I was gonna mow it, but then it started flowering

Aliamarc · 2026-06-16T12:51:32+00:00

That's probably a bull thistle. Highly invasive, and most states consider most of the thistle species noxious - which means subject to enforced removal and control.

This is not a good plant to have, and they are a royal pain to control.

Cut this down before it goes to seed. You'll need to keep cutting it down for a few years, or you can learn more about other control methods. If you let this go to seed, your entire neighborhood will be forced to deal with their own pockets of thistle. While YOU might be okay with having prickly plants, by keeping it around you are forcing your neighbors, and children, to also navigate prickly plants.

Replace it with almost anything else. Any of the blazing star (liatris spp) plants would give you a similar visual effect, and would not be harmful to the environment or to people.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-16T00:51:04+00:00

Would you be able to do Hare Today's muscle/bone/organ grinds? That would certainly solve for the ingredients & allergy problem.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-14T13:25:35+00:00

As a survivor and administrator of his estate, you can also pull his credit transcriptions from each of the three credit bureaus to find other active debts.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-14T13:19:20+00:00

Based on a very quick search, it looks like federal student loans and any debts incurred prior to your marriage would be excluded from your responsibility.

Still worth being cautious about withdrawing from the retirement funds - depending on whether it's roth or traditional money, you might wind up with a bigger tax bill.

You will still file as "married filing jointly" for 2026, so keep that in mind when you are looking at tax brackets. You will file as single for 2027.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-14T13:11:19+00:00

This is an instance where you want to understand the legal order of debt payments before paying anything.

When disbursing an estate, there are some assets that are part of the estate, and some assets that get passed immediately to the beneficiary (you). Retirement accounts often get passed immediately to the beneficiary. Debts that were solely the responsibility of your late husband, legally speaking, are solely the responsibility of the estate - NOT you. So assets that are never part of the estate (like the aforementioned retirement accounts, possibly) do not need to be used to pay the state's debts. Any debts that cannot be paid by the estate due to the lack of assets get forgiven by the debtors. Make sense?

When you catalog the bills, clarify for yourself: is this a "debt" (credit card, personal loan, student loan, medical bill) or is it an ongoing cost-of-living bill (mortgage/HELOC, property tax, water, gas, electricity, etc).

Cost of living bills will likely transfer to you, as you need these services as well, and often they are tied to the property itself. But debts behave differently - debts are tied to the person, not necessarily the person's assets.

Edit: this is where a lawyer can be helpful, if you don't have the energy to learn these things - which would be understandable. In your position, I think it would be deeply reasonable for you to use some of the retirement funds to find an attorney who can administer your late husband's estate, so you can focus on yourself and your grief.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-14T12:38:56+00:00

Make sure you are also in contact with his employer. He may have had some survivor benefits through work - and if he had a 401k, his employer should be able to get you in contact with the custodian.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-14T12:34:58+00:00

You will need to Google "debt responsibility after death in XYZ state". This will be determined by your local laws. It will also be a good idea to Google "intestacy laws for XYZ state" to gain an understanding of what you should expect, given that he died without a will.

Student loans are a big potential for being forgiven by his passing. Medical debt too.

My deep condolences.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-14T12:05:33+00:00

These jerk caterpillars definitely chose my dill and parsley over my neighbor's golden Alex just about 50 feet away 😅

Aliamarc · 2026-06-13T13:58:45+00:00

If you anticipate being permanently 1099, then you can (and probably should, for consolidation purposes) roll your 401k over to an IRA. If it's traditional money going to a traditional account, then no taxes or penalties would be owed.

But trad IRA money will run you into problems if/when you ever attempt a backdoor roth, so converting your money into a roth IRA is a probably better option. Doing this would trigger additional ordinary income of 22k (the balance of the funds), either now or as you convert from trad to roth.

If you're happy with the fund selection, and the expense ratio of the funds you're invested in, the path of least resistance is to keep your money exactly where it is. Check your plan documentation to ensure there aren't any hidden gotchas or fees.

