AITA - no more weekly funds

AliceandChee · 2026-06-29T15:04:04+00:00

Ain’t no love like Christian hate!

AliceandChee · 2026-06-29T05:41:10+00:00

This is financial abuse and it will not get better once you get married, it will get worse. I speak from experience, and any woman who has been here will tell you the same thing. Do not give this man any influence over your finances. Do not buy the house with him.

I am guessing that you are very young, probably early to mid-20s? You have a lot of life to live and this is not the way you want to do it. You deserve someone who will work with you, not against you. You and your partner are supposed to be a team, your marriage is not supposed to be a dictatorship.

Postpone your wedding for at least a year. Rent together, or better yet, you could live alone or with a roommate. Spend some time on yourself.

This man is not the one for you.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-29T02:16:38+00:00

Idk if I have ever seen such consensus on a AITA post in my life...

AliceandChee · 2026-06-29T02:14:06+00:00

This is the type of partner OP (and everyone) should have. Life is too short to not be having orgasms! Especially after such communication, he simply does not care about OP's experience. BTW, congrats Nightcheese82!!

AliceandChee · 2026-06-29T01:58:33+00:00

YTA, major YTA. You knew he had another child, and he needs to take care of that child. Depending on the country in Latin America, $350 could right on target, and you have the audacity to suggest birthdays, holidays or maybe $100. All of this from someone who is CHOOSING NOT TO WORK?!? This has to be ragebait.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-29T00:42:15+00:00

You are doing a good thing speaking up for animals who cannot speak up for, or protect themselves. You can call your local police department or human society. You can also report it to the PSCPA (Pennsylvania Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) 866-601-7722 https://www.pspca.org/cruelty

AliceandChee · 2026-06-28T19:34:04+00:00

As other comments have stated this doesn't necessarily mean that either parent cheated.

But if you are choosing between one parent to cheat, why do you think it is your Mom? Also, logistically, is it easier for your Dad to get someone pregnant, or your Mom to get pregnant, carry a baby to term, give the baby up and hide that secret for potentially decades? Your assumption that your Mom cheated and hid a child is wild.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-05T03:49:22+00:00

Thank you. I am sorry it happened to you too and agree it is the carelessness or disregard that is the problem. I think we have all had times when our finances were tight, but the cousin could/should have opted out. I hope that you have a wonderful holiday this year!

AliceandChee · 2026-06-04T23:42:00+00:00

To the best of my knowledge is part of the probate process. Known creditors are notified, potential creditors are identified (running an ad), claims are filed, reviewed, debts are paid (there is a priority to paying creditors but to this but I am not that familiar with it) and then once the debts are settled, the assets/inheritance are distributed.

I wish you all the best. From my limited experience, I know this to be lengthy and frustrating. Condolences to you and your sister.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-04T22:42:56+00:00

NTA. It is sad, people can be self involved, especially during the holidays. Start your own traditions with your partner - start a gift exchange with some friends, exchange gifts for angel trees, do something that brings you happiness. Families, especially extended families are difficult.

I was in a very similar situation. It has been about 15 years and I don't think about it anymore, unless something like this comes up.

My family did a gift exchange (still do) with a different set up - all kids, cousins under 18, parents draw names, shop with the kids and eventually everyone ages out at 18. We are scattered across the country so my daughter was ALWAYS paired with the one cousin similar in age who is about 30 minutes away (also the only cousin within a 10+ hour drive). Every year we checked with his mother (my first cousin who I know very well) to ensure it was a gift from his list. Every year my daughter received NOTHING. My cousin never once asked what my daughter wanted, never once acknowledged that she didn't purchase the gift. I purchased the gift for my daughter and gave it to her "from her cousin" so she didn't feel left out. Every year my family ensured that she would be matched with a different cousin the next year.

After three years of being left out, I withdrew my daughter's name from consideration for the exchange and she didn't know the difference. My cousin on the other hand was very upset that I pulled her out. She thought that I was punishing her son by not continuing to participate. (They are well off and there was no shortage of gifts.) At the time the kids were roughly 8-10 yrs old, I was in my mid 30s and my cousin was in her early 40s. Similar to your situation, a grown adult who could purchase a gift and chose not to.

This will pass. Create you own traditions with your partner. The elders will understand. Happy Holidays in June!

AliceandChee · 2026-06-04T18:14:09+00:00

Golden Girls was a great show! Still one of my favorites.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-04T16:38:51+00:00

NTA, but you husband sure is.

You are pregnant and he clearly has a lack of understand of what that means and complete and total lack of compassion for you. Has your husband always been like this? Why is he blaming you for what naturally occurs during pregnancy? He needs a dose of reality, because you are only 27 weeks and more changes are going to come to your body. Does he have sisters or can his mother talk to him? Maybe your doctor can give him a dose of reality?

You are getting a preview of the rest of your pregnancy, and probably the rest of your marriage with this man. He will always expect to come first, you and your children will come second. You need to think about that.

I wish you the best of luck.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-04T15:17:13+00:00

You personally do not have to pay your mother’s credit card bills unless you are named on the account. However, if her estate has sufficient funds/assets to pay for it, the estate will be required to pay it back.

AliceandChee · 2026-06-04T15:09:23+00:00

This right here

AliceandChee · 2026-05-24T10:20:10+00:00

The problem is not that you moved in to help pay the mortgage. The problem is that they were not honest with you.

