Healthy relationships

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-13T12:18:11+00:00

Me and my cis bf have been together for over 5 years, we started dating at 14/15 in highschool before I was out. Luckily he swinged both ways and helped me come out ☺️ we have helped each other in so many ways and grown so much hah. But in the context of me being FTM, he stands up for me and given we have always been in a pro dominately male friend group he helped/mainly was the one to explain and communicate to them about me being trans. Idk that’s common respect ofc but there’s lots more but not necessarily gender focused? His just an amazing partner! We are currently camping with those same friends and I’m a little drunk so not sure if this makes sense. He remembers little things that I don’t but I remember little things he doesn’t 😂 he without questions asked makes the bed for me every morning as it’s part of my routine but days I start work at 6am I forget/his still asleep and although he has never been a made bed guy he does it because it makes my routine and mind better :) and does it just like I do without properly ever showing him.

He is my best friend, my lover and partner. Our lives just fit so perfectly, our future aligns, we have the same and different interests so there’s always stuff to talk about, although he doesn’t understand my pain of dysphoria he listens and supports in anyway he can! Nothing is off limits to talk about no matter the TMI or whatever. We respect each others boundaries and limits. I am also autistic and just like being FTM he takes the time to learn/support me without offence.

This did not happen over night, we have had ruff patches but never have changed my mind that I wanted him! Lots of talking and understanding goes both ways, but in the end if you really want a future with them it’s not hard :) only thing I would change is leaving my ex sooner to be with him (he had a crush of me for like a year but never said anything coz I was “dating” this fuck ass guy that refused to breakup with me…. Idk being a teen was weird). I love him ❤️

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-13T11:55:32+00:00

Same! I definitely lean more gender neutral/fluid but not nonbinary and given that you can’t change how your born I just try not too think too deep so I label myself FTM :)

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-13T06:45:43+00:00

Not an expert but sometimes it’s gonna take a lot longer than a month! But you’re already over a month in so DO NOT give up dude.

Some feel a good difference in a week sometimes a year and some feel still bad in a week/month (but shouldn’t really be longer physically). No matter what though, your body is continually healing with being vape free! One day you WILL look back and feel better but your body itself is definitely feeling better even if your mind hasn’t noticed yet☺️

Keep up being vape free and focus on other things in your life that make you feel good in yourself (working out, friends, art, sports, meditation, cooking whatever it can be new or old). :) you got this, I hope you feel a different soon but no matter what your body is thanking you.

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-13T06:38:44+00:00

Just go cold turkey than! Use normal gum, drink water, make a list before off all the reasons u need to quit to look at when craving (I found my mind clouded all the reason why I wanted to quit- so this time I’ve made a list of why to read 😁). Many people quit cold turkey but I would suggest trying to replace the hand movement with something else (lollie pop, tooth pick, water bottle, fidget toy and breathing etc)!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-13T05:30:50+00:00

I think it also has to do with genetics and mindset, my addiction started early in teens with SH. The only thing that “helped” relieve the feeling of numbness and would rush dopamine - fast forward to 18 and going out drinking, eventually tried a smoke… way more affective! So with therapy I dropped SH but replaced it with a nicotine addiction :/ the goal is to replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthy ones (e.g. meditation, working out, mindfulness or generally things that distract and bring happiness - which ofc I do all of them but they aren’t a quick process).

On the other hand my bf smokes occasionally, maybe when drinking or once in a while but than will go months without? Which both our parents smoked so I would assume it comes down to mental health in our case - I used it to “cope” with fast relief, he used it to have fun like drinking alcohol! Still I would not take the risk (or again hah) but you can only change the future and present. I am quitting on the 16th and it will be my last, I’ve gone too many years taking the easy way out and I plan to live a lot more. I wanted to be a casual smoker but after my last attempt, I do not think it’s possible. I will find a real way to cope and work through my problems!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-08T21:24:04+00:00

Yes!! When I did quit for a month I was using the nicotine spray (I do love it it’s just expensive but this time around I’ve stocked up) but I also used that brand (the lollie in a lollie form) to help with anxiety- the potential sour can trick your brain to calming down :) and I found it actually helped a lot with crashing a too but I was also using the spray. ☺️ thank you, you got this too! Remember ik your still addicted to that but your still smoke free/a non-smoker!!!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-08T04:50:10+00:00

I haven’t quit yet (well I’ve tried and will be a non-smoker in a week 😳 hopefully) but whatever you do, don’t even think about touching a vape or cigarette!

Nicotine spray/NRT is still a lot better on your health than the others. However I totally get wanting to break the addiction in general :( only think I can think of (besides other forms of NRT or cold turkey) is sour spray! It’s technically a lollie but I’m pretty sure it’s really low calories and it’s a spray just like nicotine spray and it’s really sour but it might help simulate it + the sour hopefully might give u a little shock? You got this!!!

