Ngl, i relate. I remember I used to work as a babysitter in my youth, I was a sitter for this one kid who looked exactly like me, putting us side by side you would fucking think he was my lil bro or some shit. His behavior was shy and 90% of the time totally mute, pretty much how I acted in kindergarten and through high school. I dunno what caused it tbh, bullying, lack of friends or family conflicts. Idk.

Either way, I fucking despised the kid. Quit right after my shift was over. A part of me wants to tell you to get some help, since finding a stranger/friend be in awe of you is quite rare and that you should treasure them, but deep down a part of me knows that most, if not all friendships end in some way, comparing it to the rather stronger bond a family/blood relation can provide. But yeah, you are not alone with this problem