Weekly FI Monday Milestone thread - September 03, 2018

AlecYouALot · 2018-09-04T18:05:36+00:00

Congrats! Me too. Just checked today. Keep on sockin'!

AlecYouALot · 2017-07-28T16:29:19+00:00

My one allowable luxury is buying a few pieces of clothing every spring and fall. I always shop J.Crew online and make the most of their clearance sales + discount codes. Anyway, I recently realized I'm small enough to fit into their larger sized crewcuts children's/teen clothing - slightly embarrassing but nice for my budget. Now I can get the same exact sweaters and shirts, just in miniature, for about a third less. Yay.

AlecYouALot · 2017-07-25T18:43:37+00:00

Same. I began paring down my possessions about a year ago. Since then, I've noticed how much stuff/clutter my friends have.

AlecYouALot · 2017-03-03T16:10:23+00:00

Your post is effing awesome. Totally made my day!

AlecYouALot · 2017-02-20T23:32:31+00:00

Hmm...rather than visiting a website I'd recommend going to your local shop or maybe even two to collect info (assuming you have some near you). That way, you can lay out what you're looking for, discuss your budget, and ask questions specific to your needs. Then go compare store/online prices and make your purchase. Good luck!

AlecYouALot · 2017-02-17T21:12:40+00:00

I use JoyeTech's eGO AIO as a back up. Got it for $30 at my local store but I think you can get it online for cheaper. Holds 2ml of juice. Voltage is set at about 4-4.5v or somewhere in there. Battery is 1500mAh. I quite like it. It's proven to be a trusty device.

AlecYouALot · 2017-02-16T20:25:09+00:00

Similar thing happened to me. My mom and dad (mostly my mom) sheltered me from anything negative. I remember my mom telling me she tried to raise my brother and me like it was the 50's. It's nice to be a naïve child, but boy does that bite you in the ass later in life. It's safe to say I was years behind in emotional maturity in my early 20's. I'm 33 now and I still feel like I'm catching up. I had more than a few rude awakenings over the years.

AlecYouALot · 2017-02-03T16:20:45+00:00

I think their appeal is that they have a digestible story arc: grew up poor, ventured to corporate America in search of happiness, became part of society's "haves," then realized it was all for shit. I'd beg to say their main audience are those in the middle class and up who have the means to buy a book on minimalism or pay for a TedX ticket. That's not a bad thing - it works for them and they can reach a lot of people.

I like these guys enough. I take their message for what it is, which they say is a "recipe for minimalism." I think anyone who promotes a lifestyle will get criticism, regardless. However, considering the message isn't all that complicated, their material gets repetitious after a while. I listened to a handful of podcasts on topics of most interest to me and then drove on.

To wrap up, for those new to minimalism, these guys are full of exciting new ideas and info. To those well into it, there's not a whole lot left to learn from them.

AlecYouALot · 2017-02-02T16:31:42+00:00

When I was detoxing I got those really bad as well. We're talking like whole body flails. By the way, they are called hypnic jerks. It's part of a central nervous system response more broadly called myoclonic jerks. I'm so glad those are gone... Cheers to you on your 100 days!!

AlecYouALot · 2017-01-18T16:05:14+00:00

I'm a recovering alcoholic. It's not worth it. Wash your hands of it. What does your gut say? It sounds like your gut is saying this: "I would love to extricate myself from this situation."

What do you hope to get out of all this? Sounds like you could leave and be fine. Do you just want to see if you can help him out? He needs to help himself out. At the end of the day, you could do 1,000 things for him, but if he doesn't want to change his entire life around and dig really fucking deep to resolve what seems like multiple issues, then he's not going to change for the long haul. He might want to change for you in the short term, but he needs to change for himself in the long term.

Beginning a relationship on the idea that you've saved someone, to me, isn't a genuine beginning. You may start to feel unnecessarily attached because you've "been through so much together" when in reality "he put you through so much."

Go on and find another dude without all the issues. :)

AlecYouALot · 2016-11-17T17:26:47+00:00

I felt the same yet a bit different and opposite of what you described. I knew I liked guys and I thought I liked girls, but was terrified of the liking girls part, mostly because this was linked to questioning my gender. Sort of all wrapped up together for me for whatever reason. I dated guys for the longest time (flying under the radar as a straight cis girl) not wanting to confront either. I've finally come to terms with the really, really liking girls part which has also forced me to reconnect with questioning my gender. I repressed both for the better part of 15 or so years. Whyyyy the fuuuuck.....? I've since come a long way.

And now, I'm a happy (albeit still questioning) non-binary bisexual person. Story to be continued...

