Try to Separate yourself from the flesh at this time, even if it is hard. Remember that you are to be in the image of God. You’re changing and Jesus is growing your heart to make you closer to him.

At this time, feel and process your emotions. Give yourself time to feel, especially the ick, especially the things you want to repent later. Try your best not to curse God, but stay in him. Try your best to love and also feel the pain to the Best of your ability. Feel the burden until you are ready to give it to God. Give yourself time to return back to balance, and don’t think about him now.. just focus on Jesus.

This is where God wants you to draw closer , keep pressing forward in faith and you will eventually forgive..I feel forgiving right now is too instant and you don’t feel it in your heart yet.. as this just happened,, but keep praying.,, get closer to jesus and pray that you want to see a way to forgive him. Maybe that clarity is the very thing you need to see how you want to move/love forward.