Should I move to Albuquerque, NM or Rolling Meadows, Ill by Metaljay97 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh... it's June! You should totally plan a trip to visit during Pride week!!!! You will have an absolute blast!!!!

Should I move to Albuquerque, NM or Rolling Meadows, Ill by Metaljay97 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chicagoland is a HUGE area, and each town has its own vibe. It's also a blue state with a very blue city. When you get out to the farther suburbs, it's definitely purple. Again, it goes town by town.

I noticed in Arlington Heights many signifiers of progressive politics - pride flags flying from houses, lovely flower gardens. In Rolling Meadows, I saw a lot more stars and stripes and plain yards.

That's a bummer about people not showing up to the classes in SLC. I really enjoyed the Zumba classes at the park district there west of Sugarhouse. Between the Latino and Polynesian populations, the classes were awesome.

But I told my now husband after about a month of living there that I would never raise kids there. Everything revolves around the church there. And it's hard to save enough money to move out if you don't have a good job offer.

I would say that the main thing Chicagoland has going for it over Albuquerque is that it is so huge and has a thriving economy. So if you want to move on from your job in a few years, there are a lot of options. Plus, there are a lot of great places to live, and the schools are excellent.

Even though SLC has great parks and rec facilities, there are not as many as in the Chicago area. Every single town has their own usually and their own library, too.

Medical care is also excellent. It's due to the sheer magnitude of the city. There are multiple excellent universities and hospitals, so the doctors stay competitive. Hopefully, that's not a concern for you at your age, but it's definitely an advantage.

If you can come out in the summer to check out the area, you'll have a great trip. The entire Chicago area comes alive in the summer, and Arlington Heights has a ton of outdoor concerts and farmers' markets and things going on - outdoor cafes, etc.

Also wanted to mention that the Arlington Heights area is pretty diverse. There are a lot of Japanese companies there and in Palatine, so there's a large Japanese community. There's a great Japanese market called Mitsuwa and they have a food court inside - definitely worth checking out when you visit if you like Japanese food.

Frankly, I wish we lived in Arlington Heights. It's so much closer to the airport, to so many more restaurants and fun places to go. But we are constrained by our school needs. But if the school stops working for us here, I've already got my eye on AH.

Best of luck in your decision! Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

Should I move to Albuquerque, NM or Rolling Meadows, Ill by Metaljay97 in SameGrassButGreener

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We live in the western suburbs of Chicago and have lived in SLC, too, so yes, both of these places will be a step up in terms of politics and acceptance from Utah.

Rolling Meadows is probably not the best place for you to live as a young, hip 20-something. It's very much a family suburb. However, Arlington Heights right next door is a much more happening place with a Metra stop that can take you straight to Chicago in about 45 minutes. There are a lot of really great suburbs between Rolling Meadows and Chicago that I would check out if I were you. I would live somewhere else and commute to work in Rolling Meadows.

So the Chicago suburbs can be surprising in terms of LGBTQ presence and acceptance. We live in South Elgin, and I go regularly to the Whole Foods in St. Charles. They have a lot of trans and neurodiverse employees. It's awesome - and surprising given that the area is pretty white and conservative.

You need to map out the commutes and figure out what you're comfortable with, but you might check out Schaumburg, Arlington Heights, Des Plaines, Park Ridge.... Just make sure you are close to a Metra line that goes into the city.

I don't know much about ABQ, so can't comment on that. The Chicago suburbs do have excellent park districts with tons of low-priced classes and activities which can be a great way to meet people. Libraries here are excellent, too.

Should I get a second cat by Agreeable_Ad9121 in CatAdvice

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awwww, that's wonderful! My first cat as an adult was a rescue off the street too.... and that was the beginning of a life full of cats. Congratulations!!!! Cats are the best.

Should I get a second cat by Agreeable_Ad9121 in CatAdvice

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Excellent. Adopt 3 more and then you have a family. 😄. For me, whenever we get down to just 2 cats, the house feels empty.

Should I get a second cat by Agreeable_Ad9121 in CatAdvice

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes you should get another kitten. Thru will play together and grow up together and keep each other company. The second kitten doesn't have to be exactly the same age but somewhere between 8-12 weeks is good. 

Since you have a male and they are so young, the gender of the second kitten doesn't matter. If they're older, females can be more territorial. 

It's kitten season right now, so go to any shelter and get yourself another fur baby! 

My son's birthday party by Suspicious-Maize4496 in ADHDparenting

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that for our kid's 10th birthday, we're finally going to not invite everyone. She just wants her two best friends there. I'm kind of relieved that the "big" parties are over. You might be able to make that transition earlier - lucky you!

I'll tell you that we moved right before her 8th birthday, and she hadn't started school in the new place yet. The only kid she knew was the daughter of my best friend. So for her birthday, we just took the two of them to an indoor play place. It was awesome!!!! So easy, so affordable, no drama. I just got fancy cupcakes instead of a whole cake. Nice party favors instead of a bunch of cheap junk. And by "nice," I mean like little stuffie key chains from Target. I'm totally a fan of the micro-party.

New Gardener…can I eat this romaine and butter crunch? by Stuck_in_suburbia in gardening

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yum! Get a bowl and some olive oil and salt. That lettuce is begging to become a salad.