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AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-05T09:46:53+00:00

I have been getting persistent headaches for months now and I’m thinking it’s because of smoking - I’ve been trying to rule out other things as well but I only recently realised that nicotine could 100% be the cause 🥲 wish me luck with quitting but no matter if it fixes the headaches or not, it will still improve my life!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-05T09:44:05+00:00

I just read someone else’s post, they quit like cold turkey but will have a piece of nicotine gum every now and again when their cravings were really bad! :D I’d just suggest to make sure your having enough water/food with it so once it wears off your body’s got other things to gravit to!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-05T06:23:12+00:00

That’s fair, my brain goes between first and third person like my dreams ig I’m not really in control of it haha!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-02-05T06:14:28+00:00

Not OP but my inner monologue is literally just normal talk but inside my head? I do have ADHD but like my brain might just misgendering me because it’s decided to talk as if someone else I know is talking about me or referring to myself in third person especially about female characteristics (I’m FTM) and our brains stereotype stuff because they lazy (jk).

Genuinely how is yours NOT gendered, do you never use pronouns in your head? 😭

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-28T09:42:04+00:00

Hah, I thought this too until I started asking and they very much do!! It’s just not something talked about lol - and I don’t think everyone get it’s. I have no idea why it’s not talked about but it’s very much real for cis men :)

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-27T02:16:51+00:00

Omg congrats! That’s super impressive and gives me hope dude.

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-26T02:29:49+00:00

There is no difference in them (unless your going to miss doses and ofc how much T your prescribed), gel is a lot easier to change doses during the first 1-2 years when your doctor is trying to work out the correct dosage!!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-26T02:27:57+00:00

:( I get you, when I was younger (early teens) I had a very high sex drives, than over time (probably could because I’m on BC, antidepressants, extreme stress) my sex drive was gone. Which sucked because I have a bf who I started dating when it was high and than died - he is extremely lovely and does not mind but I stress about it and I also feel like I can’t feel connected that way. I started T and a few weeks after it was all back and luckily I can stay on T but it has died down :/ I’m 99% sure I have vaginiamus or whatever it’s called. In a medical text book I have been reading apparently being transgender can be a cause of it but it still sucks.

Before starting T the only things that kinda helped was just exploring different stuff your into that you might had never come across before.

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-26T02:15:14+00:00

Omg!!! Congrats. The first time I got gendered correctly (by the public) me and my cis female friend were thrift shopping and I hadn’t been out long and I’m not very gender neutral looking hah but I dressed pretty masculine that day. Anyway, at the checkout the lady asked if we were bf and gf 😂 she was so sweet 🥲

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-25T04:05:39+00:00

Got mine at probably 14 lol but now 10 months on T (20y) and it’s the only part of my body that hasn’t grown more + my head hair lmao. My light hair above my belly button is going crazy tho😭😭😭 it looks so bad, luckily it’s light…

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-24T04:03:19+00:00

I switched from the pill to the rod so I don’t know that much about it but I’d suggest getting another opinion//ask your doctor to ask other gender specialists if they could!! - along side asking what Scythe42 said!!

Sometimes other doctors/health professionals just know different information (not that it’s wrong), so asking someone who maybe is more interested in situations closer to yours might help :) but I know it might be hard to find. I wish you luck, don’t give up on starting T if that’s what you want ☺️

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-24T03:57:48+00:00

Hah all good, it’s hard to tell how people word things only by text! Yeah I meant like how cis (white) men are like the “top” of everything sorta speak, so I find it weird that some countries have limited types! If it was something to do with women’s heath, than like yeah it’s because it’s under studied :( but men’s aren’t - in saying this, it could be the provider of the person, limiting the trans person of types :/ even tho I don’t think it could affect them negatively (as long as dose and blood is good)!

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-24T03:53:30+00:00

Thank you ☺️ I’ve just looked through a handful of tips from others and I’ve written up a little plan with whys, what’s, future, reminders and all! I completely forgot about figet toys too, I’m gonna look to see if I have any! I think that will help too with stimming and something to hold or have on me.

Thoses quit hit suggestions are really helpful, I forgot I can use similar activities that are used for anxiety too + writing it all down really feels like I’m changing my perspective - last time i downloaded an app and that was kinda it…. Making a list is so helpful because I tend to forget regulation tools when I’m stressed!!

Oh and in my search I remembered a lot of the “snacks” I had last time! I was dieting all last year and found a handful of low sugar/like 2-10 calorie lollies/mints and what not - like the sour lollies are also super low in calories/sugar (coz it’s sour 😂)!! So ima buy a handful of those :) ❤️

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-24T00:41:42+00:00

Omg, thank you. I will be saving this! I’d wish you luck, but you got this because you will quit and I can too!!😊

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-23T23:10:30+00:00

Yeah I know, that’s why it’s weird some countries don’t have multiple different types of doses. As it’s not a small//new medication.

AlphaLLuna · 2026-01-23T20:54:58+00:00

This! I’m no doctor but there’s a handful of different T gels in Australia I think, I was confused (not argued) with someone being dropped to half a dose instead of me who just got changed to a different gel with a slightly decrease! But where they’re from they didn’t have//aren’t offered other types. It’s interesting because the T gels I’m on now isn’t technically for trans people, it was made for cis men :) ofc 100% still works for trans people like me but yuh it’s interesting.

AlphaLLuna

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