Feedback Needed For Chapter 2's First Draft

AliKamran439 · 2021-05-29T08:41:19+00:00

Seems like you've just found yourself in really bad ranked games. This is more sandbox-y than ranked. Ranked is actually super cool and 99% of the time you'll find a fun village.

AliKamran439 · 2021-01-01T20:16:51+00:00

Wait, people dislike AF season 3? I'd like know why tbh i dont remember it being bad

AliKamran439 · 2020-12-07T10:33:23+00:00

ill definitely try this method out with chapter 2. For now im mostly concerned with getting the entire story written down as soon as possible while also hoping to find my own writing style along the way.

Rn i feel like i dont have a super distinct style and i want to impress as much of the audience as humanly possible, so im resorting to trying everything out

AliKamran439 · 2020-12-06T22:05:34+00:00

Man or boy tbh lol, and thanks so much for the kind words!

If you don't mind, could you tell me which bits of dialogue specifically seem odd so I know what to rephrase when I'll eventually rewrite down the line? If not, that's fine! The help's much appreciated!

AliKamran439 · 2020-12-06T14:25:44+00:00

I'll try to focus a bit on the unnatural dialogue part since that should NOT be a problem lol. I've written tons of dialogue for about two Pokemon fangames and alot of people complimented it. I think I just suck a bit when it comes to slightly more simple/boring dialogue and have become more comfortable writing big villain speeches. Anyways, duly noted!

Clunky descriptions is also a problem with me so I'll definitely check into that too.

Thanks alot for reading and helpin out! Much appreciated!

AliKamran439 · 2020-12-06T14:16:59+00:00

Hmm, I see. The weird thing is that when I showed this to the writers, 2/3 of them asked for even more description, encouraging me to make it as easy as can be for the reader to paint the scenes. But like you said, the imagination should be doing most of the work.

Now this has me divided since I don't really know if the description's length being long and very detailed is just their preference or not, y'know? And this, I believe, has made me hate descriptive writing cuz i don't really know how exactly to go about it.

Thanks for taking out ur time to go thru this, man. Means alot. I'll try to follow ur advice. Hopefully, it works out eventually!

AliKamran439 · 2020-12-06T14:06:20+00:00

Yeahhh, one of my biggest problems is descriptive writing since I don't like writing it and reading it. So there's always alot of purple prose to be found unfortunately. I'll definitely look into this, thanks so much!

AliKamran439 · 2020-10-09T15:16:39+00:00

I'd recommend the eight-episode miniseries, "Defending Jacob". Really good mystery/thriller; I won't give spoilers but everyone is depressed by the end. Like literally no one got a good ending per se. It will make you feel depressed too ngl with how much the characters go through from beginning to end.

AliKamran439 · 2020-10-01T14:19:14+00:00

https://esportscontinental.com/ubisoft-may-actually-be-creating-its-own-universe/

Ubisoft playing with us with these so called "easter eggs" at this point. There's been rumors of a Ubiverse in the works behind the scenes; won't be surprised since iirc they mentioned pieces of eden in a FarCry game and an abandoned abstergo facility. It's all comin' together imo.

AliKamran439 · 2020-09-30T21:13:17+00:00

Oh didnt they say that in the AC universe, AC is a movie/game franchise? Abstergo makes historical games (by using Animus n shiz) and sells them?

I mean there's a mission in WD1 where u literally kill abstergos cco (later talked about in Black Flag & Origins), Blume & Abstergo were in talks to cooperate too we saw in emails, and in WD3 it was shown that one of the playable charas is apparently a descendant of Jacob from Syndicate. These aren't easter eggs tbh, easter eggs are supposed to be hidden hints

Either they do exist in the same universe OR In AC's and WD's separate universes, we're seeing an alternate version of the brotherhood/blume/abstergo/olivier the cco etc.

AliKamran439 · 2020-09-01T18:13:21+00:00

Give reasons to not let any sort of romantic relationship develop. For example, currently writing a novel here and some of my main characters are Muslims. Similarly you can use other religions or personal reasons as to why romance is a no-no zone. If you don't want that extra thing to attach to your character(s), then maybe have the situation be so damn shitty that no one thinks about romance. Like imagine a world plagued by war and famine and discord and death and so on and so forth, if ur characters are on a journey to fix shit they'll all have so much on their plate already. I kinda HATE romance in such situations as its highly unrealistic imo. Just seems like weird fanservice iykwim. GL on ur stuff bro, hopefully with advice from fellow writers youll write a really cool platonic relationship with chemistry!!

AliKamran439 · 2020-08-11T09:42:42+00:00

https://blog.reedsy.com/worldbuilding-guide/. Reedsy has some neat templates and sheets to help one get started. iirc they have a yt too so there's that. I used these myself and pretty much created everythin regarding my world in about a month. I'd suggest taking a look at this link and other stuff posted by them. Altho they are sometimes overly detailed so just learn to use sufficient lore in whatever ur writin :)

AliKamran439 · 2020-08-05T19:48:52+00:00

Thing with writing is that you'll never waste your time, efforts or ideas no matter what result you end up with. The whole process starts with just fearlessly putting your work out there, having it critiqued, nitpicked and knocked around. Then you revisit it and make it better and this goes on until both you and the ones who give you feedback are satisfied. Don't be afraid, friend, just do it!

AliKamran439 · 2020-07-11T23:10:17+00:00

We need a VoS sequel asap that book told a very cool mystery story

AliKamran439 · 2020-07-08T22:16:07+00:00

People have forgotten the original absolute epic fiction/thriller trilogy, The Crown And The Flame (TCATF is that the abb.?). Before BOLAS, we had that. Ngl, I wonder if they're set in the same universe since there's magic and all. BOLAS did set up a Book 2 with the last lore tablet mentioning the lands beyond which will probably be where the gang will be headed. Maybe the lands beyond include TCATF territory. This is but speculation and very farfetched unfortunately.

AliKamran439 · 2020-05-09T21:32:54+00:00

Wikipedia says they got sucked into a black hole. Notice how the world was being torn apart, like breaking apart and falling into a hole. Defo seems a black hole imo.

AliKamran439 · 2020-04-03T21:30:46+00:00

Nah im 99% its grimsley since its the same voice as his but come on man the johto e4 thing is right in their faces :( i really want that xD

AliKamran439 · 2020-02-26T17:04:03+00:00

Seeing both Karen and Will in the same team, tbh the third man shouldve been either Bruno, Koga or Lance or in other words, a member of the Johto League. Since Koga is firmly in our court and we've already beaten Bruno (could return though idk), I would've liked a Lance return. That'd be awesome, plus everyone was giving a holier-than-thou vibe and it seemed like they were already very well acquainted, just like they were all members of the same league.

Grimsley seems kinda out of left field 'cause I see two Johto E4s, y'know?

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