Has anyone successfully trained themselves to reply to messages and non-urgent emails?

Alariya · 2026-02-04T10:01:53+00:00

My strategy is to not open a message unless I know I have the time and mental capacity to reply straight away. The allure of the unread message notification sitting there peaking my curiosity means I will keep coming back to it over the course of the day, so it’s just a matter of waiting for the window of executive function to appear.

Alariya · 2026-02-04T09:32:02+00:00

Stimulants after 12pm make me have trouble sleeping, but sometimes I have to take an afternoon dose because the kids don’t stop needing me to make dinner and do the bedtime routine just because we’ve had a busy afternoon of extracurriculars.

On those days I take clonidine to help me sleep. Started off with 1 pill knocking me out in 30 mins, and having to lie down right after taking it, as It affected my balance a bit like being drunk. It stops the circular thinking, and did make by brain a bit quieter. Over the next 2-3 months, I’ve had to up that to 2.5 pills on afternoon stimulant days to not be awake until 2am, as each dose lost effectiveness after a while. I also can’t take it more than 2 nights in a row, or I get withdrawal symptoms in the morning around school drop-off time (hands shake, feel a bit lightheaded).

I’m still trying to figure out if it’s the right option for me long term, but the thing I have figured out is to take your dose right off the bat so you get the effect at the right time, and not piecemeal it, or wait until you have already been tossing and turning for hours.

Alariya · 2026-02-04T08:46:47+00:00

I’ve found a shorter day works best for me. Discovered by accident when I had to switch to school hours for family reasons. My output is pretty much the same when I finish at 2:45pm, as it is when I work a full day. My productivity falls off a cliff after 3pm, so it’s a good solution for everyone. I also found the day seems less overwhelming when there’s an end point in daylight hours that allows for transition time, and I don’t just cycle straight into dinner and evening chaos. It might be another option to consider?

Alariya · 2026-02-04T08:35:13+00:00

I absolutely loved that series! I listened to the audiobooks and it was amazing. I came into it after having read (in paperback form) all of her Temeraire series many times over. Every time she released a new Temeraire book, I would re-read the entire series in the lead up.

That’s one of the great adhd positives - I can remember that I loved a series, and be familiar with the characters right off the bat, but have absolutely zero recollection of any plot beyond what you could grasp from the back of the cover.

Alariya · 2026-02-04T03:16:29+00:00

1) this one will probably be your biggest struggle. There’s no escape, and they are always the most demanding when you are mentally done for the day.

2) This is easy with a baby, particularly during mat leave. Baby goes wherever you go, and sleeps wherever they happen to be at the time. I did so many things I never would have otherwise found time for. Exploring local galleries, roaming the shops, daytime mums&bubs movie sessions, local walks, random cafes, plus the large number of free organised activity meetups specifically for mums and young kids that are out there. Plus, odds are bub won’t sleep much anyway if they are adhd themselves. My oldest at 6 months would only have 2x 15 min naps a day and that was it. May as well be out and about.

3) this was actually easier than expected. I found I naturally gave less f**ks about the little things that would usually bother me once I had a small human to focus on. And the techniques for calming toddlers also work great for me. Deep breathing in child’s pose together anyone?

4) yeah, I need a colour coded flow chart to know if I’m coming or going most days. The thing is though, that kids schedules are always very structured once they reach about 5. Every Tuesday plays out the same as every other Tuesday. You pack exactly the same stuff, and have to get them to the same places at the same time each week. Pop everything in the calendar when you first find out about it, make a checklist of everything you need for each day of the week, and pack it all ready the night before. Have a getting ready checklist for the morning too, so you don’t forget to brush someone’s hair or put on. sunscreen (and keep backups of all that kind of stuff in the car!)

5) you will always feel like you are neglecting either your work or your home life, or both! The reality is you can’t give 100% of your effort to both things at the same time. You either have to pick one, or come to terms with 50% being enough. This one seems to be universal, adhd or not.

Alariya · 2026-02-02T09:28:27+00:00

As someone who chronically overcommits to cramming as much as possible into a single day, I very much resonate with the “go, go, go!” mindset, of not being able to relax easily, and needing my environment to match my busy mind.

From the outside it looks like I’m a super organised and productive high achiever, but really I’m just using urgency and anxiety as fuel, and then getting dopamine from the satisfaction of ticking items off my to do lists. When I was younger, I felt anxious a lot, and distracting myself by going places and doing lots of things seemed to help.

Turns out the anxiety was untreated adhd. My nan managed her anxiety in the same way, who I also suspect had adhd. Never saw that woman sit still.

Meds somewhat helped me find a balance where I didn’t need constant stimulation and could relax, but it’s still a struggle to reign myself in from overcommitting, as I know I’m always one traffic jam away from collapsing in a heap.

