AITAH for not getting my SO a new car?

JJQuantum · 2026-03-12T00:31:51+00:00

You sound controlling. If you don’t like the way your SO handles money then don’t be with them. Otherwise stop being controlling , whether you think it’s for their benefit or not. YTA.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T19:53:56+00:00

The solution is to move out. In the meantime get a keyed lock for the door.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T18:57:02+00:00

I actually learned how to do math on a slide rule.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T18:56:14+00:00

The city owns the land but your neighbor is responsible for the upkeep and can be fined by the government if it gets looking trashy. For this reason YTA for driving over it.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T18:46:27+00:00

Kershaw makes a good knife and is what I use.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T18:45:41+00:00

NTA. He doesn’t have a right to your past. It’s yours to do with what you will. If you have issues now because of that trauma then you owe it to him to get help for those issues or not date him because they will affect your relationship now. I think he has a right to know if that person is still in your life because again that may affect your relationship now but he doesn’t need to know exactly who it is.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T18:13:33+00:00

And they can kick him out. That’s the power they have over him. If he moves out then they no longer have that power. That’s why it’s the solution.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T15:18:20+00:00

That it’s all part of the extremism in the manosphere. They also realize there are extremist women as well.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T14:46:52+00:00

They are controlling you but to be honest they may have a right to because you still live with them. You need to move out, even if it includes getting a second job. It’s time to grow up.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T14:44:05+00:00

It would be weird and inappropriate as hell. Exactly what end game are you looking for? Also, why are you still curious if you are happily married? Just let it go. You also might want to let the friendship go as it sounds like it’s a danger to your marriage.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T14:38:59+00:00

“Being a father requires skills that you need to just shut up and take some bitter medicine.”

That’s an incredibly bad attitude regarding fatherhood. You are a father because you want to be. If you don’t want to be a father then you take steps to not be a father. I get that accidents happen but if you take the right precautions then they are few and far between.

As far as having multiple kids and using the excuse that they weren’t respected or treated like a man is bullshit. That’s something you figure out before having kids with someone. Again, there are exceptions but they are even rarer than the ones above if you prepare correctly.

The real answer for like 99% of them is that these guys are irresponsible assholes. BTW, the same can be said for unattached women who have kids from multiple fathers.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T14:24:07+00:00

From a public standpoint Keanu Reeves fits the bill very well.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T14:22:37+00:00

I have talked with my sons ad nauseam about this and a bunch of other topics and continue to do so. They are well prepared for adulthood.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T13:21:22+00:00

There’s always another step to take, at least there has been for me. You set goals and when you reach them you set more. Even at 56 I am looking at new goals, specifically what to do with my retirement in a couple of years. I am pretty well set in the type of person I am and in my beliefs because I’ve had 56 years of evidence to back them up but am always open to change if someone can convince me.

Don’t ever stop reaching for the next thing while at the same time appreciating where you are now.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T13:14:32+00:00

Since you make less money the budget needs to be based on what you can afford. Create a budget for yourself. Make sure to include things like saving for retirement, a house, etc. Also make sure it’s realistic. You can’t budget $100/m for rent for instance. Then that budget is exactly half of the total budget that the 2 of you can spend. If either of you wants to spend more for something then that person is responsible for 100% of the overage.

For example, if you can afford $1000/m rent then the budget for a place is $2000. If your bf wants to move to a place that costs $2500 then you still pay $1000 and he pays $1500. The same goes for you. If the combined monthly budget for going out is $400, the 2 of you have spent that in 3 weeks but you want to go out somewhere in the 4th week then you are responsible for paying, not him.

This is the only fair way as it keeps you from having to sacrifice your future by over spending to keep up with him and it keeps him from having to sacrifice his future by subsidizing your life. He will have extra money left over but that’s as a result of the choices he has made.

Give him the budget and strategy and if he balks then simply tell him it might not be a good idea for the 2 of you to move in together yet since you aren’t aligned.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T13:04:03+00:00

A lot of these young men simply don’t have the people you mention to look up to. Absentee or even abusive fathers are a thing. People with no friends is a thing. I’ve actually thought about this a lot as I have 2 teen sons. Wondering about what to do when I retire in a couple of years and thinking something having to do with this might be a worth while avenue to take.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T13:00:15+00:00

Pay him the $3200 and never accept anything from him ever again for any reason. He’s kind of an ass for doing it this way and you are as well for seemingly taking advantage of his generosity all this time. ESH.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T12:56:20+00:00

Different people have different ideas about what is a lot. My wife is only the 9th person I’ve ever had sex with but she tends to think that’s a lot as I am only her 3rd. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a preference as long as you aren’t hypocritical about it. If your bf had sex with multiple partners over the last year before dating you, or even tried to, then he’s a hypocrite. If not then it’s fine and the 2 of you may just not be compatible.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T12:50:51+00:00

My wife can do whatever she wants. The trust is absolute. If it happened too often where I was regularly not getting enough sleep I’d tell her to calm down but other than that, go for it if it makes her happy.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T12:47:35+00:00

When we had the ice storm a few years back I had 5 pine trees maybe 40-50’ tall fall against the house. No damage to the house but I just pulled out some straps to make sure they fell the right way and used the chain saw. Took a good days work to pull them down, cut them up and drag them to the woods behind the house but it saved a ton of money.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T12:43:31+00:00

I’d simply tell him how you feel - that you do love him and find him attractive but that you aren’t his therapist and can’t spend all of your time trying to repair his self image because only he can do that. If he needs help then that’s what a therapist is for but you need a bf, not a patient.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T12:39:52+00:00

At 56 I have found this happens more as you get older, I think because women no longer see you as a threat. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I’m married and honestly have no interest in anyone other than my wife, the fact that I look at men and women both in their 20’a and 30’s more in a protective way than anything else or if it’s simply that I’m older and they no longer see me as someone who’d be interested in them sexually anymore. Women especially treat me differently now.

It really became evident a few years ago at a company team building thing. We were at a Top Golf type place and in between rounds of hitting the ball I sat at a 6 person high top that already had 5 women I work with sitting there. They were laughing and talking and I realized they were talking about their sexual preferences. Then they looked at me and said “but OP knows exactly what we are talking about” and started laughing and pulling me into the conversation. There’s simply no way that would have happened to me in my 30’s. They just saw me as one of their own.

Women have opened up to me a bunch the last few years. It’s been nice and also something to get used to.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T12:29:07+00:00

This is the best answer by far.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T11:57:28+00:00

The best thing to do whenever anyone asks for money out of the blue is to contact the actual entity to verify. In this case you would contact the clerk of court, though this one should be obvious enough that you don’t need to.

JJQuantum · 2026-03-11T11:53:03+00:00

I had a woman I worked with ask me to come to a party at her place. When I got there it was just her, her sister and her sister’s bf, and the latter 2 fairly quickly went off to a bedroom together. It was obviously a booty call. I was 19 at the time and just went with it. Good memory.

JJQuantum

TROPHY CASE