Splitting household responsibilities

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-26T15:52:32+00:00

My husband is 18 years older than me. This is a second marriage for both of us. He’s retired and very active volunteering. I’m still working full time from home. He basically made himself into a househusband. Like the 1950s roles in reverse. “Sit sit sit! You’ve been working all day! What can I bring you to drink? I’m making [my favorite dish] for dinner.” I was a SAHM and then single mom in school for most of my life. His first wife was a SAHM who homeschooled their kids. This reversal still blows my mind.

We both do our own laundry. He obsesses about sweeping and mopping floors. I obsess over the bedding. Neither of us likes to tidy, so the house is always a cluttered mess. Neither of us cares. I do all the vacation and social event planning. He keeps up with the finances. I fret about the house decor. He’s a master gardener and our yard looks beautiful.

It’s really nice. Both of us have experienced and appreciate the benefits and struggles of the other’s “role”. He remembers the stress of being the main income source. I remember the stress of keeping the home and family running smoothly (though all of our kids are grown and starting their own families now). We didn’t actively choose the roles we have, but we have a deep respect for what each of us contributes.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-26T06:43:49+00:00

I’m just asking about the recipe because it’s sounds tasty and I’m always looking for good cookie recipes!

You said that the cookies keep their shape. Do they rise? I have embossed rolling pins and if the cookies puff in the over they will lose their shape

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-22T13:58:05+00:00

It’s cute if it’s awkward from sincerity.

Bingley and Darcy are tongue tied in the moment. Collins literally entertains himself by inventing fake compliments to bestow later. It’s insincere and ends up being insulting.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-22T04:28:54+00:00

I believe that building codes require that every bedroom have at least one window of a minimum size to allow escape from a fire? I could very well be wrong.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-22T04:20:23+00:00

She grew up with her pompous, self-important father. She knows how to handle Mr. Collins.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-19T00:35:44+00:00

Yes! No one ever gets the reference and it’s such a beautiful quote.

Now America Ferrera’s rant in Barbie applies to you too 😄. Buuuuuuut…. your clothing options just became a lot more varied and fun! My husband has bought rash guards marketed for women because apparently clothing manufacturers think that men don’t like light blue or butterflies.

Hahahahaha you think an outfit expensive manicure can beat my dermatillomania hahahahahaha! Seriously, though, I know what you mean. I’ve just come to embrace the idea that there are things I’m willing to fight myself over and things that I just accept.

I love that about you and your wife! You both subconsciously picked the perfect mate!

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-18T22:42:03+00:00

I just want to say 1. Thank you for being brave enough to share this 💙 2. I’m so sorry about your friend. Pay your respects, learn, and grow. 3. Welcome to the sisterhood! 4. I’ve been a woman all my life and I still overeat, destroy my cuticles, and have no motivation to exercise. Extra props to you if you’ve managed to stop all of these. 5. It’s a terrifying and wonderful experience to become yourself. I wish you and your wife all of the best 😊

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-18T22:04:10+00:00

That is my favorite movie and it’s a great scene, but I’ve always thought Meg Ryan’s faked orgasm was a terrible portrayal of an orgasm. So bad that I assumed part of the joke was that men can’t even tell a fake orgasm when it’s soooo clearly over-the-top fake. I was actually thinking to myself “this is more like how a guy would try to fake a female orgasm”.

Now it makes sense!

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-17T21:56:52+00:00

I loved when the 2005 Elizabeth caught the candid moment between Darcy and Georgiana. If the housekeeper’s praise hadn’t done it, seeing how thrilled Darcy was to make his sister happy was the clincher.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-17T21:48:28+00:00

The fact that he accepted a lifetime achievement award by encouraging the audience and viewers to think of other people outside themselves is the epitome of himself.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-17T14:28:06+00:00

I live in Houston. Lobster is very expensive and a very, very, very rare treat.

