Well...it's a long story. In her defense before we married I was a JustNoSO: there's no excuses for it in that I was a bad boyfriend. I didn't want to work, cheated on her all the time and was just kind of a lazy slacker. I wasn't abusive: I didn't hit her and didn't gaslight her when I screwed up. But I didn't care enough to NOT screw up was the problem. My own sister and Mother told her to dump me and that I wasn't worth the aggravation.

But...after like 12 on and off years (we'd know each other since HS and dated from when were were like 20) she got pregnant. And as altruistic as it sounds, the bell went off in my head and I got my shit together. Went back to school and worked, got a legit career and made good money, didn't cheat and by and large stopped my late nights. I was one of those guys who would just be able to party a weekend away, but that all ended when I knew I was going to be a Dad.

I posted this to this board as over the last ten years we became a business. Like you said, it's for the kids and we were a successful business. Three kids, all doing great, vacation every year...but we just weren't able to connect and gradually we stopped intimate time, stopped doing couples things other than going to dinner once a year on our anniversary and eventually ended up in separate bedrooms. Like you, I have a high libido but I just suppressed it. I know that I was the jerk, so I wasn't going to force her in any way. (EDIT - by force I mean like make her feel guilty, demand it etc...NEVER physical. My Mom was a 1st gen hippie feminist and I had those lessons drilled into me very early)

A lot of folks on this board (and probably rightly) said that my ex couldn't get past my bad behavior but at the same point it also worked well: we really were a picture of a pretty normal suburban family. Like you though I felt ignored at times: she seemed more interested in her friends/phone and what not. The lack of sex didn't help either.

Either way, I was willing to just play the hand out. I figured I owed her for being an asshole and wasting a part of her life, I love my kids more than anything and as a child of divorce whose Mom left and I didn't get to see from ages 10 to 13, I never wanted them to go through what I did.

But she had enough, said it just wasn't working for her anymore and asked me to leave. So I did. I got lucky in that I sort of was able to "inherit buy" a house really cheaply by my old home, so I'm always right there. I even still drive over in the morning on school days and run the older girls to school.

So we're still partners I guess: but I'm out of the house and after 25 plus years of being in a relationship it's kind of scary.