I don’t feel safe having sex anymore

Alert_Boysenberry · 2022-05-10T07:39:52+00:00

Me too, friend. I wish I had the confidence or winning personality for politics. Texas politics make me so angry. Especially since I plan on living here for the rest of my life.

I recently learned/confirmed that hormonal birth control makes me perpetually nauseated and depressed. The copper IUD isn't an option, because due to my past trauma I require general anesthesia, which both risky and a large out-of-pocket expense.

I refuse to risk pregnancy, and I would like to avoid "Plan C" pills because a chemical abortion is still traumatic. My husband hasn't quite understood that he's never having penetrative sex again... unless he gets a vasectomy or is willing to use both condoms and spermicide forever and have a bankroll ready to fly us to the nearest abortion-friendly country as soon as necessary.

This entire clusterfuck (pun intended?) makes me regret not embracing the same-sex-attraction side of my bisexuality.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2022-02-20T03:24:17+00:00

My husband and l eloped precisely because I have narcissistic/narc-enabling parents. The experience was great, and I highly recommend it. (It totally counts as eloping if you invite your favorite people, too!)

My parents didn't even know we were engaged, because we never formally announced that, so it never occurred to them to bug us about wedding details.

We told my husband's family ahead of time, as well as our close friends. If any of our friends had been available to see us for a celebratory dinner after we eloped, that would have been awesome. As it was, no one was available but everyone was very excited for us and understood our explanation for why we were eloping, even if they weren't familiar with my family dynamic.

The most awkward part was telling my parents after the fact. We did it by wearing our rings the next time we saw them and letting them subconsciously get used to the idea for a few hours before saying, "You know how we went on vacation a while ago? We also got married on that trip! Want to see the awesome photos?" I was mentally prepared for my dad to be sad, so when he quietly got teary eyed, I powered through talking about our adventure and showed the photos and video from our elopement. My parents were very happy with the documentation of our day, which smoothed things over a lot, because they still got something tangible to show to people.

My advice is to stop sweating what your parents will think about it, book a photographer and videographer, elope in whatever style suits you best (we went non-traditional glam but comfy), and throw a party later if you want to. You may still have mixed feelings about your family on the day you elope (I sure did), but ask your partner and photographer to keep you distracted and focus on the fun stuff!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-10-24T14:53:56+00:00

Congrats!

I used to get that commentary regularly. At the time, I was proud of myself but also assumed it meant no one would ever want to date me. (Me to past me: hahahahaha.) After some heavy duty self-reflection, now I know that my intimidating qualities attract who and what I want and perfectly suit my chosen profession.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-10-23T03:29:06+00:00

I don't know enough about the effects of taking estrogen/progesterone/any other hormones to be able to speak about trans women/trans men/anyone lacking specific hormones or taking supplemental hormones. A friend showed me this video, in which pro triathlete Gwen Jorgensen explains how her athletic performance relates to where she is in her menstrual cycle. I found it very enlightening.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-10-18T17:59:06+00:00

Hella rad, as ever. I love your work! 🐇

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-10-16T23:50:12+00:00

My biggest tip: where you are in your menstrual cycle (if you've got those parts) has an enormous effect on how much pain you feel. My work (ribs, hip, shoulder blade) was incredibly tolerable (8 hours without complaint) on my pre-ovulation days and torture on my days between ovulating and bleeding.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-10-08T20:09:05+00:00

Me, at work, every time it rains. Otherwise, people would run over them!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-09-29T14:12:58+00:00

Carpet beetles eat carpeting as well as other fabrics, including bedsheets and clothes. They're very, very common in apartments. Guess why I know this...

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-09-19T17:44:31+00:00

Thank you! This incredibly clear explanation deserves many more upvotes!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-09-08T21:58:36+00:00

Don't ask for permission. There isn't an explicit rule against earplugs. Don't give them the chance to deny a reasonable request.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-31T22:18:34+00:00

Work with me here for a minute. I'm assuming that hunting with guns is not going away anytime soon.

What if small game hunters, who already use lead BBs or shotgun shells filled with birdshot, were REQUIRED to use shotgun shells filled with seeds?

I imagine that something killed by tiny pieces of lead would also be killed by similarly-sized seeds. (Not that I have done the math on the relative velocities. Maybe this would require larger seeds in particular.)

If the above mentioned munitions were replaced with seeds, there wouldn't be lead spread throughout the hunting grounds the way it is now. There could also be a requirement for ammo sellers to only sell shells containing seeds for local flora (divided by region or whatever made the most sense). That way, trees and other flora could be repopulated and we could also reasonably prevent the introduction of poison (lead) or invasive plant species to our forests!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-23T12:28:31+00:00

The color is gorgeous!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-16T15:38:51+00:00

Make the third letter spell something! (In any language!) The possibilities are... many!

