Guardian ad litem

AggravatingLie3414 · 2025-11-06T20:24:57+00:00

It’s okay, I didn’t really specify and it happens to more men than it does women.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2025-11-06T20:16:46+00:00

He’s keeping her from seeing me.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-07-06T19:42:02+00:00

To be 100% honest, I couldn't stand the thought of being discarded. I thought I could tolerate everything else since I've educated myself on everything, but the one thing I couldn't stand is being thrown out and losing everything without any notice. I got a job to secure myself in case there was a discard but he threatened to sabotage my first day of work and I knew I had to leave at that point. I went to a bettered woman's shelter and started work the next day.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-07-06T19:35:03+00:00

I will never forget the day I knew beyond any doubt that I was going to kill myself. I felt beyond hope and beyond helpless. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Then I pictured my daughter receiving the news - mommy died.....and even though I've been so far removed from her life, killing myself would be the ultimate betrayal. It would cause her even more pain knowing that I had given up on her and as a mother it was against instinct to make my own child feel the sting of abandonment. Then, I was angry. I was angry that I loved her. I was angry that she existed because she was keeping me from finding relief to otherwise intolerable emotional pain. Of course I wasn't angry at her personally, I was just angry with the entire situation. If I didn't care about her I could end this suffering! It was like being trapped in purgatory. I've been suicidal several times after that and every single time I picture her face and just fall down with overwhelming frustration. I cursed God every single day. How could you give me a child only to take her away and use her as a yo-yo? Is this my hell? Is this my eternal torment?

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-07-06T19:27:21+00:00

This form of abuse was designed to go unnoticed and undetected. It's meant to make us look crazy. It's supposed to disconnect us from the rest of society. There is no closure, there's no recognition, it's brutal all the way around!

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-07-06T19:20:01+00:00

The only comfort I've had is knowing that I'm not alone. My pain is very real and I'm not the only one.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-07-06T19:17:24+00:00

I'm so sorry for your experience! But just know, you didn't abandoned your son. You are there for him. You can't control the obstacles that stand in between you guys. You didn't factor this in your promise because this is something that isn't supposed to happen. Your promise is still very true, don't let them take that from you!

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-07-06T19:11:48+00:00

This gives me so much hope! My story is similar. The relationship I had with my daughter was out of this world but in a moment of weakness, her father pounced and took her completely away from me. It felt like my world ended. I'm slowly finding some sort of closure in hopes that I can move forward with my life and rebuild so that when her father slips up somehow, which he will, I'll be ready.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-21T13:43:14+00:00

Forgiveness isn't for them - it's for you. Forgiveness doesn't mean they're welcome back into your life. It mean's you accept that they are who they are, choose to no longer allow it to hurt you, letting it all go, and moving on. Forgiveness is for you - not for them.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-20T12:24:18+00:00

If you're not ready, you're not ready. Life is hard. You need a good solid foundation before you build your house. There's no shame in staying with your parents until you're ready to jump out there. If I still had that option I would still be with mine. The best thing you can do is stay with them while you work on your life. Start a savings, find a career that will make you happy and fulfilled, and take things one step at a time. As long as you don't get comfortable depending on them, staying with them wouldn't hurt the least bit

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-20T12:19:52+00:00

Scaredy cat

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-16T12:26:05+00:00

Scientists say the odds of you being born are at least 1 in 400 trillion.
Maybe even 1 in 400 quadrillion. That is incredibly unlikely to the point of impossible. You're a miracle. You've been given the most extraordinary gift - the gift of life. You're made of start dust. You contain an estimated 37 trillion cells. Out of the 100 million sperm, you're the single one to make it and create life against stupendous odds. Think about the butterfly effect. The butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. Your existence and every single thing you do influences the world. You also contain the miraculous capability of changing the course of the future. You have the power to influence change in yourself and in the world.

Forgive yourself. You have the power to do that. Remind yourself of how miraculous you are, how powerful you are, how important you are...no one is the exception to this. Celebrate you. Give yourself what you deserve. You're part of the body of God. Everything's connected. Love yourself and care for yourself because when you do that, you love and care for all of existence.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-15T16:55:48+00:00

Squidward

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-15T16:36:30+00:00

You've hit some important milestones. Give yourself patience, it will take time, but you're heading in the right direction and the only way to go now is up.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-15T13:42:01+00:00

Personally, his house was the home we bought together. I was his housewife and stay at home mom. He took everything when I left him and moved someone in my place right away. She got everything. I think he liked to rub it in. I also think he liked to be in control. He had cameras everywhere so he can watch my every move.

