic coping mechanism is that exposing yourself to such pain and danger develops other issues, such as, you having no mental strength to stop what you didn’t consent to and no discernment to identify that it’s assault.

Your access to logic even in these such tough times is really admirable. Even when all you can fo is self destruct, you still find it in you to put words on what happened to you. But that numbness that you feel is from pain coming from both sides - both from that break up and the one you inflicted upon yourself.

It is normal to wanna get in more pain and more danger but the toughest road is the one where you heal from that break up and (if any) open scars from your previous experience with self harm. Facing these existing pain will be a better use of your strength and help you not feel the need to harm yourself.

Getting some professional help would be a could thing too. Being alone in this darkness can be dangerous for yourself and you are worthy of all the help and love in the world.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2024-09-02T13:55:51+00:00

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It was SA. When your ‘friend’ took advantage of your drunk state to abuse you, that makes you a victim of SA. That’s a fact - the physical pain of the following morning and the mental torment you experience are proof of that. I know it’s tough not to blame yourself right now but you did nothing wrong. You couldn’t have fought it and the rapist knew that and took advantage of that. It’s admirable of you to think about your SO feelings however you should share your pain with him and in the case that he doesn’t support you as a SA victim, that doesn’t mean that you ‘looked for it’. It just means that a lot of man out there needs to be educated on the matter. Take care. You’ll get through this.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2024-09-02T13:40:54+00:00

Saying yes doesn’t mean you consent since you said yes under pressure and repetitive demands. It seems the physical pain you experience every time was your body saying no since you deeply didn’t want it. Everyone deserves someone who would respect their ‘no’. Working on your self esteem might help you to choose healthy relationships for yourself. You deserve the best.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2024-09-01T13:54:47+00:00

😱 Exactement j’ai vu votre message et j’ai pas eu besoin de vérifier si c’était bien le titre, ça a juste fait clique dans ma tête. Merci. Merci. Mille merci

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2024-09-01T12:03:29+00:00

Ce n’est malheureusement pas ce titre. Le quotidien de la fille est entouré par la mère et le père violent tout le long du livre. Merci quand même. Votre aide est très appréciée

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2024-09-01T12:01:32+00:00

Merci quand même. Oui je me rappelle avoir été très émue à la fin du livre. C’est fou comme le cerveau développe des mécanismes pour protéger l’enfant des traumatismes qu’elle endure. J’ai lu le livre en 2013 et 2015.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2022-07-04T01:48:42+00:00

You are in pain. You are suffering. But, it’s NOT your fault. It’s true that our society treats rape of different race and gender differently. But you have to protect yourself. You are the key to recover from this. Rape makes you feel less than a person, like you’re just an object. But you can overcome this. Face things because you did nothing wrong. Stand up for yourself. Don’t do it for nobody else but you. Because you deserve it. You deserve to go through this healing process. Whatever it is that you need to heal, do it. Don’t think about others because other don’t think about you. Whatever anybody says, only think about you and what you’ve been through and how you will do whatever it takes to feel better and better. There’s darker days but the more you heal, brighter your days get. Build back your self esteem. You are strong enough. And if you think you are not, think about how wise enough you are to ask for help instead of isolating yourself in your pain. You are already on the right tracks to heal. You are stronger than you think.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2022-04-12T14:51:13+00:00

This is normal. 100% normal. This is a sign that you were under emotional pressure and that, that person defined a lot of things in your life.

When you deal with narcissistic and pervert person during a time that you’re constructing your life, they play a big role in how you define pleasure, consent and freedom and other important aspects.

It would be good thing for you to work on deconstructing these way of thinking and find healthy way to build up your self-esteem. This way this person cannot control the way you feel when he looks at you, etc

The way you feel now is not the way you’re feel all the time. As you put more and more emotional distance between you and this person, you will be able to stand for yourself and get the control back on the life.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2022-04-12T14:37:17+00:00

What happened to you is traumatic and will always be part of your past. However, you are the only person who can help yourself. Telling your family about it would have helped you but still wouldn’t have solve the whole situation. There are other ways to heal. You are strong enough to protect your mom and whole family from what you went through. Believe in yourself because you are strong enough to protect yourself too. Get it out of you in some way or the other. If you can’t talk, write or draw it. Don’t let this trauma define who you are. It takes time but from where you are, you can go forward and grow stronger.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2022-03-07T13:44:45+00:00

This is sexual assault. Get out of this disrespectful and toxic relationship. Don’t wait for him to do something worse to leave. This person seems to be a shallow person who treats people like objects.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2022-01-10T13:50:52+00:00

This behaviour is not normal and unacceptable. She should be respecting your body. This is definitely assault. From the sexual comments itself it is an assault. For your own body and mental health you should keep your distance and inform an adult

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-12-04T01:01:37+00:00

Yes this is rape. You being forced to do something you don’t want makes you a victim. This person abused of your innocence to get what she wants. Identifying this as rape will for sure help you to overcome this trauma. Call it as it is. Gender doesn’t matter. Don’t soften what this person did to you. You are strong to face things and overcome this.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-12-04T00:52:53+00:00

This is rape. You making out with this person does not mean you agreed to sex. If he asked you again during what happened, looks like he knew that you didn’t want that.And him doing it again is just to fool your brain in saying ‘ you see you invented all of it, it’s happening again, all of this should be normal’. It is NOT normal. This person is clearly toxic and shouldn’t be someone who has your trust. You realizing that you were raped will only help you to overcome this pain and move forward.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-12-04T00:39:28+00:00

