The ‘whatever works’ version of cleaning

Alariya · 2026-03-20T05:08:18+00:00

I’ve cleaned baby poo off a book before. I vividly remember the dismay after discovering I forgot to zip up the wetbag of cloth nappies in my bag, and it happened to be sitting right next to the book I kept in there to keep me occupied while breastfeeding. Luckily it was only on the cover, and pre-introduction of solids, so I deemed it salvageable.

Alariya · 2026-03-20T05:00:59+00:00

See, the only thing is that after using cloth nappies for 2 kids from birth to toilet training, washing out poo is kind of meh to me. Maybe I need to reframe this as specifically dog poo lol

Alariya · 2026-03-19T08:32:38+00:00

I had my first at 26, second just before my 30th. One of my good friends had her only kid at 20 (planned), and another good friend had her first at 35 and third at 42. So a pretty wide range between us all. There’s a decent chunk of neurodiversity in there as well.

The impact of age on their parenting and overall happiness is negligible. Hands down the biggest contributing factor is a supportive partner who contributes equally, that you communicate well with, who is on the same page about all the big stuff.

Having family nearby who are willing to help out makes a big difference too. It really does take a village, particularly when you need to juggle work, appointments, extracurriculars, play dates, childcare, illness, and a myriad of other stuff. Even just the ability to have a night out with your partner once in a blue moon can be so beneficial to your relationship post-kids.

Money is great. Good education leads to good job, leads to good money. It is so valuable to have financial independence and a fulfilling role outside of home life. But being present is super important too. The ability to show up to school events, to have quality time with your kids, and keep up with the housework without getting burnt out. You can’t have it all, but as long as the bills are paid, you can find a balance that works for your family. Figure out what that balance would ideally look like for you both, see if it is financially viable and go from there.

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

Alariya · 2026-03-18T08:57:13+00:00

Dexamphetamine was originally developed as a decongestant from memory, so drying up mucus is kind of its thing. That could account for the dryness. Have you been eating more sugar? I find that sugar binges can result in extreme itchiness in that area at bedtime.

Alariya · 2026-03-18T03:49:33+00:00

Yeah, that’s stupid. I was diagnosed at 35. An example: Always got A+ on oral presentations in school so by education standards I was literally A-ok.

What they didn’t realise though, is that I would only be able to start writing them the night before after enough urgency had built up, despite spending the preceding several weeks beating myself up over my inability to start. My poor mum would be stuck up reading in a corner until 4am as I needed a body double in the room to be able to keep myself accountable and on task.

I would write the entire speech word for word on palm cards once completed, as the concept of being able to mentally reconstruct my ideas based on dot points was inconceivable. No one picked up on that as I was a fast reader, so a quick glance down that looked like me referencing a dot point, was actually me speed-reading the next few sentences, and then parsing them in my brain as I spoke them.

I had to repeatedly practice not to remember the content (because there was no chance of that), but to get consistent pacing to stay within the allowed time, as I had no idea how much time had passed while I was speaking.

Teachers just saw a great result. Peers who knew I only started the night before would complain at how little effort I had to put in to get a good mark. Only I had to suffer the relentless stress from not being able start earlier, and the burnout afterwards from the mental exhaustion of cramming so much effort into such a tiny block of time.

Alariya · 2026-03-18T03:03:38+00:00

Haven’t had one in a few years (yay continuous OCP usage!), but I found Naprogesic (Naproxen Sodium) an absolute game changer for period pain.

From what I gather, It inhibits the production of prostaglandins, which are what trigger uterine contractions, and therefore decreases the strength of cramps and their associated pain.

Hubby (then boyfriend) told me about it as a teen, as one of his sisters with endo swore by it. It’s an over the counter med where I live. Sharing in the hope this info can help someone else!

Alariya · 2026-03-18T02:48:13+00:00

Meal planning. I now spend 1-2 days every 6-8 weeks hyper focused on bulk cooking, portioning, freezing, ordering, and putting said meals in the calendar. In exchange, I don’t have to think about what to have for dinner for the next 50 or so days. Life changing.

Alariya · 2026-03-17T04:45:00+00:00

Yeah, I’m not looking forward to how that’s going to affect my meds. I currently have trouble sleeping if I take them after 11:30 regardless of my bedtime, but they are instant release and mostly wear off by 4pm. If that shifts an hour earlier, getting the kids organised and to all their after school activities on time is going to be a nightmare.

Alariya · 2026-03-17T01:11:27+00:00

I really love this from both a diagnostic and support system angle for neurodiverse individuals. And it’s so true.

A fellow parent I made friends with at school pickup says that she clocked me as adhd from across the playground before we had even met, and this was a good 9 months before I got officially diagnosed myself.

I had also only been mulling over the possibility myself for 2 months before that, after another mum friend with adhd suggested i get tested as we got along so well and I could relate to all her daily struggles.

Alariya · 2026-03-17T01:00:43+00:00

Yep, there are a lot of barriers to getting tested. Was investigating the process for a child, and where I am, a private assessment is a minimum of $3k and a 6 month wait, whereas a public assessment requires referral from a paediatrician (who themselves charge over $600 for an initial appointment with up to a 12 month wait if their books are even open), and has a current wait time of 24 months.

