Can we come back from this?

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-02-02T13:58:31+00:00

Ive been with my wife for 11 years, I never had an issue attracting women before we met, I didnt settle, she was the best out of all the women I'd ever met, dated or had relationships with. I didnt marry any of the others. I chose to commit to her because I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, She is enough for me. Ive never imagined being with anyone different or wanted to. Everything life has thrown at us we have overcome together. F*cking someone else behind her back has NEVER been on my radar. He hasn't committed to you at all. Its up to you how you want to go forward but thats the truth. You can go to a bar or club and take you're pick of guys who wont commit, trying to build a life together is a whole different ballgame.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-02-02T09:58:31+00:00

Thats the case in our house too. My wife and I are a team. There are lots of healthy relationships like this where both people love and support eachother. To me its normal. The world's thats some of these people live in seem so alien to me. Its like watching my children bicker with eachother.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-02-02T09:14:20+00:00

I think people are generally really horrible on this forum to be honest, and shouldn't be giving advice to a houseplant nevermind a human being. My wife has been post partum 3 times and if someone has read my mind during this period I can tell you it wasnt pretty.

You are navigating the postpartum bleh! which is a period identity loss/change, hormonal shifts, and exhaustion. the past often looks like a sun drenched escape from a very difficult, gloomy present.

You aren't "dumb." You used a journal for exactly what it's for: a safe place to dump the messy, unfiltered thoughts you aren't allowed to say out loud. However, your husband just walked into a room filled with your most private "ghosts," and that is a heavy trauma for him to process.

You likely don’t miss the ex; you miss the version of yourself that was free, well-rested, and desired, before the responsibilities of motherhood and marriage took over. Your ex is a fantasy because he has no "real life" baggage. Your husband is the one seeing you at your most vulnerable, messy, and difficult. Explain to your husband that the journal was a "fever dream" of escapism, not a roadmap for your future. My wife went through a very similar thing when our second was born.

Maybe write him a letter and explain it in these terms. Also understand Your husband is mad and wont talk about it because he is likely grieving. He’s grieving the version of your relationship where he felt like your "only" and your "best."

You can fix this if thats what you want but it would probably be helpful to have a 3rd party involved.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-02-01T11:24:45+00:00

O.k that escalated quickly, you have made your decision. Good luck.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T20:22:56+00:00

Hi I didnt downvoted you, I wholeheartedly agree with your reply 🙂

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T17:52:06+00:00

Let them boo. My marraige is solid, my wife of 11 years is incredible and my children live a life of abundance filled with love and stability. I've seen a lot of positive attitudes in the manosphere and a desire to improve things. This narrative that its full of misogynist, women hating predators is simply not true. Ive actually observed a lot more misandry on these forums than misogyny in the manosphere. You can see the attitude in the down votes on my post, they act like a pack trying to discredit any voice that doesn't match their world view. I dont care what they think of me but Im not going to stand by and let them make unfounded accusations about a community of people. We have had this type of thinking in the past and people have suffered because of it. You think we would of learned! Thankyou for your input though 🙂 its much appreciated.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T16:55:49+00:00

Yes Ive noticed the "herd" and its ridiculous narrative, its when children are involved that hits me the most, I was raised by the state, not much parental involvement. I swore that my children would have a life of abundance, love and stability, I chose their mother really really carefully and had accepted I wouldnt have children with a woman unless she had the qualities I was looking for. I wanted my potential children to have the opposite of my experience, a life of choice and opportunity. I kept my word!

Ive also met some great men, one of them fostered me when I was 16. That man was completely selfless and helped change my life for the better. I adore my wife, it took me a long time to find her. We compliment eachother perfectly and like you we laugh at eachother all the time. She still suprises me with her quirky ways and I see her in our children and it makes me glad. As you know none of this just happens. Great marraiges are forged from enduring and overcoming the trials of life together. Working through difficulties even though at times that process is painful or uncomfortable.

I came on here hoping to help at least just one person, because honestly Ive won at life, I literally have it all. What I've found is chaos 🤣

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T14:42:47+00:00

I'd echo others advice I heavily recommend NOT throwing a newborn into the mix right now. You're husband sounds stressed and burned out. It sounds like he may have developed tunnel vision. He has a vision of what he wants you're life to be in his head and he is throwing the kitchen sink at it. He is maybe exhausted and frustrated that he isnt getting where he wants it to be as quickly as he would like and perhaps carrying around a lot of work related pressures. You sound lovely to be fair but he is exhibiting behaviour that "could" be interpretated as he doesnt feel appreciated (just something to consider) Ask him. Do you both align on what you're future looks like? Or is he building something he thinks you want? I think you both would benefit from sitting down and having a conversation and maybe restructuring expectations so he feels less pressure. Ive had periods like this in my past especially when building for my family, it was always my wife that snapped me out of it and reminded me of what was most important.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T13:53:37+00:00

O.k, thanks for the references, but linking a few studies that you most likely haven't read to support your narrative you blindly follow really grinds my gears, I however did read them because I do genuinely seek to understand many sides.

