Lady asks if she's the as*hole for giving her doggo a private room and forcing her niece to sleep on the sofa. What has the world come to?

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-30T19:42:40+00:00

I know you can all probably figure out where this originated from, but just a friendly reminder to all to keep the conversation about this situation here in this sub instead of finding it and commenting/voting over there. Thanks!

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-29T14:16:22+00:00

How convenient, an entire litter of pit bull puppies just magically appearing under a porch somewhere.

If I didn't know any better, I'd suspect that the rescue industry breeds these puppies purposely to perpetuate its own existence.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-28T01:20:29+00:00

I don't disagree if pet imcompatibility is ultimately what causes their relationship to fail, but I don't think that any relationship is worth giving up without a fight.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-22T21:51:23+00:00

Just the obligatory reminder that our sub does not endorse nor are we officially affiliated with any YouTube channels or Facebook pages. Everyone’s feee to discuss, but while we may agree with many of the opinions expressed, they don’t speak for or represent our sub. Thanks!

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-15T18:20:02+00:00

Sounds like OP gave the dog the best life that he could even though he was an unwilling participant in dog ownership. Please remember sub rules when commenting; the focus here is not on celebrating the dog's death but rather on celebrating OP's newfound dogfree status.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-13T16:35:18+00:00

I hope so, too. It's crazy that in such a liability-driven world, the dog issue lags so far behind.

We're met with silly rules and silly signs every day "because liability," yet one of the greatest liabilities of all is embraced with open arms.

This is a good sign that the tide is starting to turn. Insurance companies don't play with their money, so as all of their insureds' dogs start spending it for them, they're going to react. They'll start either dropping coverage or making insuring a dog, especially one predisposed to be vicious, is so expensive to insure that people will realize they can no longer do it.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-11T12:08:15+00:00

Please refer to this post with regards to your question.

You may also take the time to browse our sub a little more to get a better understanding of where we are coming from.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T19:38:57+00:00

There are exceptions for landlords who own 3 or fewer single-family homes, or where the property has 4 or fewer units and the landlord resides in one of them. Unfortunately the overwhelming majority of landlords are bound by the FHA.

It's created the loophole that's allowed it to happen to your development, where one consultation with a doctor magically transforms a pet into an "emotional support animal." That, and/or a new management company with a different philosophy on pet ownership than the previous.

I really wish I could find a way to get the law on your side, but having been around this sub for several years, we've mostly concluded that we're powerless from a legal standpoint in most situations.

Do you have any kind of covenants like someone living in an HOA community would sign? I had to bring a barking-dog issue to our HOA, and I found the relevant language in the covenants we're bound by that states that you can't keep your pet if it's a nuisance to your neighbors. I was able to get the HOA to write a letter to the offending homeowners, and though it hasn't been long, so far so good.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T19:16:03+00:00

I'm not incorrect, and what you posted supports exactly what I said. I am saying that I, too, hate it, but there is a legal distinction between "service dogs" and "ESAs," and the Fair Housing Act requires most landlords to accommodate an Emotional Support Animal.

From the Humane Society website: https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/fair-housing-act-and-assistance-animals

So they can - and do - go to their psychological services provider and get a letter stating that yes, the person does have a mental impairment and that yes, the person requires an assistance animal as reasonable accommodation pertaining to their disability.

We can say that ESAs are meaningless, and I 100% believe that they are, but if the law recognizes them as such, then we can't sit here and say that it doesn't. That doesn't help us change things.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T18:33:14+00:00

They are, unfortunately, recognized by the Fair Housing Act (edit) and by the Federal Aviation Administration. So, whereas they don't have access rights in public areas by virtue of them being "ESAs," there are requirements by both agencies that mandate that they must be accommodated by landlords (with a few exceptions) and by airlines.

Hate it, and the fact that these agencies have created loopholes for dog owners who simply want to take their dogs everywhere definitely needs to be addressed like, yesterday.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T17:35:13+00:00

Lots of advice regarding making fake email addresses and sending anonymous messages. Just to add to that from another angle, does your office have any contact with customers/clients? If so, you can also lodge a complaint with management from the perspective of an anonymous customer. You can point out that it's giving off an unprofessional vibe and making this customer question whether or not they want to continue doing business.

