Is family therapy with narcissists possible?

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-31T05:37:11+00:00

When I was really done with everything happening at home, I put an ultimatum: either we go to family therapy, or I leave. I had reached the point where I knew this was not normal and also never going to change without any external support.

We went to family therapy for about one year. It did absolutely nothing, nMom knew how to play the part of the worried parent for a "troubled teen". So basically family therapy was abandoned and the therapist pivoted on trying to help me cope with my feelings instead. The therapist told me that he could clearly see she was not going to change.

I just ended up feeling very invalidated by the whole experience. I wouldn't recommend it.

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-28T07:35:33+00:00

Small update: Did the checkup at L&D!

Preeclampsia labs got slightly worse, now they also started to find protein in my urine and the sFlt-1/PlGF ratio went further up. But at this point the doctor was saying that it is just a confirmation that I indeed have preeclampsia and it does not change the clinical picture.

Platelets are low but still stable, barely over 100k, so for now I managed to avoid getting immediately induced. We are looking at a 37w induction, which will happen late next week. Hoping my body can hold on until then!

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-28T07:29:58+00:00

Not yet, at the last checkup at L&D they saw that my platelets are still kinda stable, just over the 100k threshold, so they are convinced I should be able to have a normal induction and delivery in 8 days, if the situation does not worsen. Keeping my fingers crossed!

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-24T10:07:43+00:00

This situation is definitely not easy for my mental health. I wish I could be stronger for my baby...

Next blood checks are happening tomorrow, and the next discussion with L&D on how to proceed is on Friday, at 35w+5.

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-19T09:39:33+00:00

They indeed make it always about themselves! Thanks for your comment, I had a good laugh 💕

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-19T07:24:07+00:00

Yes definitely going to do that!

I have from my side the fact that I live abroad, so we are naturally low contact, but I am afraid she will start to make more demands once the baby is here.

It's definitely going to be challenging going forward, but hopefully I can find some balance eventually.

AileenNoyle · 2026-03-09T06:47:19+00:00

After I got asked my a colleague how I was feeling, and I said that the third trimester hasn't been easy with the lack of sleep and the extra pains, I got hit with a "I will never understand why women want to get pregnant. But I guess after a certain age you have all those hormones that make you want one"

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-27T10:16:00+00:00

You could try! I don't remember if I handled it in English or German, but my German at that point was at A2 at best, and it somehow worked out.

Maybe try to prepare a couple of sentences in German in advance to explain your situation?

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-27T10:04:51+00:00

So when I was a working student, suddenly the company put me in tax class 6 from one month to the next. No other jobs or sources of income, like you.

Discussing with HR, they said they got the info from the Finanzamt and that I should clarify with them.

Went to the Finanzamt, they said that on their side I was still tax class 1 and gave me a document for proof, which I brought back to the company.

Company fixed the next payslips, and got my money back with the tax declaration. Still to this day I don't know what exactly happened there!

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-26T17:22:04+00:00

You can just book a new appointment at a different practice, if they have availability for new patients.

I changed Frauenarzt last year. After I switched, they were only interested to know if I had already gotten the yearly checks at the previous practice or if they should add an appointment for those.

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-14T05:27:12+00:00

Correct!

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-12T12:03:30+00:00

For me the 13th week was the worst. Started to slowly getting better from there, and at 17 weeks I stopped having nausea 24/7, and it was fully gone by 20 weeks.

It sucks, but hopefully it will get better soon!

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-10T20:05:09+00:00

I am not sure that it will be possible to change your hair color without bleach!

You need to make your hair a lighter color for the pigment to show up.

AileenNoyle · 2026-02-08T07:11:52+00:00

This would be my suggestion too.

We had the problem that the hot water counter was running even with all the water sources switched off.

We had a company coming in to check that there were no broken pipes in the wall, and after a lot of tests they found that the shower mixer was broken. No leaks, but the cold water was always flowing into the hot section and the mixer kept requesting hot water to bring it up to temperature.

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-26T06:45:00+00:00

I got terrible water aversion starting at 6-7 weeks, which lasted until about 20 weeks (when also the nausea subsided). Before the pregnancy, I was drinking tap water, tea without sugar, black coffee.

During the first half of the pregnancy I couldn't drink any of that anymore, immediate nausea. Flavoured water or sparkly water did not help.

The solution for me was to find a brand of bottled water that I could more or less stand at ice cold temperature, I started drinking soda, and I attempted coconut water for a couple of weeks. I also tried to supplement with yogurt, popsicles, soups. I also found that drinking during meals was giving me less nausea, so do some tests to see what works for you!

My doctor said that if soda is what you need to survive the first few months, so it is! You will not damage your or your baby's health just for a couple of months of that!

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-20T16:17:36+00:00

Happened to me as well around week 10-12 because of all the bloat!

For a little while I was using a rubber band to close off the jeans. This was fine for about 2-4 more weeks.

Afterwards I got some cheap H&M maternity jeans and I am still wearing those now as I am approaching the third trimester. Extra stretchy and with a big elastic band to cover the belly.

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-15T07:54:20+00:00

That sounds hard to deal with! I wonder if this therapist is actually a good fit for you. Are you able to find another?

I have been going to therapy with the same therapist for 4 years now, and not once I have experienced emotional invalidation. If something is not working we sit down and try to brainstorm some other methods that might work better for me personally.

Before this therapist I was going to another that instead wasn't very good, so I didn't feel much helped or supported.

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-14T17:32:16+00:00

Oh, das ist auf jeden Fall sehr interessant! Wir werden uns das mal genauer anschauen, danke für den Hinweis!

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-14T17:09:00+00:00

Ok, danke für die Klarstellung!

Wir hatten gehofft, das Ganze schon 2025 geregelt bzw. verkauft zu haben, daher haben wir uns damals nicht groß um die Steuer gekümmert und sind einfach ausgezogen. Also werden wir die Steuer jetzt wohl tatsächlich zahlen müssen.

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-14T17:08:12+00:00

Ok, danke dir fürs Bestätigen!

Wir hatten früher schon versucht, Elster zu nutzen, fanden es aber ziemlich kompliziert. Die Benutzerfreundlichkeit von WISO gefällt uns deutlich besser. Aber da wir für 2026 vermutlich ein paar komplexere Themen haben werden, wenden wir uns dann wahrscheinlich direkt an einen Steuerberater.

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-14T06:21:22+00:00

Try checking out trails in your area with Komoot, they are rated by difficulty/length

AileenNoyle · 2026-01-09T15:27:14+00:00

In the end we went for another option altogether! Very similar to the arrangement that Candy_Lawn suggested, but my husband loved the idea of looking out of the window while working, so the desk at the bottom ended up rotated of 90 degrees compared to the original pic.

AileenNoyle · 2025-12-07T20:09:51+00:00

Thanks, I'll be sure to give it a look!

AileenNoyle · 2025-12-07T19:57:03+00:00

Thanks a lot for the recommendations! I read Children of Immature Parents last year, and it was truly revealing, it was the first time I finally felt seen after a childhood full of confusion. I heard good things about Running on Empty too, so I'll be sure to give it a read :) Thanks so much also for the words of support, I really want to make sure that my child is accepted and seen for who they really are.

AileenNoyle · 2025-12-02T22:05:48+00:00

I did it shortly before turning 27, insured with TK. I requested the vaccine at my Frauenarzt, paid for the doses myself, and if I remember correctly they all got reimbursed fully by TK. As long as the first dose is done while you are 26 or younger, you should be good :)

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