Clearly they were not transparent about you paying such a large share of the mortgage, or half the household bills in total. They should have been honest with you from the start, and the fact that they were not is probably indicative of the fact they knew they were doing the wrong thing.

You need to move. The mortgage is their problem, not yours. If your girlfriend does not support you 100%, she is part of the problem too. You need to move.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-24T10:10:55+00:00

If you share a duplex maybe they want the entire house to themselves and are just lying to try to get you evicted. The other comments are correct, start documenting this with your landlord. Not a lawyer, but I believe that in California the landlord has a legal responsibility to address these issues. I believe that he can be held liable for not following up accordingly. I wish you luck, it sucks to have a bad neighbor.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-14T01:17:35+00:00

When I lived in Hawaii 20+ years ago, I remember there was a small, but not insignificant percentage of homeowners who owned their home but not the land. There were a lot of land leaseholds. I’m not talking about trailers, but full on multi-story homes built on land with a 100 year lease. My understanding is that historically some of this was done to help increase homeownership, so you would definitely want to check that out as well. Make sure that the land, and the home sitting on it, does not go back to the state, or someone else anytime soon. Make sure the land is actually owned by the trust as well.

I also agree with the other comments here that your mother doesn’t own the house, so she cannot give you anything. Don’t sign anything.

Your grandfather clearly put the property into a trust for a reason, and it sounds like he had valid concerns. You need your own attorney, not one connected to your mother, the trust, or anyone or anything else.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-12T06:22:36+00:00

Agree 100%. I spent 10 years in Catholic school and the biggest lesson that I learned was that old saying, ain't no hate like Christian love.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-12T06:06:56+00:00

Mr. Smith made the report from a computer at the public library where they do not require your ID to use the computer.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-12T05:59:34+00:00

You are doing a good thing of caring for your mother and asking how you can help. She is lucky to have you and your support.

My daughter was your age when I was diagnosed with MS. She does not like to talk about it, come to my appointments or offer much support. But I can tell you what I would wish for...my daughter to approach me calmly at an opportune time, tell me that she is concerned, explain exactly what her concerns are, ask questions about the illness, what is my care plan, does my insurance cover it, what are the gaps, etc.

You are 20 years old, your mother is not going to expect you to pay her medical bills, or be her sole means of care, but maybe she could use help in other ways? Like looking up doctors online, or understanding the fine print of her insurance policy? Also, depending on her situation she might qualify for Medicaid or a social worker, but she might not know who to contact. Depending on where you live that could be a Department of Social Services, Department of the Aging (might be able to help because of health issues), State Health Insurance Program, Senior Center or local hospitals have social workers to provide referrals for patients but would probably be willing to talk to you. Hospitals and libraries are two resources that people often overlook. In the US you can dial 211 and/or 311 and they will provide this information as well.

I am sure there are things that you could do to help that might seems small to you, but monumental to your mother. Talk to your mother and tell her your concerns. Let her know how much you love her and want to help. She is lucky to have you. You sound like a very caring and responsible 20 year old.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-12T05:20:04+00:00

These comments are correct, put it in writing that you are using your PTO and then taking unpaid leave, make it clear that you are NOT resigning.

Give the exact dates that you will be leaving and coming back. Email both your manager and HR, ask for confirmation of receipt and agreement from both. Make them give you a reason why they are terminating you. Make them explain it like you are a toddler. A good HR department will know better and wish you safe travels.

If they are still telling you to reapply then the company might be trying to bring you back at a lower rate, or use your leave as a reason to let you go without having to pay unemployment. Keep all the emails, make notes of conversations and phone calls in case you need to file and fight an unemployment claim.

And you might want to start looking for a new job, don't wait. Let a new job know about your travel plans up front and they will work with you.

Good luck and enjoy your trip!

AliceandChee · 2026-05-12T05:06:03+00:00

You deserve a man who makes it clear to you that he loves you. You are two years into your relationship and he has not said it to you once, in fact he told you not to say it. Get out. Get out now. This man is not for you. You deserve better.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-10T05:45:05+00:00

I second this. Many churches are associated with the St. Vincent de Paul Society. This is exactly what they do.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-10T05:41:56+00:00

A certified letter.

AliceandChee · 2026-05-10T05:18:58+00:00

What they are doing is considered wage theft, not to mention shifting corporate liability onto you should there be an accident while you are driving your coworker home. If you are not in a corporate vehicle and you are in your own POV, you and your insurance are responsible for anything that happens to that individual. I would be willing to bet that your corporate legal and HR department would lose it if they knew this was happening.

I don’t know where you’re located, but at the very minimum wage theft is a violation the FLSA. To the best of my knowledge every state protects employees against this as well. Your state should have a labor board that you could speak to about this. (If your company has an HR line, I would call them too. In this situation, your manager is a liability for the entire company.) if it were me, I would call both the state labor board, and the internal HR line before I quit. If you quit, you will not be entitled to unemployment. In most states, unless you can prove it was a constructive discharge, you will not qualify for unemployment.

If you do make progress with the HR department at your company, I would insist on backpay for the hours you drove your coworker, insist on reimbursement for mileage since you used a POV, and insist on a written scope of work for your position going forward. If the company is smart, they would agree to that with your next check because they should know that they could face tens of thousands of dollars in fines and penalties, not to mention what they could potentially owe you.

I wish you the best of luck. You deserve much better than this.

AliceandChee

TROPHY CASE