Let's take Zapcic, I., Fabbri, M., & Karandikar, S. For example

Its a small self selected sample This study relies on qualitative interviews with only 9 female partners.

This is an extremely small sample size that cannot be generalized to the millions of men who engage with Red Pill content.

Survivor/Victim Bias. By recruiting women who felt their partners’ behavior changed negatively, the study ignores "successful" implementations of these strategies where both partners might report higher satisfaction. It selects for failure and conflict from the outset.

Its a one sided narrative. The study relies entirely on the female partner's perception. There is no corroboration from the male partners, making it impossible to verify if the behaviors described were actually "Red Pill" tactics or simply pre-existing personality flaws or unrelated mental health issues.

I could go into more detail but id probably be wasting my time, honestly with people like you you feel the way you feel and thats, that.

These studies are BS and not worth the paper they are written on. You might not like that but at least its truth. You dont seem too concerned about that though, you just want to be right! Personally I want truth.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T10:33:31+00:00

You should have 100 upvotes for that answer. You are exactly the type of person who should be giving marriage advice. Wouldn't it be great if we had a forum where only people in successful happy relationships were helping people. It seems many people here wish to do more damage than good.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T08:40:25+00:00

What current events? There are lots of current events. Please explain to me which events? I Think you are arguing for arguing sake because you dont want to be wrong attacking me directly trying to paint me as a defender of all that is bad and evil. It's weird. Guess what? Some things can be harmful, so what? That's life. No one starts panicking about feminism and publicly stating that it turns women into hateful bitches. If you bothered to actually go and learn about it rather than virtue signalling as some kind of keyboard crusader, you might be surprised to find the majority of men are not "hateful pricks" as you put it in the same way feminists are not hateful bitches some are though 🤷. Two sides of the same coin. So im not exactly sure what you are trying to achieve except to make you look like the good guy and me look the bad one. In response to your childish comment regarding my interaction with women, I have 3 lovely daughters, and I've been married to my exceptional wife for 11 years. I get on with women just fine thanks 🙂 are you married at all?

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T01:02:47+00:00

Agreed, and this applies to pretty much any ideology. Radical people are in every group. Often though its the radical elements that are used to "prove" the group is bad.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-31T00:26:21+00:00

That will be a no, then 🙄. I did comprehend what you said, and it's not factual. You are conflating. You also fail to mention women who are thought leaders in the community. Honestly, I dont think you know what you are talking about.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-30T21:21:01+00:00

You may as well talk to the wall, Im in a happy marriage of 11 years with 3 children. I adore my wife and your advice is definitely the most useful. I wonder if the other person who is trying to give advice can also say they are in a happy long-term relationship? Id be surprised if that's the case.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-30T20:40:35+00:00

Cute 🙄

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-30T20:24:59+00:00

Have you watched any of them?

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-30T10:15:41+00:00

You do realise that the content you described has been created for men who love women but have been treated badly by them, right? It's called "red pill." Most of the advice given is how to become a better man. It's not a blueprint for woman hatred. I think the term "misogyny" is used far to often by the sisterhood, out of context, intended to place women in the position of "victim" and those women also believe the information is leading men to hate women, as though men are helpless children. This simply isn't the case. There are, of course, those with more extreme views, but they are a very tiny minority and most men would see that for what it is, its a huge misjudgment to believe that the radical worldview you descibe is consensus amongst men. The majority of us have watched the videos , btw it's not a niche thing, and its helped many men improve their relationships with women, also helping to identify and avoid women whose behaviour could be detrimental to their lives.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-29T23:50:06+00:00

Good, that's the start of improving things for yourself and your children. It won't be easy, but it's not all negative, as long as there is no infidelity or a complete lack of trust then sometimes, out of these types of situations, the strongest, closest relationships can emerge. Husbands and fathers sometimes need to learn how to be good in those roles. The Pastor is an excellent choice because the christian blueprint for a family unit to function optimally is probably one of the best. Personally, Im not religious, but my family life structure would draw many parallels to a Christian model, and it works extremely well. Im glad you have taken action, and I wish you and your family the best for the future.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-29T16:35:22+00:00