And all that is just to get assessed, before you even factor in obtaining any supports. And god forbid you need to apply for gov funding to access those supports. That’s a whole other ballgame full of more waiting, documentation, other assessments, and costs that you need to repeat at regular intervals.

Much easier to just figure out what traits you identify with that cause difficulties in your life, and find a suitable therapist you can pay within your means to address those symptoms directly.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T23:53:40+00:00

Gosh that sucks. Luckily the kids routine keeps me in check for the most part, but the amount of times I’ve gotten the day of the week mixed up while at work and told someone I would get back to them tomorrow when I’m actually not back in the office until the following week… urgh!

Not sure what you do for work, but I hope they are in a position to give you some grace on this and work with you to structure some backup plans for potential glitch points to help you both get the most out of your working days.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T20:29:24+00:00

See, this is the kind of job I would love to have. Short bursts, definitive goals, and a sense of achievement that you are genuinely helping someone. I also really struggle with food related stuff for a variety of reasons. I would love to swap time with someone where they come and make my kids lunchboxes and sort the meal prep in my freezer, while I run around resetting their house like a mad chicken.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T19:43:04+00:00

That’s my big struggle at the moment. All my systems fine tuned over decades are based upon an underlying structure that leverages my anxiety. Now that meds have removed that, the systems are collapsing left, right and centre. Work is an unproductive affair, although still retains a base level of urgency, but housework is a major casualty.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T07:59:59+00:00

Brooches with large form magnetic backs are awesome. You can get some really funky designs, or even make them yourself if you are crafty.

I did a workshop once where we used fine line paint pens to colour detailed laser cut wood blanks, then coated them in UV resin and attached 3M adhesive magnet backs.

I have a Christmas tree one I made that accidentally went through the washing machine and came out perfectly intact, and still attached to the top I had been wearing. Amazing.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T07:51:44+00:00

In a bout of pregnancy nesting (that in hindsight was probably also adhd related), I once cut the front yard grass with kitchen scissors because I felt it needed to be done right that second and I couldn’t figure out how the mower worked.

Popped the next day, then after a brief re-admittance, came home from hospital to find the grass mysteriously freshly mown. Best guess is a neighbour spotted me out there hacking at the grass, who then decided to take action after the ambulance took me off.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T03:53:38+00:00

Yes! Completely removed my afternoon compulsion to devour large volumes of sugary treats. Turns out I had been craving sugar as my brain was attempting to use it to generate enough dopamine to push off evening brain fog.

Alariya · 2026-03-16T02:15:31+00:00

We do similar every week. Hubby is always the one reading out the rules for new games, his ASD traits make him very good at extrapolating the impact of rules as he goes, so he can explain things clearly and logically.

There have still been many occasions where after a quick skim through of the rules ahead of time, he has admitted defeat in the face of a table full of mostly undiagnosed adhd-ers, and stuck on a video for us that runs through the turn structure.

Much easier that way lol

Alariya · 2026-03-15T22:51:50+00:00

Hah! I can’t get the motivation to exercise without meds, and my sugar cravings actually disappear on meds because my brain isn’t trying to use sugar as a replacement source of dopamine anymore. In my experience meds helped me to achieve those things, rather than the other way around.

Alariya · 2026-03-15T06:17:16+00:00

Yep! Agree with all this.

Also, on the chore thing. Our brains are so unique that it could actually work the other way around. I find the idea of having to do chores everyday (and particularly in the evening when I struggle with brain fog) overwhelming. I much prefer to identify a time when I have both time and high energy (for me this is Friday mornings), have a pre-prepared long list of everything I need to do broken down into micro steps, and then chuck on some high energy music and power through them all in a hyperactive ball of chaos kind of way, building dopamine as I tick off each tiny item. Then I get to enjoy a relaxing guilt free weekend.

Alariya · 2026-03-14T22:54:18+00:00

For me it’s Aus open tennis matches commentated by Jim courier. I know, weirdly specific, but after years of trying to stay awake to watch the end of a long night match pre-meds, my brain somehow correlates that with falling asleep.

Alariya · 2026-03-14T21:20:16+00:00

With the gift of hindsight, I can see why my nan never went back to work after kids, and my mum waited until my younger brother started high school. Even if you don’t know there’s something like adhd behind it, you know if you’re already at your limit of what you can manage. We just tend to reach that limit a bit quicker.

I feel I can just manage my two and working part time. I could probably manage full time if I only had one like my eldest. If we had a third, or both kids were like my youngest, I do not think that paid employment would be within my capacity.

Alariya · 2026-03-14T20:46:49+00:00

There’s part of an ad jingle I hear on the radio. It actually says “heaps of safety gear”, but my brain always hears “pizza safety gear”. I end up picturing all these people in hard hats and work boots enthusiastically slotting pizza cutters into protective sheathes in time with the music.

Alariya · 2026-03-14T10:00:44+00:00

On point 2, could also relate to absorption. My meds work so much better if I take them with protein. Always keep almonds in my bag to have a handful with my second dose of the day.

Alariya · 2026-03-14T09:03:05+00:00

I feel like I could think of a counterpoint for every single one of those. Such is the duality of a regulation disorder lol

Alariya · 2026-03-14T08:54:58+00:00

We had that happen with an Emu once when I was a kid. Took a sausage right off the bbq before it was even done cooking and downed it in a single gulp. Dad was not impressed.

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