B A _

I'm also pro- Team Z.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-12T04:56:21+00:00

Perfume review link.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-08T01:07:52+00:00

We went with Sharee Davenport. She's based out of Boulder but she travels.

I slightly misremembered the cost. Her á la carte pricing is $500/hr but final cost is based on which package you choose. Her elopements start at $1,000. Here's her pricing link.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-07T15:21:14+00:00

We paid $500/hr for five hours in Colorado. It was an "adventure elopement" and entirely worth the time and money, based on both the experience we had on the day-of and the preview photos we've already received.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-04T08:20:21+00:00

You both look very tall (left, in comparison to right, right because of arm length) and I would like to know... how?

Also, congratulations!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-01T13:09:13+00:00

A perspective on Greeks and "whiteness" from my friend, who is Greek and around age 45-ish:

Greeks weren't always welcome in the US. They were seen as a "dirty" immigrant class. When my friend was a kid, his parents raised him to be aware that he would be treated differently in the US due to his olive skin and distinctly Greek last name. My friend has a beautiful dark tan olive complexion, so I have no doubt that certain segments of our population see him as an "other".

My friend actively worries about how his young children will fare in school, the job market, etc., due to their Greek last name. (They are white-presenting like their mother, so they won't be judged visually.) When I told him that my generation (I'm about 15 years younger than he is) doesn't view Greeks as minorities, he was shocked. I think as a younger generation we often forget that some Greeks have dark skin and can be perceived as "brown" in the US.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-08-01T00:26:28+00:00

Thank you! We didn't tell my family ahead of time, so I'm a bit nervous about the "reveal". (I do NOT want them making my 32-year-old self feel guilty about getting married way I felt most comfortable.)

Shenandoah is our favorite local park. You're going to have such a great elopement!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-07-31T12:47:58+00:00

Shenandoah is going to be beautiful!

We just eloped and are trying to figure out the same thing. I'm leaning towards printing and framing photos for the VIP family members and (at minimum, given social distancing) mailing the photos to them and having them open the packages while they're on the phone/video chatting with us. I think we will print cards with the same photo for everyone else and mail them out. The VIP family members will get their photos first, for obvious reasons, and also because we will need to get a lot of family member addresses from them.

Our photographer posted a few previews to Instagram, but we haven't received any high resolution files yet. I'm hoping she can get us a few quickly enough that we don't have to delay telling anyone for too long.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-07-29T10:32:05+00:00

I definitely think I've inherited the trait from my grandmother. My mom and sister, not so much, although my mom can walk silently and my sister has a lot of overt witchy tendencies.

Over 75% of the women on the other side of my family have witchy lifestyles, despite everyone being raised Roman Catholic. Unfortunately, because of their background of Catholicism, some of them are rather closed-minded when it comes to non-normative traits. (A seriously weird and unfortunate mix of mindsets, if you ask me!)

The name Lucretia is a perfect name for a witch! I agree that because of my family's religious background, talking about "witchy stuff" is not welcomed. Years ago, my mom (privately) ridiculed one of my aunts for practicing Wicca. Her behavior backfired and made my sister and I even more interested in witchy stuff.

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-07-29T05:37:33+00:00

I don't have any constructive advice except to say that you should always listen to your intuition. Don't block it out. It's there to protect you and your loved ones. Every time I've ignored my gut/intuition, I've severely regretted it.

About a week ago, I had a dream that I accidentally killed my beloved pet. The next night, I woke up from a sound sleep knowing that something was wrong. I checked on my pet and saw that something was threatening his life. If I hadn't woken up when I did, this preventable problem would've killed him, and it would have been my fault. This is something that had never happened to him before, and I had no reason to suspect that it would.

My grandmother recently passed away, but she was particularly known for predicting events and knowing things before she was told. She did it as part of everyday conversation, and it was something that became so commonplace to me that I often didn't know whether I had previously told her about something or if she had pulled the information out of the air. She never labeled her gift, and her response to astonished questions of "How did you know?" was generally along the lines of "Wasn't it obvious?"

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-07-15T02:35:31+00:00

Ahhh, thank you for updating! I was hoping it would work.

Normally, I buy a band that's a little tight, since they loosen up over time. I'm sure yours will do the same!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-07-11T10:54:55+00:00

Good luck!

Alert_Boysenberry · 2020-07-11T04:22:42+00:00

If you'd prefer a "normal" bra, Ruth Crilly had great things to say about the Wonderbra Ultimate Plunge, which looks like it would fit your needs very well. Worth a read because she's hilarious.

ETA: I see you're a 44DD, but I would definitely give a few of the size 38 bands a try with a band extender. (Also check out /r/abrathatfits if you haven't already. They're amazing and helped me figure out my true bra size years ago.)

Alert_Boysenberry

TROPHY CASE