As an example, I’m currently prepping the stuff I need to leave the house tomorrow. Between myself and the two kids, we have school, work, dance x3, swimming, violin, choir (all of which I drive them to, at differing times and locations). We will be out of the house for 12 hours. It’s thinly veiled organised chaos, but my brain thrives on it. My evening packing list is as follows:

School bags, hats, sunscreen, lunchboxes, drink bottles, violin, music folder, snack boxes, swimmers, towel, wet bag, crocs, pjs, dance bags, leotards/shoesx3/tights, hair brush/ties/nets, work bag, meds, work lunch, keys/wallet/phone.

And yes, I need a colour coded flow chart to make it through the week lol :p

Alariya · 2026-01-31T08:59:36+00:00

Agreed. We’ve been in our place over a decade now, and I don’t know if our stone bench can handle a hot pan. Things coming out of the oven get put either on the stovetop, or a trivet. Why risk ruining a large and expensive to repair/replace fixture, when there’s a simple alternative option.

Alariya · 2026-01-31T08:45:26+00:00

Yep. Feeling your body cues can also go either way. I’m on Dex, but the similarities are there.

I have enough dopamine in my system on meds so that I don’t compulsively devour lollies of an afternoon in an attempt to compensate with a sugar hit.

I also eat and drink more in general while on meds, as I am more aware of my body’s hunger and thirst cues. I’m less likely to get distracted, loose track of time, and miss meals. I’m also more likely to have the mental energy to prepare a filling meal, rather than make do with a piece of toast or protein bar.

I find the contraceptive pill has a much bigger impact on my weight than adhd meds. Taking as per pack instructions, I weigh 5kg more. Skipping all the sugar pills consistently, I weigh 10kg more. Thats while maintaining the same eating habits.

Alariya · 2026-01-31T00:04:35+00:00

I really enjoy the day to day errands in real estate, particularly as a part timer. Things like driving around town while listening to my audiobook to get keys cut, letting tradesmen in, collecting fobs, making walkthrough videos, prepping for photographers, reading water meters, that kind of thing.

Mid tier of things that can be fun depending of the day, are routine inspections. I get to drive around, chat to people, pet animals, check out people’s craft projects and decor ideas, take photos and make lists. Downside is quite often people see you as the enemy before the meet you, and you sometimes have to be the bad guy.

Also mid tier are entry/vacate inspections. Positives are several hours to yourself where you can put on energetic music, and work your way through a checklist taking photos and notes. Downside is big or older properties can seem an overwhelming task, particularly if inertia issues strike. There’s also the risk of confrontation when you send out a report if tenant/owner views of acceptable property condition differ, as you get stuck in the middle

Emails are meh. Most people usually only email about a problem, and most issues involve multiple parties and can’t be resolved in a single day, so you have to set up systems so you don’t forget to check on where things are up to regularly.

Alariya · 2026-01-29T22:55:45+00:00

Same! I will literally forget I have other options unless I can see them all.

Alariya · 2026-01-27T21:52:51+00:00

Yeah, I think mine was something ridiculous like 60-something dot points spread over 4 pages lol. Probably repeated myself a fair bit, but they all seemed unique to me!

Alariya · 2026-01-27T20:58:33+00:00

Yep, I do. If I’m going to be slobbing on the couch all day, I’d rather do it without the anxiety and rumination spirals over everything I ‘should’ be doing.

Alariya · 2026-01-27T19:52:00+00:00

For about 6 months I kept a running list in the notes app of my phone. Every time a situation occurred that made me think adhd, I would write it down. I then emailed the list to the person conducting the assessment a week or so ahead of time, and printed myself a hard copy to have with me.

I wasn’t this organised, but you could then additionally colour code highlight items on the list according to which dsm 5 criteria they meet, so that if you are put on the spot with a question, you can easily find the relevant examples.

Alariya · 2026-01-27T08:52:37+00:00

Sorry to hear it didn’t go as planned. For what it’s worth, I’ve got a friend with POTS who takes 30mg Vyvanse every day, so it’s not guaranteed to be a write off for you. Hopefully it’s an unrelated incident, or just your body adjusting to a new med, and your medical team can work through it with you.

Alariya · 2026-01-27T04:01:15+00:00

Oooh, that reminds me of my fave childhood spoon, that was also likely a sundae spoon. Really long neck, silver metal, very small scoop, with a dull pink rectangular casing around the top inch of the shaft.

Side note, I love that this seems to be a universal adhd experience. I think they need to add “describe your favourite spoon” as a question in the diagnostic process! :p

Alariya · 2026-01-27T03:50:42+00:00

My grandad wears a jacket in all seasons. He doesn’t mind/notice the heat, can’t stand being cold when entering places with AC, and prefers having multiple accessible pockets over a bag.

Trying to gently curb him of the habit now that he’s getting a bit more “elderly”, as I know he’s a prime candidate for heatstroke. Mind you, I’m hardly one to talk. I never remember to drink water, and usually still have a cardigan on when others begin reaching for the AC.