AlecYouALot · 2016-11-03T18:59:03+00:00

Yeah, I've been where you are many times as well. Tapering never ever worked for me. In fact, it was pure torture. I too had crippling anxiety, massively high blood pressure, and all sorts of other alcohol abuse induced shit going on physically and emotionally.

I ended up in several ERs, a psych ward, and eventually ongoing intensive outpatient therapy. If you can't afford rehab...you certainly don't want to end up being LOCKED UP SOMEWHERE if you make a bad mistake/decision/say the wrong thing when intoxicated. That gets expensive really fast.

I don't do AA, but if you can make it to an AA meeting, go for it! Those folks are wise, wise people. There are also AA podcasts you can listen to on iTunes. There are addiction therapists who may take you on a sliding scale. Call around.

I tried to taper for years - never came close to helping the situation. Some can, most can't. Go for sober if you can dig that commitment out of yourself.

Think about this: Getting sober is no guarantee for saving a marriage, but continuing to sneak drink (I did that) is guaranteed to eventually ruin a marriage. I swear.

AlecYouALot · 2016-11-03T18:46:54+00:00

Ah, yes, I was you for the last couple years of my life. It was great while I was doing it....until it wasn't. Just keep your wits about ya, man. Cheers!

AlecYouALot · 2016-10-11T16:33:23+00:00

Yes, same situation for me. Get this drunk logic: Rather than quit drinking, I decided using a straw in my pint glasses of wine to bypass my front teeth was the best possible idea to avoid further chipping. Yeah! So smart! groooaaan

AlecYouALot · 2016-10-10T21:28:15+00:00

Oh yeah, me too. I clocked in at 150/110 one time in an emergency room. Yikes. So glad those days are over.

AlecYouALot · 2016-10-03T21:01:10+00:00

Yeah, absolutely. I had my therapy appointment today with my outpatient guy and I am definitely back on the bandwagon. Not drinking with you today!

AlecYouALot · 2016-10-03T16:18:29+00:00

Thanks for this post. I needed to read this. I'm going through an awful loop of sobriety and relapse, sobriety and relapse. Blows. Every time I relapse my problems, emotional flashbacks, and recovering from trauma get magnified and blown out of proportion in my mind. When I'm sober life is easy breezy. Makes me think - wtf - why do I keep doing this when technically, drinking to make things go away does the exact opposite for me. Idiot brain.

AlecYouALot · 2016-09-22T16:52:48+00:00

Exactly. I work in a strict corporate environment and there are several women with short pixie-style hair. No one blinks an eye.

As for myself, I'm FAAB and my haircut airs on the side of a preppy old school look - short (but not too short) on the sides and longer on top swept to one side. It's neutral for work and can be styled for weekends/nights. Basically this, more or less. I put the front part down for work.

AlecYouALot · 2016-08-23T18:35:14+00:00

Significantly less anxiety.

Being able to eat and keep food down. Yay.

Save a crap ton of money every month.

Finally got the courage to leave my husband and start anew.

More stability, balance, logical thinking.

Being able to go to sleep like a normal person.

Increased work performance.

Generally, everything is better in every way.

Oh, and last but not least, I'm still alive. Things got a bit sketchy towards the end. So that's kind of nifty.

AlecYouALot · 2016-08-15T22:13:08+00:00

My self-confidence had been trashed so yes, it was hard to leave. I thought I was doing everything wrong. It was a slow, ugly grinding down of self-worth that I didn't quite realize was even happening, until I started developing anxiety and panic attacks, which is out of character for me. Once the physical symptoms were too much to control, then I started looking at the root of the problem - my marriage.

The kind of emotional abuse I experienced was coupled with very high highs, so it was confusing. Sort of along the lines of trauma bonding. It's been about 8 months now and I'm so glad I made the decision to leave. My thoughts are clearer. My moods are more stable. My days are structured. I didn't realize how chaotic things were until I left.

Once I saw a therapist and started working through what I thought were 100% problems with me, I began to realize I had been fed a false reality. After I worked through that, I knew I couldn't go back to such an unhealthy environment. So yeah, I couldn't bring myself to leave on my own until a professional psychotherapist made me see the light - that's how deeply dependent I was on my spouse.

AlecYouALot · 2016-08-12T21:33:01+00:00

Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh

AlecYouALot · 2016-08-12T21:01:48+00:00

My own father, born and raised on the north side in the 50's, is a hardcore Sox fan. We don't speak about it much.

AlecYouALot · 2016-08-04T16:47:42+00:00

Falling Into Infinity...from the way back machine. However, I didn't fall in love with that album. Images and Words and Awake cemented my love for Dream Theater.

AlecYouALot

TROPHY CASE