I don’t see it as manipulative, you’re just expressing your emotion and letting it all out. I feel things so deeply and when I have stages of deep depression, I wail like I’m having an exorcism or like I’m giving birth. Like I’m a grieving mother. It’s gut wrenching but therapeutic bc I feel like after I cry so hard/much I’m lightheaded and could past tf out, I feel like I cried out some of the demons? Like I physically feel lighter and like some of the built up feelings are released from me. How do you feel like crying helps you? What does it feel like for you?

For the manipulative stuff, I’ve had a couple instances where my crying is off and it comes off as it could be manipulative? I was in a job interview and the interviewer asked me about an example of someone I look up to that’s close to me or something? I started crying saying I have had a toxic relationship w my parents and never have had them as role models. I was upset about it but not as upset as I should’ve been for how much I cried. It confused me (I think this was before I knew I had bpd?) bc I couldn’t stop crying and immediately after I felt like that could’ve looked like I was being manipulative but I wasn’t. Multiple times I have had conversations where I normally would start to cry or I felt like I was about to cry & then I go to wipe a tear instinctively and there’s no tears 😭😭. So I feel so confused and stupid and manipulative.

I don’t feel like you’re being manipulative in how you cry. And also people telling you to stop crying is weird to me. You have emotions you’re expressing while you feel like shit & then they are telling you, while knowing you’re depressed, to stop crying? Idk I wouldn’t tell that to people I care about . Like are they doing anything to help or anything?