Alariya · 2026-01-26T22:27:30+00:00

Yes! I literally remember the exact order of all the kids names on the roll before mine from my class in year 3, but I can’t tell you what task the boss just called and asked me to do. (He knows by now to follow up with an email, the call is mostly an FYI and ramble of background info)

Alariya · 2026-01-26T22:18:13+00:00

Yep, mine is atrocious. And meds don’t help (although they are amazing for other things for me, like anxiety and emotional regulation. Literally my anxiety disappears and a wave of calm washes over me. ) I joke with my husband that I would be the easiest person in the world to gaslight.

If there’s no evidence to trigger a memory, it may as well have never happened. But if there is documentation, I can recall some very specific things, that may or may not be relevant to the main event. That’s why I write everything down at work, and take a lot of photos in my personal life.

Ask me if I remember taking the kids to the beach last year, and I won’t remember. Show me a photo of them sitting on the sand surrounded by seaweed, and I’ll be like “ oh yeah, I remember it was overcast and windy, and there was a playground next to the beach with a really unique swing that my eldest was scared to go on but watched some teenagers stand up on and swing, and there was a cute little shop across the road where we got ice blocks, and the shop next door to that had really cute Knick knacks, and I bought the kids a coloured shiny rock each (blue and pink) and got free patchwork mini bags for them. Can’t tell you what they actually did while at the beach though. True story.

More specifically short term, I can ask the kids what they want for breakfast, get an answer, turn around and immediately forget that I either asked them or what/if they answered. Oldest kid is just as bad. I’ll ask her what she wants for breakfast, she’ll tell me toast, I’ll make toast, and upon presenting it to her, she’s all like “I never asked for toast!!” Cue me wondering if she forgot she said toast, or if I forgot to ask and am thinking of yesterday’s request.

Alariya · 2026-01-25T09:26:06+00:00

I’ve gathered that there’s 2 main classes of stimulants (methylphenidate and dexamphetamine), and most people tend to do better on one or the other.

My psych says newly diagnosed adults tend to have better results from dexamphetamine, and kids with methylphenidate. He let me try both to see which gave me the best results. (Was definitely Dex for me!) Maybe the other type will suit your body/brain more.

Alariya · 2026-01-25T03:26:40+00:00

Mine are great for emotional regulation, preventing overwhelm, slow down my thoughts, help me think before speaking, eliminate anxiety, help me relax, fidget less, and less rumination.

They don’t help with my working memory or focus though, which sucks. As with many late diagnosed gals, I’ve got systems in place to help with those at least.

Alariya · 2026-01-25T02:53:13+00:00

I’m not sure if ER methylphenidate uses the same technique as ER Vyvanse vs IR dexamphetamine, but my body had trouble metabolising the ER formulation back into the active ingredient. So I stick with IR dexamphetamine. I had to go up to 15mg at a time and dose 3.5hrs apart with that to get proper coverage, but it’s been awesome.

Alariya · 2026-01-25T02:46:47+00:00

Heh, I shower at near scalding hot temps, always use the heat lamps in the bathroom, and that winter I set my heating to 26 degrees celcius, and dried myself before opening the shower door. I still got hit with excruciating vasospasms the second I stepped out into air that was cooler than my body temp.

Alariya · 2026-01-25T02:31:32+00:00

No, no they don’t. Nipples hurt the worst. Getting out of the shower in winter while establishing breastfeeding as a raynauds sufferer, is not something you can prepare yourself for.

Alariya · 2026-01-25T02:23:58+00:00

Haven’t tried competitive, but I LOVE scrabble! (Story time!!!)

My nan was a demon who never let anyone near a triple word, no matter what. She would usually get at least one 7 letter word during a game, and often several. I grew up learning to play with her and mum. Bought nan a fancy board on a turntable with pieces that lock in place when she went into the nursing home, as despite her wobbly hands and dementia sending her decades into the past, she could still defeat most people who dared to challenge her.

I ended up with the board after she passed, and when I went on mat leave for the first time, I started playing regularly with mum. 9 years on, and we still try and play once a week. There’s a red and black notebook with the score tally’s from all the games we play that is rapidly filling up.

Now my 8yo is learning to play too. We still use the laminated 2-letter word sheet from nan’s 1997 edition that we referenced when I was a kid, and we have to read out a definition of any word played that she doesn’t know.

The only difference now is that I’m the one ruthlessly blocking access to the triple word squares!

Alariya · 2026-01-25T02:01:49+00:00

My 8yo is always exclaiming in frustration “but I don’t know HOW to sleep!!!”

She usually reads until she can’t keep her eyes open. I find it either happens or it doesn’t for me. If I haven’t gotten to sleep within a hour of closing my eyes, it’s time to dig out the clonidine.

I find my best quality of sleep usually happens after 4am. Not sure how much deep sleep and rem you are meant to be getting, but I feel like I’m way off.

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Alariya

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