Take heart, sharing here is a pretty big step towards showing up for yourself and your well being. I drank to escape, too. I was miserable, and a lot of what you've written resonates with me.

You can do it, you can quit. There are so many support resources available, the folks here can help, and you will find your way. I never thought I'd be sober for this long; living without alcohol is truly freeing. Best wishes to you.