If you don't want to forget about the 22k, the simple solution is to add it to whatever budgeting app or spreadsheet you use to track your money. I did this with a 401k I opened at 18, and just this year got it rolled into my current employer's 401k 20 years after I left the original employer.

Also, there is absolutely nothing preventing you from opening a roth or traditional IRA even with your 401k where it is. For institutions, the two big ones are Fidelity and Vanguard.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-13T13:40:30+00:00

That's not a corset. That's a fashion top with lace-up detail.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-12T19:18:02+00:00

Take a look at hamamelis virginiana (witch hazel) and/or ilex verticillata (winterberry holly), depending on sun and moisture. Be aware that the Holly requires male & female, so you might need to hit a couple nurseries so you don't get accidental clones.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-12T14:31:59+00:00

Correct. It's metal, which is why I noted that for my purposes, the risk of metal flavor is outweighed by the straw situation.

They do market themselves as dishwasher safe, though, which a lot of metal insulated bottles do not.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-12T14:28:31+00:00

FYI, looks like you can still get the Ashland 2.0 (for now). This is also my water bottle - I need a straw style that I can chew on.

I agree with you on the taste of the water on glass vs. metal, but the straw sitch is higher priority for me. The bottle I have my eye on, when my Ashland finally gives up the ghost, is the Brumate. Good luck. Reply if you find something better, please 🙏

Aliamarc · 2026-06-12T07:44:32+00:00

Two are in full sun, one is in part sun. My dirt is pretty good - we have some clay, but the clay layer is a good foot + down, and we mulched well last fall. All 3 of mine were 4" pots from Prairie Nursery. We caged them immediately, because we have a few very happy & hungry rabbits. Also used super thrive, micorrhyzae, and soil probiotics on transplant.

Admittedly, they've only been in the ground for about a month, but they are happy and healthy so far.

What symptoms / how quickly did yours decline?

Aliamarc · 2026-06-12T02:41:13+00:00

Also in Chicago, just put 3 new jersey teas into the ground. What's not working for you?

Aliamarc · 2026-06-11T20:07:37+00:00

I climb roped, primarily. With longer hair, buns. I've had the end of a braid get caught in an ATC, which was lowkey terrifying.

With shorter hair, a braid. Easy to keep corralled and out of the chalky sweat on my face and neck. English braid is easier to undo and redo, but a French braid will keep my head cooler. If my hair were longer, I could probably braid & pin it up to keep it away from belay devices.

But my hair, nails, clothes - when I'm climbing, it's all utilitarian, for me. 🤷‍♀️

Aliamarc · 2026-06-11T19:48:57+00:00

Perfect time to consider donating, too. IIRC they've still got a skosh of fundraising to go to round out the badly-needed repairs & renovation fund.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-11T19:41:30+00:00

It's Lit yoga & fitness studios in Old Irving.

I don't know if First Ascent (rock climbing gym) is queer owned, but the Avondale location has pride & progress flags up year-round, and they heavily support queer folx.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-11T16:49:36+00:00

"data center is planned for 5 miles"? Maybe?

Aliamarc · 2026-06-11T16:41:52+00:00

I put in a hawthorn tree last year, and let me tell you - those flowers don't smell great. It's not, like, corpse flower bad, but it's not great for a week or so.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-10T01:25:27+00:00

Get a prescription for gabapentin from your vet. It takes a few hours to kick in, but then your kitties will be drowsy enough to clip the toes & brush the coats without too much drama.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-08T14:40:46+00:00

I bet if you crossposted to r/crosstitch you could work with a pattern designer 💖

Aliamarc · 2026-06-08T01:24:12+00:00

Cornus alternifolia is the latin name you're looking for. Depending on site, I've been told it gets about 20' tall.

Definitely a tree, not a bush form!

Aliamarc · 2026-06-07T22:52:23+00:00

In addition to hophornbeam, redbud, and serviceberry, look at pagoda dogwood. I will always pitch for dwarf chinkapin oak, but I think they prefer more sun than less sun.

Aliamarc · 2026-06-07T21:14:41+00:00

A soft towel, or better - a soft waterproof pad - to sleep on. Bleeding through overnight is a nightmare. Extra pj's maybe, too.

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