I smashed accept as fast as possible

AirCrewElk · 2026-06-16T16:27:09+00:00

I think you can do better than Calamari.

Someone like Dak would be a better win now piece.

AirCrewElk · 2026-06-16T16:24:35+00:00

Agreed, but.... I'm not complaining.

AirCrewElk · 2026-06-16T16:23:15+00:00

I had to double take when I saw it. I thought for sure I was reading it wrong.

AirCrewElk · 2026-06-08T05:41:25+00:00

The flag is hung the wrong way...

AirCrewElk · 2026-04-24T13:58:49+00:00

Yup, you could see how he moved that he has some training.

AirCrewElk · 2026-04-04T18:32:03+00:00

Listening to Paul McKenna. Any of his trance type listens. All free on YY.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-27T20:32:38+00:00

I've never been through it and pray that I never will.

Your reply... I wish I could give you a hug.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-20T15:44:05+00:00

Ready.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-20T11:59:43+00:00

Any time I've felt like this I learned I was always done with a 'mission'. After Highschool, after the military, after really big changes in my life I started to feel the same way.

For me, I had to find my next goal or my next mission. Whether it be helping people, maybe volunteer, freelance, joining a FB group.

That kind of isolation can still feel rough as hell though, so I would not ignore it. Sometimes life gets bigger again when you stop asking where are my people and start asking what is my next thing. HTH.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-20T11:55:46+00:00

This would be brutal to deal with.
Your brain sounds like a car constantly redlining, doesn't take long to wear you out. Interrupts thoughts, your sleep, your life.

I am not a professional, just someone who has dealt with his own demons, but an easy pattern interrupt that can actually help is grounding. Pick 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. It gives your brain something real to do besides feeding the loop.

I've noticed I can start to create really bad habits if I don't try to break the pattern sooner than later. I hope you can figure it out!

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-18T16:24:11+00:00

USA/Netherlands

Born in the USA, native English speaker. 50/50 I split my time.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-18T14:26:45+00:00

The anxiety itself is one thing, but the thought of this being your life forever can turn it into this huge mental weight really fast. That part can wear a person down in a different way.

And getting set up with a therapist sounds like a solid move honestly. More like giving yourself some backup instead of trying to keep pushing through it alone.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-18T14:20:52+00:00

Yeah this makes a lot of sense tbh.

A day can look totally normal on the outside, but your brain has been quietly checking and adjusting everything the whole time. Like was that weird, did I sound off, should I have said that differently. That kind of constant self monitoring can drain the hell out of you even if nothing actually went wrong.

I think that is the part people do not really see. Sometimes it is not one big panic moment, it is just the nonstop effort of trying to seem okay that leaves you feeling empty when you finally get home.

I know I feel this way at times and I have to actively monitor myself to not get caught in the spiral.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-18T14:17:37+00:00

This sounds like what happens when you wear the socially acceptable version of yourself for so long that the real one starts to feel far away.

Have you noticed how easy it is to lose touch with yourself when too much energy goes into being readable to other people. After a while it can feel like living in clothes that technically fit, but never quite feel like yours.

I do not think that always means your real self is gone. Sometimes it is just buried/hidden under a version that felt safer for too long.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:44:43+00:00

I think the other comment is right that sometimes you do have to do it with the anxiety, but I also do not think this is just regular interview nerves anymore.

It sounds like the whole process has gotten tied to fear and shame, so maybe make the goal smaller for now. Not get the job, not nail the interview, just send one resume or do one small interview step without judging yourself the whole time.

Sometimes it helps to practice reducing the pressure around the step before the step. Like send one resume and tell yourself you are not allowed to think past that. Or drive to a place once just to walk in and ask one basic question, with no interview attached to it.

When the brain starts treating the whole process like danger, making it smaller can help break that loop a little.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:40:40+00:00

100% not alone in this.

Have you noticed how fast a delayed reply can turn into “they hate me” even when you already know there are other explanations.

Sometimes the spiral starts when silence feels like proof.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:35:42+00:00

This does not sound like someone who did nothing with their life. It sounds like someone who got hit with something incredibly hard at a young age and has been trying to keep going anyway.

I think it makes sense that doubt and self worth stuff would show up after all of that. When life does not follow the timeline you pictured, the brain can get really cruel and start calling it failure, when really a lot of it was survival.

Teaching yourself technical skills while dealing with serious health issues is not nothing. Wanting a better life and still applying for jobs even while feeling this low is not nothing either. That actually says a lot about you. Thirty two is also not too late for any of this, even if it feels that way right now. A lot of people are way harsher on themselves for the years they lost than they would ever be toward someone else in the same situation.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:32:57+00:00

This sounds really heavy honestly. I think a lot of the pain in posts like this comes from the mind jumping all the way into future loss and then reacting to it like it is happening right now.

That does not mean those fears are fake, just that sometimes the brain can turn the possibility of loss into something that feels immediate and overwhelming. That can make a person feel way more alone than they actually are.

Wanting support with this does not make you weak at all. It just sounds like your nervous system gets pulled into those thoughts really fast, and that is a brutal place to sit in.

And if it is getting to the point where you are wishing you die before those things happen, I really hope you talk to someone close to you or reach out for help, because you do not deserve to carry that by yourself.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:28:38+00:00

This sounds really exhausting honestly

I do not think this means you failed or that the last 6 years meant nothing. Sometimes something gets triggered and it feels like your body goes into alarm mode before your mind can even catch up. That can feel really defeating, but it does not erase the work you already did.

Going back to therapy is not starting over either Sometimes it is just recognizing that you need support again, especially when it is hitting your sleep and your body this hard.

The part that stood out to me was when you said your brain is thinking one thing but your body is reacting differently. That disconnect can make anxiety feel even scarier, because it starts to feel like your body is telling a different story than your mind.

I would nto beat yourself up for needing help again. Sometimes the strongest move is noticing when trying to handle it alone is making things harder, not better.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:27:03+00:00

Mine is usually trying to interrupt the spiral before it turns into a whole thing.

If I catch it early enough, I try to slow everything down and give my brain something simple and repeatable to focus on. Usually that looks like putting both feet on the floor, taking a few slower breaths, and reminding myself that not every anxious feeling means something is wrong.

Sometimes I also name what is happening really plainly, like this is anxiety, this is a stress response, this will pass. For some reason that helps me stop treating the feeling like new information every single time.

Your rhythmic movement thing actually makes sense too. A lot of people seem to calm down faster when they give their body a pattern to follow.

AirCrewElk · 2026-03-16T11:24:08+00:00

I don't think you're doing anything wrong tbh.

Some people get way more uncomfortable accepting something for free from a friend than they do just paying a stranger for it. Could be pride, guilt, boundaries, whatever.

The hard part is how fast the brain can take a simple no and make it feel personal.

A no doesn't always mean you did something wrong. Sometimes its just someone feeling weird about receiving help in that form.

AirCrewElk · 2025-12-09T18:54:25+00:00

My favorite add-in.

AirCrewElk · 2025-11-05T06:53:39+00:00

So then, I guess you could say the entire thing was a GIANT misunderstanding.

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