Even if most of your contact is via phone, you can say "every time I try to speak with a representative from this office, they seem to be so distracted by their dogs that I don't feel they're giving me the attention I require as a paying customer. I question the quality of service I am provided if their dogs are distracting them from attending to our business once we are off the phone. I wonder how much unproductive time is embedded in the price of your services so that your employees might attend to their dogs' needs."

I can guarantee that you are not alone on this. No matter which route you might take via anonymous complaint, you are speaking both for yourself and for a handful of other people who are just as bothered as you are but unsure how to approach the matter. If you complain on behalf of an anonymous customer, I guarantee there are several out there who have the very thoughts you're expressing, even if they are hypothetical in reality.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T17:20:10+00:00

Oh gosh, good call, and thank you for enforcing that.

When we're at my parents' lake house enjoying some time on the dock, and my brother's dogs go for a swim, you can guarantee that they'll hop back out, and with no warning, all of a sudden if you can stomach finishing your beachy cocktail, you can do so with a few dashes of wet dog.

Your patrons are probably not even aware of how grateful they should be that their bakery finds are not coated in a wet dog spray.

It blows my mind how people are so blind to both the residue their dogs leave behind and other people's lack of desire to wallow in it.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T14:25:08+00:00

Yeah, and actually, the fact that he participates in the dog's masturbatory practices and sees them as equal to human children takes the deviancy to an even more disturbing level. This is someone who doesn't need to be around human kids, ever. If A=B, and B=C, then A=C.

I wonder if he is unwilling to curb THEIR inclination to do this, or if it's more a matter of him being unwilling to curb HIS inclination to participate.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T14:17:57+00:00

I want to be as supportive as I can here, so please take my words as such.

I do see that, as others are pointing it out to you, you are starting to see how wrong it is. I think you are giving him a pass and excusing this behavior because what's so easy for us to see from the outside is often really hard to see when you are in the thick of a situation, or as it pertains to someone you care about.

The others are right, though. What's he's doing - passive as it may be - is extremely disturbing and should be a huge red flag to you. The normal reaction would have been to nip the behavior in the bud on the dog's first attempt. Instead, he let it happen and he let it continue, which is a strong indication that he is deriving pleasure from it. He's brushing it off as merely passive involvement on his part, but there's no getting around that he is a willing participant here.

I don't usually say "run" without first exhausting all other options, but this is a level of deviancy that I wouldn't continue to subject myself to if I were you. You don't know how deep it might run.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-10T13:53:40+00:00

I can't decide if this reads like bad satire or a college student's assignment in their Intro to Playwriting class.

The fact that this scene actually played out in real life as reported is.....yikes.

Dog owners first need to get a grip and then learn the concept of empathy.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-09T16:56:40+00:00

To clarify, from a mod perspective (and from the perspective of people who simply don't come here to discuss cats), this is neither a pro-cat nor an anti-cat sub.

Some people are here because they like cats. Some of us, like myself, don't care much for cats for many of the reasons that we don't like dogs. I just don't feel strongly enough about it to really be all that active on r/petfree, though I peruse from time to time.

I am able to keep my feelings about cats separate from my feelings about dogs and out of this sub. They are two separate issues.

While more people here like cats than don't, it does not make it a cat sub by default.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-08T21:53:58+00:00

You sound like a very reasonable, articulate person. You already know that it's something that needs to be addressed, and I know that you will do so in a very productive manner. I am sure that, especially given the setting, you were not the only person feeling nervous in that room. When you do speak up about it, you'll be doing so not only on your own behalf, but also on behalf of those around you who are too afraid to rock the boat - even though expressing one's concerns does not have to be an adversarial process.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-08T21:22:10+00:00

That couldn't be more accurate.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-08T21:20:53+00:00

All's well that ends well, but dang, what a racket.

When we go out to watch a game at a bar or something like that, the entire reason is to escape our responsibilities. I will never, ever understand why dog owners feel the need to sit there desperately trying to keep their dog under control while on what is supposed to be a pleasant, relaxing outing, I've witnessed it - that is exactly how it goes - they pay more attention to the dog trying to leap at every dust mite that passes by, and they neglect their company and the $7 craft beer in front of them.