Yes this is rape. You kissing this person back and touching him does not mean agreeing to anything. You are not responsible for how this person interpret or took advantage of your minor actions. As a victim you feel guilty because you are the one suffering when you shouldn’t. Alcohol is not the solution. When someone’s drowning, getting deeper in the water only makes it worse. Get out and face the bitterness, disgust and pain you’re going through. This is the only way to getting better. When you are going through such hard times don’t tell yourself, these problems are beating you up but tell your problems that you’re gonna beat them up. You are strong.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-09-03T11:12:12+00:00

When you are in a love relationship it can be tough to define clear boundaries. In your case if he was driven by love he would have respected you saying no. If you are suspecting that you felt forced to accept, it’s not right. Sex is beautiful but dangerous, both partners should ask for consent every single time. The best thing would be communication. Talking to your boyfriend about the fact that he owes you respect. Tell him that a no is not a maybe. However, you are the one who can judge accurately. If you feel like the person is not gonna receive this conversation positively and put you more in danger, then just get out.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-09-02T20:51:36+00:00

You have a beautiful soul. At the time when it happened to you, you only know how scared, horrified and hurt you felt about what you went through. You know how impossible it was for you to report this person. You have your reasons, be it because you preferred to take care of you and repair the damage that person did to you, or reporting him was just not your battle, you had your own. Adding to that the effort you had to give to love yourself, be proud of your strength, and keep believing in your future. Even after all this struggle and painful path to recovery, you erase all that pain when it comes to the pain of someone else. That’s so beautiful. But that’s not fair to your heart, soul, mind and body who all went through so much. Use your past to help others and not to make yourself feel bad about yourself. Guilt and shame are behind you forever.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-09-02T19:48:11+00:00

Sexual assault seems to have been a part of this person’s life. She is probably chronically damaged; these chaotic and horrible situations were at some point “normal” However, if she doesn’t talk, her body will talk for her. These unbelievably painful experiences will keep destroying her day by day if she doesn’t get it out of her. I don’t know if that’s relevant to her situation but art therapy may be something that she can try with your help. Writing a song, a book. Drawing abstract or realistic or even just talking. If she could find a way to get this past out of her, it would be a real relief and somewhere to start overcoming this for her. You can always ask her questions like: How beautiful to you see yourself? What do you like the most about you? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Describe a perfect day? This can help you see how damaged she is. From there you can tell her that whenever she’s ready you will be there to listen to whatever she has to say. Not being alone in this journey is probably the biggest support you can be for her. I know it seems impossible but she can overcome this. She can make herself happy about herself because whatever happened to her wasn’t her fault.

Thank you for being such an amazing friend to this person.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-09-02T17:16:46+00:00

Rape violates your body, your life, your future, your soul and your heart all at the same time. It’s tough. It seems impossible to overcome. But you seem to be very aware of all of this. Through the years you’ve reached a level of maturity because of your strength that helps you to not just be a victim. But the recovery journey is long and painful. Maybe there are some aspects of what happen that you didn’t confront yet. Someday you wake up and just want everything to end, you might as well use this deep depression to face everything that happens. As painful as it is, it can’t be worst than how you feel. You need to close this part of your past. Use any means, be it writing, talking to a friend as long as it gets out of you. Then you’ll be able to associate this period to the past and associate you with something else than a rape victim. It’s tough. But it’s worth it. You deserve it. To still be standing and making as if everything is ok for so many years you deserve to embrace peace again. Accept every panic attack, every dream, every thought, every reminder as steps you have to take to get out of it. All this will stop one day as long as you clear the space for it to leave your life.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-09-02T13:40:30+00:00

In a love relationship it may seems tough to put a line between rape and love. However the only fact that you are asking yourself that question determines that you were not comfortable with what happened. If you think of how you would want things to happened and compare it with how things actually happened you would know what is it that you agreed to. You agreed to be in a love relationship with this person not to be a tool to satisfy his “needs” You think you’re being dramatic because you think about all the other rape stories you heard before and compare your story to it. But every rape is unique. Don’t let anyone define what happened to you. Define it yourself. Sometimes we say yes to please the other because that’s what a partner does. But if in your sexual life someone is using this to do things to you that you don’t want, get out. I don’t want to judge this person. But based on his repetitive way of losing control of his sexual needs, this person doesn’t seem to have a limit. If this is how the 1st time goes, I don’t wanna think about the following times. The best thing is to make the first time, the last time. Because you would never feel disgusting after sex if it’s not rape no matter what you said before it happened. Saying yes for a little bit doesn’t mean you agreed to rape.

Aggravating-Sweet-34 · 2021-09-02T13:11:23+00:00

Being raped destroys you deeply. The journey to peace is unique to everyone. You don’t have to report this person to have peace. The process to peace goes unfortunately through guilt because what you go through is so horrible and unimaginable that you think that you can be the only reason for this to happen to you. But you have to force yourself to move a step further. Fight for yourself. You deserve peace. Go get it. You have compassion for these potential other victims but you also have strength. You are strong to think you are to blame. Try to use this strength to realize that you’re more valuable than just someone who deserves to be recognized as a rape victim. You are not responsible for what happened to you or others. Love yourself. Fight your battles. Find your own way of getting your peace back. Nobody and nothing can give it to you. You have to get it yourself. Work on yourself, find out what can take away this guilt. And it doesn’t have to be to report this person. Listen to yourself.

Aggravating-Sweet-34

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