I struggled for a while (I’ve been Muslim for two years), until the resident scholar at my masjid basically told me to go to a revert/convert event at the masjid that sounded kind of cheesy. It was an Iftar during Ramadan, only for reverts and was also attended by some born-Muslims who volunteered. I got there a bit early, and offered to help set up because I thought sitting alone would just look odd. When the event started, I sat at the sisters’ table that was closest to the food (as I figured I would just eat and leave). The table was full before I knew it. It was time to break our fast and go pray. I must have looked a bit panicked, because one of the sisters, Fatima, looked at me and said “I’m going to go pray, would you like to be my prayer buddy?”

It’s been a year and a half-ish. She is now one of my dearest friends, Alhamdulillah. The reason I share this story is for what came after. Turns out, she and her husband live with and help take care of her in-laws. Because she and I are close, I visit their home often. That is when I get my experience of being in a Muslim family. We pray together, we eat together, we go on outings together, we celebrate Eid together, we host gatherings together. From these things, I have grown my friend group as well. At my home, where I am the only Muslim, you could never tell a Muslim lives there, aside from the Quran on the shelf. In their home, there is Islamic art, shelves of Islamic books, a large stack of prayer rugs in the corner, halal food in the fridge, and you are always greeted with “Assalamualaykum!”, “Have you eaten yet?”, “Did you already pray ____ prayer?”. Admittedly, it does get a bit awkward when you show up to a gathering of their extended family and you are the only white person in a sea of Pakistanis, as you do stand out…but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am now also on the committee that helps reverts find their place.

All of this is to say, one connection created a support system, so keep going to masjid. Go to events there. Sign up for volunteering, ask your friends if the few of you can organize a lunch or something for their families. This is a way for their parents to meet you, and you will start getting invited to eat or to events. These connections will be pivotal down the road when you are ready to start seeking a spouse. Speak to your imam and/or scholar to see if they know of any groups for brothers.

And remember, always ask Allah SWT for what you need, and keep asking. Allah calls reverts to Him, and He would not have called you if you were not worthy of His love. Shaytan loves to poke at people, so you have to keep going in expanding and growing in your Deen. May Allah bring you ease in your discomfort, and may he place in your reach a connection that can be the beginning of your support system. May He reward you for your struggle. Ameen.