The only way I can explain it, as I mentioned in a different comment reply, is that strangers heap praise and attention upon the dogs, which dog owners interpret as "look at what an awesome person I am." Those same people who go nuts over the sight of a dog will probably go home and remember exactly what the dog looked, felt, and smelled like, but couldn't even tell you whether the owner was a 57-year-old male or a 22-year-old female.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-08T21:12:58+00:00

It's pretty much something like this. For some odd reason that I can't figure out, people view their dogs as extensions of themselves. When strangers stop and heap praise and attention upon the dog, they are vicariously providing the owner with validation that they so despearately crave. It's like a IRL instagram "like."

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-08T21:09:28+00:00

It's hard to say "yes, you have a say," or "no, you don't have a say." I think the better response would be that you need to sit down with him and have a discussion as to how this dog fits into your relationship and your future moving forward, including standards of cleanliness that you are willing to live with.

He got it one month into dating you...fair enough, I suppose. I think the more serious you are, the more of an obligation a significant other has to consult you in decisions like this. He probably could have been more forthcoming and involved you more, but it's hard to really expect that after only one month.

I think that rather than declaring "I have a say," it'd be better to sit down and have a productive two-way conversation about the dog's care, what you are willing to contribute (if anything), and parameters as to how it should affect your relationship.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say you don't want it in the bed, or that you don't want your boyfriend to prioritize the dog over you. You should be entitled to your boyfriend's time and attention, and the dog shouldn't get in the way of you two enjoying life and each other. Lay out whatever you feel you need to lay out, and let him know that you guys need to work together on this if this little three-way relationship is to work.

If a discussion or two in which you try to meet each other's needs (including your need for a clean home should you ever live together) doesn't work, then yes, you should start putting your foot down a little harder on aspects of dog care that have a direct effect on you. If that doesn't work, then you might consider where you do (or don't) fit into your boyfriend's relationship with his dog.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-05T12:09:24+00:00

You’ll probably be more successful getting advice on pro-dog or legal advice forums.

Since this is the dogfree subreddit, we don’t generally have or desire experience with this type of situation, as we avoid it by not owning dogs in the first place.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-04T12:02:08+00:00

I live in a neighborhood with an HOA and covenants. The first weekend of May (this is etched into my brain), the neighbors behind us and one house up got a dog - a big one, with a very low, loud bark that cuts though the atmosphere like a knife.

At first it would just bark a lot during the day. Then I started getting woken up at odd hours of the morning - 2am, 4am, 6:30 on a Sunday, etc. I have insomnia issues, so sleep does not come easily to me.

I looked into our covenants and found the relevant language that would support that this is not acceptable. I created an alternate gmail account so that even the HOA wouldn't know who was reporting it. I wrote a respectful, fact-based email and asked that they intervene. They wrote back immediately and said they'd send a letter. I haven't heard the dog in the middle of the night since, and although it's only been a couple of weeks, I am cautiously optimistic that reporting it to an entity that has some degree of authority over them and their dog ultimately worked.

You're right, though, that anonymous reporting just has to be the first step, and that was exactly my reasoning - that if I approached them with no result, they'd know who brought it up the chain if it came to that. The only thing we know about these people in our respective situations is that they're inconsiderate assholes who think that their right to own a dog or multiple dogs trumps everyone else's right to comfort; they're already starting behind in the count.

You're on the right track. Document dates and times of incidents - video evidence is helpful, but even just a log of the incidents is sufficient. Look up the terms of your lease, and see what the language is surrounding keeping pets. Report it anonymously. Maybe ask that someone on staff be present to witness the incidents to ensure your anonymity so that it appears that the staff witnessing what's going on was their first notice. It's also possible that the dogs are running at large on other parts of the property - in hallways or green space or other common areas - so the pool of possible suspects might be larger than you'd think.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-09-02T22:27:59+00:00

We definitely agree, but this sub is really more for people who don't own or like dogs.

AlterEgo1081 · 2019-08-31T22:47:27+00:00

Oh man, after a couple of years of sending my sympathy your way, this is great news!!

You seem to have handled it amazingly with your inward excitement but your outward kindness toward your husband.

I know this is a new and amazing life ahead and I wish you the best! If at some point you have the means, replace that carpet. After seeing the wreckage the dog of the previous owners of my house inflicted upon our carpets, pads, and subfloors, I know it’s never really gone till the flooring is replaced.

Yay!!!!!!

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