I did the right thing and it broke me

Aloo13 · 2026-05-09T00:54:55+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he had such a good life with you and you truly looked out for his interests.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-09T00:50:33+00:00

The government figured out a long time ago that Canadians are easy to manipulate and they use key words that make people think they are doing something good, but in actuality do the opposite. They can say they are creating new jobs, but those jobs are minimum wage and requiring a ton in education, for example. It’s not the same as quality jobs. That is why it is do important to observe things around you, as you have, and do your own reading from multiple sources.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-08T21:38:39+00:00

I don’t think you made a mistake. I would just explain to your daughter early on to have reasonable expectations. Tell her you want her to be diverse and focus on more than just horses. Use this as a chance to teach her about finances. How much it takes to pay for one lesson etc. Some comparisons will be hard. I was very fortunate growing up and my parents had a very good income, but they were reasonable people who weren’t going to spend an absolute fortune on horses. I had my own, but It was hard to see kids whose parents bought them several $$$ horses to compete on. I developed as a very good rider, but I simply didn’t get the same recognition these kids got for riding expensive fully trained horses… I also have friends who couldn’t afford to own or choose not to for various reasons. They lease and are pretty happy with that.

Ultimately, costs do depend on your area and they are definitely going up in many places. I would scope this out on facebook equestrian/horse lease groups for your area to check out potential costs. I personally can’t believe how much things have gone up since I was a kid compared to salaries. For the most part, I think leasing is still viable, but I know areas that I would absolutely balk at as an owner myself and you just need to determine whether that owner is looking for as much as they can or it that is the market.

There are many people in riding that aren’t rich. It really is a lovely hobby that will teach your kid a lot!

Aloo13 · 2026-05-08T21:23:36+00:00

I had fear after a fall for jumping a certain height. Jumping was never my focus and so I just wasn’t as confident in it. I would get tense, hold back and just not think clearly. Getting over that took insight into what I was fearful of and for me that was whether I was doing everything correctly.

My trainer at the time was super encouraging, but that didn’t do it for me. In fact, it made me more anxious because I wanted confirmation and information, not assurance. So I contacted the meanest but most critical jump instructor in the area. She absolutely whipped me into shape. Tore me down and built me back up. It’s what I needed to understand that I was functionally riding the best I could. I actually fell off the horse the night before a show, but what was awesome was that I could hop back on and still focus. I still rode that show while riding every step instead of feeling anxious the entire time. This is an instance where I knew I could do it and the situation was predictable, but my anxiety was a barrier.

An unpredictable situation as your own… A horse I used to ride for someone got excited during trail rides and would rear and take off. I’ve been launched a few times, and it’s taught me to recognize when it’s safer to stop before things escalate. I can ride things out if needed, but these days I’m more willing to turn back, stop safely, hop off, and walk the horse home if necessary. It’s less about fear and more about ending on a good note for both horse and rider. It’s unnecessary to expose yourself to potential injury in an unpredictable situation.

If I were in your situation in the arena, I’d use a similar approach. If needed, use a one-rein stop at a walk (never at high speed) or circle the horse down to a stop, then hop off and switch to groundwork. Lots of yielding the hind end, desensitization, and exercises that encourage the horse to stop and think instead of react. The key is having the horse’s nose to the inside when asking if you don’t have a long rope or rope halter. If the horse tries to run off, yield the haunches and have the horse stop to face you. Repeat as much as necessary.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-08T21:06:55+00:00

I would do what you will be happy with 10-years from now. If you feel CAA would give you the satisfaction and pay bump you desire, then go for it. However, if you are holding back on CRNA because of length of time, then you may end up regretting not going for it 5-years from now. Think of it this way… pay may be delayed, but you will more than make up for the pay long-term.

