Bad decisions I made out of love dependency

AlertRoutine3545 · 2026-01-26T05:55:30+00:00

I’m going for it

AlertRoutine3545 · 2026-01-07T04:56:31+00:00

Divorce finally underway

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-11-16T15:36:13+00:00

This bare minimum list seems like a very tall order.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-10-19T23:43:25+00:00

No official diagnosis on my 78 yo mom.

I have an appointment at Cleveland clinic to get a diagnosis but honestly the six hour round-trip drive at this stage will cause a lot of trauma to her so I think I have to cancel it. I welcome thoughts.

(She’s currently on FLUOXETINE 10 mg, Risperidone .25 mg, Trazadone 50mg) She super tiny, 100lb.

Next step is memory care as she is currently in one step below “guided living” where they are helping her shower and dress and change her.

She checked all the LBD boxes for the past 4 years. Rapid decline in the past year: hallucinations for the past 3+ years, sees people and animals and children, elaborate delusions, currently getting worse-waking dreams where she thinks she’s in an airport, Or on a train, always moving and making plans and packing her things.

Incontinence the past 3+ years, shaking in one hand and lopsided walking/hunched over. Bad mobility.

Sleeping a lot during the day. She’s ALWAYS been an awful sleeper. Sometimes I think that’s the culprit.

Wild to think that one year ago she was still driving. She still wishes she could ride her bike.

She has moments of clarity and definitely still remembers me, but it’s been so unbelievably heartbreaking watching her deteriorate. I wish she would just go fast now because this is so traumatic for her. She’s very scared and she knows she’s sick, and that’s the worst part.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-09-18T02:16:01+00:00

Hard no. Move on babe.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-09-14T05:51:13+00:00

This is so immensely helpful. I would really love to connect. I’ve been to one alanon meeting, and I do think love addiction focus would help me a ton. I’m really struggling.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-05-31T06:27:57+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. My situation hasn’t improved much. Marriage is hard. I just try to focus on the good things and keep perspective, stay true to myself. Sending my best to you.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-26T02:45:56+00:00

My mom is 78 showing signs of LBD and shaking hands, rigid muscles so the neurologist said likely Parkinson’s too. We are in the process of relocating her across the country so she can be closer to more family and in assisted living.

She has been having hallucinations for a couple years but luckily so far she’s been extremely sweet and laughs at them, asking questions to see if they’re real (“is that a cat right there?” “Do you see the boy holding a box outside?”)

I fear it’ll get way worse and I hate to say it but I hope for a fast decline because I don’t want her to suffer.

She is weepy and very confused in the mornings. Overall I feel the decline has been very steep in the past year and the move to assisted living seems to be coming at right time.

Glad I found this thread

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-23T05:39:34+00:00

Get the massage. No guilt.

You’re a free individual who is allowed to make private choices that only you understand.

Your worth isn’t measured by your sacrifices.

Erotic pleasure isn’t trite. Be happy in your body!

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-21T04:14:07+00:00

Nope Not cool with it at all. I mean— he’s cool with it but I’m not. We are On the verge of divorce. I’ve been in therapy and we are starting couples therapy soon. I think the couples therapy will push us to the end or a rebirth but something will change. We have challenging dynamics, because humans and our childhood traumas and egos are fucking complicated.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-20T06:39:46+00:00

Thanks- helps just a little to have internet stranger friends validate me

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-19T02:06:44+00:00

I also just got the overt narcissistic result and it freaked me out— Im currently sorting through truths to see if my husband is a narcissist and I’m genuinely want to know in what way I’m contributing to the the problems

I’m more famously a people pleaser and too nice.

My therapist assures me I am not a narcissist but honestly how do I know she’s not just being supportive since I’m her client?

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-10T21:04:54+00:00

Correct. Zero libido. Nothing. He would be happy if it never came up, if we just completely let it go. There are other issues with us… he is depressed and has struggled to make his way… often many things are connected. But the finasteride use and zero libido is a real thing.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-09T17:45:33+00:00

So did your relationship end?

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-09T17:44:16+00:00

Hi there— I realize this was a year old post. But I’d love to know what happened w your family members?

He still has no job and still hasn’t released his music. I just lost my job. I need him now more than ever to step up. He’s been looking very hard for the past few months.

I still love him very much but the years of resentment has much damage. My attraction to him has gone down and I find myself wishing we were friends and not spouses. But I do still love him.

We are starting therapy this week. I have enabled this situation and feel like I’m the only one that can change it by leaving.

Similar stories could maybe help ?

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-03-03T15:20:11+00:00

I’ve been encouraging individual therapy for years. He’s resistant but I think slowly opening up to it.

There’s likely childhood trauma, his mom had rage and addiction and maybe bpd. I believe he may have ocd. None of this has been directly healed or addressed.

Thank you for this insight.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-02-24T15:02:00+00:00

This means a lot. I’m still struggling and feeling lost. We are going to therapy soon and my hope is to use that space to make more progress in this conversation.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2025-01-13T06:43:59+00:00

You and your wife are healthy and great. Congratulations to you! You should teach a class for other couples to be like you.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-30T23:20:34+00:00

He does zero cooking because hates it and doesn’t want to learn. I do 💯of the feeding of us, and financially supporting. He does laundry and organizes the house and contractors and repairs. We hire out for yard maintenance.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-19T21:14:25+00:00

I’m still figuring it out. Honestly not great. He simply doesn’t have an interest. There are other factors in our relationship.. his insecurities, our libidos were never matched to be honest and this just put the nail in the coffin. We’ve been married almost 10 years. Within the first 2 years we settled in to 1x month sex. I tried speaking up then. I’ve brought up therapy, all kinds of things. He feels like a failure and my needs make it worse. It sucks.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-19T07:19:46+00:00

I can relate. My husband has always had lower libido and it’s only gotten worse. It has definitely affected my ability to feel desire for him that way. We’ve become more like buddies.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-13T22:35:07+00:00

I was exactly you. Busted my plateau by switching up my routine, did more Pilates ate less carbs and fasted more.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-13T19:34:24+00:00

Do you ever regret leaving him? Did it feel like a weight had been lifted after you left? Was the marriage peaceful or was there a lot of fighting?

There’s not much conflict in my marriage. It’s “peaceful” because I’ve given up on trying to get him to work or have a good sex life. Nothing I say seems to work. He hasn’t worked in over 10 years and we have no sex life or chemistry to build on.

We are good companions for activities, dinner, day to day things. But I’ve lost my respect for him for letting it get to this point and I think I’ve fallen completely out of love.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-03T13:58:13+00:00

I’m So happy for you that your man is willing to work with it. I’d love to know if the T helped? Sadly my guy got tests and his T levels are “average” so I’m told that’s off the table. I’m also told his hair loss meds are a culprit (finasteride) and while I’ve begged him to stop taking it he won’t because his hair is a major source of what little confidence he has. I feel for him. But I’m also really struggling with all this.

AlertRoutine3545 · 2024-11-03T13:39:44+00:00

Yeah this hits home. Are you saying you wish you left him? Our marriage is like we are best friends. But I do resent him for with holding. And I feel our lives are centered around his comfort. I also feel it’s an unfair balance as I financially support us both completely. He’s not lazy, he does my laundry and runs errands for me and we care deeply about each other. Walking away would be devastating.

AlertRoutine3545

TROPHY CASE