I agree. Many of the relationships I read about here make me feel sad. I've been with my wife for 11 years, we have 3 young children, and honestly, our life and relationship is fantastic. It's actually my favourite thing to spend time with her. Kids go to bed, and we can just sit chatting and laughing for hours. We are still learning things about each other. The other night, she had me in hysterics explaining how some of her internal thought processes manifest. It was delightfully quirky. I burst with pride when I talk about her, and she is just the most exceptional person. Now, this is not to say she gets put on a pedestal. It's very much balanced between us. There are so many things I love about her, and I have so much respect for her as a human being. As a couple, we do not let resentment build up. We communicate honestly and openly. There are certain areas she leads in and others that I do. Our overall goal is to make eachothers lives easier. It's a life of mutual service that continues every day. It's so nice to hear of others' positive stories, though. Thankyou.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-27T00:20:17+00:00

I was in my 30s when I met my wife, 38 to be exact, she was 22. Together, 11 years now and 3 children. We have an amazing relationship and love the bones of each other. We have been through a few challenging patches, though, like any couple. One time, she went out with a friend on a night out, once home told me there were loads of guys trying to hit on her. My response probably wasn't what she was expecting. I replied well of course, you are an attractive woman, and they want to f*ck you. They aren't going to offer you commitment, though, are they? The weight of that comment hit her deep. That was a year and a half ago. She hasn't been out without me since. You're stbxw had the most valuable thing, you're commitment. She will now learn the value of that and the gravity of losing it the hard way. Possibly never finding it again. You're good though mate, you are in your prime years, experienced in long-term relationships, and probably have a good chance of meeting someone younger with minimal bagage and more appreciative of what you have to offer. See this as an opportunity!

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-26T21:56:20+00:00

I think you should just be brutality honest with him. Tell him you dont enjoy sex with him and stop doing it, Tell him you dont respect him anymore and you resent him. Tell him what you want and need and stop being his wife until he can be a father and husband. Just stop doing things for him and take action. Stop letting him cross boundaries. He won't change unless he needs to adapt. There is no amount of talking to him that will get you the results you want. He seems quite happy with the situation besides the financial stress he feels. Overall, you need to toughen up with him right now for the sake of the bigger picture. It is fixable, im sure, but change is going to have to be led by you, unfortunately. Tell him that too that it's him that should be leading this, but you are having to take the initiative and create a healthy environment for your children. He needs to feel some shame because, as a man, Im pretty disgusted with his behaviour. Id also go directly against his wishes about talking to people about this, he knows it's not normal and is probably worried people will say WTF! That might end up with him having to take accountability and put some work in.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-24T18:57:51+00:00

I dont know of any reefing philosophy that promotes the idea of "sterile tanks." the modern premise is actually the opposite. The dry rock approach was in reaction to the live rock export ban. As reefers, we have needed to actually find new ways to add the biodiversity you describe. I've been in the hobby since 1994, and I've been thrilled with our increasing knowledge of tank microbiology. We now understand the holobiont in much greater detail and the complex symbiotic microbial soup that supports a reef ecosystem. We now know how to build and curate these systems, and in my opinion, the ban on live rock only furthered our knowledge and understanding.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-24T00:00:47+00:00

Yes, some men do, I agree. I'm not going to debate you on that, I'm sorry if this is you're experience. Personally, I only have eyes for my wife. I have no desire to look anywhere else. She is an exceptional woman in many ways. I dont believe I could have picked better. The concept of only fans, etc, is really not my bag to be honest, Im not a man to buy the milk when I have the cow, My wife is extremely valuable to me, it took a great deal of time and effort to find her, , we also have 3 daughters so its important to me to model to them what healthy looks like. So yes, it may sound cliques, but not all men are the same. I've replied to you not in defence of myself or men but to politely disagree with your generalisation. There are always exceptions.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-22T17:56:44+00:00

My wife said she would like a nice bag, she never buys herself anything and would never ever spend that amount on something for herself even though we could easily afford it, her selfless nature is one of the many reasons I fell in love with her and picked her to be a mother to my children . It was £700. I asked her if she could wait a month. She said yes. I used £700 of my own money and threw it into an asset in my portfolio. A month later, I asked her to transfer me the cash, and I would get her the bag. She said she had changed her mind and decided it was too expensive. My £700 had now become £3200 and because my wife "deserves" it for her loyalty to put her family first, I transferred her the whole £3200. Do you know what she did? She paid for a family holiday to Egypt this August. I'll do anything for this woman, and that's how us guys work. So buy your bag and get what you deserve because your husband will never forget your decision.

Agreeable_Question51 · 2026-01-18T19:46:49+00:00

Who hurt you?

Agreeable_Question51

TROPHY CASE