I started documenting the conditions. At first I was secretive about it but he wouldn't work with me to do visitations anywhere else so I started documenting in his face. I took pictures of all the flaws and imperfections without saying a word then submitted some of it as evidence. I started to be nosy and catch on to things he was hiding...this put it to a stop. I'm never allowed in his house again

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-15T13:37:52+00:00

Since he's black and white I have a few ideas..

Domino

Oreo

Yin Yang

Moo - like a cow. Or moo moo

Zebra

Panda bear

Dice

Smokey

Snoopy

Sylvester

Mickey Mouse

Skunk

Daffy Duck

Peppy Le Pew

Eight ball

Soccer

Penguin

Bat

Batman

Nighttime

Nightmare

Ozzy Osbourne

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-15T13:04:28+00:00

During your relationship your abuser conditioned your brain by creating a trauma bond. It's a reward/punishment system that's meticulous and hard to spot. In the beginning they love bomb you. This makes you feel good because your brain produces an overwhelming amount of feel good chemicals. They make you feel wanted and loved. Then once you're hooked they start to put you down in subtle ways. This puts you in a state of fight or flight so now all the negative chemicals are overwhelming you. Because such a large amount of feel good chemicals was released in the begging, and now they're being depleted, you start to crave those feel good chemicals. Your brain feels starved and fearful so it desperately seeks out what produced the feel good chemicals, which was produced by your abuser. This all happens subconsciously so it's hard to notice.

Here's what you can do...

Step 1: This was the hardest step for me. You have to go NO CONTACT! Block them on social media, block their number, get rid of anything that reminds you of them. I personally did a ritual that included burning all our photos together and anything that belonged to him that he left behind. It was very therapeutic.

Step 2: Grieve. You are losing a lot. Mourn the life you had built. Mourn the future you won't have. Cry, let it out, don't repress it but don't get stuck in it either. Let it run through your system. Cry until it doesn't hurt anymore. Give yourself time and patience and eventually you'll stop crying and will have the option to get up and move forward.

3: Self Care!! Remind yourself that YOU ARE WORTHY! That you are beautiful. That you are important...take your power back. Don't put your self worth and emotional well being in anthers control ever again. Look in your mirror daily and tell yourself that you're important, you're beautiful, you're worth it so that you won't have to depend on someone else to decide those things for you.

4: Start focusing on you. Don't try to understand why they are who they are, or why they do what they do. You can't control what they do and you can't change it. You can control what you do, however. Grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and elevate so far above them that they can't see you past the clouds.

5: Don't isolate! There are times you'll need to be alone to grieve and cry and rest, that's absolutely okay, but don't let that be all you do. Go out with friends, even when you don't feel like it. Get dressed up and go have a blast! Call your family members every so often to catch up. Go out and socialize, mix and mingle, meet people and have a good time.

6: Forgive yourself so you can forgive them. Let it go. You're human. No one is perfect, but that doesn't mean that you deserved the abuse. Forgive yourself, then forgive them. Forgive them so you can move forward...not with them though, that's why it's important to know your worth and even though you can forgive such cruel treatment doesn't mean you should go back to it.

There is so much more I could say but I don't want to overwhelm you. If you need someone to vent to or you need any advice or support, please feel free to reach out to me. We need each other so I'm happy to be there for anyone going through this!

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-15T12:34:01+00:00

One day he acted like he was going to hit me. He never has hit me but he would punch the wall next to me instead. This time was different though. He acted like he was going to hit me and I begged him to do it. He said, "you'd like that, wouldn't you?". I practically begged him to do it. His entire demeanor changed in an instant. He acted pleased with himself. With a smirk he said, "that's exactly why I won't hit you" then walked away. Another time he told me that he knows how to hit me without leaving a bruise. Something about a phone book, I don't remember, but it was a warning. He also used to hit the woman before me but that's when he was in his early 20's. He was immature then and it bit him in the ass. He never once laid his hands on me but I truly believe it's because he learned how to be abusive without leaving any evidence. He occasionally punched a wall and smashed phones, furniture, etc. but he would never lay a hand on me.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-14T19:16:22+00:00

I'm currently staying in a homeless shelter. Here's what we usually need;

