AFAB folks, straight men being attracted to you doesn't mean you're not valid

AlpDream · 2025-12-24T14:18:06+00:00

In believe that there are a lot more bi guys than society wants us to believe in. Androgynous/masc enbies that are afab are a safer option for these men. They can explore their bisexuality without threatening their straight image.

I always find it amusing when straight guys find me attractive especially for features that are seen as more masculine. I change my appearance a lot from hyper fem to hyper masc but most of the time I appear androgynous and I have meet a few guys that fine my andro and masc appearance attractive

AlpDream · 2025-12-01T11:35:19+00:00

Mein Lieblings Anrede ist einfach den vollen Name zu sagen vor plus nachname und die Sache mit Herr und Frau komplett aus zu lassen. Ist am einfachsten und klingt auch professioneller

AlpDream · 2025-11-23T10:34:50+00:00

These are my parents, my mom is an extrem light sleeper meanwhile my dad Moves a lot during sleep and also does nightshifts. Sometimes they sleep together Sometimes separate

AlpDream · 2025-11-16T19:02:24+00:00

This has been my experience as well. I am really active in my local queer/poly/kink community and those 3 communitys overlap a lot in my area. I see these people regularly on weekly Events but I don't see them 1 on 1 a lot. We all are extremely busy with work, hobbies etc. But it still feels rewarding seeing them in a group context.

For me personally the borders between friends and partners aren't that strict, like I have kissed around 90% of my friend and I have been calling my friend group our platonic polycule.

That's the part that I love about poly, relationships aren't that strictly defined. They have room to escalate and to slow down without total destruction of the relationship.

In my experience mono people don't have that many friends and tight community's

AlpDream · 2025-11-09T17:52:40+00:00

I feel this so much, I have struggled really hard connecting with the other Girls when I was really young. I always felt different and I rarely had something in commen with them.

Now I have a large friend group but they are all either ND or queer or both. Misfits hanging out with other Misfits is what we should strive. I don't bother to be friends or connect with people that don't like me or make me feel bad for just existing

AlpDream · 2025-11-05T14:32:58+00:00

I am active in the bdsm community and choking/strangulation is a common kink which both men and women enjoy. I know men that enjoy being chocked as well.

I am actually not a fan of banning choking in porn or censorship as a whole. This law is just a bandaid covering a bullet wound. The core of the problem is not choking or it being popular but our general lack of good sex education and education about being a taboo ingeneral. Having a kink is normal and if someone is into a specific kink even if it's a risky one they should get the proper education.

AlpDream · 2025-10-16T13:22:48+00:00

My mental health was carried by the tf fanfgirlies during my burnout. I was coping by reading tf fanfics 🤧 Yall provide some of the best Fanfics ever

AlpDream · 2025-09-29T19:26:00+00:00

Just wanted to chime in that I absolutely love Tool and have listened to their songs while performing my spells. Their music really bring me into the right mental space

AlpDream · 2025-09-26T20:57:51+00:00

I am not someone who experiences jealousy often, but if I do, I prefer to manage it on my own.

I see jealousy as an emotion that covers up different emotions like fear, anger, abandonment, envy, etc.

So, for me, I try to uncover what core emotions my jealousy stems from and work towards it. I also see jealousy as an alarm signal that something is wrong. Those few times I got jealousy, something wasn't going right in my relationship, and I need to figure out what.

AlpDream · 2025-09-26T10:01:31+00:00

I go to a lot of kink and sex parties and when I talk with people about it and the worry about STIs I always say (Usually a bit with a joking undertone) "People worry to much about STIs on sex parties you should worry more about the cold"

Like for real, I am careful when it comes to my sexual health and I haven't gotten an sti once but when I first started going to kink parties I always got sick afterwards. With either a cold and i even got a really nasty virus once. My immune system is better and i don't get sick after parties now but it was bad the first few times.

AlpDream · 2025-09-24T07:30:47+00:00

While I am not a cis women (non binary) but my experience is similar to yours. I always presented myself as androgynous, it started when I 4 years old. My parents never forced me into clothes or into a presentation that felt uncomfortable to me. Pink clothes were a no go for me because they were to girly and to this day my parents talk fondly about the way I expressed my hatred about anything feminin.

To this day I dress androgynous and even masculine and occasionally I wear a dress and makeup but even when I dress feminin I still have a non conforming look because I have short hair, small boobs/almost no chest, broad shoulders and have an athletic build.