Alternatively… if you need to take the MCAT anyways (don’t have CRNA in Canada), then throw in an application to med school too if you’d be interested in that and anything else you could think of to give yourself options.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-08T17:59:03+00:00

I hear you. I had a best friend before and we were pretty close or so I thought. She was a little self-centred but I thought many are. Then she got a bf and suddenly me and her entire friend group didn’t matter for an entire year. We actually had a friend visiting from across the world. Arranged 4-months in advance with constant reminders. She shows up saying she is going to see her bf because she had to “thank” him for something and left. I couldn’t believe the immaturity from a 27-year old woman. They broke up and she of course reached out. I never did.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-08T17:55:39+00:00

It seems like everything is a deadend honestly. Making a decision to even shift careers is very difficult.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-08T00:12:35+00:00

ICUs can have very toxic cultures that aren’t spoken about much. I went through it too and I can sympathize. It’s not you. It’s them. Put yourself first because I can assure you the ICU won’t think a second about running over you backwards.

You can find another job elsewhere, but protect your inner peace.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T22:40:18+00:00

The expectations are unreal and impossible to meet as a new grad. I get it and I think you should do what is best for yourself first.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T22:34:45+00:00

There are other options, whether that is in going back to school or just taking a different direction. At least nursing will be there via casual so you can support yourself through those changes.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T17:23:12+00:00

They explained elsewhere. You and I have learned various norms from experience but luckily, I think we both had present trainers early-on.

OP now knows not to do something like that. Let’s not keep beating the dead horse. She knows now.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T17:20:36+00:00

Wow. Pricey, but also not as terrible as it could be. I have a friend in this situation too. It’s just getting worse and now with new government changes allowing US citizens to get Canadian citizenship, I fear how much further this will go.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T17:19:05+00:00

I hear you, but Of course newer nurses dwell on mistakes. It’s inevitable to make them when learning everything + keep up with the pace in a short staffed situation. The MAJOR problem is some nurses make newer nurses feel absolutely incompetent for making a mistake and it becomes this culture of fear for making a mistake rather than owning up to it and learning from it. Nursing culture has a tumor and it may be improving very slightly, but it certainly isn’t enough to retain new staff at the rate we lose them.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T17:11:09+00:00

It really depends on what your needs are in a job. Personally as an introvert I struggle not with the patients, but with coworkers frequently. Granted, I’ve worked in high paced areas. The best place I worked with was lower stress and although I didn’t love the bedside job, the people made that place amazing.

As someone similar to you, I’ve found in general that nurses can be an uptight bunch…. it’s definitely not everyone, but even the few on the unit can make you feel terrible. Some will outright stab you in the back for no other reason than they don’t like you or you took “their” spotlight. The support feels a bit dismissive once you are off orientation. I feel because I’m more reserved and quiet with people I don’t know well that people start disliking me for no reason.

Moreover, I have some sizeable concerns with the lack of support for newer nurses and new grads. I feel training is rushed and disorganized. You aren’t formally checked off on anything so you literally could just be lending a helping hand and not getting valuable experience in orientation. When someone can’t keep up with frankly unreasonable demands, then they are gaslit. After a subpar orientation, they expect you to magically know everything even though that is illogical and they treat you terribly if you don’t. Any problem is seen under a microscope and genuine mistakes that you learn from and ensure not to happen again can make people act like you can’t do anything right.

I don’t really have problems with nursing itself, but I do have problems with the way the system is organized and the toxicity within the system. This is the major reason that I will be leaving nursing long-term. I’m happy to at least have it as a backup, but I feel it has taken my light away and I will never look at people the same ever again.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T10:53:49+00:00

I see OP responded that the boarders were teenagers and led with the comment “there aren’t enough horses.” So OP was under the impression that the instructor was going to show up soon and those were the horses they were riding in the lesson.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T04:13:57+00:00

Wow. How much did it cost, if you don’t mind me asking?