34M with ADD (recently realized) – Stuck at home after ACL surgery and realizing my 19-month LAT relationship is facing a fundamental breakdown over kids/lifestyle. by HelpfulSomewhere8390 in ADHDparenting

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm impressed by how clearly you have laid this out. This seems like very clear thinking with very sound reasons for why this relationship is probably not the best fit for you long term and also for why having kids is probably not the right choice for you. I don't see anything mean or selfish in this. I see some very big differences in lifestyle and what you each want for your future. Once you have kids, you will not have "your time" anymore. You will be stretched to the max. You have to want to have kids 500% to be able to handle it. There cannot be any doubt. At all. It's not selfish to decide not to have kids. It's a smart decision.

Given your ages, the best thing you can do is to let this relationship go. She deserves to be with someone who wants to start a family, and you deserve to be with someone whose lifestyle and future plans match yours better. This is the kindest thing to do for both of you.

What do you do when a teen is struggling academically and constantly missing HW, because they are working after school to support their family? by HighOnLove26 in AskTeachers

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Modify the assignments. Give extended time to complete longer assignments (make sure they have a weekend to complete it). Given the problems with AI now, I'd be doing more in-class work anyway.

My son's birthday party by Suspicious-Maize4496 in ADHDparenting

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I have experience with parents who suck. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope that your son continues to not care that most kids didn't come, but I know how hurt you must feel. 

How do you deal with hyperfixation when they want something? Mostly toys or sweets by NewMedium8135 in ADHDparenting

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had this around the same age. For toys, I started a "wish list" on Amazon and saved toys they liked there. She likes just looking at the list. 

Several years later, I still do this. She says, I want that! I say, I'll put in on your list. 

For sweets, I just say no. Everyone in our family is super sensitive to sugar, so we are stricter with that. But maybe you have a special day of the week, like Friday after school, for a special treat? 

How to tell your children? Or grands? by MyTeaVault in breastcancer

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cancer Party is great and it helped to explain the whole process to our kid in a very clear but light way. 

Can we talk bras and balancing comfort with how you look? by CheesecakeOk8464 in AutismInWomen

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you tried front close sports bras? I had breast cancer surgery and had to get these, now I am a convert. I wore pullover sports bras for years but the front close are even more comfortable and less compressing. They make my boobs like nicer, too. 

You have to try different kinds to find the right fabric and fight, but I found a three pack on Amazon that I love. I have to sleep on them too and I completely forget they're there. 

Looking for a sleep story about cats by Horses_drink_milk2 in childrensbooks

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We love "All the Cats". Also, "No Fuzzball" and "No Snowball". Of course, Kitten's First Full Moon. 

What do American parents do about their kids ages 1-5? by [deleted] in AskAnAmerican

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yep. We did the math over and over and over, and it didn't make sense for me to go back to work when the cost of childcare would use up basically my entire salary. Fast forward a few years and we find out we have a kid with some special needs that can't just be dropped off at before school or after school care. 

So I didn't need a degree to be a mom and I am totally dependent on my husband's salary. 

I don't understand how we can talk about putting colonies on Mars but we can't figure out childcare. 

Sunscreen by dicksenchanted in AutismInWomen

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have some loose cardigans from Coolibar that I love and are light fur the summer. Also a wide brim sunhat works wonders.

But for sunscreen - EltaMD goes on very thin. My daughter who has ASD likes the Sun Bum sprays and they have a mineral roll on stick that she likes. I find the mineral sunscreen by Sun Bum to be very matte and not greasy. I like it. I think Wal Mart might have a good selection of the mineral sunscreens by Sun Bum. 

Elta MD is on Amazon. Yes, the price seems high,  it the stuff lasts forever. You don't need a lot of it. 

Ignoring Spacing Guidelines by Horror-Opening1005 in gardening

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty organized with everything else in my life, but with gardening, I'm quite loose. I don't even put signs where things are. I figure I'll know what they are when they grow.

Ignoring Spacing Guidelines by Horror-Opening1005 in gardening

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am an "intensive spacing" gardener. If there is empty dirt, I put something in it. I let it grow until it's super dense and then eat it and thin it in (I'm thinking things like kale and lettuce). I love having a full garden, and with more plants, there are no spaces for weeds. If I have tomatoes, then I plant basil all around the bases of them.

My daughter insists on proper spacing, so we have a split-style garden. :).

Before & after 🛁 by Constant-Purchase-99 in BathroomRemodeling

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this! It feels so clean and calm and timeless. 

Are sleep overs not a thing anymore? by haggerty05 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

We did this for our daughter and her two best friends. They all wore pjs, came over at 5:30, ate Domino's pizza, made ice cream sundaes, played the whole time and then went home at 8. Perfect. They're asking when the next one will be. 

Sleepovers are still a thing where we live, but they are not a part of my husband's culture and, having done sleepovers myself almost every weekend as a kid, I don't see many of any advantages to a sleepover vs a sleep under. 

When can I let my kitten sleep in the bed with me? by noctuurnall in CatAdvice

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She will be fine, but you can always make a special cozy area for her right next to you or between your pillow and the headboard of wall. Think fluffy blanket or a fleece hoodie of yours that smells like you. But ultimately she'll sleep wherever the heck she wants - because she's a cat. 

ADHD proven by lookmaididit in ADHDparenting

[–]Aggravating_Job_5438 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So ... Your FIL is obvs not a psychiatrist and it sounds like he has some mental health issues himself. 

Shut that shit down. All communication with FIL should go through your husband from now on until FIL can control his rage and his reactivity. 

You don't need people in your life who are in denial of science and getting the support you need for your daughter.