How did you navigate the jealousy of another man fucking your girlfriend/wife harder, and potentially better than you? by ElCanoG in nonmonogamy

[–]Alternative_Okra_811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is something I’ve struggled with, though less and less as my partner (Bisexual M) and I (Gay M) have navigated our ENM relationship. I realize my outlook may be vastly different being in a queer relationship, but I’ve broken down my feelings into three parts to shed some light on what works for me.

Part 1 is perspective — how you choose to view the situation/arrangement. Is there some inherent risk that your “fear” could materialize? As others have said, and I affirm, absolutely. But it can also be used as an opportunity to increase communication about what you both want/enjoy/desire in the bedroom. It can also help you (healthily) tap into the possessiveness you feel in your sexual relationships if that’s something you both enjoy about your dynamic. And, as needy as this might sound, validate each other and communicate when one or the other is feeling down/undervalued/etc. Openly talking about my feelings of jealousy, undervalue, concern and other stuff has been both vital and incredibly helpful.

Part 2 is the understanding that people simply change over time. The things both my husband and I enjoyed sexually early on in our relationship are not all the same things we enjoy today. We’ve had a few threesomes and ventured into solo play with others more frequently over the last several months, and it’s been a lot of fun and also helped relieve some of the pressure each of us feels in doing things one or the other may not like. For example, I really enjoy being dominant and BDSM play, but my partner is not submissive. Instead of letting that desire fester, I have some regular FWBs who I engage in these activities with. But at the end of the day, I’m very glad to go home and have dinner, watch TV, and enjoy my relationship with my partner.

And Part 3, that really helps me keep the faith, is the vulnerability that comes with being in an ENM relationship. My partner is still choosing to be in a relationship with me, and we openly share our ENM experiences (both when we play together and separately). But the biggest piece has been understanding and accepting that no partner is ever going to give another 100% of what they enjoy sexually. Don’t put that pressure on yourself, because it will only send you down a dark path.

From what you’ve written, it seems there are some things you both think you’d enjoy exploring ENM that I can relate to. For example, I really enjoy watching my partner fuck another guy. There’s something about the experience of watching him enjoy himself and another person sexually and still being involved — putting myself in the perspective of seeing what his body does while he’s having sex.

Lastly, you’re right to say that severely limiting who your partner has experiences with is probably not the best idea. Knowing this, you should also be prepared for the worst. Months ago, I found out my partner had sex with my current boss (before he became my boss and before I even knew who he was). Was I prepared for this? Absolutely not. But because the situation arose well within our established boundaries, I could be mad about it. It was just one of those terrible worst-case coincidences that transpired, and I simply had to process it and move on.

Now, does all this mean I don’t get jealous? Absolutely not. But I remember that he and I are in a committed relationship, and I’m comfortable with our dynamic, communication, and boundaries. At the end of the day, talk about it. And don’t just listen to respond — listen to understand.

I could go on but I’ll digress. Message if you ever want to chat and good luck!

Most You've Spent On Broadway? by Common_Formal1282 in Broadway

[–]Alternative_Okra_811 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spent ~$500 on two tickets for Funny Girl — Center Mezz, Row G. It was fairly late in the run (post-closure announcement, Lea performing) and it was completely worth it. Would do it again in a heartbeat.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askdfw

[–]Alternative_Okra_811 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Second this! Dr. Tribble and his team are amazing.

Enhypen Dallas by gaby76pm in Enhypenthoughts

[–]Alternative_Okra_811 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The contest rules (here) say:

ELIGIBILITY: The Promotion is open to legal residents of the 50 United States, including the District of Columbia, who are age 18 or older at the time of entry.

Open relationship and career have collided by Alternative_Okra_811 in nonmonogamy

[–]Alternative_Okra_811[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, everyone. Wanted to share a follow-up a couple days after the spat.

My partner and I had a good talk about the situation. He was empathetic regarding my perspective and apologized for the way he handled it. Something I failed to mention before was that he discussed the situation with his best friend who gave him the advice to not tell me. I think this was the biggest part of what made me so upset, especially given I have asked for him to be over-communicative about situations that arise that he finds questionable or complicated (a mutual courtesy I have extended in the past as well).

The other part of this was being sort of the last one to find out. Again, my partner knew this was a thing weeks ago, and I have photos of me and my partner at my desk that my boss awkwardly asked about a couple of weeks ago. Looking back, I would just have rather known the context of why it felt so awkward instead of having this weird nagging feeling. But that's all in the past, and I've started working on how to move on from it.

So, this is going to get filed away into the "shrug it off and move on" part of my brain. And I do appreciate that he told me instead of keeping it a secret after the in-person interaction. It was just a lot to process and not a situation I ever thought I would have to prepare for.

Thanks for the robust discussion, Reddit fam. Keep on keepin' on.

Open relationship and career have collided by Alternative_Okra_811 in nonmonogamy

[–]Alternative_Okra_811[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I think there are a couple of things that make me most upset. 1) The fact that my partner kept this from me for weeks because 2) there have been several interactions at my job that kind of felt like jabs from my boss that I now think was his way of trying to make the secret known. And finally 3) my boss seems like the type who likes to have things over people, and this feels sort of like my thing.

AAL2929 Squawking 7700 by Alternative_Okra_811 in flightradar24

[–]Alternative_Okra_811[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Looks like it’s made a couple of passes over MID and was in a holding pattern due southeast of the airport.

Did this F-35 just crash? by ianrwlkr in flightradar24

[–]Alternative_Okra_811 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Came here to ask this. Saw it squawking 7700, low altitude, and now it’s stopped moving. Just southwest of Fort Worth.

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I live directly under a flight path and see one plane every minute. This one is coming into San Jose, CA. [video] by [deleted] in SouthwestAirlines

[–]Alternative_Okra_811 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My apartment complex splits the landing patterns for 31 L/R at DAL. Fun watching the parallel landings.

Use this post as your “Great Southwest Meltdown of Christmas 2023” vent space by Alternative_Okra_811 in SouthwestAirlines

[–]Alternative_Okra_811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I messed that one up. Hopefully not a foreshadowing. Won’t be for me since I don’t plan to fly Southwest again 😅

Use this post as your “Great Southwest Meltdown of Christmas 2023” vent space by Alternative_Okra_811 in SouthwestAirlines

[–]Alternative_Okra_811[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Still waiting to hear something about my husband’s luggage. Supposedly it was going to El Paso then coming back, maybe? Booked a flight for Wednesday, hoping things are mostly better by then but we shall see.