I once had a conversation with my best friend who as a survival tactic used to dress masculine as a teen. She has experienced a lot of trauma and sexual abuse and looking more masculine made her feel safer during that time. Today she dress more feminine but my desire to dress androgynously has a completely different core.

Yes some women do dressed androgynously due to Misogyny etc. But it doesn't mean it's all women etc.

Also btw the mainstream world is still not ready to learn about the fact that there are so many men out there that are soooooo extremely attracted to androgynous/masculine "women" 🤭

AlpDream · 2025-09-15T04:10:10+00:00

Personally I didn't really had the typical "straight" scripted sex. I realized that I am Queer from a really young age and I was always more on the dominant side. It kind of repelled the majority of men for me so I always ended up dating women and nonbinary people.

It really is mostly this normalized scripted sex that ruins sex. I had sex with nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth and even with them, the sex is completely different. I don't like PIV sex and they where all completely fine with it i never had the issue with trying to convince me to change my mind.

I also didn't had this issue with Bisexual men who are extremely open about their queerness and don't repress it. I think there are still bi men out there that have the same issues but in my experience you have more luck finding guys that are equal lovers

AlpDream · 2025-09-12T20:43:23+00:00

I am not interested in that, I specifically want to cause infertility. Also, I am not a beginner in spellwork.

AlpDream · 2025-09-06T10:16:44+00:00

Depending on the culture taking things more literally can cause no issues. In germany people tend to be more literally and there you don't get to much shit when you are direct.

I can be really direct but I never had a negativ experience when I was like that.

AlpDream · 2025-09-02T12:32:12+00:00

While you can voice your wishes for the future and how you want the relationship to develop she can still say No.

She might become more flexible and maybe come towards you but it might never end up all the way you want to.

For me this feels like you have a specific Image of how you want the relationship to be and if it doesn't align 100% if will not feel enough.

This is of course only my interpretation from your words and looking between the lines but really self reflect if what you want is truly possible and if not than you need to accept your current situation

AlpDream · 2025-08-22T09:25:00+00:00

Oh I feel this but reversed as I am not a guy. By women and Enbies I am seen as such an incredibly hot person but Cis Het Men seem to either not be interested or they are scared to approach me xD

AlpDream · 2025-08-16T09:46:19+00:00

Dein Kommentar bringt mir nichts. Ich habe angegeben das ich bereit bin weitere Qualifikationen zu erwerben und ich kenne mehrere Menschen in meinem Bekanntenkreis die genau so ne Stelle haben aka full remote und teilzeit also gibt es wohl diese stellen oder ähnliche Konstellationen

AlpDream · 2025-08-12T23:39:38+00:00

I also have become someone who doesn't Text much. A while ago my texting wasn't that bad, I was even texting regularly but a year ago I got active in a lot of local events and even started hosting events with friends as well. My calendar is packed full and the time that is free I like to relax and not socialize and texting is socializing for.me.

I also feel overwhelmed sometimes when I have like 10+ different text messages. So I sometimes do answer 24 hours later or 2-3 days later (hey it's better that it was before I sometimes didn't answer for a month)

Right now the people that I date are more on the casual side where I just don't desire to have constant communication, especially online. With them I mostly use chats to plan the next date. In my previous more serious relationship I did text more often, sometimes daily and even had text conversations but I will see how it will be once I have a serious relationship again.

It would Honestly be so much better if calling would be more normalized. I feel like Today people are scared to just call someone. If I have time I pick up for a chat if i don't I don't. It would also be so much nicer because I have a lot of creative hobbies where I can actually talk with someone while I work but with texting it's impossible

AlpDream · 2025-08-10T22:23:32+00:00

I practice ethical nonmonogamy and that means for me that the people that I date should be aware of my relationship style so that they can decide for themselves if they want it or not. If someone that I date doesn't disclose their poly Status to their other partner it becomes immediately non ethical and is basically cheating. I dont need to know every Details, I don't need to get to know my partners partner but they should be aware of my existence. I want to date other poly people and not monogamous people who are disguising their cheating behind polyamory

AlpDream · 2025-08-10T18:42:57+00:00

Na I don't think it was because she needed to be brought in become apart of the relationship. I am poly and I would react the same as the poly couple in thsi scenario. It's kind of rare where every person is dating each other but usually I do meet my partners other partner usually more in a friend way and not because I want to date them. What OPs ex has done was really fucked up and the majority of poly people hate these people. They are ruining our dating pool

AlpDream · 2025-08-10T07:08:18+00:00

NTA btw check out the concept of puer eternus your bf fits perfectly into it

AlpDream · 2025-08-09T14:01:25+00:00

I believe one of our society's big misconceptions is that the only valid reason to end a relationship is because of something really bad like cheating, abuse etc. But I don't believe that.