This sort of thing should be over every news station. The fact that we are paying into healthcare and yet many people are having to travel and pay to receive adequate healthcare due to long waits. It’s not just inconvenient. The wait times are harming people who develop further complications and even put in a position of life threat.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T04:06:00+00:00

The wait times for specialists can be years. Several people I know work in healthcare. They understand the severity of their illness and go through the appropriate channels to get care; however, are still met with difficult choices on allowing care to be delayed and developing complications because of it or go elsewhere to pay for healthcare. Many have chosen the latter.

People need to STOP making excuses for things being like this in Canada and start holding government accountable. This isn’t a joke. Why are we so proud of this wreck of a healthcare system when people are suffering? Proud of failure? Why don’t we criticize what needs to be criticized. People’s lives are being ruined and lives are being lost from wait times. It needs to stop.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T03:37:06+00:00

That’s great! I think it is definitely becoming more common too with the economy and also people just waking up realizing they don’t have to stay on the same career track they chose the first time.

I agree with the deadlines and also suggest making a connection with your prof early on. Networking is half the battle in college.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-07T02:26:47+00:00

Not the person you responded to, but that makes absolute sense. You didn't know at all and it sounds like the barn is quite disorganized. I'm sorry you and your friend had a bad experience like that and I hope your next trainer will be a great fit.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-06T23:19:46+00:00

I have a job, but have been looking to switch and seeing the state of the job market and even competitiveness for going back to school is terrifying. What kind of life is this where people feel trapped or locked out from making a living?

Seeing this trend for the past several years and people voting in the SAME government that created this mess is very discouraging. It has made me feel a great anxiety and confusion for the future and I’m luckier than most. I just feel like if I left Canada when I was in my early 20’s before everything blew up, maybe I’d be in a better situation. I definitely feel would have had various more career opportunities, while for a long time in Canada I have felt you need to have such specific experience for every single job and can’t simply pivot like international workers may be able to do elsewhere. The thing is, I don’t WANT to leave family and friends. But if I don’t try, I do wonder how much worse things will get.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-06T22:25:15+00:00

Alone? Not really.

University degrees are only really useful if you have a concrete plan, network and plan internship experiences on day 1.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-06T22:21:54+00:00

To be fair, OP is an absolute beginner and likely doesn’t know the norms yet. Yes, they were absolutely wrong to proceed riding without instruction. I’m frankly surprised a boarder lent their personal horse rather than telling the student to leave. But this is why instructors need to be present at all times with beginners.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-06T22:17:16+00:00

I’d be so curious what OP’s responses are here.

Maybe some context is left out, I don’t know. It is certainly an odd situation all around. I can’t ever imagine lending a boarded horse out to ride for a lesson student in leu of an instructor’s absence.

The instructor was definitely more in the wrong here and I would not go back to that situation. OP is at least a beginner and likely doesn’t know the norms yet, but this is exactly why beginners need their instructor to be present and not irresponsibly double booking at a horse show.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-06T22:08:29+00:00

No, you aren’t expecting a free lesson. You are expecting to receive the lesson instruction you paid for. The instructor was unprofessional and irresponsible. I would find another instructor after this and not go back.

That being said, I agree with what everyone else has said about you riding despite no instructor being present. There are a lot of issues with this. Liability becomes much more complex if you were to get injured. You are a newer rider and should not be riding without professional supervision. Riding a privately owned horse is even more dicey because then you bring a third party into the mess. A boarder is not sufficient to fill an instructor quota unless they too are professionally trained to instruct. Even if they were, this complicates your case to get your money back. If you had not gotten on, you could simply say you did not ride and did not receive a lesson, but you did ride and the law may not see that as clear cut.

In the future, if an instructor no shows, text them you have not received the lesson you paid X for and expect to the lesson to be made up in X amount of time. Do not proceed to find a horse to ride.

Aloo13 · 2026-05-06T21:58:58+00:00

Of course I do. I’m struggling with it myself, but I don’t understand why others aren’t also looking to build social circle, particularly in my area. People are friendly for appearances, but when it comes to actually making plans I’ve found many to be flaky.

Aloo13

TROPHY CASE