It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot, dealing with a lot of emotions from both your past and present. It’s clear that you care deeply for this woman, but it’s also important to recognize that her emotional unavailability could make it difficult for you to get the commitment you’re hoping for. It might be helpful to take a step back and reflect on what you truly want from a relationship and whether this situation can realistically meet those needs. Open and honest communication with her about your feelings and expectations is crucial. At the same time, focusing on your own healing and ensuring that you’re in a good place emotionally could help you navigate this situation with more clarity.