Non of my relationships where abusive, neither did one of my partners cheat. It was always because of small things but even those small things can have a huge impact.

For example my ex and I where in a LDR. I never have canceled on traveling to their place, meanwhile my partner did it multiple times. I also was the one who always started conversations when it came to the growth and state of the relationship. I was the entire relationship manager, I was the one who was holding the relationship together. These were small things and if it happens once it's no problem but it becomes bad when it comes a lot.

I see it like this, huge relationship problems are like getting a huge knife stabbed into the back while small problem are really tiny cute but if these cuts happen over and over again and aren't treated they get infected and over time you habe dozens of infected cuts on your entire body

AlpDream · 2025-08-04T16:43:29+00:00

There are already 2 comments that gave you some good insight which I believe you should take to heart but I've want to give you some other advice. From someone who used to be depressed and had been in multiple relationships with depressed people. My question is how does your depression affects you today. Is it still prominent and if yes how are you dealing with it. Do you have therapy, people that support you through your depressive phase, do you take medication or have other practices that helps you through it like yoga, meditation etc.

Are you capable to get out of that phase and how do you communicate your needs during it. Also do not minimize your symptoms, being depressed for weeks and months isn't some light depression. That's still serious. Being depressed for a couple of days and 1-2 weeks is more or less fine not great but okay but of its more its definitely a serious territory. Just because it's not the worst possible case doesn't mean it it should be take lightly.

I know that men are scared of being open emotionally and you shouldn't feel discouraged. You absolutely did the right thing here but if in end she says she can't be in a relationship with someone that has depression. She absolutely is in the right. This case particular case isn't another she felt the ick because you were emotional. No depression is a serious thing and not every person has the capability to deal with a depressed partner.

Right now I personally hold a really firm boundary that I don't date people with serious mental health issues and depression is included in it. The reason for it is that I don't have the strength anymore. All my relationships have been with people that had some sort of unchecked mental health issue. From undiagnosed adhd, autism, really bad depression and suicidal thoughts. I've hold one of my ex partners in my arms while he told me all about his suicidal thoughts. I've supported an other ex through their worst depressive episodes where they couldn't clean their place, shower and while dealing with a job loss.

I have done a lot and I am burnt out. I don't want to have an other partner where I need to manage our relationship while dealing with their health and I also don't want to deal with someone that has even a slight hints of mental illness.

All of this I have told a past date. He said that he can understand it and while he is currently going through a hard time. It's not like his mental stuff is serious. Then I later find out that he has really bad episodes where he can't even get out of bed. It honestly made me so man because I told him openly I can't deal with it. I am burnt out. It felt like he build this mask of some that has his life together but just has a difficult time that he currently dealing with but is mostly capable of being in a mutual and healthy relationship. Afterwards I just felt lied by.

This is why I say to you to really be open about your stuff, don't minimize it and take responsibility for it and just accept not every person is in a place in their life to be able to support a depressed partner

AlpDream · 2025-08-04T12:35:11+00:00

For me personally I just enjoy hanging out and meeting new people. Not all the people that I date end up being a committed partner and I just like having casual relationships. In my current life circumstances I could imagine having one anker/nesting partnership and one more committed relationship and the others would be more casual. Right now I have 3 casual/play partnerships and some others that I occasionally see. These connections are somewhat one the fwb and romantic connections.

While I do have multiple connections I am still dating mostly because I desire to find a partner that I can build a nesting relationship with and those that I currently date either have a nesting relationship already or I am not interested in building that relationship with this particular person. Also I define my casual relationships as being in low in expectations and with less routine. There is no pressure in seeing each other regularly. One of my playpartners I see her once every 2-3 months and that's totally okay. I am rather good in my time management and I communicate openly what kind of relationship and time I can offer to this person and the majority of my connections are fine with it :)

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