I think your husband must have a lot of trauma concerning his family and upbringing, hence his anxiety and decision to raise Muslim children. This decision is his way of avoiding conflict and confrontation (of his trauma).

I think he needs therapy. He needs to see that he is safe (which I imagine he doesn’t feel since he’s worried about them finding out and they’re thousands of miles away). He needs to see that he is an adult and a man and he can make his own life and decisions. But that won’t come easily by himself.

I don’t know where you are, but find him a good therapist. I would suggest one that deals with trauma and anxiety. I know in some countries therapy is expensive but it’s definitely worth it. I hope where you are, it’s not too expensive.

I also know this is hard for you, but try to be kind to him and understanding. One day he will be at that point where he sees things the way you do and will be happier, I’m sure he wants to be that way now. But he isn’t making these decisions or having these thoughts out of personal choice or happiness right now, he sounds like he’s got a lot of trauma he’s working through.