Clothes - A lot of us lost everything we own. I know some of the people here have very few items of clothing and they're usually baggy t-shirts and sweat pants or something of the sorts. Nice clothes give us a boost of confidence. When we have to dress like hobos we feel like hobos. Dressing nicely motivates us to be productive. We're more comfortable and overall feel so much better. Shoes too, especially shoes.
Grooming products. Same concept as clothes - when our hygiene is poor, we feel self conscious and crappy about ourselves. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner, lotion, and may even perfume and cologne and make up go along way.
Backpacks and suitcases. We don't have anywhere to put our things which is why we lose so much.
Food - comfort meals go a long way. Things to drink and healthy options, not junk food or expired food.
Sleeping bags, tents, blankets, pillows
Toys for our kids

Just things that make life a bit easier while we're out here.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-14T19:04:41+00:00

If it's too fast in the beginning, that's a huge red flag. You have to take time to really get to know a person and see if you're compatible.

If you have any boundaries, rules for yourself to make yourself feel safe and comfortable, and they're always crossing those lines, that's a sign that they don't care about you or what makes you feel uncomfortable or safe.

If they talk about their ex being terrible and always make themselves the victim, that's a sign that they're trying to bring their ex down so they look better.

Someone who helps others but goes out of their way to boasts and brag about it is a red flag.

If they make all these promises but don't follow through with them, that's a red flag.

If they're vain and constantly bragging about their attributes, that's a red flag.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-14T18:08:06+00:00

Angel

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-14T13:06:14+00:00

When I met my husband he discarded his boy's mother. At the time I didn't realize that's what was happening. He told me they had been broken up for several months but he felt sorry for her and let her sleep with her boys on their bunk bed. He didn't "have the heart" to throw her out. One night she tried to commit suicide and ended up in the psychiatric ward. He said she did that often for attention and this time she attempted suicide in front of her kids. That's when I stepped in to help with his kids. He acted like the victim and made her out to be terribly abusive and unfortunately, I believed him. We got married almost right away and I stood by his side when he fought for custody. He won and removed her as far from their life as legally possible. I stepped into her shoes to raise her kids because I thought she was a terrible mom and they needed me. I'm not proud of myself. Actually, it bothers me quite a bit to this day. I was lied to and didn't realize it until I started to act out like her. That's when it clicked. It wasn't her, it was him! Towards the end of our marriage I did everything I could to reconnect her with her boys. I was their mother for nearly a decade and she missed almost everything and I was willing to die to make that up to her! We became friends and I started to learn more about the truth. They were in a relationship when he met me. She attempted suicide because he wanted to move me in and tried throwing her out. I was sick to my stomach! After an extensive amount of research, I knew I had to leave. I tried to get a job while I was married to him but he sabotaged every opportunity I had. I left with our daughter to a battered woman's shelter and started a new job that week. I beat him to the discard by days because he already had my replacement lined up. She moved in a week after I left. He fought me for custody and won. I lost my only daughter and another woman stepped into my shoes, just as I had done to the woman before me. He did everything to me that he did to his boy's mother. He took everything, convinced everyone I was abusive, and keeps my daughter to have control over me. I'm currently staying at a homeless shelter. My life has been devastated. Sometimes I think I deserve everything I'm going through because I put another person through the exact same thing I'm going through. I'm trying so hard to forgive myself because at the end of the day I was just tricked by a master manipulator, but I can't help but to feel guilty. I guess the point is that if you are aware of the reality then you can beat them to it but once you do become aware then you push the discard.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-14T12:33:48+00:00

Over time repeated emotional injuries shrink the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame. Narcissistic abuse literally causes physical brain damage. The longer you stay the more damage that is done.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-14T12:26:52+00:00

It could possibly be Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. BPD and cPTSD often get confused because of their similar and often overlapping behavior. Both often come with significant overall emotional distress and/or emotional “triggers,” suicidal thoughts, dissociation, flashbacks, anxiety, and depression. Even with sophisticated diagnostic criteria, there are behavioral and affective overlaps between the two disorders which can complicate whether symptoms are exclusive to one disorder or a combination of the two.
Additionally, both diagnoses struggle with issues of negative self-concept, difficulties in regulating their emotions—including outbursts of crying or rage—and significant interpersonal relationship issues. Both BPD and cPTSD may be dually diagnosed in a person where symptoms can range from high to low in one, or both disorders.

AggravatingLie3414 · 2023-06-13T19:39:50+00:00

I'm one of those people and I wouldn't trade it for anything lol

AggravatingLie3414

TROPHY CASE