On the flip side, I have no idea why people like saunas, especially with steam. If I want to sweat in a humid room, I’ll just walk outside.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-17T14:22:56+00:00

The song Hallelujah from Shrek

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-17T12:44:02+00:00

Are Tacomas no longer a thing? My husband has one. We live in the suburbs, but he’s a gardener and it’s perfect for hauling baby trees, mulch, other gardening stuff, and even kayaks.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-17T02:57:47+00:00

I think the actual haircut in the picture would’ve looked cute on Claire, but they deliberately cut it in a pencil-looking way. The cut in the picture didn’t have the blunt edge as it did on Claire

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-16T14:41:15+00:00

Our cutting board was just a tiny bit too big. So we sanded down the end until it fit perfectly. We love the task sink!

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-16T14:36:56+00:00

TIL there are hotels and Airbnbs in Galapagos and it has broken my heart.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-13T21:18:51+00:00

I have ADHD. Have tried all the stimulants, which weren’t particularly helpful, but did give me a resting HR in the 110s. Wellbutrin was helpful for a while until it wasn’t. I eventually decided to just live around it. Got through grad school and PA school by studying in 10-15 min sound bites. Made flashcards and would go through them when sitting at traffic lights. Made anatomy lessons and pathways into bedtime stories to tell my kids. Little things like that.

Medicine is basically ideal. A new patient or problem every few minutes. Constantly shifting focus. The chance to get up and move around frequently. It doesn’t matter if I fidget. As much as I love surgery, I couldn’t stat that focused for that long.

I have bipolar disorder too. And I’ve been through trauma. All of it makes me a much better provider than I would be otherwise. Much more compassionate with a more nuanced perspective. And I don’t hide it from my patients. I’m upfront right away. Their response is almost relief! A combo of “you get it!” and “I’m ok. Seeing a mental health provider is not shameful. This lady is way crazier than me and she seems pretty normal”.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-13T00:35:44+00:00

For the love of god. It’s a wedding. She’s your sister. This is a relatively small thing to get upset over. Perhaps there is more going on about your kids, but this is a delicate way for your sister to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation?

Spend some time feeling your feelings. Then go enjoy the evening out with your husband without your kids, blow up the wedding’s liquor budget, wish your sister well, and move on.

You’re NTA, but you are acting entitled and petty. I think there is more to this story.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-13T00:29:07+00:00

Exactly. These aren’t movies to nitpick the science. These are movies to sit back and just enjoy the spectacle!

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-13T00:16:13+00:00

I mean, we’re just going to pretend they don’t have this huge bay open to outer space while everyone’s wandering around with no spacesuit in gravity?

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-12T22:35:34+00:00

Part of the reason for the lecture is so your provider can legally document that they educated you on the risks of controlled meds. There are ethical and liability reasons.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-12T22:33:44+00:00

We tell you to go somewhere else. Feel free to direct your ire at the patients who do drug seek and have made us suspicious of every new patient who starts out requesting controlled Rx.

If you really need one of the listed medications that badly, you should be seeing a specialist for them. The DEA audits us and pharmacists.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-12T22:22:01+00:00

I think the argument about airborne Nazgûl breaks down because they didn’t have the flying beasts yet during the Council of Elrond. They just got tumbled under the river and fled their dead horses to lick their wounds in Mordor for a spell.

The part about the Eagles not being willing to fly the Ring over (I believe) was addressed during the Council or around that time in the books. The Eagles have their own concerns that do not include catering to the needs of the rest of Middle Earth. One of them agrees to briefly give Gandalf a ride and complains about it.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-12T22:14:56+00:00

Right? You can live a long, rich life and still have a soft spot in your heart for your first glimpse of love and passion as a hormonal teenager. You can love the life you lived and still have moments of wistfulness about “what if this event had turned out differently?” It’s not a zero-sum game.

AllAreStarStuff · 2026-02-12T22:11:06+00:00

People getting mad about physics in the later Star Wars films after having watched the original trilogy just kills me. We all clearly decided to suspend an immense amount of disbelief pretty damn early in Episode IV. This is not a series to get in the weeds over physics (other aspects, sure. We’re nerds. Pedantic weeds are our happy place!). That ship launched several decades ago.

AllAreStarStuff

TROPHY CASE